High Standards: A Hetalicized Cinderella Story
Where the heroine is a slightly homicidal aristocrat, the stepsisters are German (Prussian!), the king is insane, and the prince has a gun obsession.
Chapter One: Undignified Beginnings
In a Faraway Land, Possibly in the 17th Century?
Sunlight streamed in through a tiny square window into a wood, attic-like storage space turned into a pathetic excuse of a makeshift bedroom. There were so many boxes and pieces of old furniture collecting dust that there was barely room to walk, let alone sleep here. And yet, curled up on a heap of straw with an aged quilt slept our raven-haired Cinderella. She also went by the name Renate, but that's beside the point.
While she is the Cinderella of our story, Renate was far from your stereotypical victim of neglect and child abuse. Yes, she slept in far from comfortable conditions, but Renate chose to do so of her own free will. Her stepmother gave her the choice to either spend a heap of money on renovations, or move to the attic. While being a very selfish girl, Renate understood the value of money from an early age. The money that could go to renovations could instead go to something better, like piano music or good food.
Although she is forced to do the chores, Renate was an opportunist, and when she could, she'd enlist the aid of her stepsister Louise, who would be cleaning up after Renate anyway since she "wasn't thorough enough." Who was she to deny Louise something she so obviously enjoyed?
The birds outside sing their morning songs, saying "Good morning! Good morning!" In response, an angry stomach growled.
Renate is awake. Maybe. It's been one of those nights spent on-and-off sleeping, so it's hard to tell just yet. You see, she keeps having this odd, reoccurring dream involving the orange and white cat that lives downstairs.
In this dream, Itabby the cat would play innocently on the floor in the kitchen while she cooked. Occasionally, he would meow to get her attention, but Renate would ignore it. Continuing with whatever she was cooking on the stovetop, she looked down when the cat started pawing at her skirt. It meowed again, urgently.
Again, Renate ignored it, stirring the pot on the stove in a slightly irritated manner. Finally, the cat jumped on the counter top, placing a paw on her hand.
"Ve… are you making pasta?" The cat asked, sniffing the contents of the pot.
And then she would wake up, screaming. Darn that gluttonous cat. It was weird enough how it was captivated by dust particles swirling in the air, but to be able to talk, too? Ugh.
Maybe today, if she's lucky, she'll get the chance to strangle that cat without getting caught.
Stepmother originally had bought the sack of fluff to catch mice. While the effort was commendable, the stupid animal spends majority of its time running away from the mice. The rest of the day it mainly sits around eating gourmet cat food, sleeping, and getting pampered by Louise. For a girl who was more of a dog person, the younger stepsister sure let that cat walk all over her (literally – it was probably sleeping on Louise at his very moment).
Renate finally gathers the motivation to get up, tossing the quilt aside. Why bother make the bed when she's the only one up here? It's not like she needs to impress the mice.
Speaking of which, the mice that live in the woodwork were currently scurrying and chattering away at her feet excitedly. Renate neither understands them nor cares. She had grown up on stories about mice and birds that talked and did the housework in harmony, but the thought only left her with indigestion. For one, it was unsanitary, and two, it was just plain weird. Animals were animals, and people were people, no matter what the science textbooks said. The birds that swoop in from the small window above to eat the mice don't seem to care, either. Somewhere in her mind she finds logic in this.
She throws on her ratty, patched up dress and apron. The dress was still good even after all these years of wash and wear. It would be wasteful to trash it for a new one. Albeit, she would need to re-stitch some of the seams soon, it was nothing Renate couldn't handle.
Using a broken hand mirror that used to belong to Maria, the eldest stepsister, she was able to arrange her hair, tying half of it back with an old navy blue ribbon. There, perfect. Renate decided, taking one last look in the mirror before heading downstairs.
She enters the cold dark stairwell, treading on each wooden step carefully since she no longer had her wooden shoes. They were hideous, hard to walk in, and the attic space was very cold last winter. She had opted for warmth, and burned them.
While she did not like cute things or animals, believe in magic or fairytale endings, Renate did have one wish. Or rather, an inner knowing that one day, she would be an aristocrat, privy to everything prim, proper, and regal (or really, she believed she was an aristocrat born into a lower class. As to why she was stuck in this… predicament, well, she liked to believe that God was testing her worthiness).
You see, while she respected her stepmother for her frugality and resourcefulness (although nothing could compare to Renate's actual birth mother, who died of pneumonia several years ago. She was like the poster child of miserly behavior), she resented the blatant favoritism given to her stepsiblings. Even Maria, with her loud cackling, lack of basic manners, and pranks that typically ended with the albino getting grounded, was allowed far more privileges than she could ever earn.
For example, the albino girl could choose any hobby and be fully funded to pursue that hobby, such as learning to play the flute or lead guitar. However, Maria tended to get bored with her hobbies early. And she hated practice, feeling more content with making random shrill noises to annoy everyone.
Renate was lucky that stepmother like the piano, otherwise she would never have found her greatest joy in life. If anything, it made her proud of what she could accomplish on her own. After all, it's rare to find someone so young with the dedication to teach themselves how to read music and play the piano. While her stepmother wouldn't pay for lessons, Renate was pleased that she was allowed to use the instrument after all the chores had been completed.
The bitterness still ran deep, however. While making oatmeal, she grew tempted to toss in some diced mushrooms (the poisonous kind that grew in the woods back behind the house), but when she thought about how much work it would involve, she decided against it.
"Hey, Cinderella! Awesome is hungry!" Said a loud voice from upstairs.
She sighed. The noisy bird was awake, but there were no worms at hand. At least the others were patient enough to wait for their breakfast. And then something dangerous happened – she got an idea.
"I'll teach her manners yet," she muttered darkly, scanning the room for something suitable.
There were no worms, but certainly a mouse would do. Finding the fattest, hairiest, ugliest mouse under the kitchen table, Renate placed it under an empty teacup. Satisfied, she carried the three trays up the other flight of stairs (the fancy stone ones with maroon carpeting leading to the main floor).
Renate had many pet peeves. One of them was not using manners when you really should, which to her is all the time 24/7.
Those rude, ungrateful roaches. She fumed. Instead of a thank you, each gave her a large bag of dirty laundry. The nerve! Cinderella made a mental note (C sharp) to accidentally add bleach while washing them.
Her plotting was soon to be interrupted. As usual, Maria was the culprit.
"Ahh! My face!"
"Kesesesese!"
Let's rewind to see what happened.
~.D.N.I.W.E.R~
As you may remember, Renate had left a mouse in Maria's teacup. This was a big mistake on her part, seeing as Maria was virtually afraid of nothing (meaning that even if she was afraid, she'd suck it up and not admit it to your face). On top of that, she was a constant schemer.
"Kesesese, I never knew you had it in you, aristo-bitch." She grinned at the freshly coined nickname, holding the mouse by the tail. "I'm too awesome to be scared of mice. But I know someone who is…."
After Maria was sure Renate had gone to the music room to practice on the piano, the albino snuck down the hall and slipped into her sister's bedroom.
"Hey there, sister of lesser awesomeness!"
Louise, who was reclining on her bed situated against the far wall, simply rolled her eyes and continued reading her book on I don't know, car parts or something, and petting Itabby, who slept peacefully in her lap, purring contentedly.
The cuteness of the scene almost distracted he from her mission, but Maria would persevere! Scanning her sibling's over-organized sky blue bedroom, she spotted the food tray on the bedside table. How on earth could Louise find stuff in a room so… clean?
"So what do you want? You normally don't bother me in my room unless you want something."
"Pffft, as if. I don't want any – no, actually, $20 would be nice."
Louise sighed, moving Itabby over to retrieve her money box from under the bed. While the cat yawned, Maria slipped the mouse into the teacup.
"Here," she said, begrudgingly handing over the twenty, "now you currently owe me $2,750."
"Nu-uh! I gave you $75 last week!"
Itabby sniffed the air. Mmm, that oatmeal smelled really good!
"That $75 was mine. I mark all my money so idiots like you don't cheat me."
"Hey, I don't cheat!"
"I beg to differ,"
"Beg being the key word."
"…Shut up. That's not what I meant, and you know it!"
"Keep telling yourself that, oh sister of mine."
With his eyes closed, Itabby's perception of distance was off. So instead of finding oatmeal, the cat found a face full of mouse.
"Ve-meow!" He shrieked, knocking the tray onto the floor. The cat and mouse went in two different directions – one out the door, and the other, well….
"Ahh! My face!"
"Kesesesese!"
~F.A.S.T.F.O.R.W.A.R.D.~
As a result of the mouse incident, both Maria and Renate were called into stepmother's room (because Maria snitched out Renate as the supplier of the mouse). The looming black four poster bed in the middle of the room cast eerie shadows across the cold stone tile floor. They both gulped, not because of the creepiness, but because of the imminent long, boring lecture they were about to receive. The curtains pulled back, the stepmother's eyes shining from the darkness that surrounded her like a cocoon, her hands beckoning like a spider to the fly.
And like two incredibly stupid flies, they inched closer.
"Maria, what have I told you about pestering your sister?" She drawled in monotone. Maria grinned, hands on her hips defiantly.
"It helps her relax and not be an unawesome stick in the mud?"
"Guess again."
She took her daughter's hand and slapped the back side of her palm. Maria winced.
"Now, what shall you be doing to correct this behavior?"
"Nothing." A sharp slap joined the first.
"Ow! Fine. I promise to try to behave myself from now on."
Stepmother studied her daughter for a couple of seconds.
"…See that you do."
"Awesome!" Maria skipped toward the door, thinking she got off easy.
"But," she froze mid-skip, "you'll have an extra music practice."
Both Maria and Renate gawked. An extra music practice? How was that fair? Maria grumbled, storming out the door. Renate fumed, waiting until the loud foot falls could no longer be heard.
"Why-?"
"Would I use music as punishment?"
Renate closed her mouth, turning away.
"It's simple. You've both disappointed me. It's far easier to use a punishment that would affect both of you." She sighed, lifting the bowl of oatmeal from her tray. "And here I thought you had some potential. Clearly I was wrong."
"I didn't think-"
"No, you didn't."
Renate clenched her teeth, her hands shaking with rage at her sides. She balled them into fists.
"I don't expect promises of future good behavior from you. We both know you're beyond such childish things."
She paused to take a bite of oatmeal, and froze, the spoon still in her mouth.
"This is sweet. Sugar is expensive…."
"It's honey. Our neighbor's tool shed was taken over by honey bees." Renate tried not to crinkle her nose in disgust as her stepmother talked with the spoon still in her mouth.
"You don't say…"
Yes, she did say. She had asked the pest control people to let her scrape out the honey combs when they were done removing the bees. Since it would mean less work for them, they accepted her request.
Stepmother placed the empty bowl on the tray with a loud clink. Renate waited patiently as she drank her tea.
"You will have twice the normal amount of chores. Clean out all the bedrooms, except for Louise's, of course. Her room is always spotless. And also, the bathrooms. Especially Maria's."
Renate grimaced. That could take weeks.
"The windows could use washing, and the floors always need sweeping, with all the dirt Maria tracks in. And… if I think of anything else, I'll let you know."
She motioned for Renate to take the tray and leave her presence. As she closed the door behind her, she was glomped by Maria. Somehow, she managed not to drop anything. Maybe Renate was getting used to Maria's presence? She shivered. What a truly disturbing thought….
"I never thought I'd see the day!" she slung an arm around the girl's shoulder like they were best friends.
"What are you babbling on about?"
"My awesomeness must be catching. Finally. Nothing else could explain how miss prim and proper would do something fun* for once."
"Your sense of fun is highly skewed." She shrugged off Maria, picking up the tray neatly stacked at the base of Louise's door. She continued down the hall. Maria watched, stunned by the sudden cold shoulder.
"Pffffft, fine. I don't need an awesome side kick. I work better alone, anyway."
*Actually, Austrians really aren't all that straight-laced. They just pretend they are. Seriously, there was this show on Travel Channel with this resort in Austria where you could bathe in beer. No wonder Prussia's always bothering him. I totally would, too.
Prussia: Let's take a bath together!
Austria: No.
Prussia: Even if it's in bier?
Austria: … I guess, but you'd better stay on the other side of the tub.
Prussia: Kesesesese, no promises!
No animals or honey bees were harmed in the writing of this chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own the awesomeness that is Hetalia, or the Disney animation of Cinderella from which this is based.
So, how was it? Other than the homicidal tendencies aren't all that apparent. Don't worry, more shall come. I hope no one minds that I didn't start with a list of characters. I just didn't think it would be fair to use up a whole chapter like that. Plus, it leaves a surprise for when you find out who is who (bwahaha). Stay tuned, folks. Please review, and thanks for stopping by!