Tales From The Teal Star

Story I: Cinnamon Buns Over Bespin

A Star Wars Spoof

By Hugomatio (A.K.A. - Marly_Hugo35), bugsbunny7117, AND MANY OTHERS!

You know the spiel, I do not own Star Wars, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, The Stormtroopers, The Lion King, Mickey Mouse, Any References To Kingdom Hearts, or the Death Star, these are all copyrights of their respective companies. As this is a spoof things are going to happen in extremely bizarre ways and totally different from the story line.

This spoof in particular is taken from a roleplay the people listed above and I did over Neopets. Now on to the participaters...

Marly_Hugo35 (Me) - Darth Vader, Sam, and Fabio

bugsbunny7117 - Sparky and Benji

"Boldly fighting in useless armor, for the betterment of ourselves, whilst dishonorably fighting to defend the rights you don't really have!" - The Imperial Motto

So, with all that stuff covered on to the story... please rate, comment, stuff like that, and cue the scrolling words of explanation...

STAR WARS

Good Evening, how are you? Good, that's wonderful... unless of course you meant horrible, then that's well...

horrible. For any matter welcome to another tale of evil and mayhem gone wrong, and in this case,

gone delicious. But now onto some better explanation of what is going on...

There is unrest in the universe, the Emperor was recent begun his attempts to end rebellion and is begining

a mass assault on planets that could prove to be starters of insurrection. This assault,

under the leather gloved hands of the devious Darth Vader, Dark Lord Of The Sith, has led to the discovery

of a rebel battalion on the seemingly peaceful planet of Bespin. Pah! seemingly peaceful, my...

Well I don't really have anywhere to refer to...

Furthermore, the Dark Lord now leads his own battalion to destroy the small group of rebels with

his new Sinister Device Bombs (Or so he thinks) Oops... that's a bit of foreshadowing there...

pay no attention to that in fact just pretend it never happened... What? It did not...

Anyhow, the Dark Lord moves to destroy the fleet, but will he be

successful? Will he be able to stand against his old friends and win the battle? Well,

how do you expect me to know, I'm floating text that may or may not be able to see the future.

And Even if i can you'll have to read on to find out if I'm right anyway... Well go on... READ FOR SITH'S SAKE!

"Gosh Darn It Alejandro! Your such a failure," Vader shouted as he slammed a clip-board down onto a crate in the hold of the Super Star Destroyer, "When I said sinister device bombs, did you think I meant cinn-a-mon buns? Because how else could you justify the ordering of some 50,000 Cinabon Premier Select Cinnamon Buns with extra dipping icing?" "I'm truly sorry sir, I apologize..." "Oh your lucky Steven has set limits on the number of NPC's I can k!ll this month, or else your apology would be accepted," Vader said as he walked towards the lift back up to the hanger, "But for now all I can do is demote you to Janitor, you can start by getting rid of these crates, anyway you want to." he then entered the lift as it stopped and Fabio got off, "Bespin approaching Vader." "Good, soon we will have the market on helium balloons cornered and then the universe!," Vader said as he pushed the button and the lift disappeared. "Ah! Alejandro! I trust these are the new sinister device bombs..." "Well actually..." "Good, get these in my ships at once, no ifs, ands, or buts about it, comprendo?," Fabio said as he began to load the crates onto a dolly, "Well go on get to work." Alejandro nodded and set to work loading the delicious smelling crates onto the dollys and then onto the lift. "Alejandro? Why do these bombs smell so delicious?," Fabio asked as he loaded the last of the crates onto the lift. Um... They have cinnamon in them to burn the eyes of the enemy for at least three inches..." "Sounds terrific! Now onward and upward," Fabio replied as he boarded the lift with Alejandro and they started upwards.

Meanwhile, Sparky was wating on the bridge for Vader. In his hands he heald the Sith lord's favorite coffee, all sugred and creamered and well prepared. He was the Sith lord's coffee-getter-of-offcialness. The three-hundred fifty sixth to be exact...or was it three-hundred fifty-seventh? At any rate, he stood there in his trooper armor and awaited the dark lord's caffinated beverage steeming in his hand. He had no idea what he was about to get into today, but people seldom do.

Down on Bespin, rebles were scurrying about awaiting the attack. They'd been tipped off a week ago, and a scruffy, black-haired jedi was sipping his own coffee and waiting patiently. "So..today's gonna be one heck of a day eh buddy?" He mumbled, looking at the radar.

A loud ding sounded as the lift arrived on the bridge and Vader stepped out of the lift, automaticlly taking the coffee from Sparky's hands and walking to the large window as the ship came out of hyperspace. "We're out of hyperspace sir," a worker stated as Bespin came into view. "Thank you Captain Obvious, I can see that through this magical device, oh what's it called again Sam?" "A window?," Sam ventured as he looked up from the computer he was working on. (Few people know that Sam actually started working on the Super Star Destroyer HES (His Evilness' Ship) Georgeanne and it was because of this battle he got demoted to P.A. Announcer.) "A WINDOW!," Vader said with a load of false surprise, "That's it! A window! You can see through them... demoted." the worker who had informed him they had exited hyperspace then stood and walked over to Vader who ripped the badge from his shirt, wrote, "Acklay Food" Under his original title and then placed it back on the man and pointed towards the lift. "Now! Prepare to fire the pre-battle guns," Vader said to Sam who began to push random buttons.

Sparky shivered a little. Vader wasn't in a good mood. He was demoting people left and right today. He was really glad the Emporer had decided not to let him kill everyone. On the other hand, he took it as a good sign. He himself had not been demoted yet, thusly, he must have done a good job...he hoped.

Benjamin Archibald Swanson III Sat and waited, and was frankly getting bored.

"Sir we are in range to begin the assault," another man said as Vader turned to face him. "Then do so?," Vader said as the man nodded and pushed the button. Suddenly a loud sound came from the cannons as they fired at the small colony known as Cloud City. The ammo that shot from the cannons however merely flew into the sides of the buildings and stuck in wads of dough and icing. "Why do I not hear explosions and mass panic?," Vader stated as the man fell to the ground gasping. "Vader! remember what the Emperor has told you?," Sam said as the man suddenly stop gasping. "Your right Sam. Hide his body under the rug and then meet us in the hanger bay," Vader said as he rushed off to the lift, nodding at Sparky on his way to signal he should follow.

Sparky could not for the life of him figure out why he was following...but he wasn't about to NOT follow orders on a bad day, so he followed. Little did he know.

Meanwhile Benji ran to the window and looked at the wad of stickiness now attached to the side of the building. Most other generals would have tilted their heads in wonder. Not so with Benji. He laughed hysterically. "Gold Annie! Gold

Vader exited the lift and strode immediately to Fabio, who was organizing troops for the "ground" assault. "Fabio Roberto Fernando Ricardo Mario Diego Frank Wilma Montoya, why are people not evaporating in explosions of multicolored flames?," he asked as Sam arrived. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean," Fabio replied as he got into the imperial transport. "Well then let's find out," Vader then got in the ship and Sam followed as per usual when the Dark Lord asked you to follow and then goes somewhere else. "Get in the ship and grab a device for which to end rebel's lives," Vader told Sparky as he crushed the coffee mug and smeared the black liquid on his mask. Fabio then started the engines as the other ships rushed out of the bay.

Sparky did as he was told, not that he was, in any way trained with a gun - he was only just promoted from garbage boy two weeks ago. But he did as he was told, buckling himself in tightly and really just sort of hoping that things didn't go horribly awry. He had heard rumors that they usually did...but...this was Dark Lord Vader. Surely he was far mor compitent than the rumors that were spread around were painting him! ...Right?

Sadly the rumors were right, he had led a group of his best men into a fight they couldn't possibly win, especially now that he had, single-handed, put them in a position with no real ammo. "Coming around on the battle," Fabio said as he turned the ship hard left around a cloud bank to reveal a thousand TIE-Fighters and Bespin Cruisers assaulting each others. The Bespin forces cutting through the imperial forces like butter in a microwave. "How is this happening? I mean look, that TIE-Fighter just landed twenty shots on that cruiser and nothing happened to it it just veered off cousrse slightly," Vader exclaimed as he watched the event around the entire battlefield.

Sparky watched in utter confusuion as well. There was NO WAY the Rebles had deflector shields that were THAT GOOD! Was there? How could they, the twits flitting around working with whatever junk they could find, with hardly any real supply lines, possibly have created an unlra sheild that the Empire, with a whole team of scientists (True though that their quality was depatable, and one had already been deemed "mad." Frumpletuba or something? It was something ridiculous and vaguely music based...and it started with an F. Frizentrumpet? Ffffrenchhorn? Something horn...Fragglehorn maybe?) At any rate, even the Empire hadn't come up with that sort of tech, so how could the rebles!

Benji was watching in amused befuddlement. Why was Anikin fighting them with cinnamon buns? Usually the Jedi was pretty good at finding, and or making, sense of the non-sensical, but this? This was beyond him. Oh well, they were winning so, why look a gift Taun-Taun in the mouth?

"HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? Our most brilliant scientists have yet to discover ammo transmorgafication powers... then again Dr. Fragglehorn has yet to discover anything really, yet he increasing becomes more persistent in his pursuit for mole DNA I think he has something planned," Vader said as he motioned for the ship to move towards the landing platform. "Sir, why are we moving towards the landing platform?," Sam asked as the ship began to land. "Because Sam, we are clearly not winning in the air so we most move to floating city assault," Vader said as the ship landed and he threw open the door just as the TIE-Bombers dropped a payload of cinnamon buns above. "SPLAT!"

Sparky looked up with a sneer of confusion. "Cinnamon Buns?

By this point Benji had seen them comming and was litterally waliking out to meet them. "Ok Annie, there's a joke in this somewhere, but I have to admit to you, I don't get it," he said with an almost appologetic shrug, "Why Cinnamon buns?"

Sparky was more than a tad confused as to why the enemie's commander was walking out to meet them, and why on earth he was in brown and tan robes as opposed to something more military...or...protective or... For that matter why did their enemy's commander look like such a scruff? And why were they calling his boss, "Annie?" Sparky was new, and there were quite a few stories he hadn't heard yet. Thusly he was developing a rather severe and sudden headache.

"Benji, don't you remember that night on Tatooine when all we had to eat was a crate of cinnamon buns and we ended up having a battle in the sand... this has nothing to do with that," Vader said as he stepped out of the ship and his foot got stuck in a bit of icing and he tumbled forward into more. "Sir? Was that in the plan?," Sam said as Fabio and the others grabbed ther weapons and moved into position. "Demoted," was all Vader managed before he tried in vain to get up. Fabio, meanwhile, had surrounded the Jedi, "By order of the Emperor,under the provisions of Order 66, you are hereby sentenced to... well, I'm sure you watched the movie."

Benji, pulled out a green saber but rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, Look, I'm not here to fight, I'm here to figure out why delicious pasteries are falling from the sky." That being said, he held out a hand and caught one, took a bite, paused, took another bite, switched his saber off, flipped it around and baffed Fabio in the head for good measure. Then he flipped it back over and turned it back on.

"Hey, those are my men, you are legally not allowed to assault them," Vader called as he managed to stand and limp towards the Jedi, "Now Benji, run home and play with your Easy-Bake!" "I'm fine, I'm perfectly fine!," Fabio said as he tried to get up, "Never mind, I think I have my microphone lodged in my nose, can someone please help me?"

His old partner tipped his head and gave him a skeptical look. "Really? Easy Bake? Really?" He couldn't hold it though when Fabio complained of having his mic up his nose. He burst into a fit of laughter. "These are your men? What happend to the well trained clones? Besides, I've always smacked people over the head, you know that!," He grinned hugely, "Now, about these pastries. Why again?"

"The cloning process has went down in quality with the hiring of a new doctor, but I assure you these men live and die by the imperial motto..." "Mostly die," Sam said under his breathe as Vader turned to face him. "Demoted," was all Vader said before turning back to Benji, "Sparky take care of Fabio, and Benji, these pastries are a mess up, I assure our blasters hold real ammo."

Sparky jumped and quickly ran over to Fabio. "Ok, helmet off and let me take a look at your nose." He couldn't believe he was going to look up someone's nose... he was a coffee guy! But...Vader told him to soo... OK...

Benji's eyes went wide as he looked up. "Really? You mean this ISN'T some kind of joke?" He looked down and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ouch...how did you manage that one?," he blinked in thought. "You're really still gonna try and knock me off? Geez..." He shook his head. Suddenly there was to be heard a tremendous whoosh of air, and a shadow growing steadily larger on the ground. The jedi's eyes went wide and he looked up. "That's a lot of dough..." He suddenly bolted towards the door for cover

Vader turned and looked up, "Holy Mother Of Dough!," he exclaimed before rushing towards the door and throwing it open with the force as Sam ripped Fabio's helmet off and ran off with the other troopers into the shelter. "Wait! Why did you all leave me? I'm still stuck!," Fabio yelled as the giant cinnamon bun conglomerate slammed down onto the landing pad and he disappeared beneath.

Benji skidded through the door and turned back just in time to see the behemoth crash down and splatter all over everything. "Oh...my..Force... Well...I suppose I should be glad that that wasn't some sort of super bomb, yes?," he was sort of out of words.

Sparky also could only stare at the giant doughy mass...this wasn't the job he signed up for! Then again...he was drafted...

"Fabio..." Vader whispered as he looked at the doughy mess, "thank Force it was just a cinnamon bun and not the Sinister Device Bombs we originally planned on, otherwise... well we would have... never mind mandatory moment of silence... there, now on to work. Sam, when we return to the Tea Star your in charge of looking for replacements." "But Vader..." "Demotion."

Benji's eye twitched at the mention of the Imperial Battle station. He grinned mischievously and looked to Vader, "Teal Star? That's imposing. How did that one come about?" He was going to poke as much fun as he could, not only to get everyone's mind off of that horrible experience, but hey, what else does one do when your best friend who tried to murder you comes for a visit...assuming you can't kill.

"Never you mind that, your under arrest for crimes against the empire, endangerment of imperial lives, being a Jedi, and looking so dashing with all your flesh still intact!," Vader exclaimed as the troopers surrounded him, "Cuff him boys." "Vader, how do we get him back to the ship?, Sam whispered in the Dark Lord's ear as the troopers descended. "Don't worry I have a plan..."

Benji backed up, "Woah, woah, hey wait a sec, now hang on." He snapped his fingers and a small batallion of rebel troops came from the surrounding corridors. "Remember what Master Obi-Wan used to say? Yeah, me either, but I have found out over the years, that it's probably not a good idea to threaten someone in their own base." He blinked and smiled then, a bit like James Bond or Elvis. "Well, It's not easy." He was playing it up big time. He didn't mean a word of it. But hey, how often is one given the chance to do a James Bond impression. Take the chances you get! More importantly though he wasn't really planning, if he could help it, on going back to the Teal Star and probably dying. Or...you know, whatever happened.

"You know what to do men, plan 27K," Vader exclaimed as he rushed towards Benji, igniting his saber, "You time's up old friend!" Sam then nodded and began to unleash his furry on the rebels, rebel after rebel fell to the ground from the force of the cinnamon buns being shot from the weapons. "Sir! I think we have a minor, small, ewok sized problem...," he called as the rebels fell to the ground.

Benji turned his saber back on and put it up to defend himself. "Oh, Come on! We've progressed to witty banter now? What ever happened to every scentance being some sort of quip?" He spun around, backing up as he did so.

Sparky meanwhile was having a bit of trouble with his bunzooka. It was, just a tad, too heavy and so he couldn't quite manage to lift it to his shoulder. On the other hand it made an excellent club!

"No, your going down Benji, no matter how hard you try to fight it," Vader said as he attacked with finesse. Meanwhile Sam had ran to a control box and was desperately trying to contact the ship to send in reinforcements and a transport vehicle. "Philip? Philip! I need a... Hold? I can't hold right now I need... Oh this is catchy hold music," he said as he began to hum.

Benji parried him just as quickly.,"You know, it's too bad you're evil and all that, cause you're still pretty good!" He leaped behind him and foced jumped to flip high over the sith's head. He wasn't going to flip to close and lose three limbs, he kind of needed them! He landed on his feet and held his sword at the ready. "Too bad. It's no fun to watch movies all on your own."

"Where your going there are no movies, just reruns of Degrassi," Vader called as he whirled around and assaulted the rebel once more. "YES! Philip? Tell me how I can get reinforcements and a prisoner transport ship without a hold... oh never mind you've already put me on hold..." Meanwhile outside the elite troopers unit was beginning the final assault.

Benji nearly jumped out of his skin. "No! You wouldn't! NO ONE'S THAT CRUEL!" He nearly didn't get his saber up in time the threat was so shocking! A place with no movies was torture in and of itself, but Degrassi? Had the man no SOUL! (The authoress would like to appologize heavily if you are a fan, but to Benji, this would be worse than being tied to a lightening rod, on Willis Tower, in the middle of a thunder storm composed by Thor.) He threw a force shove at the sith and retreated back a few steps. There was no way man, NO WAY he was goin' through that!

Sparky finally managed to get his bunzooka on his shoulder (after flipping over a few times) and was firing away, making a mess. Oh! And sometimes he hit a rebel too.

"This is the end, as we speak the elite troopers are moving in to end this war," Vader then watched as the windows along the side of the corridor were suddenly plastered with troopers as they tried to break the glass but instead got stuck in the icing of the cinnamon buns. "Well that's not how i planned it...," he said as he watched Benji before he moved his hand and a window shattered causing the trooper attached to it to fly in where Vader caught his life line and unhooked it. "Retreat!," he called as he gave the line a couple of tugs before it ripped him out of the building. "VADER!," Sam called as he rushed for the window, dropping a few cinnamon bun bombs before he took the line from another trooper and raced towards the ship as well.

Sparky bolted forwards with Sam and Vader. He was gonna live! Suddenly a cinnamon bun hit him in the shoulder. "Ahhg!" He panted and held his arm for a moment or two. Then, in a sudden burst of adrenalin, he took his helmet off, grabbed the rope with his knees, his good arm, and his teeth and managed to make it back up. "My dentist is going to kill me," he exclaimed as he fell onto the floor of the waiting transport ship.

Benji giggled a little when they all got stuck, but then put his saber away and watched. His eye went wide as he looked around and considered the clean up. "Oh...Force...I'm not sleeping at all tonight...I get attacked with pastries, and my appolent still makes it better off." He shook his head and laughed in spite of himself, then wandered off in search of the nearest mop.

Meanwhile, back on the transport ship Vader was busy overlooking a few statistics and composing a causality list. Sam, on the other gloved hand, was trying to get all the icing off of him with a putty knife and a bottle of Windex. "And so we brutally destroyed their troops until a lone Jedi managed to activate a self destruct mechanism and we were forced to retreat the building in haste. Few, if any escaped and those who did were mildly maimed... How does that sound?" "Mildly maimed?" "Your right Sam, Mildly maimed sounds too... Unlikely... I've never had a battalion come out of a battle mildly anything. ...And those who did were demoted for their failures in the battle. ... Ah that sounds good, besides, Steven will never leave his throne room long enough to find out that Cloud City wasn't destroyed only covered in pastry," Vader said as he placed the report in a file and then into his robes as the transport entered the HES Georganne's Hanger, "We fought Valiantly, but sadly your all demoted, now back to work!"

Well I hope you all enjoyed that little delve into the story of the Cinnamon Buns Over Bespin, which I'm sure all of you were wondering about when you read Chaos On Deck and In Disney We Trust... Oh you haven't read them... do so now, the links are on my profile page. Happy reading and please Coment and reveiw, it really helps me understand what you... what I hope are fans... want to see and read in future installments, and what characters we need to keep and destroy, maim and demote. And most importantly, what stories you want to read next.