why did I agree to this why oh why oh why, oh yea that's right at the time I agreed to do this I was in a total state of panic that my brother would get himself killed and in a state of happiness because Bella was still alive. That is why you agreed to change her, thank you brain now I feel so much better I mutter darkly.

Then unnecessary breaths that I was taking seem to be getting caught in my throat but that was the only thing that gave away how truly terrified I was, still it was enough for Bella to notice

"Alice" I hear her whisper as she rolls over from her side of the bed where we were both laying to face me "it's going to be fine I want this and I know that you are prepared"

I knew what she had said was true but it still did nothing to calm my nerves while Edward took her around the world to do all of the human things her wanted her to experience i was finding the best way to change her without killing her. I had spend days at a time talking to Carlisle about what to expect and have spend the last week drinking as much animal blood as i could so i would not be thirsty and slip up. I visibly shuddered at the thought.

"Alice what's wrong?" Unlike me, Bella's voice seems strong and confident if not a little worried about what was bothering me. I wish I was like that.

"I'm really scared" I reply in a small voice eyes burning with unshed tears as i closed them

I feel the weight shift as Bella pulls herself closer to me and runs her finger tips along my cheek and tucking my hair behind my ear in a friendly gesture "it will be fine i trust you, you're my best friend"

I knew that she trusted me, but it was trusting myself that was the problem took a deep breath pictured biting into the neck of the person next to me my throat burned , my muscles automatically tensed, and I felt the increase flow of venom in my mouth. I could kill her one twitch and nothing could be done I could not live with myself if that happened.

Bella seemed to realise just how hard this would be for me "it's ok "she muttered "we can take this slow there is no hurry" and with that she rolls back onto her back and stares up at the ceiling.

Slowly I reach and grab her hand that was lying by her side and entwined our fingers I could feel the heat coming of her in waves I could also feel a pulse as her blood ran through her veins, only protected by a thin membrane that I could easily puncture with my teeth. I shut my eyes again and forced myself not to think of it.

Bella? I asked after a period of time "yea?" "If this is going to happen I need you closer"

"Oh um yea sure ok" I notice Bella is moving much more carefully then she normally would around me, yet it is also obvious that it is my nerves not hers that are causing this.

As she moved closer I rolled over onto my stomach and rapped my arm around her waist pulling her closer to me gently as I could I move her head with my free hand exposing her neck.

"Don't move "I whisper

I move myself so I am half lying on her yet supporting my own weight; my teeth are inchers from her exposed neck.

I slowly lower my head inhaling as I do triggering burning of my throat. My teeth are millimetres away yet my lips and eyes are firmly shut. As I lay there I focus on Bella's steady breathing yet her heart rate was a little faster than normal at this thought I slowly open my eyes and focus on Bella's neck analysing the best place to bite and hating myself for doing so. I slowly but gently push my lips to her neck giving her a light kiss that I would normally give on her cheek before slowly pulling away and exposing my teeth before biting down on my best friend's neck.

I hear her gasp in pain and feel her back arch against my arm still rapped protectively around her waist.

I pull away before rapping my other arm around her and puller her closer to me trying hard not to look at the crescent shape marks that I had made on her but that still draw my eyes so again I lower my head and kiss the bite marks hoping that my cool lips will remove some of the pain. My hope dies as she gasps and shudders again as the burning venom spreads through her body.

The realisation of what I have just done washers over me in a wave of despair and pain that I have hurt one of the few people I love. I pull her closer to me and bury my head in her hair quietly sobbing.

I'm so sorry Bella.