That Day that I Die
Summary: Edward's thoughts before walking into the sunlight. My first Angst.
Her face, her eyes…
Leave her alone! My mind shouted.
Bella. Dead… gone.
Because of you, you hideous monster! That same part of me yelled again.
Her trusting smile and her sincere heart…
Never will her heart beat again. Because of me.
I drew in a breath. Forty-five seconds until the inevitable would swallow me.
I imagined her voice and, for a moment, I thought I heard her calling for me, the voice of an angel.
Was it real? Did that mean that she would call me to her in heaven? Would I join her?
That was vain hope. The hope of a murderer, a person who killed numerous humans and broke an innocent girl beyond repair. The hope of a person who was not supposed to exist. An atrocity, an abhorrence. An abomination of nature.
Thirty five seconds until the minute hand hit the twelve…
I let my mind wander, unrestricted to the image of her face.
Bella, that first day, sitting near me. I welcomed the pain that image brought me. I knew I did. Somehow, the pain her blood usually caused me had diminished. Why? I wanted the pain! I deserved every stab it caused my dead heart.
Bella, warm in my arms, as I saved her from that van, her brown eyes staring into mine in wonderment.
Bella, her hair messy and chaotic over a pillow, sleeping soundly and contentedly. Not knowing I'm here. Not knowing I heard her as she uttered my name.
Bella, sitting across from me at a table, the blue of her shirt emphasizing her beauty. At the meadow, her eyes staring deep into mine, not giving a thought to her own safety. At the ballet studio, me rushing to her. Me watching her as she lay, broken and weak. A devastatingly human girl.
Bella. That name should've brought tears to my eyes. I should've surrendered to that name and wept. But I was not human.
Fifteen seconds…
Bella, my love, deserved more. Deserved better than me. What had my stupid interactions with that wondrous human caused? Her, dead. Me, slowly dying since the day I left her. I would be abolished and removed from this world. Maybe, I would join Bella. Hope, fierce, aggressive hope, swelled in my chest. The hope I had been trying to deny ever since I knew her.
The happiest day of my life is the day that I die. Yes, that was the truth. Wherever I was going would be bliss compared to this living hell.
I opened my eyes with fresh determination and took the step that brought me into the sunlight…
Based on 'That Day that I Die' by Good Charlotte. Favorite lines that relate to New Moon: "I swear the happiest day of my life, is the day that I die. Can you feel the cold tonight? It sets in, but it's alright, Darkness falls, I'm letting go. All alone, but I feel fine."
Review, please.