Rukia is not so Trashy
this is the sequel to my one shot "Neglection". Don't ruin it for yourself--read that one first!
"Hmm… damn… trash! Ok, come on Ulquiorra, think! Keep calm! My room is on fire. I need to put it out, so I need some water… I need a lot of water! But Hueco Mundo is full of a lot of sand, and not a lot of water. Hmm, I wonder if Aizen-sama can make water with his zanpakutou? I know it's ability is illusion, but it is called a water type, and it's a very nice, non-trashy zanpakutou, so maybe it can make water."
After Ulquiorra found Aizen, he received a dissapointing response, "No, Ulquiorra, I cannot produce water with my zanpakutou. Why do you need it so bad?"
"Damn! Um, no reason. Bye bye, Aizen-sama."
"Hmm, I wonder what that the source of that burning scent is. And those distant screams," Aizen pondered as Ulquiorra vanished as quickly as he had come in. "Oh, well, it's probably not very important," He concluded as he pressed the remote to his holograph thingy and continued to watch shinigami and arrancar beating the living out of each other.
"Trash!" Ulquiorra swore as he thought about how to put out the fire. "Wait, I just remembered something! Some of the shinigami can make ice with their zanpakutou. Hmm, there was that trashy little white-haired shinigami captain that Yammy was fighting, but he's not here. But there was that other little, small shinigami woman that came with that orange-haired shinigami and his trashy friends. She can make icys! So… I should go find her! Yeah!"
However, Ulquiorra found the small shinigami-trash-woman half-dead, unconcious, and being manipulated in the 7th espada's fight with some girly-boy shinigami using pink glitter. He stepped in and snatched her out.
"What… Ulquiorra, why did you take that little woman, I was using her!" the fat espada complained, annoyed. "Return her," the shinigami demanded bluntly, his eyes narrowing. "Sorry, I'll be borrowing this woman for a few minutes. You can return to your trashy fight. See you later. Trash!"
Ulquiorra pulled some sort of pill out of jacket and made the small shinigami swallow it. Afterwards she woke up, yelling, "Who are you? Put me down!"
"I am sorry, shinigami-girl-trash, but I cannot put you down," he said as he sprinted across the dunes. "You see I need your help."
"Woah! It's burning," said Rukia as she looked at the huge smoke clouds billowing out of Ulquiorra's room.
"I know it's burning! Now put it out!"
"Why should I?"
"Just do it, please? Comon, just put it out. You can do it with your ice in, like, two seconds. So just do it please?"
"No."
"Trash! I mean you're not trash. You're very pretty. And icy. Which is why I need you to shoot your pretty ice at the fire. Comon, please!"
"…No."
"I give you cookie?"
"Deal."
The fire was gone as soon as the words left her mouth. But Ulquiorra's room was now completely, irreversably, destroyed, along with all the stuff inside it.
"Do I get a cookie now?"
"Um… here?" he said, stepping through the rubble and returning with a black, goopy, smoking blob from the remains of the oven.
"Ew! What the hell is that? You are the worst baker ever! I'm out of here!" she said, and ran off back to the battles.
Ulquiorra was very sad. His room was destroyed, and a trashy shinigami girl insulted his cooking, Aizen-sama was going to be furious at him for letting this happen, and it was all Grimmjow's fault for putting him in the stupid trashy alternate dimension. He started crying. Stupid. Trash. Shinigami. Grimmjow. Trash. But then he dipped a finger from his other hand into the melty, burny mess in his hand.
"Mmm, not bad."