Summary: Fuma won't release Kamui from his ties to him even though the love has rotted. Kamui is drowning in his destiny and his cries for freedom when Subaru appears. With a chance for living again Kamui must decide to hold onto a past… or grasp at uncertain possibilities.
Author note: I have only watched the anime and movie and the first couple volumes of the manga so my information may not always be perfectly correct. But I loved the dynamic between both Kamui and Fuma and then Subaru and Seishiro. And then I watched and read reservoir chronicles and that was when the idea of them being an item popped and grabbed onto my yaoi infected brain. (Yes it is an infection. One I am not inclined to try and halt because… come one, if you didn't understand would you be here?)
This chapter is set up to go through Kamui's feelings.
I took some writers privilege to twist the events a little to make it seem more sexual and loving.
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Clamp. And I am in no way part of that group of talented ladies. If I was then the artwork would suffer!
Chapter start
Kamui didn't think he ran away so much as he had become adept at avoiding.
When he was a child he had often played with Fuma on the other child's Nintendo and it was then that he first thought Fuma was old-fashioned in a way. It was odd for a child, when you really thought about it. But it was the truth.
Fuma had little care for the newer game stations out like play station. He preferred the old graphics and he had a possible obsession with Mario. Kamui loved to play with him even if he had slower reflexes and was more easily distracted, making him lose more often than not.
Then he had a dream. It wasn't particularly scary, when he thought back to it, but to a child it had seemed to be terrifying and tinged with a hint of betrayal. In this nightmare he had been playing the game with Fuma like always. Contrary to his usual experiences with gaming one of the monsters had burst through the screen and proceeded to tear into Kamui's stomach while Fuma watched with disinterested eyes.
He had awoken screaming, choking on Fuma's name, desperate pleas flooding from between his lips. It had been Fuma who cradled him until he was able to only cling to his shirt that had grown damp in Kamui's river of sobs. Fuma had waved his parents away and allowed Kotori to stay when Kamui murmured her name but even with Kotori close Kamui wouldn't relinquish his hold on the year older boy.
Then again he never played the game with Fuma again either. He never admitted his fear of it but he was certain Fuma knew, knew and never taunted him with the knowledge. Kamui was ashamed. He had his first practice at avoiding then, using Kotori as an excuse. Rather than play with Fuma he would monopolize Kotori and even though he did have fun with her, as much fun as with Fuma, he couldn't dispel that niggling guilt.
He couldn't prevent himself from slipping into Fuma's room often with Kotori and watching his friend play the game either.
His second chance for practice came courtesy of his mother, whom he loved, but he wondered if her affection hadn't been tinged with fear and perhaps a tad of resentment for the way she had lost her best friend, Kotori and Fuma's mother, and been forced to move from town to town to protect him, the "Kamui."
He couldn't have blamed her if she did. It would have hardly been her fault, it was all his. She was simply caught in the tide of destiny, unable to struggle and simply bowing to it.
But his avoidance technique wouldn't have been so strong if he had maybe had stability in his early life. He had been forced to abandon his two special people too soon for comfort.
The pain of that had been unbearable for a nine year old boy, memories clogging him. He had once felt betrayed by a dream version of Fuma until he had shaken it away as silly… how much more must the other boy feel betrayed by Kamui who couldn't even be bothered to attend his Mother's funeral or say goodbye?
He never wanted to feel that again so it became a useless and stupid endeavor for him to try and make friends with others. He had tried in that first town they moved to. Aching with loneliness he had reached out. But it had all snapped to pieces when he accidentally showed off his abilities when he and another child were threatened by bullies.
His mother had wasted zero time. Before he could blink he had been pulled from the school, the house had been packed and left empty of any trace of them and they had been gone.
"Kamui it's alright." His mother had soothed him when he cried, blaming himself. "There isn't any reason for you to take all the blame onto yourself. From now on just be careful okay?"
He had agreed wholeheartedly and had intended to keep that promise. It wasn't enough to stop the many other times they had been forced to move with the swiftness of a breeze when he felt cornered and used his abilities.
When the pattern had been established Kamui had decided making friends was useless. It was easier to avoid the children who tried to befriend him before they knew what he could do. It was easier to close himself down and yet be fiery when pushed. Kamui had a temper and that could never change.
There was no point to forming relationships that were so easily shattered either by the moving or by his power. Kamui never wanted to feel the pain of betrayal like he had by leaving Fuma and Kotori and he never wanted the rejection of the children in that very first town.
So he allowed them to blur in his head.
Eventually he had become so used to his ruthless and cold way of living he wondered if anything could thaw his heart again. He cradled the memories of Fuma and Kotori to his heart and only allowed them and his mother to warm themselves at his inner core.
Kamui had eventually been able to control his abilities enough to allow them to settle in a town for more than two years. He had remained aloof from the students but it hadn't been enough to stop some of them from flocking to him. He had also been vaguely aware of the girls giggling when he passed by. Despite it all he still remained unsympathetic, not allowing himself to care about his so called friends.
Then came that awful fire… and the need to fulfill his mother's final request.
It was hilarious that he had actually believed he could retrieve that damned sword, the sacred sword that was his, with little fuss and then vanish.
Fate was like a very bad wine with destiny being the miserable stomach ache you felt after drinking too much. It had been his fate, he scoffed, to be stuck in Tokyo even though his heart demanded otherwise.
He had a few comforts that he would rather have avoided. Sadly Kamui had found he was rather weaker than he originally thought. He had a simple grasp on his abilities and he was rather reckless with them. Perhaps his penchant for reckless behavior is what made him surrender so completely.
Everyone had believed him and Kotori would become a couple, that he loved her in that way.
They had all believed that she was his most special person and over the years Kamui had done a bang up job of almost tricking himself to believing it. Yet when he saw her in that window and made the instant connection, had been confronted by her on that roof he desired to hug her. But he had no other desire and it was easier than he believed possible to turn away from her and push aside the hurt in his heart. He had to protect her from this no matter what.
But Fuma… Fuma filled him and made him weaker than he ever was, Fuma made him want to lean on him to feel protected. He would always protect Kotori… but Fuma was the only one who would protect Kamui.
Fuma had proven it when he was wounded and, despite the venom and standoffish attitude Kamui had spouted at him, Fuma had followed him to the hotel anyway. Sure, he had let Sorata in too but he had also grilled the other teen while he thought Kamui was out cold. Gentle hands had tended to his wounds. When he placed the bandage against his cheek the fingers had glided down into a caress of his bone structure.
Kamui had felt that touch burn into his very soul. It had taken all his strength not to tremble and he didn't understand it, not at all. Sleep had not come as an easy thing to accept when he felt the presence of Sorata in the room as well but it was a doomed battle. Fuma was there… Kamui could sleep with him there…
Nightmares had taunted him awake and he reached in reality just as he had in sleep to try and save his mother. Fuma had caught him and clutched him gently.
"You shouldn't move around so much, Kamui." Fuma was gentle as he felt the trembles, probably feeling they were from pain… how wrong he was, though some were, most were in fact more of those involuntary and confusing shots to his heart.
"That must have been some dream… Hey Kamui, are you hungry?" Sorata had been beaming in his enthusiasm and it served to remind Kamui he might not have been safe as he thought. "I bought these just for you. No need to thank me. This is what friends do!"
At the words from a stranger Kamui turned his head away and closed his eyes. He felt the sweat dripping down his body and wasn't fond of it. Sorata went on and on and again Kamui felt Fuma's fingers ghost against him as he placed a cold press against his forehead. He suppressed the trembles and feigned sleep.
After a moment Fuma had left after Sorata spouting off how he was a friend, he would take care of Kamui. Kamui had wondered with some scorn if by "take care of" he meant in the way Fuma assumed or was meaning a more permanent and deadly form of care.
Sorata Arisugawa was this strangers name and he brought with him the ability to instantly anger Kamui. Talking so cavalierly about his mother was simply unacceptable and Kamui was not one to let a slight against his carefully drawn lines pass. If the man wasn't so damned stubborn with his need to be with Kamui for destinies sake Kamui might have been more amicable in the beginning… nah.
Events had unfolded with further misery and weakness on his part. It had taken so long for him to begin to fold under Fuma's steadfast determination and Kotori's gentle presence. He had not planned to attend the funeral but there was a prickling.
Guilt would have ridden him worse so he swallowed his need to avoid and had gone to Kotori after the other guests had left. Guilt attacked him anyway when he was targeted by the Sakurazukamori and Kotori had nearly fallen to her death. Kamui had been aware of the parallel to the past and present and recalled when he had held her from her death in that tree so many years ago.
Fuma had saved them… Fuma had shattered the illusion though Kamui had no idea how he had managed it. Then he had spouted the oddest things.
"Fuma…" he had murmured, conscious of the fact something was off and this was not the Fuma that normally peeked at him through those eyes. He was more aware and distracted by the way Fuma held him firmly and confidently, one hand on the small of his back and the other grasping his chin to force Kamui to tilt his head and look at him. He was forced to let go of Kotori's hand to accommodate the awkward bend to his spine.
"See me for what I am." Fuma had ordered. "I am your… twin star…"
Kamui had gasped when he felt warm breath cross his lips and had frozen even further. Before the action could be completed Fuma had blinked and was returned to the way he was…
Kamui cursed himself for feeling slightly disappointed. This was Fuma, one of his important people… it would be beyond wrong to expect and even covet such a gesture of affection from him. Once again Kamui avoided his feelings and swallowed them down like a bitter pill, losing again a moment he might have realized something even more important.
When Sorata and Arashi had appeared and Fuma made it clear he remembered nothing Kamui had dropped Kotori in his arms. He had remained stonily silent through Fuma's searching look, falling under his false indifference to distance himself. Sorata had said after Fuma looked upset by Kamui's rejection… it had been made to sound offhand but Kamui now recognized that Sorata had known the truth even before Kamui.
His next moment with Fuma had been on that night when his Aunt, Tokiko Magami had given birth to his sacred sword.
"Kotori is having nightmares again." Fuma told him in his usual mild voice.
"Nightmare?" Kamui had murmured softly, his mind quiet soft in that moment. Dreams had haunted him of him and Fuma, leaving him weak and longing.
"She and I had the same dream. In which you and I… tried to kill each other…" Kamui had jerked his head around in sudden sharpness to find Fuma looking at him as well. Unlike Fuma who had determined eyes Kamui's resembled those of a trapped deer.
So Kamui told him everything he had been avoiding. He told him of the destiny his mother died to protect. Fuma didn't blink through the telling and took the initiative to demand more detailed responses of the life Kamui had lived far from them. So Kamui was forced to explain his hard shell, why he had it, and why he did his best to repulse even him and Kotori.
When he mentioned how he had cried after them for months Fuma stiffened and his eyes narrowed slightly, a hand reaching but halting when Kamui shifted slightly away, still unsure and weary and hesitant to drop all his barriers, even with this one person who was so very special.
So he avoided it again by moving forward in his explanation to how cruel he had become. He had beat people almost daily simply because he could, using his powers to guarantee the victory, accepting all challenges. He had come to believe with total honesty that anyone foolish enough to challenge him had better be prepared to die by him. He wanted Fuma to be disgusted with the way he had allowed the Kamui he had known to be buried for comfort sake.
By now Fuma had sat down against the tree Kamui leaned on. The moon had risen high in the sky and Kamui wondered where Tokiko was. He waited for a pile of hate to follow his words. He ignored the prick of pain he felt and prepared for scorn from his special person.
Fuma was none of those things… he was not disgusted and he was not angry with his mother's death even though Kamui was. Kamui would forever carry that guilt, the weight of those bodies always on his shoulders. His mother… possibly the seals one day... and who knew how many other deaths would weigh him down before the end.
"And that's… all I know." Kamui finished.
"What is this… divine sword? What is it supposed to be?" Fuma carefully asked.
Though he was surprised by the question he answered. "It is… the sword needed for the final battle… between the dragons of earth and the dragons of heaven. And I'll have to use my powers as well." Kamui sighed.
"So… what now?"
Fuma's voice brought Kamui back. He absently dug in his pocket for the letter he had received from his Aunt, delivered by Karen.
"It depends… on if what this letter says is true."
Fuma rose up to look it over.
"And her giving you this sword…" Fuma looked at him after he had read the letter. "Will that solve all if this?"
Kamui closed his eyes against the gaze. "I don't know if it will or not… but either way… you and Kotori… I don't want Fuma and Kotori involved with any of this."
Fuma softened his gaze and reached out, more sure perhaps. He touched Kamui and murmured his understanding.
"But Kamui… I made you a promise too. I promised to protect you no matter what and I intend to keep that promise."
His eyes were serious and determined, a pressure to his usually soft mouth that looked suddenly stern and yet so inviting…
Kamui couldn't resist anymore and he couldn't avoid. He let Fuma draw him into a hug. The way he was being cradled made him feel safe and warm. Even if he was inclined to do so he could not have moved thanks to all his strength turning to jelly. He couldn't even clasp Fuma back he was filled with such contentment and the feeling of being cherished.
"Finally… we can return to the way things used to be." Fuma said quietly, his lips ghosting in Kamui's hair. "If you need anything just ask. I would do…" a brief hesitation. "Anything for you, Kamui and so would Kotori. So I want you to ask."
At the mention of Kotori after the hesitation Kamui drew back. It was not his place to feel so safe in his best friend's arms. It was his job to protect them, not the other way around. But Fuma was watching him closely and with expectation. He had allowed Kamui to withdraw physically but he kept him emotionally in the moment, tethered by his eyes and the hand he kept on the shorter boys shoulder.
"Okay…" Kamui consented when he could think of no way to dodge short of throwing his false personality in the way. "I'll ask you… Fuma…"
Fuma nodded and was prepared to draw Kamui back to him when Kamui stiffened and looked to the shrine…
"Stay here…" He had been adamant and left Fuma.
The only thing in the shrine had been horror in the making. Kamui had listened to Tokiko and been thrown into more pain at the thought of Fuma's mother having died for the first divine sword. He had suspected… ever since he knew that Fuma's Father guarded it. But to hear it was another thing.
And then Tokiko herself was there glowing and rising to the air. A terror had settled over Kamui, a need for at the least this woman not die for him. This woman who had never even known her nephew, he saw no reason for her destiny to be this.
In a moment of crystal clarity he saw her death being added to his growing pile of bodies and he reached out, desperate to save this woman where he had failed his own mother.
Fuma had halted him and held him tightly. Then there had been horror.
Blood… blood everywhere… and the sword where once a healthy thirty year old woman stood. It had splattered to the far corners and was seeping across the floorboards. It had found purchase on Kamui and Fuma as well. Kamui was dimly thinking about just how much of the harsh crimson flowed through a human body, staggered by the amount.
Then Kotori was there, screaming in a raw and harsh way. Fuma had grabbed her, screaming back that it wasn't their mother to Kotori who continued to sob and cry.
She had broken away and went for Tokiko's head. Kamui had grabbed her just as she managed to get it. He dismissed the way it felt against him.
"Kotori look at me!" He cried desperately as she muttered about the blood being her mothers, so much of it, as she clutched at the head in her arms. "Look at me and just me!"
His eyes met Fuma's, tears reflected in both their gazes.
Things had advanced swiftly after that with the arrival of Nokoru Imonoyama, principal of clamp academy.
"It seems we were too late…" Imonoyama murmured.
"Just stay away… or I'll kill you, understand?" Kamui snapped as he clutched at Kotori, wishing for her return.
Imonoyama must have been stupid, Kamui thought, or suicidal. He didn't heed Kamui and instead removed his coat, placing it around the babbling Kotori. He gently disentangled the head from her arms. Kamui and Fuma tensed, expecting her to go in a fit of anger but she didn't, merely mumbling more.
When they were in the helicopter Kamui took note of Fuma looking at him. "I should never have returned to Tokyo. All I wanted to do was protect the people I loved but they…!" He choked back his words, feeling unworthy to even utter them.
"Kamui… you can't blame yourself."
Kamui glanced at him. "Are you saying this was destiny too? I won't… accept that…" He turned to Kotori. "She wouldn't be like this if it weren't for me! Kotori would be… damn!"
When they got to the school Imonoyama wasted little time. He had Kotori taken to a room, promising her safety and sending someone to stay with her. Fuma and Kamui went with them.
Imonoyama explained all that Tokiko had told him. She had advised him to tell Kamui to put the divine sword into a comatose state until the promised day.
It was later when they were all in a room that Kamui finally let go. Tears flicked down his cheeks as he glanced over to Fuma and Kotori. Kotori was playing in the in ground pool, her hands dipping playfully in the liquid. Her mind seemed shattered. She made no sign that she even knew who Kamui or Fuma was.
Kamui felt familiar arms wrapping around him and he opened his eyes to look at Fuma. His eyes were gentle and filled with a concern Kamui felt he didn't deserve at all.
"Kotori said you were crying." Fuma murmured as he held him.
Kamui felt his eyes go wide. "Kotori can recognize us now?!" He tried to look over the broad shoulder but Fuma caught him again.
Sadly he shook his head and then, seeming possessed, he turned and let Kamui see. Kotori was leaning further and further off her pedestal. They reacted immediately when she fell into the pool.
Kamui reached her first, diving in after her. He pulled her to the surface with strong kicks and brought her safely to the edge where Fuma waited. Kotori giggled a little as though it was funny.
"Water… water pretty…" She said clearly. "I love… water… where Kamui is."
Kamui tried to ignore the twinge in his heart at her words. Fuma had dull eyes as he listened to his sister and her nonsensical sentences.
This was his fault. Kamui thought it as Fuma pulled Kotori from the water and he followed. As though he knew his thoughts Fuma shook his head and, clutching his sister with one hand he brought Kamui into his other arm, holding him just as firm and tenderly as he had before.
Kamui felt that familiar rush, tingling up his spine and piercing him. Kamui wondered how in this moment he could be feeling this again… it had happened so often when he saw Fuma, from the moment he returned to Tokyo in fact. He was always being thrown off balance with only Fuma able to return his equilibrium for him.
It was even better when Fuma held him or brushed him in any way. His body would quiver and his spine would soften, allowing himself to lean more on the larger in every way teen. His best friend… one of his special people. Fuma… and Kotori…
But only Fuma aroused this gnawing feeling in his gut, a tightening of his stomach muscles. It was an odd thing Kamui couldn't understand, as his every muscle and bone seemed to naturally bend to Fuma. His mind played horrible tricks and made him stare at Fuma's lips, made him admire the way the muscles had rippled in Fuma's arms and legs when he had played in that basketball game.
Longing to touch and be touched… longing to taste…
Kamui sighed softly and shook his head as he burrowed against Fuma's shoulder. He was disgusting. Kotori was in such a state and he needed to protect her and be strong enough to hold her. He needed to not take so much comfort. He needed to give it!
Yet here he was… weak and soft and everything he needed to not be for Kotori's sake.
"I want…" He started but trailed off. His Aunt had said it was time… he needed to decide what side he fell on.
Kamui cared little for the people of earth. Perhaps if they had been wiser then this hated destiny wouldn't have been thrust on him. He fully acknowledged that perhaps humanity was nothing more than a parasite that had spent millennia feeding on mother earth. He admitted that perhaps it would be better for the long run to let it all reset, let the earth heal.
But… Fuma… and Kotori… they needed… he needed to…
Kamui pulled back a little to look at Fuma. He might not have understood just what the odd things Fuma brought from him were but he was crystal clear on one thing.
"All I want is for Fuma and Kotori to be happy… to protect that happiness is everything."
"Kamui…"
"I want to protect the place where you two are happiest. That's all." Kamui finished.
"So you've chosen… to save the world as it is, not a revolution."
"…Fuma?"
"Since you have chosen to be a dragon of heaven… destiny demands I become a dragon of earth to fill the empty spot of power."
Kamui was aware that there had been a shift. With shock and a tinge of fear he realized… this wasn't his Fuma!
Before he could think or act he found himself thrown into a wall. The last thing he saw before he collapsed was Fuma collecting the sword Kamui had leaned against the wall and lifting Kotori, who had also fainted and carrying her with little respect.
Perhaps only ten minutes later he was awoken by tremors going through the floor and wall, debris crashing around him. His first thought was on Fuma and Kotori as he registered the building seemed to be losing stability. Were they alright?
He ran to the roof. What he saw froze his blood and made his mind reel.
"KOTORI!" He shouted her name, fear pushing past the ice his blood had become.
Before he could make it to her, to tear her from that horrible wire prison that held her captive wires bound him as well, wrapping and coiling around his flesh and pulling him backward. He was yanked from his feet before slamming into a piece of the wall. There was no time to prepare before a sharp and wet pain went through his hand and impaled it there. He screamed, unable to help it.
"Such a powerful voice Kamui." Fuma said with a darker, not soft voice.
"Do you have… any idea what you're doing?" Kamui asked with as much strength as he could muster.
"Of course…" Fuma chided him. Kamui couldn't even blink as suddenly he was further impaled by long shards of glass.
A small river of blood floated from his mouth and slipped down his chin and neck. He felt all the blood from him cooling in the night air with a startling swiftness. This wasn't… right.
"Fuma…" Kamui muttered weakly. He needed to fight… needed to struggle. This wasn't his Fuma!
Try as he might though that same curious weakness came over him when Fuma grabbed his chin. The same tightening of muscles. Lie to himself as much as he could he couldn't convince himself his weakness was from blood loss. He was being dominated for a reason unclear to him, playing the part of submissive victim while Kotori was up there within sight, helpless.
"You shall be a dragon of heaven… and I shall be a dragon of earth. I shall kill the seven seals… along with anyone who has desecrated this mother earth."
Fuma bent his head so close to Kamui's, lips a centimeter away… he hated it, hated it and himself, that his body stilled and he wanted it… why?
Then Fuma tilted further and lapped at the blood running down Kamui's Adams apple in a mockery of the affection Kamui had unconsciously longed for and craved with growing need. It caused a trail of fire where the wet muscle went and Kamui couldn't halt the choked gasp as a piece of the fire went down his stomach to settle in his lower regions.
"There's something… wrong with you… Fuma!" He choked the name out when Fuma bit his neck and shifted his leg in a taunting manner between Kamui's.
Fuma chuckled at what his thigh encountered and Kamui couldn't help but close his eyes slightly when he rubbed deliberately at the bulge. He was a sick, sick bastard!
"Of course there is." Fuma chuckled. "This is our destiny."
With that he ripped the sword from his hand and was gone while Kamui cried out again. Kamui let his head fall forward as he sighed out.
He raised his eyes to see… Fuma over Kotori…
"Fuma, no!" He yelled out, trying to rip from the wires cutting into him. His wrists split from his struggles and the blood gushed down to make his arms sticky.
"Big… brother…" A return of sanity it seemed on the part of Kotori. She recognized Fuma! Kamui cried out that she would know, she would know… while he, her sworn protector could only watch.
All he could do was struggle while he watched with tears in his eyes as the sword made an arc. It was tragic just how elegant the sweep was, arcing gracefully under its master's direction. Even the blood that flew out as it sliced easily into the mortal coil was somehow elegant as it rose into the air and then fell to splatter the ground, a macabre masterpiece.
The sword was impaled tightly and now it was its will only that kept the limp body from being shredded by the wires. Kamui no longer fought against his own bonds as he went limp. Fuma… killed…
"Ko… Kotori…" The words were ripped from his throat, the name a plea on his lips. Disbelief… this couldn't be reality.
Fuma smirked down at him. Where were the friendly eyes that reminded Kamui of a calm port… where was the desired protector, friend…
"You're next then Kamui."
Before he could move the body moved. Kamui felt a small twinge of hope, had she somehow survived? But the eyes… no, this was not his Fuma and that was not his Kotori's soul inside the shell of her now.
Before Fuma could do anything a yell rent the air. "Kamui!"
Sorata… Sorata had… come…
"Next time Kamui… I will kill you." Fuma promised.
With cruel intent he reached out and unlocked the sword from its temporary job as a hold against gravity.
Kamui couldn't even yell as he watched as the body fell against the razor sharp wires, feeling no resistance it shredded. The pieces flew down at the same rate of the blood. When Fuma left the scene completely the binds on Kamui unfolded.
He had been holding him there with his power. Of course… hadn't Kamui always admitted Fuma as the stronger of the two? Of course Kamui's strength would fall short.
He was unable to stop his body's movements. He had Kotori's head in his arms, cradling it just as she had cradled Tokiko's head.
He had failed… he had failed… Kotori… and Fuma, he had failed to protect anything he wanted to. His sobs stopped and only tears flowed. There was no way to let the mind express the great weight crashing in him like a tidal wave.
His own weakness… wanting Fuma to be there always, wanting Fuma to be happy… then his more selfish and hidden wants… wanting Fuma's lips, wanting to slip inside him and drown in Fuma's scent as Fuma drowned in his… wanting to know what it was like to be held in more than a protective or caring way… what was it? What was this elusive and now bitterly painful feeling, as though his heart was fracturing into little pieces that would amount to little more than glass dust, impossible to repair?
Fuma had killed Kotori… willingly… no… eagerly.
"Kamui." Sorata's voice seemed so far away…
Kamui couldn't summon any energy to look up. Dimly he was aware… he must have looked a mess. His wrists were torn open, spilling blood on Kotori's face. His shirt was stained and there were still shards of glass imbedded into his chest and arms. Blood, he was kneeling in it. He had become part of the masterpiece Fuma had created.
No that was wrong. The old masterpiece had been of a girl crucified while a crying boy watched… this was a sequel. And it was all the more bloody.
He couldn't… this wasn't reality. There was no way. His Fuma was good, decent, and kind. He would never kill Kotori, he would never hurt Kamui. He would never take the secret longings of his soul and toy with him like that.
His mind was collapsing. He knew it and did nothing to halt it, he didn't even struggle as he was buried under the weight of the night's events.
By the time Sorata was beside him Kamui was as empty as the pieces of Kotori's shredded body. His eyes were dead, not even tears flowing from him; nobody was home behind the eyes. It didn't matter… he deserved it, to be crushed by this guilt. It was safer to stay in his mind.
It hurt, oh it hurt. But here locked in his mind the pain was more tolerable. He deserved the misery as he watched it replay only this time he was a child.
It was avoidance at its finest. Here he could avoid the harsh reality of his destiny.
If he was a child then it wasn't his fault… it wasn't his fault that he had let Fuma do those things to him, it wasn't his fault Kotori was dead because he was weak and failed.
Those things… often in the past month he had wondered why he had these cravings. He questioned the fact he almost needed to search out Fuma. He loved Kotori as well, she was a special person as well. But it was Fuma who made him burn and ache, who made him feel protected, who had taken the need to be perfect for Kotori away. The only person that had made him feel he could be himself without worrying about destiny or what the universe expected him to be like.
As Kamui watched, trapped in his mind, various scenes of him and Fuma and Kotori playing together, of him saving Kotori that first time, of Fuma holding him… and then watched his expressions when Fuma toyed with him, pressing intimately and felt again that longing… from this side vision… watched his movements when the sword again played out its deadly moves…
Oh… oh, gods… he understood. He understood it, that feeling… And he shattered again. And again… and again.
"Don't kill… Fuma."
End chapter
Author note: So next time I think I'm going to do the chapter from Fuma or Subaru. It depends on the next inspiration strike. I'll tell you now I started this today and I finished it around three. I am proud of myself!
If you have a preference on who I do next let me know! I'm influenced by majority.
Also please review. I am on this site to improve after all so every ones opinion is precious to me.