1 Bored of the Things: The Fellowship of the Thing
Note- Some IDEAS came from another spoof, called "Lord of the Things," I believe. I do not know who the original author is.
The world is changing. I smell it in the air. I feel it in the water. I feel it- well, you don't wanna know.
Long ago, in the fires of Mt. Dew, the dark lord Sauroni forged things. Among his favorite things to forge were whoopee cushions, car crash dummies, computer viruses, and Playboy centerfolds. At the height of his evilness, He decided to do an eviler evil thing that all the evilest evil evil things he ever in all of his evil evilness ever evilly did put together in all of their evil evilness. Evil. For the race of men, he created nine evil appetizer forks. For the elves, he created three evil shot glasses. For dwarves, he created seven evil fuzzy stickers. For himself, he created an evil tiara. Always rumored to be a girly boy, he always made his servants have freshly polished and filed nails. Three by five, the free lands of bottom earth fell to the power of the tiara.
Pretending to hear a sound, Pogo Gaggins looked up from his book. He got up and grinned at the camera.
Racing through the forest, he gathered speed quickly. But, look out, Pogo! It is a twig! Not just ANY twig, the evil twig of bad luck and horrible rashes!
Pogo does not see the evil twig of bad luck and horrible rashes! Oh no! He keeps running. On and on and on and on and on and on and- Well, lemme put it this way: see Pogo! See Pogo run! Run, Pogo, Run!
He trips over the twig. Falling flat on his- well, he fell.
"Damn this twig of bad luck and horrible rashes! I'm going to have a rash now, right on my a--"
That's enough, Pogo.
"Okay! Sorry!"
Now, go meet Grandgolf.
"Notice how she never speaks to me in quotes!"
That's right, Pogo. I speak into your mind. Grandgolf's horse broke down, so he's a few miles down the road.
"Oh, Sh--"
That's enough, Pogo.
"Sorry."
Remind me to maim you for it later. Ha. Now, run along, little hobbit, you must go on a long and dark journey!
"Hey! You said you wouldn't give away the ending to this one!"
I know. I lied. No, GO!
"OKAY!"
So Pogo walks on, with a slight limp in the area of his buttocks. Dangit, that must hurt. A few hours later, he finally arrives to where Grandgolf's cart has broken down. Grandgolf is talking on his cell phone.
"Hey, you (expletive deleted)! I told you I need a tow truck NOW! I am a very powerful witch, you know."
Wizard.
"Whatever! Anyway"- He gets an evil grin.
"Can you hear me now? Gooood."
Pogo sits down, shaking his head. It will be a while.
At last, the annoyance is broken.
"GRANDGOLF! LET'S GO!" Pogo says, in a sudden burst of annoyance.
"Okay. Oh, they're here!"
He's right.
** Ten Minutes Later **
"So, Grandgolf, tell me of life in the wide world! Tell me ev- * gets starry-eyed expression * Telllll meeee…love isn't true! It's just someth-"
He is cut off by Grandgolf.
"Shaddup!"
Yeah!
"No!" replies Pogo.
"So, Pogo, tonight we're going to skip straight to the part where I chuck the thing into the fire, okay?"
"Why?"
"Kien tretarino qir portase sedrah."
"I don't speak elvish, Grandgolf! What are you saying?!"
"I said, * Takes deep breath * supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
"What was that?"
"Antidisestablishmentarianism."
"What does that mean, anyway?"
"I don't actually know."
"Oh…"
Okay. Since I'm already overloaded enough with Fan Fiction, if fifteen people give a damn enough to write a review, I'll continue. Or I may just for a fun escape from seriousness.
Note- Some IDEAS came from another spoof, called "Lord of the Things," I believe. I do not know who the original author is.
The world is changing. I smell it in the air. I feel it in the water. I feel it- well, you don't wanna know.
Long ago, in the fires of Mt. Dew, the dark lord Sauroni forged things. Among his favorite things to forge were whoopee cushions, car crash dummies, computer viruses, and Playboy centerfolds. At the height of his evilness, He decided to do an eviler evil thing that all the evilest evil evil things he ever in all of his evil evilness ever evilly did put together in all of their evil evilness. Evil. For the race of men, he created nine evil appetizer forks. For the elves, he created three evil shot glasses. For dwarves, he created seven evil fuzzy stickers. For himself, he created an evil tiara. Always rumored to be a girly boy, he always made his servants have freshly polished and filed nails. Three by five, the free lands of bottom earth fell to the power of the tiara.
Pretending to hear a sound, Pogo Gaggins looked up from his book. He got up and grinned at the camera.
Racing through the forest, he gathered speed quickly. But, look out, Pogo! It is a twig! Not just ANY twig, the evil twig of bad luck and horrible rashes!
Pogo does not see the evil twig of bad luck and horrible rashes! Oh no! He keeps running. On and on and on and on and on and on and- Well, lemme put it this way: see Pogo! See Pogo run! Run, Pogo, Run!
He trips over the twig. Falling flat on his- well, he fell.
"Damn this twig of bad luck and horrible rashes! I'm going to have a rash now, right on my a--"
That's enough, Pogo.
"Okay! Sorry!"
Now, go meet Grandgolf.
"Notice how she never speaks to me in quotes!"
That's right, Pogo. I speak into your mind. Grandgolf's horse broke down, so he's a few miles down the road.
"Oh, Sh--"
That's enough, Pogo.
"Sorry."
Remind me to maim you for it later. Ha. Now, run along, little hobbit, you must go on a long and dark journey!
"Hey! You said you wouldn't give away the ending to this one!"
I know. I lied. No, GO!
"OKAY!"
So Pogo walks on, with a slight limp in the area of his buttocks. Dangit, that must hurt. A few hours later, he finally arrives to where Grandgolf's cart has broken down. Grandgolf is talking on his cell phone.
"Hey, you (expletive deleted)! I told you I need a tow truck NOW! I am a very powerful witch, you know."
Wizard.
"Whatever! Anyway"- He gets an evil grin.
"Can you hear me now? Gooood."
Pogo sits down, shaking his head. It will be a while.
At last, the annoyance is broken.
"GRANDGOLF! LET'S GO!" Pogo says, in a sudden burst of annoyance.
"Okay. Oh, they're here!"
He's right.
** Ten Minutes Later **
"So, Grandgolf, tell me of life in the wide world! Tell me ev- * gets starry-eyed expression * Telllll meeee…love isn't true! It's just someth-"
He is cut off by Grandgolf.
"Shaddup!"
Yeah!
"No!" replies Pogo.
"So, Pogo, tonight we're going to skip straight to the part where I chuck the thing into the fire, okay?"
"Why?"
"Kien tretarino qir portase sedrah."
"I don't speak elvish, Grandgolf! What are you saying?!"
"I said, * Takes deep breath * supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
"What was that?"
"Antidisestablishmentarianism."
"What does that mean, anyway?"
"I don't actually know."
"Oh…"
Okay. Since I'm already overloaded enough with Fan Fiction, if fifteen people give a damn enough to write a review, I'll continue. Or I may just for a fun escape from seriousness.