Heya everyone, so this is my first Bella/Edward fanfic – SCARY!

If you've been reading my other fic – sunrise – don't worry I haven't given up, I've just got a bit of writer's block – probably due to the fact that I've had this story running through my head constantly instead!

I just kept imagining the first chapter in my head and was getting really frustrated about what happens next so I decided to just write the damn story lol – though of course I do have some idea where it's going!

If you like it and think I should carry on writing it please review just to give me that extra bit of motivation.

ALL HUMAN!

I DO NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS etc - THOUGH GOD I WISH I DID!!!

Chapter 1: The FuneralBella POV:

Looking at my pale face in the mirror I took another deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Brushing the hair out of my eyes with a shaky hand I gave myself a watery smile before sniffing and wiping away the moisture still clinging to my eyelashes, then roughly brushed away the single tear trailing its way down my cheek leaving a glistening track behind it.

I could do this. I could do this. I would do this, for Charlie. For Dad.

Taking another deep breath, inhaling through my nose, I held it for a second or two before expelling all the air from my lungs out of my mouth in a shaky exhale, misting the bottom half of the mirror in front of me. Standing up straight now from my position leaned over the bathroom sink I locked my determined eyes on the gaze of my reflection and sighed. Then, dusting my clothes down for any creases I exited the bathroom, walking into my new bedroom and towards the door.

When I shut the bedroom door behind me I glanced down the expansive landing hallway to where Alice had clearly just emerged from her own room. She looked at me, a sympathetic smile moulded onto her perfect features as she walked towards me. Reaching me, she extended her hand out to give mine a gentle squeeze, tilting her head to the side slightly. I knew that she was trying to reassure me that it was going to be okay, that I would be okay, so I simply nodded twice, before giving her a small smile and gently squeezing her hand in return. Then, taking another deep breath - steadier this time - I started towards the stairs. I wanted to get downstairs and be with the others, I always felt a soothing relief from the pain whenever surrounded by this wonderful family – they made me feel safe, welcomed…loved.

As we reached the bottom of the stairs I caught a sight of them all standing around the large table in the centre of the kitchen, a quiet hush surrounding them. It still took my breath away how beautiful they all were, and how caring too. I realised I was already beginning to think of them as my family, and I was so grateful and glad that they wanted me to stay with them.

Looking up at me Carlisle smiled a sad smile as he rubbed Esme on the back, her head buried in his chest. I realised then that I was not the only one greatly affected by Charlie's death – of course the Cullens were too. Carlisle had been my dad's best friend since they were at school, had been his best man. And both he and Esme had been very close to my mum too while she was still with my father. Esme had even kept up a close relationship with her over the years since the divorce – we had taken several family holidays together, until they stopped when mum met Phil two years ago – and my mum's death only four months ago was still raw with her, as it was with me.

As I entered the kitchen Alice gently removed her hand from mine and went over to comfort her mother, whilst Emmett strode quickly towards me, arms outstretched, before enveloping me in a warm bear hug. As he hugged me I was once again amazed at how at ease I felt with it – it really did feel like he was becoming my big brother too. Normally physical contact with others was uncomfortable for me but I felt only brotherly affection both to and from Emmett, much like how contact with Alice didn't bother me either – she was both my best friend and now my sister.

Edward was a different matter though, my brain piped up as I caught sight of him looking at me from across the room. He was also a recent addition to the family, although not nearly as recent as me. He was adopted two years ago – I didn't know the circumstances of why or how, all I knew was that he fit in perfectly with this amazing family. Apart from that I didn't really know him at all – and in the circumstances of my arrival I hadn't really been up to the task of making friends. But I knew that he was just as brilliant as his adopted family, so I thought that once I could finally alleviate some of my grief that I would become just as close to him as the others – I already felt drawn to him. But I felt almost intimidated by him just as much as I was drawn to him – not in any menacing way, just that he was so much like the rest of them and I, well, wasn't really. I could tell that he loved this family with a fierce passion, I saw it in the way he had been watching them for any signs of distress these past ten days, since… and the way he was always able to comfort them with something as simple as a look or a small touch, without even having to speak – in fact he had helped to calm and soothe my overwhelming pain too, even when Carlisle couldn't.

I also knew that he truly saw Carlisle as his father, and it was easy to see the bond between them, he had even changed his last name to Cullen – something I know I wouldn't be able to do. I loved the idea of being in this family –it's just, well, I knew I could never truly fit in with them, I couldn't with anyone, although it was much easier for me to open up slightly around them, and it also felt almost like a betrayal to my father, I know we didn't really express our feelings too well, or too often for that matter, but I did love him, and I was proud to be related to such a great man, so I didn't want to give up his name, I was Bella Swan and I wanted to stay that way, so that even though he's gone I still feel like there's a connection.

Emmett released me then, his hands still stayed on my shoulders though and as I looked up at him to give him a thank-you smile he bent down so that his face was level with mine.

"You okay?" he asked softly. He really was just like a big teddy bear, sure he could be annoying as hell sometimes and have way too much energy, but he had a huge heart underneath all that muscle.

I nodded at him in response, giving him a small smile.

"Are you ready to go?"

I took another deep breath, shutting my eyes. Okay, here we go. I had never even contemplated what this would feel like – I was now orphaned I realised, and I was going to my father's funeral – how was I going to get through the service? Again I breathed in deeply trying to calm my frayed nerves. When I felt another cool hand softly touch me on the arm I knew that I could get through this, if I had them all with me. Opening my eyes, I gave Emmett another small smile, then turned to see Edward at my side, I gave him a small smile too in thank you then lifted my gaze back around to Carlisle. He was looking at me, obvious concern in his eyes, and at that moment I felt so comforted that I had to fight back the feeling of building pressure behind my eyes, warning me that I was threatening to tear up again – I knew that if I started crying again, even out of this feeling of comfort and compassion that I wouldn't be able to stop. I felt Edward's hand on my arm again briefly and sighed as calm flowed into me, it was as if even with the smallest touch he could ease my pain.

"I'm ready. I'm okay. Let's go." I said squaring my shoulders and turning to lead the way out of the kitchen and towards the front door, where I knew that outside the funeral procession was most likely waiting for us. Edward and the rest of the family followed instantly after me, and I could feel Edward's presence at my side, I took another deep breath. I could do this, I would, for Charlie.

I was surprised by how many people turned up to the funeral, and felt another wave of sadness threaten to engulf me at the thought of how many people were going to miss my dad. It didn't help that everyone came up to me to express their condolences and their thoughts on Charlie as a wonderful man. I just wanted to be left alone to grieve on my own – but I knew that that was selfish of me – other people had loved Charlie and they deserved the chance to say goodbye too.

Most of the service passed in a haze after that though. Most of the time I was too consumed with fighting the overpowering urge to cry that I couldn't focus on what people were saying in their speeches – and that only made me feel worse. Then, with a small nudge from Alice by my side I realised that it was now the time to read the eulogy, and I had to suppress the feeling of horror from engulfing me as I thought about having to stand up in front of all these people and talk – I could never do justice to my dad. I'd never had to do this before – my aunt had done it at my mum's cremation – and I knew that I was probably not going to make it through the first half before I started sobbing in front of everyone.

Standing up I made my way over to the centre of the church pew and took another deep breath – Why do I constantly have to do this? It's almost as if I have to remind myself to breath. Unfolding the piece of paper I was holding in my hand I glanced up to see Carlisle give me a reassuring smile, before I started to read.

"Charlie Swan …. Charlie Swan was a …a…a great man." I began, already feeling my eyes beginning to pool full of water. I wasn't going to be able to do this. I glanced around me, hoping in vain to find some strength so that I could continue and gasped as a sob escaped me when my eyes came to rest on the coffin. I quickly tore my gaze away, but I knew that it was too late; I was sobbing uncontrollably now, the tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision so that I could no longer see the words I had written. I could sense the pity directed towards me coming from the crowd of people here at the service and futilely tried to start again.

"Charlie Swa- … My dad was…"

Suddenly I felt the touch of an arm snaking around my waist, turning me around slightly, and I flung myself into Edward's chest and sobbed harder than ever.

"It's okay," he whispered so that only I could hear, "It's okay. I'm here, okay?" my only response was to hold onto him tighter, pushing myself forcefully into his chest and clinging onto his back with my hands. I felt him quietly clear his throat and realised he intended to read the eulogy for me.

My racking sobs eventually quietened as I listened to Edward reading the words I had written as a tribute to my father, and he clutched me tight to him, stroking my hair to keep me comforted as he finally finished. Then, I felt him gently grab my hand and squeeze it as he led me back to the others. Everybody else stood and we followed after them, back out of the church, to make our way to the wake.

Just before we reached the door however Edward stopped, allowing everybody else to leave, before he turned to face me, still holding my hand. I looked up at him, trying my best to smile as more tears continued to leak from my stinging eyes.

"Th- Thank you, Edward," I breathed hoarsely, keeping my gaze locked on his.

"Hush." He whispered back, crouching slightly to wipe the tears from my face with his free hand. I looked at him, and felt the pull towards him intensify as I found myself only inches from his face, his eyes locked on mine.

I'm not sure how it happened, but the next thing I knew Edward's perfect lips were moulded around mine in a soft kiss, his hand cupping my face, as the other still gripped my hand at his waist, fingers entwined with mine. The pressure on my lips increased slightly as he softly parted my lips with his own and then let his tongue slip slowly in between them, massaging mine when he found it. I collapsed into his chest, letting myself get lost in the sensations of his mouth caressing mine, and felt my eyelids flutter, as more silent tears leaked from me.

That's when Edward broke the kiss, his eyes burning into mine again.

"I'm so sorry, Bella" he breathed, "I know I shouldn't have…please forgive me. I…I'm sorry, I-" and then he stepped back away from me, turning away so that he faced the door.

"Bella?" I heard Alice pant as her footsteps reached my ears – she was coming back for me, wondering where I was.

"Bella? Oh, Bella!" she gushed as she walked through the door, glancing quickly at Edward as he passed her on his way out. She ran to me, taking my hand again and leading me out after Edward, and towards the waiting cars that would take us to the wake.

"You okay?" she asked me, glancing at my tear-marked face.

"Mm-Hmm" was all I could manage.

What just happened? My eyes began to tear up again as a wide range of emotions all fought for dominance to overpower my body.

Fear. Confusion. Pain. Sadness. Grief. Guilt. Hope. And tiredness. The story of my life these last few months I thought to myself, as Alice guided me into the waiting car.

Heya so…should I continue?

Review please.

P.s sorry if this was a bit depressing – it's just what was going round and round in my head, and I didn't want to change it.