A/n: I do not own The Outsiders or Suite: Judy Blue Eyes, written by Stephen Stills, and performed by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. Also, a huge, huge thanks to Latch and Outsiders Misfit and Fosterchild who helped me quite a bit. :) Enjoy!
It's getting to the point
Where I'm no fun anymore
I am sorry.
Sometimes it hurts so badly
I must cry out loud
I am lonely.
Four stares filled the room; four faces, each one painted something different. Contempt, nervousness, coolness, and uncertainty. A bitter tension floated above the group but no one dared move. Someone had to make the first move eventually. Seconds, minutes, what seemed like hours passed until the tension was finally cut.
"I don't got to be here," Steve said with the same cocky attitude he'd always had. He began to get up before Evie grabbed his arm firmly.
"Steve, sit down," she said. "Just listen to what we're saying. You have to give us a chance."
"I don't have to do shit," he said, his voice harsh.
"You sure as hell do," Darry said from his own seat. "We're trying to help you Steve." Steve contemplated his options for a moment before sitting down and glaring defiantly. This was not the right time to cross paths with Darry. He was already bad off as it was.
"Well, I'm listening. Now what the hell do y'all want?"
The tension in the room came crashing back and all four people knew the answer. All four people refused to say what it was.
"Steve…" Two-Bit spoke slowly trying to find the right words. "Man … we know things have been rough lately. Hell, they have for all of us. The kid's off to college, Darry's alone, Kathy's gone. But you're digging a hole for yourself, man. You're hurting yourself and you're hurting us. You're pushing us away when we're just trying to help you."
Steve got up once more, ready to strike back. "You're one to talk! The only reason Kathy left you is because you can't never get your nose out of a bottle! From what people tell me, you were stone drunk that night at Buck's."
"That was different, Steve. I saved your goddamned life, sober or not."
"Sit down, Steve. And you sit down, too, Two-Bit. Listen to us before you yell," Darry said, interrupting the argument.
"I've listened to enough of your bullshit, Curtis. I don't have to take this and I don't have a problem!"
"But you do, Steve," he said quietly. His voice was confident but his fists were jammed into his pockets. "We don't want to see you out in the streets winding up like every other junkie. Shooting tar through a needle and selling all you have. We don't want to see you being picked up for stealing again. We're doing this because we don't want to see you gone."
"I ain't going anywhere. I'm right here, just like you."
"Steve," Evie said, "You're not. You're not the old you who used to talk sweet to me and try to act tough when you were around other people."
"Well things have changed. There's nothing you can do about that, Evie."
"I don't like this new you. And there's one thing I can do and I will if I have to. It's me or the drugs, Stevie. Please tell me you'd rather have me than some street drug." Another uneasy silence filled the room and the look in her eyes told the others that she was serious. "Me or the drugs".
"Don't talk like that, Evie. Baby, you know I love you."
"Obviously you love your drugs more. I'm just something to go to when you don't have anything to smoke. Or maybe I was just a time filler for when you weren't bailing on our dates to go get high. Is that it Steve? Because from what I hear, it's not just when we have dates anymore. Am I just something to go to when you're out of money to buy drugs?"
"Our point is," Darry said, cutting between Evie, "You have a problem and we're trying to help you. Steve, we're not trying to be bad guys here, but it's like Two-Bit said. Things are rough on all of us. You're not the only one who lost a friend in Vietnam."
Another silence, another stop in time, another glare. Steve sat numbly on the worn sofa, remembering the letter from Darry. The letter that had arrived two weeks after his best friend's birthday. The letter that had said it happened a week before the birthday. That letter.
"You didn't see what I did, Curtis, so you can just shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're saying. Did you watch half your goddamned platoon go down like I did? I was out there hiding in bushes while you slept in a bed. I lived like a damn pig and you have the balls to tell me I lost only one friend there?"
"What we're trying to say is that smack ain't the only way you have to deal with this," Two-Bit said. "We're here for you, buddy. You don't have to put up this front around us."
"Oh, but I do. You see if I don't I'll end up just like Dally. I'll crack and I ain't letting that happen."
"You are like Dally!" Evie shouted. "You're killing yourself with this stuff. It's ruining your from the inside out and you're going to snap just like Dally. I want my old Steve back. The one who isn't desperate enough to steal money for drugs."
"You're one stupid bitch, you know that, Evie?"
The room spun for a moment and no one dared to move. Evie's mouth dropped and Steve stared blankly at his girlfriend. "Evie … baby, listen." But she didn't. Instead, Evie stepped forward and struck Steve's cheek. The red outline of her hand, as well as her ring began to appear on his face. Steve sat back on the sofa, his hand moving gingerly up to his own cheek. "Evie…"
"Listen to me Steven Randle and you listen good. I'm leaving you. I've put up with this long enough and if you think I'll stick around to listen to you treat me like this, you've got another thing coming. If you're not off this shit soon I'll be gone and I won't come back. I love you, Steve; that's why I'm doing this." She turned and opened the door, walking out into the bitter cold night and she didn't look back.
"She'll be back," he said confidently.
"Steve, she won't," Two-Bit said quietly. "She ain't gonna come back as long as keep doing this."
"How would you know?" he asked defensively.
"Kathy said the same thing."
Steve stared for a moment and then began to walk toward the door but was blocked by Darry. "Move, Curtis. I mean it. I ain't in no mood for this."
"Neither am I, Steve, but you're not leaving this place until we get this through to you. I'm sick of hearing you talk like this. You're saying thing things the old you never would have. And that's going beyond 'All brawn and no brains'. You're not leaving until you promise to let us help." Those words rolled hollowly in Darry's head. "I'd kill every gook I see if it meant getting my best buddy back,".
"Help with what? I don't have a goddamned problem!" Steve tried to step around Darry toward the door but was only cut off again. "Let me go or I swear to God, I'm gonna kill you." Darry only stood still, holding Steve's shoulder firmly. With his left hand, Steve clumsily tried to punch him but missed. In return, Darry shoved him roughly into a chair, his eyes flashing angrily.
"Steve, you ain't leaving until you agree to let us help you. Let us help you out."
Steve looked between his two friends; the last two friends he had. What had he done? Those nights when he thought he'd never get home, when he thought he'd never see them again. Now they were right there and he hated them. Steve sighed and nodded.
"If I promise to let y'all help me, will you back off?"
"No," Two-Bit said smiling sadly.
"You're an asshole, you know that Mathews?"
"Fuckin' A we are."
"I ain't going to no rehab if that's what you want."
"Where you gonna then, Steve?" Darry asked. "We're not forcing you into some rehab clinic, but we're not going to watch you rot here."
"I can take care of myself."
"Apparently not if you're acting like this. Look in the mirror, buddy. You're a mess." Steve turned around and glanced in the cracked, dirty mirror. His face was pale and gaunt, his once handsome features now sickly.
"You've pushed everybody out of you life, Stevie. You're pushing us out, you're pushing Evie away." Two-Bit said.
Steve looked back at his reflection. In it, he didn't see himself. There was no Steve Randle, but rather something calling itself so. "Sure," he said. "Sure, help me out." Steve glanced once more into the mirror. If that was what he looked like, he'd do anything to make it go away. And the mirror told no lies.