As far as Thomas could tell, the first incident of Jimmy sleepwalking was on the evening after they'd gone to the theatre together. It was some odd in-between period of friendship, when trust was slowly regained- or earned: Jimmy liked Thomas well enough to invite him, and him alone, to see The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Ripon. Of this, Thomas was certain- Jimmy had waited until their half-days had for once lined up to make the invitation. And when they had gone into the theatre and chosen their seats, Jimmy had picked some out-of-the-way row, in the empty balcony. Thomas's heart had done strange things, turning up and over in his hopeful chest- and then it had sunk, as if underwater, when Jimmy had abstained from sitting next to him. The popcorn got the middle seat- and they shared it, and Jimmy did not flinch away when their fingers accidentally brushed- but still, the chair made a barrier between them, more eloquent than words could have been.
The next morning a maid discovered Jimmy upstairs, sleeping on a sofa in the library. Jimmy had been bewildered when woken, and indignant when Mr. Carson had begun to chastise him.
"But I don't remember doing that-" Jimmy said- and then he'd broken off- and Thomas had watched the angry spots of color drain slowly from Jimmy's cheeks. "Oh," Jimmy said, quietly. "I suppose it's happening again."
"Explain to me what it is that is 'happening again'?" Carson asked, irritation evident in his demand and his countenance.
"You sleepwalk," Thomas said- it was a guess, really- but Jimmy looked over at him, and nodded, pressing his lips into a tight line.
"I see. And this has occurred before?" Carson said, as if the very fact of it might be grounds for termination.
"Not since before the war," Jimmy answered quickly, perhaps sensing danger.
"That's good," Thomas said. "Sleepwalking out onto a battlefield would've had a messy ending."
For some reason Jimmy looked supremely pained at that- and Thomas balked, wondering what nerve he'd hit- but Carson was speaking again.
"Somnambulism or no, you simply cannot intrude upon the family's rooms in such a fashion-" Carson said- and on and on, until Jimmy's ears were burning and he looked quite miserable.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to bloody do," Jimmy said, later, when he and Thomas had a moment alone. "Put a lock on the outside of my door?"
"Have you ever seen a doctor about it?" Thomas asked- and Jimmy nodded. "Yes, and my mother saw a few, as well," Jimmy said. "Nothin' ever could be done. Warmed milk, they said, and one fellow gave her a treatsie by Dr. Polidori, if you can imagine-"
Thomas, who had read The Vampyre a dozen times or more in his youth, could not quite imagine it, and he turned his head, curiously. "Your mother- she was a sleepwalker, too?"
"Yes. But rarely. I was worse," Jimmy said- and he looked anxious, really anxious, and Thomas felt a stab of sympathy for him. "They thought I'd stop as I got older, but... it went on until I was nearly eighteen," Jimmy added- and he rubbed at his own temples- a betrayal of composure.
"And then it went away," Thomas supplied, and Jimmy nodded.
"But why?" Thomas asked, and Jimmy shrugged. "If I knew I could stop it," Jimmy murmured, distractedly.
But some part of Jimmy's mind must have filed away the fact that he mustn't traverse upstairs on his nocturnal jaunts. The sleepwalking episodes continued- but always confined to the downstairs. Jimmy was discovered slumbering facedown on the piano, in the servant's hall- or against the wall in the corner of the kitchen- and Daisy, one morning, found him curled up in the pantry- and so on, for weeks, until everyone had grown rather accustomed to it.
"It's still embarrassing," Jimmy said, on the subject. Alfred teased Jimmy about it- and Carson remained quite displeased about the whole business- though, as far as Thomas could ascertain, the security of Jimmy's job was no longer brought into question.
"I found little Briar Rose takin' the long sleep in the bathtub this morning," Alfred said, at breakfast- and Thomas watched Jimmy's face twist.
"Why don't you shut up," Jimmy snapped, at Alfred- who hid his laughter behind his hand.
"Let him alone, Alfred," Thomas said- and Alfred was forced to be silent on the issue. Thomas found the whole affair a touch amusing, himself- but the tense way that Jimmy held his shoulders indicated deep unhappiness- and Jimmy would bestow upon him looks of the profoundest gratitude, whenever Thomas came to his aid.
Thomas purchased and read A Metapsychological Supplement to the Theory of Dreams, which had a great deal to say on somnambulism. "Got any revelations for me?" Jimmy asked him, one evening after supper, when Thomas had been reading with great concentration.
"Dr. Freud says you're acting out on unconscious impulses," Thomas said. He did not add that Freud seemed to think they were sexual impulses- so far as he could tell, Freud thought everything was sexual.
"Yeah, my unconscious impulse to sleep in the pantry," Jimmy mumbled, going to sit at the piano- but he did not play, instead turning 'round, to look at Thomas.
"Maybe you were hungry," Thomas offered, looking up from his book, with a smile.
"And when I fell asleep in the washroom-"
"In dire need of a bath," Thomas said, solemnly- and Jimmy cracked a smile. "Tell me what to play," Jimmy said, cracking his knuckles, and looking at Thomas expectantly. "I'll play anything you want."
"That Chopin, the third sonata- the first part," Thomas said, immediately- it was his favorite thing Jimmy played, save for some of the better modern songs- but Jimmy shook his head. "So ponderous," Jimmy said. "I'll play one of his Mazurkas instead."
Thomas didn't think it was ponderous- to him the piece sounded, a bit, like the feeling of falling in love- but Jimmy would only laugh- or be discomfited- if he said so.
However- as it turned out- the tune that Jimmy played was equally sweet, and Thomas gave himself over to listening- though he kept his eyes on the dry text before him, until the words lost all meaning.
That night Thomas awoke from pleasant dreams to find Jimmy swaying on his feet, in the middle of the room- and he drew a ragged breath, in abject surprise. "Jimmy?" Thomas asked, cautiously- and he got to his feet- and switched on a lamp. Jimmy showed no response to the room suddenly brightening- and Thomas took a careful step towards him. Jimmy's eyes were half-open, but he had a glazed look about him- and when Thomas repeated the other man's name, he got no response.
"Jimmy," Thomas said, again- but Jimmy only shifted where he stood, turning his head slowly. The kind thing to do, Thomas thought, would be to guide Jimmy back to his room- but knowing his luck, Jimmy would awaken to Thomas hovering over him, in his own bed- and that wouldn't look particularly good. The thought of having to frantically explain that he intended nothing untoward did not remotely appeal to Thomas- and so he grabbed Jimmy's shoulders- trying not to notice the feeling of Jimmy's body under his hands- and shook him. "Jimmy," Thomas said, insistently, "Wake up, will you?"
"No, I'm not ready," Jimmy said, clearly- and then he blinked, and his eyes and face regained focus and mobility. "Oh, Thomas," Jimmy said, after a pause- and his eyes drifted around the room, widening. Thomas dropped his hands, and took a step back. "Did I wander in here?" Jimmy asked, faintly, and Thomas nodded.
"I'm sorry," Jimmy muttered, looking profoundly uncomfortable- and Thomas smiled, as nicely as he could manage, though his heart pounded a touch too quickly- at the strangeness- and the tension- of the situation. "That's fine, y'can't help it," Thomas offered- and Jimmy- casting upon him one last searching look- left, shutting the door behind himself very quietly.
Thomas thought that would be the end of it- the next week Jimmy would be discovered dreaming his dreams in the courtyard, or something- but two days later he awoke to find Jimmy soundly asleep, in the ugly floral-patterned chair that Thomas always concealed beneath a blanket.
"Jimmy," Thomas said, sitting upright on his cot, and drawing his knees up. "Jimmy."
"Uh- what?" Jimmy asked, irritably- and then he opened his eyes, and looked around the room, in evident confusion. Jimmy blushed when his gaze settled on Thomas, and he stood up immediately, tugging down the hem of his nightshirt. "I've done it again," Jimmy said, flatly. "Haven't I?"
"Well, obviously," Thomas said- and then bit his lip at his own tone- but for some reason it made Jimmy smile, and look a bit less put-out. "I'm very sorry," Jimmy said, rubbing his eyes with his palms, and taking one more look around the dawn-lit room.
"That's all right," Thomas said, smirking. "You can come in, if you have to. Just don't go kissing me in my sleep, some people take offense to that-"
The smile slid off of Jimmy's face and was replaced by a scowl. "You're not allowed to joke about that, yet," Jimmy bit out- and he stormed through Thomas's door, and into the hall.
Thomas leaned back against his pillows. You've put your foot in it for sure, Thomas thought- but he could not give himself entirely over to misery. Something about the way Jimmy had said 'yet'- as if they'd be friends for ages to come- kept Thomas a bit buoyant, despite the waves.
Jimmy was sleeping in Thomas's chair two out of the next four mornings- a high incidence of sleepwalking, even for Jimmy, who seemed unusually afflicted.
"Look," Jimmy said, facing Thomas one evening, before they both retired- "Can I- may I just- borrow your chair?"
"You want to move it into your room?" Thomas asked. It was logical to move the chair, he supposed- if the chair were the cause, which Thomas frankly doubted- but it pained him to think that Jimmy wouldn't wake up with him in the mornings. It was wrong, but Thomas enjoyed it- it was, in a roundabout way, a bit like waking up next to the person you loved. Yes, but the person you love is doing it against his own will, Thomas thought. And he doesn't love you in return.
"Yes, move it into my own room," Jimmy agreed, looking relieved. "If that's alright. Just for one evening. Maybe if I..."
Jimmy did not finish the thought, but the implication was clear. They moved the chair that night, setting it awkwardly among Jimmy's furnishings- and Thomas left the room, and shut himself up with his thoughts, feeling a touch maudlin.
But in the morning, Jimmy was in his room again- sprawled out on the well-worn carpet- and when Thomas said his name Jimmy sprang to his feet, as if fired from a canon. "Well, that was useless," Jimmy said, half to himself. He wouldn't meet Thomas's eyes. "It's really fine," Thomas said, aiming to be comforting. "I don't mind, it's just-"
"I mind," Jimmy said, sharply, and the subject was closed. But that evening Jimmy had another request. "Couldn't we just- would you care terribly if we-" Jimmy began, uneasily, as they sat alone in the servant's hall. "Win a battle of wits with, six letters, starts with 'O'," Thomas said- and Jimmy broke off, and tapped his deck of cards on the table.
"Outwit," Jimmy said, and Thomas shook his head. "It ends with 'X'," Thomas said. "You might've told me that before," Jimmy said, managing a wan smile. Jimmy looked... tired, Thomas observed.
"Outfox," Jimmy said, after a pause- but Thomas was already writing it in. "What is it?" Thomas asked, looking at Jimmy curiously- and Jimmy cleared his throat. "I was wondering if we could- switch rooms, for the night," Jimmy said, very softly, to the tabletop- and Thomas felt very badly for Jimmy, suddenly- and nodded his agreement. "If you think it'll help," Thomas replied, as easily as he could- but Jimmy only shook his head. "Maybe," Jimmy said, quietly- and then he looked around, as if to confirm that they were alone- and his eyes rested on Thomas's face. "Don't do anything dodgy, in my bed," Jimmy said, raising an eyebrow at Thomas. "If you do I'll know it."
"I wouldn't," Thomas said- his tone was made harsh by embarrassment- and Jimmy grinned. "I'm sure," Jimmy said, dryly- but he rose from the table, and played a happy tune, singing along in his too-low voice.
"I was strolling out one evening by the silv'ry moon
I could hear somebody singing a familiar tune
So I stopped awhile to listen
Not a word I wanted to miss
It was just somebody serenading something like this-" Jimmy sang- and Thomas smiled, and finished the word-cross himself.
There was an uncomfortable moment in the hall- they met one another, emerging from their proper bedrooms in their nightclothes- and Jimmy gave Thomas a nervous look, stepping around him, in the hall. "Good night," Jimmy said- and Thomas smiled, in return- but Jimmy was already disappearing behind the door.
Thomas spent a restless evening in Jimmy's bed, surrounded by the smell of Jimmy- it was everywhere- and it pervaded his thoughts, and stole his breath- and gave him heated dreams, when he finally did submit to slumber.
When Thomas opened his eyes in the morning he was in Jimmy's room- and Jimmy was in the corner, sleeping in Thomas's own chair, which they had neglected to put back the night before. Jimmy was already awake- but only just- and he stared at Thomas with a far-away expression- and some grave worry- creasing his brow.
"Not the room, then," Thomas said.
"Yes. Thank you. I gathered that," Jimmy answered, tightly.
That evening, when the day's work was done, Jimmy could not be found- Thomas looked for him, on the pretense of wanting his chair back- but Jimmy did not answer the inquiring knock at his door- and Jimmy was not in the servant's hall, or the kitchen yard. Thomas felt a frisson of worry unwind through him, on Jimmy's behalf. It was foolish to think of, but uneasy fears plagued Thomas- Jimmy falling asleep on train tracks, Jimmy wandering sightlessly into the woods- and so on, so that he tossed and turned with frightful ideas all through the hours, barely resting.
Thomas opened his eyes to full darkness- and startled- in the murky expanse of his room he could make out Jimmy- Jimmy caught in the middle of one of his episodes, aimlessly treading around on Thomas's rug. "Jimmy," Thomas hissed, to startle him out of it- but Jimmy turned to Thomas immediately- and when he spoke, he sounded quite alert.
"I'm awake," Jimmy said, quietly but distinctly. "I can't sleep in my room, it smells like you smoked a pack of cigarettes in there."
"Only half," Thomas answered, groggily. Out of politeness he did not point of that his own room was undoubtedly more offensive on that front- and Jimmy approached him, looming over the bed.
"What is it?" Thomas asked, watching Jimmy's vague outline- he could see Jimmy put a hand to the back of his own neck, and he could hear Jimmy draw an anxious breath.
"Oh, damn it all to hell," Jimmy said, sounding quite legitimately angry- for a moment- and then Jimmy sighed- and climbed onto the cot. "Budge up," Jimmy said, in an undertone- and Thomas, who felt as if he could not move at all, leaned back.
"Ah..." Thomas began, not sure what he was going to say- and then Jimmy lifted up the coverlet, and drew his body alongside Thomas's, so that they lay facing each other. Jimmy's pyjama-clad legs pressed against Thomas's, and Thomas felt his stomach twist. "Ah, Jimmy," Thomas said, finding his voice unsteady in his own ears- "What are you-"
"Don't move, and don't you dare try anything," Jimmy said, harshly, against Thomas's neck- and Thomas felt his skin tingle, where Jimmy's breath had touched him.
"I- I wasn't," Thomas said- and Jimmy wrapped his arms around Thomas's back, holding him in place.
"Now hold still and shut up," Jimmy said- Jimmy himself moved, curling his legs up, so that they lay almost chest- to-chest, sharing one pillow. One of Jimmy's thighs pressed against Thomas's abdomen- and lower- making a line of fire down his body that Thomas tried to ignore.
"I- uh- but isn't this-" Thomas began, shakily- and Jimmy shook his head. "I don't care if it's too much for you, I don't care," Jimmy said, lowly. "I'm going to get some bloody sleep, just let me, for god's sake-"
"Yes, fine-" Thomas said, squeezing his eyes shut. Jimmy's arms formed a circle from which he could not bring himself to escape- and Jimmy was asleep in moments, his chest rising and falling against Thomas's.
I love you, Thomas thought, studying Jimmy's face- in sleep Jimmy looked profoundly peaceful, as he never did in daily life- and Jimmy pulled Thomas more tightly to himself, murmuring something inaudible.
"Hn. God," Thomas said- and he forced himself to shut his eyes, despite the protestations of his body. I can't possibly manage to sleep, like this, Thomas thought- but eventually he did- and when he awoke, Jimmy was sitting up on the cot, looking at him.
"It worked," Jimmy said, when Thomas opened his eyes. Jimmy had helped himself to one of Thomas's cigarettes- and as he spoke he flicked it decisively into the ashtray that rested on his leg. "It worked," Jimmy said, again, when Thomas did not immediately respond- and then Jimmy's eyes strayed up and down the length of Thomas's body, though Thomas was mostly-concealed by the blanket. "You do alright?" Jimmy asked, lightly- and Thomas nodded, feeling blood rush to his face. "T'were the trenches all over again," Thomas said dramatically, to cover his chagrin- and Jimmy frowned, for a moment- but then he seemed to recover- and looked Thomas full in the face. "I... Thomas-"
"Nah, it was fine," Thomas said- and Jimmy smiled at him- and then stood up, setting the ashtray on a chair. "Best be off," Jimmy said, the picture of nonchalance. "Wouldn't want anybody to catch me leavin' the room of a known-"
"Not funny," Thomas said, though he didn't mean it- and Jimmy snorted- and exited the room, sans fanfare.
Thomas almost felt as if he had dreamed the whole ordeal- it did seem a bit too much like one of his fantasies had sprung suddenly into reality. Jimmy gave no indication that anything odd had happened at all- but when night fell, Thomas had scarcely finished changing into his nightclothes before Jimmy was pushing through his bedroom door.
"Get in bed," Jimmy said, indicating the cot with a flick of his wrist- and Thomas, dumbstruck, walked backwards to the bed, on suddenly unsteady legs.
"That's right, and turn over," Jimmy said, brusquely- and when Thomas faced the wall Jimmy slid into bed next to him- and pulled Thomas against him, so that Thomas's back was against Jimmy's chest.
"There we are," Jimmy said, against Thomas's ear- and Thomas shivered, biting his lip against the pillow, so Jimmy wouldn't see. But at his shudder Jimmy only pulled him closer, lining their bodies up- and pressed the palm of his right hand firmly to Thomas's stomach. "Ah. Jimmy, don't," Thomas said, gritting his teeth- but Jimmy only pushed his palm against Thomas's skin more forcibly.
"Yes," Jimmy said, quietly. "That's the ticket."
"It is?" Thomas asked, faintly- but Jimmy's breathing had begun to even out, and he did not reply. Thomas, for his part, could barely sleep at all- his body ached with unspent desire- so heavy that it pooled in his stomach, and made his joints ache- and kept him hard- for hours.
In the morning Thomas was irritable, and he did not return Jimmy's smile of greeting. "You have to tell me what we're doing," Thomas grumbled- and he took the cigarette that Jimmy offered him, and tilted his head up, so Jimmy could touch the lighter's flame to it. "Sleepin' in my bed, smokin' my cigarettes," Thomas added, taking a long inhale. The savvier, less sleep-addled part of his mind told Thomas he might want to shut up- but Jimmy only shrugged, seeming to take no affront. "I don't know," Jimmy said. "I'm making it up as I go."
"That's comforting," Thomas said, rolling his eyes- but Jimmy pinned him with a look, and nodded. "Yes," Jimmy said, slowly- and he ran a hand through Thomas's hair, making Thomas close his eyes at the touch- "Very comforting."
The third night they went upstairs by mutual agreement, after everybody else had retired- and Jimmy came into Thomas's room in his nightclothes, as was- strangely- becoming routine- but when Jimmy sat on the bed, he stripped off his shirt, leaving on only his cotton pants.
"Now you," Jimmy said, patting the cot- and Thomas took a faltering step forward. In Thomas's ears his own hearbeat sounded terribly loud. "No, take off your shirt," Jimmy said, shaking his head- and his eyes stayed on Thomas as Thomas pulled his shirt up over his head, tossing it on the floor.
"Alright," Jimmy said, in measured tones- he looked Thomas up and down, his eyes widening slightly- and then he moved back on the cot. "Come on."
Thomas climbed into the bed with him, wondering how, exactly, he was going to manage sleep- or composure- or anything- and Jimmy turned around, showing Thomas the gold-skinned, muscled expanse of his back. "Tonight we switch," Jimmy said- and he grabbed Thomas's good hand, and guided it around, so that Thomas was touching Jimmy's stomach. Thomas shut his eyes- he could feel Jimmy's muscles working under his palm- and took long, measured breaths.
"Yes," Jimmy said- and he leaned backwards, so that his body was flush against Thomas's. They lay, with Jimmy's bare back touching his chest- and Thomas looked at the curl of Jimmy's hair, right before his eyes- and tried to ignore his own arousal.
"Yes. Closer," Jimmy said- and Thomas could swear there'd been a break in Jimmy's voice- but he could barely concentrate on it. "Hn. Ah- Jimmy-" Thomas said, hoarsely- and Jimmy sighed- and lined his body up with Thomas's hips- so that he was pressed against the evidence of Thomas's arousal.
"Huh. Ah, you're-" Thomas whispered against Jimmy's hair, without any idea of what he was going to say next- and Jimmy rocked back against him, with the smallest possible motions. Thomas made a wordless sound at the sensation of Jimmy's body moving against him.
"Lay still, will you," Jimmy said- and Jimmy stilled as well- but the friction against Thomas's erection hardly eased, and he chewed on the inside of his own cheek, trying to recover.
"I trust you, y'know," Jimmy murmured- and Jimmy grabbed the hand that Thomas held flat against his stomach- and brought it to his chest, so that Thomas could feel Jimmy's elevated pulse under his fingertips.
"That's right, I can be very trustworthy," Thomas said- his voice was ruined, torn to tatters- but his tone was conversational enough. "For a good cause."
"I want to tell you a story," Jimmy said- and his tone became darker, more serious. "May I do that?"
"Yes. Of course," Thomas replied. "Go on."
"It's a war story," Jimmy said, quietly.
"Ah," Thomas answered. "The happiest kind." Thomas balled his own- ungloved- left hand into a fist, behind his head, where Jimmy couldn't see- and bit down of the knuckle of his index finger, hard enough to leave marks- but still his arousal scarcely abated- and Jimmy was rearranging himself again, pushing back into Thomas.
"In my battalion- we were at Neuve-Chapelle- for the battle- but we retreated and they ended up shipping us to the Somme-" Jimmy said- and Thomas pried himself away from the fog of lust that shrouded his brain, enough to listen to what Jimmy was saying. "You were at Neuve-Chapelle?" Thomas asked- and Jimmy nodded, though Thomas could not see his face.
"And the Somme," Jimmy said, quietly. "I had all the luck. If I were a little braver I would've done what you did-" here Jimmy reached up, and gripped Thomas's left hand- "But I couldn't bear the thought of gettin' shot."
Thomas thought of trying to deny that his wound had been anything less than wholly honorable- but Jimmy was still speaking.
"Anyways, there was a fellow in my battalion called Miegs. He was- unpleasant to look at, I suppose. There was something... queer about him- he put people off. Not the sort've bloke who should've been in the trenches to begin with. Everyone hated him. He always ate alone, sat by himself..."
"The local pariah," Thomas supplied, when Jimmy was silent, for a pause.
"Yes," Jimmy's voice came back to him. "Yes, exactly. And our Lieutenant- Bradley- he hated Miegs most of all. Always calling him lavender, and pushing him around- but not like teasingly," Jimmy went on- and now Thomas could hear distress in Jimmy's voice. "Not like that at all."
"Did you like Miegs?" Thomas asked, as gently as he could.
"No. There was some sort of thing...wrong about him," Jimmy said. "But I didn't like Lieutenant Bradley much, either. He was all swagger and ill-temper- like he was makin' up for somethin'. And then one night Miegs crawled into bed with one of the soldiers- an' the soldier reported him. but our C.O. was absent, so he reported it to Bradley."
"And what happened?" Thomas asked, although the hair on his arms was standing up, and he was hardly sure that he wanted an answer.
"They were all drinking... and when Bradley heard about it, he flew into a rage- an' he dragged Meigs up in front of everyone- and they... they all beat him, bloody, 'till he was dazed," Jimmy said.
"Did you?" Thomas asked, cautiously- he had the sense that Jimmy was showing him a wound, an old scar- something poorly-healed and still painful. "No," Jimmy said. "I was on duty. But I was sitting right there, with my rifle- I saw it all."
"So they beat him," Thomas prompted, when Jimmy was quiet for long moments- and Jimmy sighed, and leaned back against Thomas, as if drawing strength from him.
"They beat him- and then Bradley blindfolded him, and told us all that we should watch carefully," Jimmy said, unsteadily. "That we should see what happened to people... to people like that. And he put a gun to Meigs's head and made him blind-march out into no-man's land-"
"Oh, christ," Thomas said, softly- and he noticed that Jimmy had a fine tremor running through him, from his legs up to his shoulders. "That's terrible, disgusting," Thomas said- and he smoothed Jimmy's hair away from his brow, and traced the lines of Jimmy's shoulders.
"He didn't make it twenty paces before they got 'im," Jimmy intoned. "They just shot him- but really it was our own Lieutenant who killed him."
"It wasn't like that everywhere," Thomas said. "Your Lieutenant Bradley sounds mad. Plenty of soldiers cozied up to eachother- regular blokes, too, not just my sort-"
"I know but I saw it-" Jimmy said- and he turned over, suddenly, and looked into Thomas's face. "I couldn't have anyone thinking that about me," Jimmy said- his tones were almost desperate- and he looked so distressed that Thomas put his hand to Jimmy's back, drawing him closer- and kissed his cheek. Jimmy stilled completely- and after a moment his hands came up in return, to grip Thomas's shoulders.
"It's alright, it's quite safe, here," Thomas said- and Jimmy nodded, closing his eyes.
"No, it is," Thomas said, insistently, when the worried line of Jimmy's mouth did not alter. "They're all good people," Thomas went on, rubbing his hand in slow circles against Jimmy's back. "They... protected me, don't you remember? Protected me from you, even."
"Yes, that's right," Jimmy agreed, with a weak little laugh. "You really think they're good people?"
"They are," Thomas said, firmly, letting his conviction show on his face. "I didn't think so, once. But now I do."
Jimmy sighed- and his eyes moved over Thomas's face- and then he turned around, rearranging himself so that they again pressed together. "Put your arms around me," Jimmy said- and Thomas obliged him- and then, on impulse, he kissed Jimmy's temple- and his neck- and Jimmy shuddered in his arms. "I let him die," Jimmy whispered. "He died right in front of me. I had a rifle- I could've shot Bradley-"
"And been hung for treason, good idea," Thomas responded, repeating his kiss to Jimmy's neck. Against his chest the skin of Jimmy's back felt unbearably soft, with the hardness of muscle underneath.
"Oh," Jimmy said, when Thomas's lips met his skin. "Thomas. Do you forgive me?"
"Yes, of course," Thomas said. "You should've told me that tale a long time ago, I think."
"Mmm. I wasn't ready to tell you anything," Jimmy said- his voice was scratchy, and he sounded half-asleep. "Hold me," Jimmy commanded, softly.
"I'm already holding you," Thomas said- and he rested his head down, against the pillow.
"Yes, I know," Jimmy said, almost inaudibly- and then he slept, and Thomas followed right after him.
When Thomas woke up there was light filtering through his windows, and Jimmy was gone. Thomas dressed, thinking of Jimmy's story about the murdered soldier, Meigs- and when he went downstairs, for breakfast, he could hear Jimmy's voice, in Mr. Carson's office- and then Jimmy leaned out, as Thomas passed by.
"Oh, Mr. Barrow," Jimmy said. "There you are. Come in here, this concerns you, as well."
Thomas felt an instant of profound unease- suppose Jimmy had been overcome with another change of heart, and was even now making sure that Thomas was, indeed, fired? No, that's ridiculous, Thomas thought, pushing down his own thoughts- which tended a bit towards the suspicious side- and when he walked into the room Jimmy cast him a pleasant, neutral look- and turned again to face Carson.
Carson was looking back and forth between them with mild concern warring with mild irriation- both of these emotions etched plainly on his face, if you knew how to read him- which Thomas did.
"Anyways, as I was saying," Jimmy went on, easily, "I think I've found a cure for my problem."
Thomas glanced at Jimmy surreptitiously, but Jimmy only looked at Carson, who raised an eyebrow. "I have noticed we've had a few incident-free mornings," Carson replied. "Pray tell me what this 'cure' is, James."
"I've spent nearly a week sleeping in Mr. Barrow's chair," Jimmy said- and Thomas had to smother a sound of surprise- he brought his hand to his mouth, as if to stifle a cough.
"I want to move my cot into his room," Jimmy said. "I'm fairly sure that when I was younger the thing that finally cured me was a... dormitory setting. The presence of other people."
Carson seemed quite taken aback- and his eyes narrowed, for a moment- Thomas kept all of his energy directed towards a good poker face- it must've worked, because after a beat Carson cleared his throat, and said, diplomatically: "You must be aware of why that is... inappropriate, on several levels."
"I know it seems that way, that's why I'm coming to you, sir," Jimmy said, frankly. "So that we aren't accused of anything indecent. Particularly Mr. Barrow. It has to be someone, and you know Alfred snores- I think I dropped off in his room, one night, but the snoring drove me out. And I know you don't want there to be any... disturbances, when the Ambassador's family comes to visit."
Clever you, Thomas thought, quite impressed. Carson had been going on for weeks about the importance of the Ambassador's visit- and Thomas could see the butler even now weighing Jimmy's words.
"There must be some other solution," Carson said, heavily. "Given your... history, I am highly reluctant to allow you to share any space-"
"Yes, sir, I understand, but we'll hang a curtain down the middle of the space- separate areas- and have our desks in my room. People bunk together all the time. I've already secured Mr. Barrow's promise that nothing untoward will ever happen again. An' he's been better than his word."
"Is this true, Thomas?" Carson asked. Thomas smiled back at him, raising one eyebrow. "Yes, sir," Thomas said, coolly. "I've moved on."
It was too much to be funny- out of the corner of his eye, Thomas saw Jimmy trying to stifle a laugh- and Carson's eyes widened. "It is no laughing matter," Carson said, rather severely- and Thomas shifted, ducking his head. "Yes, Mr. Carson. Very sorry," Thomas said- but inwardly, he felt triumphant. It's working. My god, he's actually considering it-
"You know, despite what you think of me, I actually am very sorry for how I persecuted Mr. Barrow," Jimmy said, suddenly. "It's no excuse- but I will say I wouldn't ever have taken it so far if- if Miss O'Brien hadn't convinced me it was my own job- and reputation- on the line."
"Yes. I had long suspected that," Carson said, half to himself. It was a moot point, Thomas thought- O'Brien had left for India months ago- and yet still Carson looked satisfied, as if a little mystery had been solved. "And how does Mr. Barrow feel about this intrusion on his privacy?" Carson asked- and Thomas shrugged. "It's only temporary. I didn't even notice him sleeping in the chair most nights, to be honest, sir. And we're mates, you know. If the sleepwalking drives him mad..." Thomas allowed his voice to trail off- he could see that Carson was arriving at a desicion.
"Fine," Carson said. "You may attempt a... dormitory arrangement- at least through the Ambassador's stay. I have many reservations about this, however, I must admit."
"Yes," Jimmy agreed, nodding- and Carson looked at Jimmy sharply. "I don't want to hear about anything, anything indecent, any incidents, anything-" Carson intoned, warningly- and he looked back and forth between them. Carson so resembled a parent chastising errant children that Thomas nearly expected to have a finger shaken at him- and he covered his smile, looking guilelessly into Carson's eyes. "No, sir," Thomas said, smartly, and Jimmy echoed his sentiment.
"Fine. You may move your furniture around on your own time," Carson said- and he indicated the door. "Thomas. A word with you. James, that will be all."
Jimmy nodded, disappearing from the office- and Thomas remained, facing Mr. Carson.
"Are you certain this is a good idea?" Carson asked- and Thomas held very still under the scrutiny.
"I-" Thomas began, but Carson cut him off, raising one large hand, to indicate that there should be silence.
"What I mean to say is," Carson went on, ponderously, "Do you think you can manage? If he's talked you into this- out of concern solely for his own well-being- or because he's desperate to cure his somnambulism-"
"I can handle myself, sir," Thomas said- he was annoyed, by the patronizing tone- and he couldn't quite keep the feeling from showing. "Despite your opinion- I'm not an animal." Thomas bit his tongue- Don't ruin it, not when Jimmy just played him so brilliantly- but to his astonishment, Carson was nodding, Carson was looking almost thoughtful. "I don't think you're an animal, Thomas," Carson answered. "I do think you make poor decisions. Often. But in this case, I was inquiring after your well-being."
"If it bothers me I'll make him move back into his own room, or in with Alfred, snoring or no," Thomas said- and he saw that he had convinced Carson. "An' he can wander around all night," Thomas added.
Mr. Carson cleared his throat. "Well. I do hope there isn't any more of that." And Thomas was dismissed- and he walked into the servant's hall on feet that felt lighter than air- and smiled at Jimmy, when Jimmy looked up at him.
They moved Jimmy's cot and washbasin into Thomas's room after lunch, when there was a lull in the work- and they moved the ugly old chair back in, as well. In Jimmy's room they set up both their desks- and when they were done with everything Thomas took in his room, which appeared greatly dwarfed with two cots in it.
"That was maybe the cleverest thing I've ever seen," Thomas said, smiling at Jimmy- who smiled back, looking a touch smug. "It's partly true, anyways," Jimmy said- and he came 'round his cot, to stand in front of Thomas. "I do need you or else I can't sleep properly-" Jimmy said- and he reached forward. Thomas felt Jimmy's arms encircle his waist- and Jimmy leaned forward, putting his head to Thomas's shoulder.
Then there were footsteps on the stairs and Jimmy stepped back, anxiety showing on his face- and Thomas thought of Miegs the soldier and the obviously insane Lieutenant Bradley, and how much bravery it had probably taken Jimmy to go to Mr. Carson with his great bluff. "I'll never let anything bad happen to you," Thomas said, in an undertone- it was an impulsive, soppy thing to say- but Jimmy looked comforted by it- for a moment he shut his eyes, at Thomas's words.
"Right," Jimmy said, opening his eyes- and then they had to go to work- but all the time Thomas's mind strayed upstairs, and he got a thrill up his spine, and through his head- when he thought of their two beds, in his room.
When they went to Thomas's room it was strange, for a moment- walking in through the door one after another- and Jimmy bolted the door behind them, and looked Thomas up and down, with an unreadable glance. "We should put the cots together," Jimmy said, quietly- and as Thomas watched Jimmy began to neatly undress, hanging his livery with the greatest of care- he stripped completely, and put on his pyjamas- but for a moment Jimmy was entirely nude- and Thomas saw his entire back, from head to toes. Jimmy was painfully lovely- he was perfect, he was like a sculpture- and at the sight of him Thomas felt a familiar lust unspool in his stomach, curling upwards and down, so that he could barely manage speech.
"You change, too," Jimmy intoned- and Thomas, blinking, gathered himself, and stripped down. Jimmy did not watch him- but instead used the time to push his own cot across the room, so that it was flush against Thomas's. "Yes. That's about the size of a real bed. We'll put them back, after," Jimmy said- and Thomas wasn't sure after what, exactly- but his heart skipped a beat, in his chest. Thomas tried to ignore his own shaking hands- and his painful arousal- as he redressed in his nightclothes- and when he was done he glanced over his shoulder, to see Jimmy sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Come here," Jimmy said- and Thomas went to him. As soon as Thomas sat down Jimmy wrapped him in an embrace- and with their bodies touching Thomas could feel that Jimmy was trembling. "God, Thomas, please-" Jimmy said, roughly- he squeezed Thomas to him, settling his hands about Thomas's waist- and he put his face very close to Thomas's. "Yes," Thomas murmured, in response to Jimmy's plea- and carefully he pressed his mouth to Jimmy's, kissing him. When his lips met Jimmy's, Thomas's mind blanked out- it had never been like this- and he was overwhelmed by the urge to care for Jimmy, to hold him, to kiss him for long hours, until they were both gasping, and needy, and hazed with lust. "Uh," Jimmy said, against his mouth- and he leaned backwards, pulling Thomas over him, so that Thomas was effectively pinning him down on the bed. Thomas felt the weight of their bodies together, driving all thoughts from his mind, save for the ache of love and the ache of lust, which commingled within him. I love you, I do, Thomas thought- and he shook, with the force of the thought. Jimmy's gold hair was against the pillow- and Jimmy looked up at him, with his handsome face- his beautiful face- half-twisted, into some fearful expression of desire. "Shh, my love, it's all fine, everything is good, isn't it," Thomas said, reassuringly- he was frankly impressed by his own ability to form coherent words- and Jimmy nodded, taking a shuddering breath. "Yes, it's good," Jimmy said, nodding. "I wanted to do this, Thomas," Jimmy added, in a scratchy voice. "I've... longed for you."
"I've longed for you, too," Thomas said- and he rubbed his thumbs against Jimmy's temples and through his hair, in a gesture of pure affection. "More than you could ever know." Oh, Jimmy, he thought, when Jimmy's eyes shut, at the words. "Yes," Jimmy said, nodding. "Thomas. I can feel you," Jimmy said- and he brought his hands to Thomas's lower back, pushing their bodies together. "Uh, yes. Yes, that's good," Thomas bit out, through his teeth. I won't last long, at this rate, Thomas thought, dizzily- and he traced one hand down Jimmy's side, pushing up his undershirt, to rub at the skin concealed beneath. He could feel Jimmy's skin breaking into gooseflesh under his fingers. Jimmy's bare skin felt amazing, divine- Thomas could think of a thousand adjectives for Jimmy, for his face and his body, each less prosaic than the last- and Jimmy groaned, and brought his hand to Thomas's side in return, shoving up his shirt, until Jimmy's fingers met his skin.
"Yes," Thomas said- and Jimmy's lips parted- and Thomas kissed him deeply, lining their bodies up. Jimmy's tongue touched his- and Thomas licked the inside of his mouth. Inside him, I'm inside him, Thomas thought- and it felt so intimate, as intimate as anything- to have their mouths together, that way- that for a moment Thomas was breathless, on the edge- and he kissed Jimmy fervently, seeking out more of him, as much as he could possibly get. Jimmy moaned through his parted lips- and Thomas dragged his fingers against Jimmy's side, making Jimmy gasp. "Yes, yes-" Jimmy said, into Thomas's mouth- and he twisted underneath Thomas, pushing their bodies together. In his ears Thomas could hear only his own pulse and Jimmy's soft exclamations. I love you, Thomas thought again, pulling back, to study Jimmy's face- Jimmy's cheeks and lips were a deep crimson- and his brow was creased- and and looked at Thomas with a gaze of singular intent, as if there were nothing else in the entire universe. "This feels like very much," Jimmy said, in a breaking voice- and he pulled Thomas closer to himself, his fingers kneading restlessly at the muscles of Thomas's back. "It feels good to be close to you," Jimmy said- and Thomas nodded, shutting his eyes. "Yes," Thomas agreed. "It f-feels-"
"It feels right," Jimmy said, with a look of conviction on his face, and Thomas nodded, with equal assuredness.
Thomas's heart sang in his chest, pounding out a rapid beat- and under him Jimmy shuddered. "God, that feels so good-" Jimmy mumbled, against Thomas's mouth- and Thomas ran his tongue along Jimmy's lower lip. "Aah, christ," Jimmy hissed- and his hips bucked up against Thomas, making friction shoot like fire through Thomas's body. Thomas held Jimmy tightly to him, not moving, yet- but Jimmy moved, rubbing their bodies together. Thomas could feel that Jimmy was hard- very hard. "I was thinking of this all day," Jimmy confessed, taking a shaky breath. "Longer than that. But I- hm-" Jimmy broke off, pressing his body up against Thomas- and Thomas stifled a sound- at the pressure of Jimmy's hips against his cock. "Ah, like that, yes, like that," Jimmy hissed, into Thomas's neck- and Thomas rocked them back and forth together for long agonizing moments, trying to line their erections up. "Huh, yes," Thomas said, pushing down against Jimmy's tensed body. "Does that feel good- like that?"
"Oh, god," Jimmy said, when Thomas managed to get their bodies aligned, for a moment- and he pushed back against Thomas, with so much force that his body half-rose from the mattress.
"Nn. Jimmy, yes," Thomas whispered- and he found Jimmy's mouth with his own again. Under his attentions Jimmy's lips parted immediately- and Thomas kissed him deeply, groaning at the softness of Jimmy's mouth- and the hardness of his body.
"Aah, Thomas," Jimmy said, pulling his head back- and Thomas took a breath. "Yes?" He asked, studying Jimmy for signs of discomfort- but even now Jimmy moved against him, making slow circles with his hips- and Thomas gritted his teeth at the intensity of it.
"I'm going to come if we keep doing this," Jimmy said, in a very low tone- and Thomas nodded. "Yes, that's good," Thomas muttered- but Jimmy gripped his shoulder with one strong hand, holding him in place. "No," Jimmy murmured. "I- I want to do- I want to have all of it. I want it. But I- haven't-"
Thomas stilled himself- though Jimmy still rubbed up against him, making him see sparks. "Are you a virgin, then?" Thomas asked- and Jimmy gave him a quizzical look. "Can a man be a virgin?" Jimmy asked- and Thomas smirked, taking a shaky breath. "Well, that depends," Thomas answered, glibly- "have you ever had relations before?"
"Hah. V-very clever," Jimmy put back, rolling his eyes- the effect was somewhat lost, however, because of the shaking of Jimmy's voice, and the redness of his face. His hips still worked underneath Thomas, making it impossible for Thomas to catch his breath.
"No," Jimmy said, after a moment. "No, I haven't done anything. I- I don't know what to do." He looked- nervous- Thomas thought- and more than a little embarrassed- and Thomas felt a tenderness for Jimmy so profound that it made his heart physically ache. "But I want it," Jimmy said, determinedly. "I want- ah- all of it. I want to b-be- with you-"
"Alright, yes," Thomas said- and he met Jimmy's eyes. "We can do that."
"Yes. I want that," Jimmy returned. "I want to feel you. I want you inside of me-" Jimmy added- and then he looked away, dropping on hand from Thomas's back to cover his own eyes. "I can't believe I'm saying that," Jimmy muttered. "But I do."
"That's a bit much," Thomas said, thinking rapidly. "To start with."
"I know that," Jimmy said, "But I want-"
"Maybe we should try it the other way around, for starters," Thomas said- and Jimmy bit his lip- and nodded.
"You'll do it to me," Thomas clarified- he suspected that Jimmy might acquiesce to whatever he suggested, without comprehending the details. And Jimmy nodded again, though he looked- terribly nervous- Jimmy, who had been so flawlessly composed that morning. Thomas felt his own his pulse uptick- with anxiety, or desire, or both- and Jimmy nodded again. "I haven't ever done that-" Jimmy said- and his face flushed a darker red- the blood under his skin showed up, all the way down his neck- but he locked his gaze on Thomas, and Thomas read equal parts fear and determination in Jimmy's countenance.
"We'll do fine, I think," Thomas said, soothingly- and he moved his body against Jimmy's again, until Jimmy made a wordless sound. "Uh. You'll- you'll show me what to do?" Jimmy asked, shakily- and Thomas nodded again- and stood up- moving to the vanity, despite his protesting body- to find his jar of petroleum jelly.
"What are you doin'?" Jimmy asked- and Thomas turned back to him. Jimmy was lying half-across the two cots, with his legs parted- and his erection made a noticable tent in his pants. It was such an erotic sight that Thomas had to take a breath, trying to even out his pulse, which ran wildly away from him.
"Oh," Jimmy said, when Thomas came back to the bed, and showed him the jar. "Right," Jimmy added, sitting up, with some apparent difficulty.
"Take off your clothes," Thomas said- and he kissed Jimmy's mouth, again. "Mmph," Jimmy said, against his lips- and Jimmy's hands came up, to tangle in Thomas's hair. "Your mouth," Jimmy mumbled, reaching for Thomas again, when Thomas made to pull away, "-it feels very nice-"
"Thank you," Thomas said- and Jimmy slitted his eyes open, and smiled. "Take these off," Thomas reiterated, tugging at the hem of Jimmy's shirt- and Jimmy obeyed, pulling off his clothes. Thomas followed suit, shedding his pyjamas and crawling under the coverlet. They faced each other- and Jimmy lifted up the blanket, to study Thomas's body, with a wide-eyed expression. Thomas looked him over in turn, his breath catching, as he studied the length of Jimmy's body. "Perfect, you're perfect," Thomas said- and he reached his hand out- and touched the flat part of Jimmy's stomach, provoking Jimmy to take a sharp breath. "Thomas," Jimmy said, shakily, "You look so good-" and Thomas wrapped his hand around Jimmy's hardon, making the other man let out a soft- but ragged- moan. "Uh, yes," Jimmy said- and his hand came up, in return- and he rubbed his fingers against the head of Thomas's cock. "G-god, that's good, yes," Thomas managed- and with his left hand he pulled Jimmy closer, and kissed him, drawing Jimmy's lower lip between his teeth. "Hh. Yes," Jimmy said- and he pulled away, a bit, to look at Thomas. "I want to do that," Jimmy said- and he ran his thumb over the underside of Thomas's cock, making Thomas stifle a groan. There had never been an emotionalism so profound for Thomas, in any previous sexual encounter- and now he found that it left him strangely weak- vulnerable. As if love would undo him- more than skill ever had been able to.
"I love you," Thomas said, now, because the feeling was so powerful within him- and he rubbed his hands along Jimmy's erection, again, admiring his body with reverence. "You're lovely," Thomas added- and Jimmy nodded tersely, letting his body push forward, against Thomas's hand. "I l-love you and you're lovely, too," Jimmy answered, breathlessly- and he grimaced, a look of pleasure-pain- and pulled slightly away. "Stop. I don't know how long I can-" Jimmy broke off, and met Thomas's eyes. "Tell me what to do."
"Alright. Are you familiar with the...mechanics?" Thomas asked, absurdly picturing the inner workings of a clock- and Jimmy smiled, weakly. "I put it in your arse, right," Jimmy said, inflectionlessly- and Thomas laughed- and then Jimmy laughed, too, leaning forward.
"Yes. But it will hurt if we don't-"
"If we don't what?" Jimmy asked, looking profoundly alarmed- and Thomas smiled at him. "Use fingers, first," Thomas said, covering his own discomfiture at having to put things so bluntly.
"Oh," Jimmy said- and the redness that had lately lingered of his cheeks reinstated itself with full force. "Will I- will I hurt you, if I do that?" Jimmy inquired, in a small voice- and Thomas shook his head no. Thomas had been planning to do it to himself- but Jimmy set his jaw, with a look of such utter determination that Thomas decided not to attempt to dissuade him.
"Come here," Thomas said- and he pushed their combined pillows up, behind himself- and spread his legs, trying not to give in to the feeling of self-consciousness that plagued him. Thomas was usually perfectly at ease with himself, with how he looked- but with Jimmy it was different. Perhaps nobody else's opinion has ever mattered to me, so much, Thomas thought- and it seemed true- he hadn't ever valued anybody he'd taken to bed as he valued the man before him- who drew an tremulous breath, watching Thomas fixedly. "God," Jimmy said, half to himself- and he leaned over Thomas, running his hands over Thomas's shoulders- and then he kissed Thomas, imitating the way that Thomas had kissed him, moments before- and it went straight through Thomas's body, the feeling- but also his made his chest ache, that Jimmy should try so hard to be skillful, despite his inexperience.
"Here," Thomas said- and he felt around for the jar- and he unscrewed the lid, and took a bit of petrol jelly on his index finger. He grabbed Jimmy's left hand with his right- and coated Jimmy's index and middle fingers with lubricant. For some reason the touch made Jimmy moan- his hand trembled, in Thomas's- and his eyes shut. "Ah. Yes," Jimmy hissed, rocking back and forth, where he sat- and then Jimmy opened his eyes.
"Alright?" Thomas asked- and Jimmy nodded, tersely. "Carefully," Thomas said, kissing Jimmy's furrowed brow. "Just one, to start with. Go slow. I'll tell you if it's too fast."
When Jimmy did not move at all Thomas put his own right hand around Jimmy's left- and guided Jimmy's fingers towards himself. There was a fine tremor running through Jimmy's shoulders- and Thomas concentrated on the tremor, as he pushed Jimmy's finger inside of himself. "There. Ah. Yes," Thomas said, when he had pressed Jimmy's index finger into himself- and he took his own hand away, leaving Jimmy bent over him.
Thomas thought he could stay quite composed- it was just a finger, really, and nothing he hadn't done before. Or else if he could not keep himself composed he would give in to total bliss, as he had with other lovers- and become quite incoherent. But now- now Thomas gritted his teeth, trying to keep calm, as Jimmy's hand moved against him, and within him. The feelings were too good- but he didn't want to frighten Jimmy, who was utterly inexperienced. And there was another thing, too: I don't want to unman myself, Thomas thought, closing his lips, to keep in a noise. He was afraid that he would- because when it was Jimmy touching him it felt so good- and it was hard to think-
"Ah- ah, that feels good," Thomas hissed, when Jimmy moved his hand. "Aah. God. Like that, yes." Thomas moved his hips against Jimmy's hand- stroking Jimmy's arms, his sides- any part of him that Thomas could get his hands on.
"You like that. It feels nice," Jimmy said, lowly- Thomas was not certain if he'd meant it was a question- but Jimmy's pupils were blown, and he looked down at Thomas with a dazed expression. Thomas could see a bead of fluid, on the tip of Jimmy's cock- and he bit his lip at the sight- and watched Jimmy bite his lip, as well, mirroring the movement.
"Nn. Y'can do another, now," Thomas said. He reached behind himself, grimacing when Jimmy withdrew his hand- and pushed the pillows up, again, the better to sit facing the other man.
"Another?" Jimmy asked, looking into Thomas's face- and Thomas noticed that Jimmy's trembling had increased. "Yes, another," Thomas said- and he leaned in, to kiss Jimmy's mouth- and ran his hands over the shaky line of Jimmy's shoulders. "It's alright, love, I'm here with you," Thomas said- and Jimmy smiled, weakly, when Thomas spoke. "I knew you'd say all manner of soppy things- if we- in bed," Jimmy replied, significantly- and his mouth curved up, in amusement, compelling Thomas to smile back.
"Can't help myself," Thomas answered- and he gripped Jimmy's hand, again- and tugged Jimmy over him, a bit. "Two fingers?" Jimmy asked, swallowing audibly- and Thomas nodded.
"Am I going to hurt you?" Jimmy inquired, in a small voice- and Thomas smirked- and shook his head no. "This is meant to be good, not frightening," Thomas said- with one hand he rubbed Jimmy's neck- and with the other he drew a line down the front of Jimmy's body, all the way to his erection- which Thomas gripped, for a moment, touching the length of it with the pad of his thumb.
"Aagh. Alright. Mmph. Stop," Jimmy ground out- and Thomas leaned back against the pillows.
Jimmy pressed two fingers into him- and Thomas lost his breath for a moment- the burn of it melted almost immediately into pleasure- and Jimmy was moving his hand- uncertainly, but he was moving it. Thomas shut his eyes, trying not to move about too much, trying not to moan, overly- not with Jimmy over him, Jimmy trusting him, and studying his every movement. It was a losing battle- Jimmy's fingers sparked like fire as they moved, and Thomas let out a sound, rocking his hips into the pressure, moving against the feeling, the feeling-
"Oh, my god," Jimmy said, on an exhale- and Thomas opened his eyes, to see Jimmy leaning very close to him- as close as he could get, while kneeling between Thomas's legs. "D'ya- that feels good, right?" Jimmy asked- and he moved his hand again. "Ah. Jimmy, yes," Thomas said, unsteadily- and he rocked against Jimmy's fingers, mindless of everything else, grinding against him for long slow moments-
"Nngh, ah, god," Thomas said- and he forced his hips to still. Jimmy bent over him- and the skin of Jimmy's chest dragged, for a second, over Thomas's prick- making him shudder. "Ah. Yes," Thomas said, trying to gather his wits- he was not sure if he had made a spectacle of himself- but Jimmy was only staring at him, quite fixedly, and gave no indication that Thomas had acted badly. In fact Jimmy looked- spellbound- transfixed- Thomas thought. It was easier to think when Jimmy's hand was still- and he leaned up, looking into Jimmy's eyes. "That's fine, I think," Thomas said- and his voice came out tremulous, disjointed- but Jimmy nodded resolutely, as if Thomas were the final authority on the subject. I suppose I am, in this situation, Thomas thought- and he put his fingers around Jimmy's wrist, drawing Jimmy's hand away from himself. "Ah," Thomas said, at the feeling- and then he grabbed the jar of petrol jelly, and sat up.
"I know you're not doing it to me because you're afraid you'll hurt me on the first time out and then I'll be traumatized, or something," Jimmy said, speaking quickly. "So what makes you... so that means I'm going to hurt you," Jimmy added, anxiously. "What makes you think I won't?"
"Because I've done it plenty of times," Thomas said, smoothing a hand through Jimmy's hair, until Jimmy looked partially less concerned. Jimmy's prick looked painful, it was so hard- and Thomas felt an answering arousal, making his hardon ache and his breath hitch, making concentration difficult. "And because I'm going to tell you exactly what to do," Thomas added- and he raised an eyebrow at Jimmy, with as much composure as he could manage. "It doesn't just hurt, y'know," Thomas added- and he worked some petrol jelly onto his hands- and then reached forward- and put both his palms around Jimmy's erection, covering it in lubricant. "Ahhh please," Jimmy moaned- his hips bucked shallowly against Thomas's hands- and Thomas rubbed the length of Jimmy between his fingers, so enraptured by the sight and the feeling that he almost forgot what they were doing.
"Ah, oh, T-Thomas, please stop, I'm going to come if you do that-" Jimmy said- and Thomas kissed Jimmy's mouth- because it was so lovely, and felt Jimmy's lips press fervently against his own- before withdrawing his hands, and leaning backwards.
"Come here," Thomas said, parting his knees, a bit more- and Jimmy's eyes opened, by slow degrees- and he crawled forward, so that he was over Thomas.
"Now carefully," Thomas said. "Go very slow. I- you'll feel as if I'm pushing back, but just- go slowly. I'll t-tell you when you can move."
"Alright," Jimmy said- and he took a shuddering breath- and then he was against Thomas- and Thomas forced himself to keep his eyes open, and on Jimmy's face. "Yes- mmph- that's the way," Thomas said- and Jimmy pressed into him- the slightest bit- and took another shaky lungful of air.
"Oh, god, oh, god," Jimmy said- his face was red- and Thomas put his hands to Jimmy's back, holding him. "Ngh. A little bit more," Thomas said- and Jimmy eased in another few centimeters- and then a few more. Jimmy's arms were at Thomas's sides, shaking under his own weight- and Thomas trailed his fingertips against Jimmy's arms, trying to gain purchase, on the pushed-together beds. "Yes, I-" Thomas hissed- and Jimmy made a pained noise, meeting Thomas's eyes. "Ah christ that feels amazing- ah -a a-amazing," Jimmy said. "Thomas you feel so- ah, oh, god-"
Thomas tried to breathe- Jimmy was fully inside of him, now, and the ache was profound- he flexed his hips against Jimmy's body, pleasure and pain warring within him, until the pain gave way entirely, and he could feel nothing but his own hardness and Jimmy's cock, pressed inside of him, sparking trails of electricity through his abdomen. "I can't move," Jimmy said, screwing up his face- and his tone sounded a touch panicky, for the first time- "Thomas, if I m-move- ah god if I move I'm going to f-finish- I-"
"Shh. Yes, that's fine- nn- I'll move, and- you stay still-" Thomas replied- and Jimmy held himself up on his elbows, with his head nearly resting on Thomas's chest. Against his stomach Thomas could feel Jimmy's heart beating wildly away- and Thomas's cock was trapped between their bodies, so hard that Thomas did not know how long he could possibly last- and Jimmy's heartbeat pulsed inside of him, as well- and Jimmy's erection pressed in to him unbearably, pushing other thoughts and sensation away.
"I love you, Jimmy," Thomas said- he was too undone to censor himself any longer, he was beyond caring- and he moved his hips upwards, at an angle, groaning at the way his body pushed against Jimmy's cock.
"Ah, god, p-please," Jimmy said- and Thomas moved again, hissing at the friction.
"Yes," Jimmy said, when Thomas moved his hips in a tentative rhythm. "Yes, ah, yes, please, ohh-"
"Hn. Ah. yes, l-like that," Thomas said- and he rocked himself back and forth, with Jimmy inside of him. Spots danced in front of Thomas's vision- and he tried, unsuccessfully, to catch his breath- but it was too much- he was too far gone- and Jimmy put his cheek against Thomas's sternum, saying garbled things into his skin.
"You can move- ahh- move a little now," Thomas intoned- but Jimmy did not move- he only shuddered against Thomas's body, lifting his head slightly up- and Thomas, encouraged by the helpless pleasure on Jimmy's face, pushed his hips up more firmly. "Ah," Thomas said, at the force of his own movements- and Jimmy gasped- loudly- and shuddered, moving his own hips a bit, at last-
"Ah, g-god, oh, Thomas, that feels so good oh god you're so ahh-" Jimmy was saying things, just anything, raggedly and without care- and his eyes shut again- he bit his lip, rocking forward when Thomas rocked back, and moaning.
"Yes, yes, that's right- hnn- just- just like that-" Thomas said- and he moved his body more rapidly, holding Jimmy as close to himself as he could- "Jimmy- ah- Jimmy, are you-"
"I'm going to-" Jimmy said- and Thomas watched as Jimmy bit his own mouth, twisting his head back and forth, as if he were in pain- but it was not pain, it was unbearably intense pleasure-
"Oh, Thomas, please," Jimmy gasped- and his hips worked against Thomas's body, meeting him- and then Jimmy moved faster still- and Thomas angled his own body upwards, hissing at the feeling that worked through him. "Yes," Thomas said, raggedly- "Yes, yes-"
"Oh god Thomas I- ah-" Jimmy moaned- and he pushed against Thomas again- his body bucking wildly- and then Jimmy shook- his whole body shook- and he dug his fingers into Thomas's upper arms, going still.
"Ah," Thomas said- and Jimmy slumped against him, breathing rapidly. "Thomas," Jimmy said, lowly- but he said nothing else, only pressing his forehead to Thomas's skin.
"Yes," Thomas said- and he reached between their bodies, and took his own leaking cock firmly in hand. The head of his prick bumped against Jimmy's bare skin- and Jimmy did not move from when he lay, above and inside of Thomas- but he pushed his torso, slightly, into Thomas's hand, so that the friction against Thomas's erection made him take a sharp breath.
"God, yes, you feel so bloody good," Thomas said- and he stroked himself. "And you," Jimmy replied- he had not fully recovered his voice- but he moved, so that his skin slid against Thomas.
"God, Jimmy, I'm going t-to come," Thomas said- somehow the sentence was coherent, by an act of will- "Y'might- nngh- you might want to move, so I don't-" Get you dirty, Thomas was going to say- but he could not speak further- and Jimmy only moved against him, looking into his eyes. "Yes, please," Jimmy said, thickly- and Jimmy leaned his head down- and kissed Thomas's chest, rocking into him-
"Ahh christ, oh, god," Thomas bit out- and his hand sped up- he moved his cock against his own hand, feeling the delirious pressure of orgasm, feeling his skin against Jimmy's skin- and then he was coming- "Ah, yes, ahh-" Thomas moaned- and his cock slid within his hand, spilling semen between them.
"Oh, my god," Jimmy said, faintly- and when Thomas opened his eyes, worried that something was amiss- Jimmy was favoring him with a look of wonder. "Good lord," Jimmy said, with a shaky laugh. "No wonder people go to p-prison for this. It's-ah- wonderful."
"Yes, very wonderful," Thomas said, dizzily- and he eased back, pulling himself off of Jimmy- and Jimmy immediately climbed up his body, to peer into his face. "Was I alright?" Jimmy asked- and he blushed. "Was I-"
"That was by far the best of my life," Thomas said, unreservedly- and it was true.
"I doubt that very much," Jimmy said- though he looked reassured- and he dropped half-onto Thomas, with a sigh.
"It was," Thomas said, using his unsoiled hand to stroke Jimmy's hair.
"Because you love me?" Jimmy asked, against his ear- and Thomas nodded. "Yes. Because I love you," Thomas said- and he turned, slightly, to look at Jimmy's face. "Don't think I missed your love confession, either," Thomas said- and Jimmy looked away, with an expression of chagrin.
"Ah." Jimmy said, uncomfortably. "You noticed that, did you?"
"I did," Thomas said, smugly- and he pulled Jimmy very close against him. "Though I think only being able to sleep when you're in my bed is a good indicator, too," Thomas added- and Jimmy laughed, softly.
"Yes. That was painfully obvious, wasn't it," Jimmy answered.
"Mm. Nicely so," Thomas said. "If you love me so much, you'll get me a washcloth and a cigarette."
"Why don't you-" Jimmy began- and then he sat up, blinking. "Oh, right," Jimmy added, lamely. "Does it hurt very badly?"
"Nah. Feels good. But I like makin' you do things for me, is all," Thomas said- and Jimmy kissed him, smiling, and rose from the bed, returning with the items Thomas had requested. Thomas shared his cigarette with Jimmy- he smoked with one hand, and with the other hand wiped off his own stomach and Jimmy's chest- until Jimmy blushed, at the attention. "I love you," Jimmy said, when Thomas had finished- and he reached out with one hand, ruffling Thomas's hair.
"You're sure?" Thomas said- and Jimmy nodded, in vigorous agreement.
"I know it as certainly as you know how you feel about me. Especially after that," Jimmy said- and Thomas stubbed his cigarette out, in the nearby ashtray- and lay down, holding Jimmy to himself.
"I'm tired," Jimmy said, softly- and Thomas nodded. "Yes. Me too. Sleep now."
"Tomorrow we'll switch," Jimmy mumbled, into Thomas's neck- and Thomas chuckled. "That sounds very fine," Thomas said- and Jimmy nodded- Thomas could not see the gesture, but he could feel it.
"Sleepwalkin' into your bedchamber because I'm in love with you, that sounds like something out of a story," Jimmy said, apropos of nothing- and Thomas smiled, into the darkened room. "I suppose it does," Thomas agreed- he could feel sleep rising up to claim him, and he hoped that it would take him and Jimmy both, and let them dream together.
"A good story, though," Jimmy added- and he turned, slightly, in Thomas's arms. "A lovely story."
"Yes," Thomas said- and he held Jimmy to him, feeling his mind turn the bed into a raft, and the raft into waves, and the waves into a sea- and on the tide of dreams, Thomas was borne away. And Jimmy slept beside him, but he did not suffer from somnambulism- not on that night, or any after.
Probably- as they say- because he'd found what he had been searching for.