SAVE ME!
Summary: "You need to let her go, Jake," Sam said. "That girl will be the death of you," Billy said. Jacob chuckled darkly and took a long drag of his cigarette before crushing it under his foot. "Don't you guys get it," he said, eyes growing colder. "I'm already dead," he said, emotionlessly. A Darker Take on New Moon
"The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.
I broke something, Old Man.
How badly is it broken?
It's in a million little pieces.
I'm afraid I can't help you.
Why?
There's nothing you can do.
Why?
It can't be fixed.
Why?
It's broken beyond repair. It's in a million little pieces."
― James Frey, A Million Little Pieces
"You just don't belong to my world, Bella." Edward said, coldly.
"I belong with you." Bella said.
"No, you don't." he said, firmly.
"I'm coming!" She shouted.
"I said NO!" Edward shouted, losing his cool.
"But why?" Bella asked, flinching at the loudness of his voice.
"Bella, I don't want you to come." Edward said, cruelly.
"You… don't… want me?" Bella asked, her eyes filling up with tears.
"No… I don't" he said.
"You're just not good enough for me." He said.
Bella Swan took a step back.
"I'm not good enough for you?" she repeated, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"I'm just sorry; I let this go on for so long." He said.
"Please...don't leave me." Bella begged.
"I'm tired of pretending Bella. I don't love you and to be honest I'm not sure if I ever really did," he said.
Bella said nothing. Her eyes were growing dull.
"I promise that this will be the last time you'll ever see me. I won't come back. And you can go on with your life without any interference from me. It will be like I never existed." He said, quietly.
"Goodbye." He said, walking away without glancing back.
Bella continued to stand there, unmoving. When Charlie came home he found her standing there staring into the forest.
{Four months later}
Jacob sat in the hospital staring at the lifeless girl on the hospital bed in front of him. She was staring, unmoving, almost unblinking at her hands; her eyes a dull brown, the whites of them red and glassy. She was pale, her skin was paper thin and paler than snow, her lips dry and cracked, and her hair limp and dull.
"Bella?" he called.
The girl showed no signs of having heard him. Not the barest hint of light in those eyes. She was so thin, he noticed. She was wasting away…
He looked at her uneaten lunch still sitting on the tray next to her bed. He picked it up and dipped a spoon in the soup. Holding it against her lips, he waited.
After a few minutes he knew it was useless. Charlie had been trying for months, unable to bring his daughter back. Jacob came every day after school. He'd talk to her and hold her hand. He read the books that Charlie found in her room but those didn't do the trick so he started bring his own. He would try to feed her. He'd stay until visiting hours were over or until the nurse came to tell him to leave. Then he goes home and come back the next day and the next day. It's a good thing Sue worked at the hospital. It would suck to have to be a hitch hiker.
"Eat Bella," he ordered.
She just sat there.
"I can't believe he did this to you," Jacob said.
"Stupid Edward Cullen," he growled and saw a flicker of pain in Bella's eyes.
He could see the dark sorrow that flashed before it disappeared leaving her eyes hollow again.
Jacob put the tray down and climbed into bed next to her. He pulled her into his arms and held her.
"You need to snap out of this, Bells," he begged.
He stayed like that for the next few hours telling her how everyone missed her and how Charlie had started drinking again.
"I've never seen him like this. Not since Renee got remarried and he's drinking more now than he did then." He said.
He cried as he told her how the doctors were planning to send her to a mental facility out of state.
"I don't want you to go, Bella." He said. "But if it'll make you better…" he trailed off.
The nurse came…Patty. He was learning the names of all the nurses now.
"I'm sorry, Jake but visiting hours are over," she said, leaving.
Jacob nodded.
"I've got to go now… Bye, Bella," he said, pressing a kiss to her cheek and left.
After he was gone a single tear fell down Bella's cheek.
"J-J-Jacob," she said her voice hoarse from unused.
Jacob brought food.
The hospital's food sucked. Maybe that's why Bella wasn't eating…
He brought grilled cheese and tomato soup. He'd made it at home and stopped at a bakery to buy cheesecake. He'd also stopped and brought sun flowers.
He always brought flowers. Bella's room was looking like a garden lately.
He found her in the same position as when he'd left.
He noticed the bags under her eyes, darker than the day before….
"Hi, Bells," he said, cheerfully.
He sat the flowers on the dresser next to the others.
"I brought you something good," he said, setting the bag on the table and unpacking it.
He pulled out a grilled cheese and dipped it in the soup.
"Eat up, Bella," he said, holding it to her lips.
A few minutes passed and he was about to call it a day.
"I guess I'll leave early, today," he mused aloud.
His dad had been getting on his case about cleaning his room and stuff.
He missed the shot of panic that went through Bella's eyes.
She took a bite of the sandwich.
Jacob's eyes widened in shock.
"Bells?" he called.
She took the sandwich from him and started eating on her own. She ate until the sandwich was completely gone then held out her hand for the next one. She ate the soup next then the cheesecake.
Once it was all gone he looked in her eyes.
She was staring at him.
"D-don't l-leave," she croaked.
Jacob smiled.
"Hey, Bella, you want some water?" he asked, pretending that this was a normal day.
That day he stayed the night, holding her in his arms while she clung to him, desperately.
The nurses called Charlie and told him the good news.
A month later, Bella was released from the hospital.
She held Jacob's hand the whole time.
When Jacob left to go home for dinner, Charlie saw the light in Bella's eyes fade…
She was sitting in her room wrapped in three blankets, in a chair in front of her window.
"Bella?" Charlie said, hesitantly, placing his hand on her shoulder.
She looked at him with dull, lifeless brown eyes.
"I'm cold," she said, emotionlessly. "Where is my sun?" she asked.
Charlie's eyes widened.
He turned up the heat but nothing seemed to warm her. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't sleep. She just sat in front of her window…watching…waiting.
"What are you doing?" Charlie asked, after another failed attempt at getting her to eat.
"I'm waiting for the sun," she said, coldly.
When Jacob came over with Billy, she followed him around the house, holding his hand, eating the food when he offered it.
"Do you want some more spaghetti, Bells?" Jacob asked.
Charlie was shocked when she smiled.
"Yes, please," she said, holding out her plate.
She ate slowly watching Jacob the whole time.
"After dinner do you want to watch a movie?" Jacob asked.
Bella never watched TV, Charlie noticed. She never listened to music or read her books.
"Ok, anything to keep my sun with me," she said, her eyes glazed.
That was the first time that Charlie worried that his daughter was sick in the head.
It wasn't the last time, either…..
The doctors prescribed anti-depressants. She refused to take them.
"I don't need pills," she said, throwing them at Charlie.
"I need my sun," she said, taking her set in front of the window to watch for his arrival.
Charlie picked up the pills and put them back in the cabinet.
He called the doctor in the morning.
Jacob was the only person who could get her to eat.
Jacob was the only person who could get her to sleep.
He would hold her until her eyes closed and she dozed off.
But when he left, almost as if sensing his absence, her eyes would pop open and she would start screaming.
And not just normal screaming…
It was bloodcurdling, dying from torture, screams.
"What is Jacob to you?" the physiatrist asked.
She looked at the doctor with dead eyes.
"He's the sun," she said.
The doctor prescribed more pills.
When Charlie got home he found bottle after bottle of anti-anxiety mood elevators, and antidepressant pills, all of them emptied, little white pills filling the trash.
"I don't need them," she said, dumping another bottle out…
She wouldn't go back to school…
She went once and had a fit of hysteria during lunch.
"He left me! He left me! He left me!" she cried, rocking back and forth in the corner of the lunch room, scaring all the students.
Charlie tried to get her to move…
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she yelled, kicking and screaming.
"Where's Jacob? I need him!" she yelled.
Jacob had to be pulled out of school early to help calm her down…
"I don't need pills," she said, firmly.
Jacob held out the pills with a determined expression.
"Yes, you do," he said.
She slapped the pills out of his hand.
"No," she said.
He went to the bathroom and got some more.
"Take them," he said.
She shook her head.
"I don't need them. I have you," she said.
He sighed.
"But I'm not always going to be here," he said. "I have school and I have to take care of my dad and…," he trailed off seeing her face.
She was frowning, her eyes filling with tears.
"Are those things more important than me?" she asked.
He put the pills in the bottle in his pocket, to put away later, and pulled her into a hug.
"Of course not," he said.
He held her until Harry came to take him home.
It wasn't until he got home that he realized that he forgot to put her pills back in the cabinet.
He shrugged.
She had more in her bathroom, he'd return these later.
He put the extra bottle in his dresser.
When Charlie came home he found her dumping all her pills in the toilet.
"What time does Jake go to school?" she asked.
Charlie raised an eyebrow.
"7: 30, why?" he asked.
She looked at him with a blank expression.
"No reason," she said, heading to her room and closing the door.
She had developed a habit, Jacob noticed
She called him while he was in school begging him to come see her.
When he was over her house she wouldn't let him do his homework going as far as to pour her drink on it and throw it in the trash.
Jacob came into the living room after going to the bathroom.
"Where's my homework?" he asked.
She shrugged.
"The dog ate it," she said.
"You don't have a dog," he said.
She shrugged again.
"Well I'm hungry so I'm going to make dinner," she said, standing up.
"Will you stay afterwards?" she asked. "I'm really tired and I want you to hold me," she said.
Jacob sighed.
"Sure, sure," he said.
She called him before school.
"I'm going to die!" she said. "I'm so cold I'm going to freeze to death!"
Jacob's grade dropped dramatically.
That's when Billy stepped in…
"That girl means you no good!" he said.
"She needs me!" Jacob yelled.
"You are not going back over there and that's final!" Billy yelled.
She called the house, Jacob's phone, Harry's phone for hours, one after the other…
She was on the voice mail begging…
"Please, Jake call me back! I need you!" she begged.
Crying….
"Why aren't you calling me back? Where are you?" she cried, sobbing.
Then screaming…
"ANSWER THE PHONE!" she roared.
Billy considered blocking her number…
She showed up a week later at 2 am, in the pouring rain, thinner, paler, and crazier than before…
When Billy opened the door she pushed past him and attacked Jacob who had just woken up.
It was the first time in a long time that they had seen her angry…
She used her nails and her teeth, clawing and biting.
"YOU ABANDONED ME! YOU'RE JUST LIKE HIM! YOU LEFT ME! HE LEFT ME!" she screamed.
She was like a wild ball of hatred and anger and she focused all of it on one person…
Jacob didn't fight back or try to defend himself.
He took blow after blow, letting her draw blood. He took it all until she finally collapsed into a fit of bitter tears at him feet.
He helped her up and apologized.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you. I'm sorry, it'll be alright," he said, holding her.
Then once she stopped crying he took her in the kitchen and made her something to eat. After she ate he sat on the couch and held her until Charlie came and took her home.
The second Charlie came through the door Billy was yelling at him.
"You Keep That Psycho Away From My Kid!" he yelled.
Charlie found Bella sleeping peacefully in Jacob's arms.
She slept when he picked her up and carried her to the car…
She slept the whole ride home…
She slept when Charlie carried her out of the car…
She slept when Charlie carried her up the stairs…
The second Charlie laid her on the bed and covered her with a blanket she started screaming.
She didn't stop screaming until morning…
Charlie started slipping pills in her food.
Jacob was sneaking out of the house at night and ditching school to see her.
He knew that if this continued Jacob would ruin his life for Bella's and he didn't want that to happen.
Charlie hoped the pills would keep her stable.
And they did…
"Hey, Bells," Charlie said as he came in the door from work.
"Hi, Dad," she said, smiling from her place on the couch.
"Where's Jacob?" Charlie asked.
"He's at school," she said, then got a thoughtful look on her face.
"Maybe I should go back to school too?" she wondered aloud.
Charlie smiled and went into the kitchen.
But the pills had side effects…
She had moments where she would check out completely-oblivious to everything and everyone around her-
"Bella," Charlie called.
He found her standing in the shower still wearing her clothes- the water ice cold- with a dazed look on her face.
"Bella?" he called again.
She got out of the shower and walked past him, leaving the shower running.
Those moments made Charlie nervous.
Her nightmares got worse…
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" she screamed.
"Bella, wake up!" Charlie said shaking her.
"Leave me alone…Leave me alone!" she cried.
"Wake up," he said.
""I-I- I NEED HELP!" She shouts falling out of bed.
"Bella, you're dreaming!" he shouted, shaking her shoulders.
"ANYONE! PLEAE HELP ME!" she pulled away from him, still lost in the terror of her dreams.
She started seeing things while she was awake to….
Charlie comes home from work to find her in the kitchen, screaming and raging and hurling dishes at the walls.
"Bella!" Charlie yelled running into the kitchen. "Stop!"
Bella doesn't stop; she just heaves a coffee mug against the wall.
Charlie grabbed her under the arm and pulls her against his chest, but Bella breaks free and launches herself toward the cupboard.
She grabs a plate off the cupboard and turns around ready to hit Charlie with the dish. Charlie grabbed her arm and hurled the plate of her hands, but Bella was still fighting.
Charlie pins her to the floor and tries to get her to stop.
"Bella! Calm down, what's wrong with you?" Charlie barks, using his chief of police voice.
Bella stopped shrieking, but he keeps struggling against Charlie for a few more moments until she stops with a shaky breath.
"Bella? I'm going to let you up. You're going to hurt yourself if you don't calm down." Charlie said, letting her go.
Bella roars out a noise like a lion, jumps to her feet and hurls the salad bowl across the kitchen. Charlie ducks out of the way, just in time, and then tackles her to the floor.
Bella struggles against him, and Charlie grabbed her arms and pins them above her head. She struggles wildly, trying to break Charlie's grip, but she's not strong enough.
"Get off me, Victoria!" she yells.
"Get off me!" she screams.
"Bella! It's me! Bella! Bella!" Charlie calls over and over and suddenly there's a splash of cold water in his back.
Bella starts coughing Charlie's hands loosen and he pushes her over on her side so she can cough the water back out.
He pats her back until she coughs up the water she swallowed. After she's done Bella goes limp.
Charlie turned to stare at Jacob who was holding and empty bucket.
Jacob rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and let the bucket fall on the floor.
"Sorry," he says.
Charlie looks at the damage done to the kitchen.
"It's ok,"
She complained of headaches and was always tired…
"Bells?" Charlie called.
Bella lay in bed with the blanket over her head.
"Go away," she whined.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"My head hurts," she groaned.
"Do you want to go to the hospital?" he asked.
"Just let me sleep Charlie," she said, forgetting to call him dad.
He just stared her.
She got extremely agitated over the smallest things…
"You drank all the orange juice," she growled.
Charlie looked up from his paperwork to find Bella standing barefoot in her pajamas in his office.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I wanted something to drink and I opened up the fridge and found this!" she said throwing the empty carton at him.
Charlie ducked and looked up at her shocked.
"Next time, don't touch my juice!" she said, walking out of the police station.
The other officers looked at him strangely.
And was more depressed than ever…
Harsh sobs woke Charlie up from his sleep.
He found her sitting in the living room, wrapped in a blanket, eating ice cream and watching an animal documentary.
"You o.k.?" he asked.
"What's the point of living when eventually you're just going to get eaten by a bird and die?" she said, darkly.
Charlie looked and saw she was watching a documentary on sea turtles.
"That doesn't happen to people," he said.
She glared at him.
"No, instead you fall in love and get dumped by your boyfriend in the woods because you're not good enough for him and his family," she said.
Charlie stared at her.
"I wish I was born a sea turtle, so I could get eaten and die!" she said, and then she started crying again.
Charlie called the doctor.
He stopped slipping her the pills after that but then he had to deal with the withdrawal symptoms.
She had crying spells…
She was cooking dinner in the kitchen and she just suddenly burst into tears.
"Why are you crying?" he asked.
"I…Don't…Know!" she said, sobbing in between words.
She was restless….
It was 3 in the morning and she was pacing her room.
He could hear her.
Walking around in circles.
He should probably get up and check on her.
He closed his eyes and went back to sleep.
She complained of stomach pain…
Charlie was walking with her in the supermarket when she suddenly grabbed her stomach and screamed.
"What's wrong?' he asked, started.
Was she having another hallucination?
"My stomach hurts?" she whined, and fell to her knees.
Charlie tried to help her up but she curled up into a ball and cried.
"It hurts!" she said.
People stared and someone called an ambulance.
Just another side effect.
She got really bad nightmares…
"Help! She's going to kill me!" she was screaming.
Charlie shook her.
"I'm sorry; I didn't know he was your mate! Edward and I aren't even together anymore! Stop!" she yelled.
Charlie woke her up and left the room unable to deal with it anymore.
It took two months before the withdrawal symptoms faded…
Charlie flushed the pills after that.
She needed Jacob.
She needed her sun.
Her doctor called her Co-dependent.
She told her doctors to shut up.
She had mood swings, Jacob noticed.
Some days she was angry.
She would yell and scream and throw things at him.
She would him and beat him until she finally collapsed in a fit of sobs apologizing and begging him not to leave her.
Jacob cleaned up the house before Charlie got home and went home with a bruises and scars.
Other days she was sad.
She would just hold him and cry until Charlie came home and made him leave.
He hated those days more than the angry ones.
Billy tried to forbid him from seeing her but if he didn't go see her:
She doesn't eat
She doesn't sleep
The pills made her less reliant on him but they were gone and she needed him again.
"I'm not going to stop seeing her!" he yelled, angrily at his father.
"Yes you are!" Billy yelled back.
"She needs me!" he cried.
"She needs to be in a mental hospital!" Billy shouted.
"Don't say that!" he yelled and stormed out the house.
Sam was watching him when he left and he felt his eyes follow him all the way until he got to Harry's.
It made him nervous and creeped him out.
He told Bella about it while he held her one night.
She was furious.
"You don't have to join anything!" she said.
"I might not have a choice," he muttered and fell asleep.
If he were awake he would have seen the crazy look in her eye and asked about it.
"Sam won't take you from me," she said, getting out of bed and heading out the door.
That's how Sam Ulley found Bella Swan on his lawn at 2 in the morning.
"You Leave My Sun Alone! Or I'll KILL You!" she yelled.
Sam was confused.
As far as he knew Charlie's daughter did not have any children.
"I never did anything to your son," he said, calmly.
"I'm talking about Jacob!" she screamed.
Sam's eyes widened.
Emily ran to call Billy.
"What did he tell you?" Sam asked.
"He told me how you've been watching him you sick perverted creep!" She yelled.
She was barefooted and holding a bat, swinging it like a crazy person.
"IF YOU EVER COME NEAR JAKE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU!" she roared, then turned and marched back to her truck.
Sam closed the door confused.
He was about to tell Emily to hang up when a bat came flying through the window….
When Charlie came the house was in shambles, furniture was broken and flipped over, there was broken glass everywhere, clothes were thrown all over the place and Bella was being restrained by Sam.
She was calling him every dirty name in the book, while kicking and screaming.
"Don't Take My Sun From Me! He's Mine! I Need Him!" she screeched.
Charlie took her home in handcuffs.
She continued to threaten Sam, her whole top half leaning out the window.
"I'LL KILL YOUR SOON TO BE WIFE TOO!" she threatened before Charlie pulled her back into the car and rolled up the window.
Charlie wasn't surprised when the next day Emily Young got a restraining order.
He wondered if he could get another prescription for those pills.
Bella was cold.
She was wrapped in layer after layer of sheets and blankets but nothing worked.
The only time she felt warm was when Jake held her.
But then the warmth was…brief.
She reached out for Jake when he came over and he held her in his arms.
She sighed, content for the first time that day.
But as the clock ticked closer to 8, the time when Harry would come take him home she could feel the cold seeping back in.
There had to be a way she could stay warm.
She looked up at him and he smiled at her.
"You know what?" she said.
"What?" he asked.
"You're sort of beautiful," she said.
Then she was kissing him, her arms sliding around his neck as one hand buried itself in his hair.
The kiss was desperate
Filled with her need to make him stay with her.
She wanted to be warm.
She needed to be warm.
She tugged at his clothes, undressing him, undressing herself.
She pushed him down on the couch and knows that this is a terrible idea.
But she feels hot for the first time in months.
Afterwards, she cries.
"I'm sorry," Jacob said, holding her.
He didn't instigate or do anything wrong but he winds up feeling like crap.
It was his first time
It was his first kiss
It was his first EVERYTHING
Later when he gets home, he cries himself to sleep.
That's not the last time it happens.
They didn't talk about it.
If Jacob tried to bring it up she would get angry.
But she always instigated and he never tried to stop her.
Even though afterward it left him feeling:
Used
Tired
Angry
Depressed
Miserable
Ashamed
Even though every time it happened she would cry afterwards and he would cry when he got home.
She needed him
He saved her
But who was there to rescue him?
She knew she was broken.
She was tortured by thoughts of Edward and what might have been.
What could never be…?
She couldn't handle the memories…
"You Are My Life Now,"
She couldn't handle the dreams
"You're not good enough for me,"
Edward was gone…
She sobbed, aloud.
Charlie came into the room and found her crying.
"Bells?! What's wrong?" he asked.
She pushed passed him and ran out of the room to her phone.
"Hello?" Jacob said.
"I Need You!" she cried.
"I'm on the way," he said and hangs up.
She sighed in relief.
Her sun was coming to heal her
She went to sit on the porch.
He was the salve, the glue that held her together.
And she would destroy anything that tried to keep them apart…
He phased the night of the full moon which is ironic since he found out wolves don't need a full moon to change.
He couldn't see Bella.
He was worried about why he felt such relief at the order
He loved Bella….
"I hate you! All you care about is school and your father and your friends! What about me? Are you going to abandon me just like everybody else I ever loved?" she cried.
He wanted to be around her constantly…
"Promise you'll never leave me! I don't know what I'd do if you disappeared from my life!" she said.
He thought about her all the time…
"Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to fall from somewhere really high without a safety net," She said, looking at him with sad brown eyes.
"Would you catch me if I fell?" she asked.
He couldn't imagine his life without her…
"You never listen to what I want! I feel like you don't really care about me!" she screamed, throwing something.
He needed her in his life…
"Why can't you ever put me in front of your precious family and do something that I ask you to do? I need you to be here for me!" she cried.
She made him a better person…
"Forget about school! You don't need it! I don't need it! All I need is you…Don't you feel the same about me?"
She made him happy…
"Where have you been? I've been so cold," she whispered, shivering.
She was so sweet…
"You make me sick! Get out! Get out and don't come back! I never want to see you face again!"
She cared about him…
"Don't leave! I'm sorry! You can't leave me! You can't… You Can't! If you leave I'll scream and I won't stop until you come back or I'll die. Do you want me to die?"
She was unselfish…
"Why didn't you answer the phone? I needed you! Does that mean anything to you?"
She was beautiful…
"I asked you to leave! I don't need you here! I don't need anyone! You are all the same. You pretend to care about me but secretly you can't wait to go, right?"
He closed his eyes and phased back.
Once human now a monster bound to his land….
She glared at him with tear filled eyes, standing in the center of a destroyed room.
So why did he feel freer now than he'd ever did human?
She called him but he couldn't answer.
She felt lost.
She didn't know what to do with herself.
"Where's Jacob?" she asked Billy.
"He's sick." Billy said.
"Put him on the phone." She demanded.
"No," Billy said and hung up.
Bella growled and called back.
"Put him on the phone!" she yelled.
"Bella, I have one thing to say to you," Billy said.
"What?" she asked.
"Grow up." He said coldly and hung up.
The phone started ringing again so he cut the cord.
They didn't really need a phone anyway.
Charlie stared at Bella as she threw the phone down and stormed out of the kitchen.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Go away Charlie!" she yelled, she threw the wedding picture of Charlie and Renée at him.
"Leave me alone and go morn your pathetic failed marriage." She said.
Charlie looked down at the picture of him a Renée.
There was a long crack in the glass. A split that went right between them.
"She never loved you, you know that?" Bella said.
Charlie said nothing.
"She told me. She only married you because you knocked her up. She didn't even like you," Bella hissed.
"You know there's a chance I'm not even your daughter. My mother's always been kind of a slut. But you know that right? Isn't that why you married her?"
Her words were cold and cruel.
"Who are you?" Charlie asked.
Bella said nothing.
"I don't recognize you at all," he said.
Bella smiled, but her eyes were cold.
"I'm your daughter," she said.
Charlie shook his head.
"My daughter is still in those woods somewhere. I don't know what you are," he said.
"I'm human," she said, her voice tainted with resentment.
"An ordinary human girl," she whispered bitterly, then stormed upstairs.
Charlie stood there staring at the space where she had been clutching Renée's picture.
He didn't even feel the glass cutting into his hand.
His little girl was gone.
He didn't even want to know who that person upstairs was.
She was outside.
Billy saw her truck.
She noticed him and waved.
She smiled.
Her smile was tight, her eyes filled with a cold hardness that he'd never seen in anyone but the Cullens.
He closed the curtains and wheeled away from the window and locked the door.
She needed her sun.
She didn't mean to be mean to Charlie.
She loved her father.
She was just feeling….
Nothing
She felt cold and numb.
That's why she needs Jacob.
He made her feel.
He made her warm.
She saw him walking with Sam and his Cult.
She felt anger rush through her.
She'd warned Sam.
"Jacob!" she shouted getting out the car and running to him.
"What are you doing here, Bella?" Jacob growled.
She stared at him blankly.
He'd changed.
He looked different…
Older
Taller
Stronger
"What happened to you?" she asked.
He glared at her.
"Go home," he said.
She was lost confused.
"You don't want me here?" she asked.
He looked conflicted.
"No, Bella," he said.
She chuckled bitterly.
"I guess its true then," she said quietly.
"What's true?" Jacob asked.
"That nobody wants me," she said.
Jacob stared at the broken mess in front of him.
She was a train wreck…
She was so screwed up that it was almost funny…
"It's not you Bella," he said, losing his anger.
"That's what everyone says but then they keep leaving me! You promised me!" she got out of the car.
"You said you would never leave me!"
I
"You said you cared about me!" she yelled, trying to hit him but he dodged.
Can't
"You said you would be there!"
Do
"You said you were different from him!"
This
"Different than that filthy bloodsucker you love so much!" he snapped.
Anymore
Bella froze.
"Y-You don't know what you're talking about," she said.
Jacob glared.
"I know everything," he said. "The Cullens really are monsters and you're the human who wanted to be one of them."
"Why are you mad at them? They never did anything to you!" she said, a tear sliding down her cheek.
"Because they turned me into this!" he said.
"Because they turned you into that!" he said, gesturing to the unstable mass of flesh in front of him.
She looked at him and before he could say anything she shoved him aside.
"You did this!" she yelled at Sam.
"He's like this because of you!" she yelled.
"I warned you," she hissed.
"I told you what would happen if you took Jacob from me," she walked towards him, her hands clenched into fists.
Sam actually looked scared.
Bella was furious…
She'd just lost everything.
Her best friend…
Her sun…
Her heart…
"I'LL KILL YOU!" she yelled and ran full speed towards him.
She'd rip him apart with her bare hands…
She'd ruin his life…
The way he just ruined hers…
"Back off, Leech-lover!" Paul said, stepping in front of Sam.
Bella paused.
"Move," she said.
Paul shook his head.
"No," he said.
Bella's eyes were blank and she tilted her head to the side to look at Sam.
"You want him to die with you?" she asked.
"Paul," Sam called, trying to warn him.
Paul laughed.
"Relax; the little Leech-lover isn't going to do-" Paul was cut off by a fist to the face.
He fell over shocked.
She hit him.
Bella clutched her broken hand and howled in pain.
The leech lover hit him
"I'm going to kill you," she said to Sam.
She hit him and was threatening his alpha
"Then I'm going to kill your wife,"
She hit him, threatened his alpha and his alpha's wife!
Paul roared in outrage.
A shudder, a convulsion, heaved through his body. He threw his head back, a real growl tearing from between his teeth.
Paul seemed to fall forward, vibrating violently. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and he exploded.
Dark silver fur blew out from the boy, coalescing into a shape more than five-times his size—a massive, crouched shape, ready to spring.
The wolf's muzzle wrinkled back over his teeth, and another growl rolled through his colossal chest. His dark, enraged eyes focused on Bella.
She stared at the wolf in front of her, unafraid.
"Bring it," she said, when suddenly she was shoved out of the way.
Jacob pushed her and was running across the road straight for the monster.
"Jacob!" she screamed.
Mid-stride, a long tremor shivered down Jacob's spine. He leaped forward, diving headfirst into the empty air.
With another sharp tearing sound, Jacob exploded, too. He burst out of his skin—shreds of black and white cloth blasted up into the air.
He turned into a wolf too.
Jacob met the other werewolf's attack head-on. Their angry snarls echoed like thunder off the trees.
Bella watched them fight.
Jacob was a werewolf…
"You need to get her out of here!" Sam yelled.
Jacob was a werewolf…
"Come on Bella," Embry said.
Jacob was a werewolf…
"Go!" Sam shouted.
Paul bit Jacob and he howled in pain.
"Get off of him!" she yelled, grabbing a tree branch with her one good hand and swinging it.
She brought it down on Paul's head again and again.
Until Sam grabbed her and held her back…
"You're a werewolf," she stated.
Jacob nodded.
"That's okay," she said.
Jacob kept his eyes on the ground.
"You'll always be human to me," she said.
She pulled him into a hug.
"Just don't leave me again, okay?" she said.
"Okay," Jacob said.
Bella looked at him.
"You promise?" she asked.
Jacob hesitated…
"I need you!"
"I hate you!"
"Do you want me dead?"
"You can't ever leave me!"
"I don't need you!"
"Why aren't you answering your phone?"
"Forget about school!"
"What about me?"
The moments flashed before his eyes.
"I promise," he said, solemnly.
Bella smiled and hugged him.
But her eyes were dark and there was a cruel glint.
"I don't care about some stupid college!" she yelled.
Charlie looked down at the college application.
He stood up and walked to the fridge.
He grabbed a beer.
"That's right," Bella said.
"Drink another beer," she said. "That's the only way you can make it through the day anymore, right?"
She looked at her fathers red rimmed eyes.
"I know you're hurting but-" Charlie started.
"You don't know anything about me!" she said, running out of the house.
Charlie sat at the table and lay his head down.
The only sounds in the house were harsh sobs as he finally broke under the stress.
"You're patrolling again!" she said.
Jacob nodded.
"It's kind of my job," he said.
"But I need you!" she said.
He sighed.
"I know you do but I'm trying to keep you safe," he said.
"I don't know what to do when you're not around," she admitted.
He looked at her.
"I'm so sorry Bella," he said.
"But I have to go," he admitted.
"If you go I don't know what I'll do," she said.
Jacob turned around.
"Go home Bella," he begged.
"I'll come see you later," he said.
Bella grabbed him by the back of his shirt.
"Bella, what are you…?" Jacob started but she cut him off by kissing him.
Afterwards, she put back on her clothes and left.
Jacob lay there on his bed lost.
Why did she keep doing this to him?
Why did she keep using him?
Why couldn't he leave her?
Why?
"Victoria is after me," she told him.
"Don't worry. We'll get her." He said.
Bella said nothing.
Jacob waited for her to do say something.
"Charlie's hurting," she said.
"Why?" Jacob asked.
"Are you still here?" she asked.
Charlie sat in the living room polishing his gun.
"Don't you have a job?" she asked.
He didn't look up.
"Or any friends?" she asked.
Charlie put the rag down.
"Why don't you go out and get a woman? Or are you too busy thinking about mom and Phil?"
Charlie cocked the gun.
"Do you know they go at it like rabbits?" she said.
He stood up.
"She said that he's the best she's ever had."
Charlie turned to face her.
"Better than you at least,"
Charlie's face was red with anger.
Bella looked at him with no fear.
"Are you going to shot me for telling the truth?" she asked.
Charlie put the gun on the table and walked away.
Bella looked at it.
She glanced around and saw that Charlie was really gone.
"Coward," she muttered, walking away.
"Harry's dead," Charlie said.
Bella looked at him.
"Who?" she asked.
"My best friend," he said.
Bella said nothing.
She just continued cooking dinner.
"Wait here for me," Jacob said.
"Don't leave," Bella begged.
"I have to go. She killed Harry," he said.
Bella argued.
Jacob argued.
She yelled…
And screamed…
And threatened…
"I can't keep dealing with this!" he yelled.
"Are you leaving me?" she asked.
Jacob didn't answer.
He phased and ran into the trees.
Bella stood frozen.
"She jumped off a cliff," Sam said.
Jacob sat in his room, defeated.
"I shouldn't have left her," he said, lighting a cigarette.
"Since when do you smoke?" Sam asked.
Jacob laughed bitterly.
"Since my life turned to shit," he said.
Bella lay in the hospital.
"Where's Jacob?" she croaked.
Charlie sat at her bedside.
"You jumped off a cliff," he said.
"I tripped," she said.
Charlie looked at her.
"You tried to kill yourself," he said.
Bella glared at him.
"I tripped, Charlie," she said.
"I should have sent you to that facility," he said.
"I'm eighteen. You can't send me anywhere," she said.
"I did it because I don't want to live if you didn't want me." She said.
Jacob sat there.
"Don't ever do anything like that again!" he said.
Bella nodded.
"As long as you never leave me again." She said.
Jacob said nothing.
He just grabbed her hand and held it.
He was tired.
She was his daughter.
He loved her.
But a part of him wished she hadn't come out of the ocean.
And that made him need a drink more than ever.
"I love you Bella," Jacob said.
She smiled.
"I love you too." She said.
"I hate you so much." She said.
Jacob took another drag of his cigarette.
"You are nothing but a monster." She said, throwing a book at him.
"You're worthless and you'll always be worthless." She said.
Jacob closed his eyes and pretended that it didn't hurt.
"Do you hate me, Dad?" she asked.
Charlie shook his head.
"No of course not," he said.
Bella smiled.
"I'll go make dinner," she said.
Charlie nodded.
Why did it feel like he was lying?
"You are mine. You're the only thing that makes my life worth living." She said.
Jacob smiled.
But inside he felt nothing.
"I love you," he said.
Bella frowned.
"Prove it," she said, kissing him.
"I don't know what to do," he said.
"Please mom, tell me what to do," he cried.
His cellphone rang.
He looked at him mom's grave.
"Hello?" he said.
"I need you to be here," Bella said.
Jacob nodded.
"I'm on the way." He said, hanging up.
He took one last look at her grave and left.
"You're hurting them!" Edward's voice said.
Bella shrugged.
"So? You hurt me." She said.
"You can't keep doing this to them." He said.
Bella smirked.
"Watch me," she said.
"You are wasting your time," she said.
Charlie looked up.
"I'm not your little girl anymore." She said.
"Then who are you?" he asked.
Bella looked away.
"I don't know," she said and broke down crying.
"Why are you doing this?" Edward's voice asked.
Bella looked at him.
"I don't know," she said.
"Who are you talking to?" Jacob asked.
Bella frowned.
Her nails digging into her palm.
"Nobody," she said, standing up.
"You need to let her go, Jake," Sam said.
"That girl will be the death of you," Billy said.
Jacob chuckled darkly and took a long drag of his cigarette before crushing it under his foot.
"Don't you guys get it," he said, eyes growing colder.
"I'm already dead," he said, emotionlessly.
"You have to let him go," Billy begged.
"No!" Bella shouted.
"You're hurting him!" Billy yelled.
"I don't care!" she said and knocked him out of his chair.
"Why can't I stop?" Bella cried.
"Because you're a monster," Edward's voice said.
"Congratulations!" he said.
Bella sobbed and curled into a ball.
"I hate this," she whispered.
"What?" Charlie asked, looking up from the TV.
"The silence," she said.
"Don't you feel anything anymore?" he asked.
Bella looked at Jacob.
"I hate you," she hissed.
"Is that feeling enough for you!" she yelled.
She started throwing things.
"Are you drunk?" Billy asked.
Jacob laughed.
"Yes, I…*hic*…think…so?" he said and passed out.
"Bella?" he called.
"Go away!" she yelled.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"I wish you had left me in those woods. I wish you had left me there." She yelled.
Charlie was lost.
He wished he knew what to do?
Jacob lay on the floor.
"Wake up!" Bella yelled, kicking him.
The empty bottles of her pills just lay there.
"Wake up!" she begged.
The cans of beer sat on the dresser.
There had to be at least 20.
"Wake up!" she cried.
There was a cigarette still lit in the ash tray.
"Please…I need you." She said.
There was a letter on the bed with her name on it.
"You promised me!"
Billy called 911.
"You said you loved me!"
Jacob never opened his eyes.
She sat in the hospital.
"He said he'd never leave me," she said, bitterly.
Charlie slapped her so hard she fell out of her chair.
"Stop pretending to be the victim!" he yelled.
"If that boy dies it'll be your fault!" he growled.
Bella rubbed her cheek.
"Why daddy?" she asked.
"Because You Are A Monster! Because I watched you suck the life out of that boy and I said nothing. You tortured him Bella!" Charlie yelled.
"I loved him!" she yelled.
"You don't love anybody." Charlie said.
"Not Jacob, not me… you need a heart to love someone." He said and left.
The light in her eyes faded.
She'd finally gotten her wish.
She was a monster.
Just not the one she wanted to be.
"She had believed that because someone needed saving they were savable."
― Anne Ursu, Breadcrumbs
Author's note: So this was bugging me. It turned out darker than I planned. I was watching the twilight series and reading the books trying to find inspiration for my stories and this happened.
Review or Pm to Let me know your thoughts.
I'm going to work on my other stories now…