Welcome to Lam-oh, right. This is my first story not involving Lambo. Haha Wow, this is exciting but incredibly nerve wrecking. I had originally shared this on Wattpad but figured it was time to share it here with a few corrections made. This is kind of short compared to my Lambo stories but hopefully the start of new tales with new characters.
Warnings: Talks about depression but nothing graphic or anything. Plus, no mafia business. I'm not sure if that's a good thing...
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. Enjoy!
Yamaguchi stands in front of his locker, his head resting against it as he tries to control his breathing. With his eyes closed, he mentally counts to ten, hoping that will be enough to stop the tears that have been threatening to spill all day.
'The day is almost over. Just hold it in until you get home...please.'
He takes a deep, shaky breath before opening his eyes then stands up straight once more. He can do this, he thinks as he opens his locker. He is fine, completely fine - nothing wrong here.
At least that's what he keeps telling himself. The truth is he isn't ok. His emotions are all over the place and no matter how hard he tries, he can't seem to get them under control.
Everyone close to him knows Yamaguchi suffers from anxiety - they'd have to be blind, deaf, and Hinata not to see it. There is something they can't see, however, and that's his constant battle with depression.
It didn't happen often but every now and then he'd have what he called a bad day. A day where a heavy and familiar pressure settled on his chest making it hard to breathe, making it hard to live. He isn't suicidal, it's just he doesn't want to be alive. He's not sure he can explain that to anybody without making them worry.
A bad day is when he feels down, lazy, and weak. It's a day where nothing matters, not even himself. He didn't care if nothing happened or if everything did. It just didn't matter.
If his classmates had noticed he was being quieter than usual then they had probably summed it up to Tsukishima's absence. His best friend had been out for two days after a complication at the dentist during the weekend which means Yamaguchi is flying solo until he returns.
Tsukishima can always tell if Yamaguchi is having a bad day since he'd witnessed quite a few throughout the years but he isn't here to let him know everything is going to be ok this time. His best friend is the one who usually listens - doesn't say much but just having his friend listen to Yamaguchi made it better. The teen knows he can talk to any of his other teammates but he is much too embarrassed.
What is he supposed to say? I'm feeling sad please tell me it'll get better or something like that?
The team already offers comfort for his anxiety, he didn't want to add another burden - especially one which made him feel like a little kid.
Yamaguchi puts his hands on both sides of the locker then sticks his head inside wondering if anybody would hear him scream.
"Yamaguchi, you're still here?"
The teen quickly lifts his head at the voice, accidentally smacking it against the locker and letting out a yelp.
"Ah, Yamaguchi, are you ok?"
That is a loaded answer he did not want to give his senpai. No, he isn't ok. He feels empty, sad, alone, and now his head hurt.
He turns to Sugawara with a grimace as he rubs the back of his head.
"Oh, uh, yes. I'm ok. Sorry, I forgot my jacket and had to come back for it." He answers with a sheepish smile hoping he looks perfectly normal.
His senpai looks at him and for a second Yamaguchi thinks Sugawara has heard his depressing thoughts but then the upperclassman returns a small smile.
"I'm glad you remembered. This weather will make you sick if you're not careful."
"H-hai, thank you Sugawara-senpai." He closes his locker and puts his jacket on. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Yamaguchi grabs his bag, putting it over his shoulder as he turns to leave the clubhouse but stops when his name is called. He turns back to Sugawara and feels his throat tighten at the sight.
His vice-captain seems conflicted, unsure, and worried which sets Yamaguchi on edge with nerves.
"I noticed you were a bit distant during practice. You were there but not really. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want but I just want to know if you're, well, fine?"
Yamaguchi blinks. Sugawara had noticed? But he'd tried so hard to act like normal.
"Oh um, I'm fine Sugawara-senpai. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. I'm just tired."
Sugawara doesn't look convinced but the senior won't push. He knows Yamaguchi won't talk if he doesn't want to.
"Ok, make sure you get enough sleep tonight. You'll need to be well rested for tomorrow's practice game."
"Hai, I'll be ready." Yamaguchi begins to turn to the door once more.
"Yamaguchi?"
"Yes, senpai?"
Sugawara walks up to his junior and lays a hand on his shoulder, "Just because Tsukishima isn't here doesn't mean you're alone. Don't forget you have a whole team of friends if you ever need one."
He doesn't mean to. Yamaguchi doesn't even realize he is crying until a sob escapes his lips. "Senpai..."
Words aren't needed. Sugawara wraps his junior in his arms, holding onto the trembling boy - feeling completely overprotective of him.
Tsukishima never hugs Yamaguchi during his bad days so this is different but still good. He feels just as safe as he does around his best friend.
Yamaguchi doesn't cry long, just enough to empty his feelings a bit. He wipes his eyes, letting out a nervous laugh as he backs away from his senior.
"I'm sor-"
"Don't apologize, Yamaguchi. I know everyone needs a good cry every now and then."
"Thank you, senpai."
"I know I said you don't have to tell me what's wrong but...you would tell me if somebody was hurting you, right?"
Honestly, everyone knows Sugawara is the team mom but to see him barely holding on to unnecessary anger with eyes promising retribution on Yamaguchi's behalf makes the younger boy smile.
"I promise. I just had a bad day."
Sugawara searches his eyes for any sign of a lie but there is none. The older boy nods, handing Yamaguchi some tissue.
"We all have bad days. Just remember you have friends to make them a little better now. You can always come to me or Daichi or anyone. If you need a shoulder to cry on, well, you have plenty to choose from."
"I know but I'm embarrassed. I'm not even sure how to put it into words. If I try it'll probably come out as nonsense."
Sugawara leads the younger boy to a chair before pulling another to sit across from him.
"I'm a very good listener of nonsense if you're up for it. I think it'll make you feel better."
Yamaguchi begins to talk feeling completely comfortable around his vice-captain. Softly and slowly at first but quickly picks up speed and volume. He feels silly, not sure how to describe his emptiness and sadness but he does.
He speaks for several minutes while Sugawara listens intently. After what feels like hours, Yamaguchi takes a deep breath, finally feeling relieved.
Yamaguchi gives his senior a watery smile, "Thank you Sugawara-senpai. I feel a lot better."
Sugawara returns the smile then gently squeezes the younger's shoulder.
"You're welcome. Do you feel ok to head home?"
"Hai, thank you! Um, do you think this can stay between us?"
"Of course. Go on, I'll tidy up before heading home myself."
Yamaguchi grabs his stuff then heads out. He is startled to see Hinata and Kageyama waiting outside.
"Yamaguchi, there you are! We were waiting to see if you'd like to get some ice cream. I found this new flavor and it's so good!"
Without waiting for a response, Hinata pulls Yamaguchi and together they begin to head to their convenience store. Sugawara is right, he isn't alone.
Back in the clubhouse, the senior is cleaning up as tears stream down his face. He has no idea how he'd managed to stay calm throughout Yamaguchi's talk but now that the younger boy is gone, he cries.
He'd heard about depression - had learned about it in class, but to hear how much it actually hurt from someone going through it was a very humbling experience. He'd been completely ignorant but that is going to change if he wants to be of any help to his junior.
"Suga?"
Sugawara turns to the door where his best friend and captain stands with a concerned expression. At seeing the vice-captain with tears in his eyes, Daichi quickly reaches his side.
"What happened? I saw Yamaguchi leave with Hinata and Kageyama but got worried when you didn't come out."
Sugawara wipes at his eyes. "I'm ok."
Daichi has known Sugawara long enough to know he isn't going to say whatever he and Yamaguchi had talked about if the younger boy had asked for privacy so he doesn't ask. Sagawara would never betray anyone's trust but Daichi wants to know one thing,
"Is Yamaguchi ok?"
"Yup, he'll come to you when he's ready but he'll be ok."
Daichi nods then pulls his best friend into a hug. "You're the best, you know that?"
Sugawara laughs, "I'm starting to believe that since I hear it every day from my captain. Come on, if we don't get some rest we'll lose tomorrow's match."
"Over my dead body," Daichi says making them both laugh.
Yamaguchi throws his bag on the floor before falling onto his bed. He sighs - this had been such an emotionally draining day but he's glad it's over.
He reaches into his bag and pulls out his cell phone then blinks at how many missed calls and texts he has.
Don't forget my homework.
Did anyone die during practice?
Are you still at school?
Yamaguchi
Did something happen?
Why aren't you answering?
Yamaguchi dials his voicemail and holds back a laugh at the scratchy voice asking if everything is ok. He knows Tsukishima isn't supposed to be talking but he figures this is how worried his best friend had been.
He hangs up and is about to text back when a new message pops up.
I'm coming over.
Yamaguchi smiles before quickly replying.
I'm ok. It was a bad day but Sugawara-senpai helped me through it. I would have replied earlier but Hinata and Kageyama took me to get some ice cream.
You're ok?
I am now. How are you feeling?
I'll be in school tomorrow but I can't talk that much yet.
Don't worry, I'll be mean to our classmates for you.
Yamaguchi, shut up.
And just like that, a bad day comes to an end. Yamaguchi smiles.
Sorry, Tsukki.
And that's that. So um, maybe some ooc-ness but I'm new to this fathom so please be gentle? I do love Yams and Suga-mama though so I think I'll stick with them whenever I'm not working with my adorable Lambo-chan. Let me know if I should even try again cause, you know, I'm incredibly awkward at first and need validiation in the beginning, middle, and end. *nervous laughter*
Catch you at the volleyball courts!