Author's incrediblylonggrandmotherstory foreword: It was somewhere last year. My family was on vacation in Thailand. My sis and I were bored; we needed something to do to fill up all those long spaces on planes and buses and waiting in hotel rooms. I was newly besotted with B5; I'd never even watched a single episode of the show. My sister? She barely even knew what the series was about. She was 13, I was 18. I had an MTV notebook partially scribbled with Chemistry 'S' notes and I thought it'd be cool to play those incredibly juvenile yet somehow hilarious 10-word challenge games. It started innocently enough: I gave my sister ten rubbishy words and she wrote me this piece of trash involving Delenn's murder of John over a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans.
She barely survived my backlash (which mainly consisted of my screaming "POOR DELENN!!!!! POOR JOHN!!!! AAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!" and lots of strangling on my part and lots of choking on hers).
Several stories later, I hit on the idea of requesting a story about Delenn and Ivanova as goddesses with superpowers going around saving the universe. My sis wrote a bin Laden-bashing flick (the post 911 anti-Osama fever still being prevalent). It was short, it was impossibly ridiculous, it had me in stitches.
It was downhill all the way from there. The first few are admittedly juvenile and not worth looking at. But somewhere along the line we became bigger B5 fans than we could ever imagine, and, in addition, also got rather carried away with our stories. Their length grew from 10 lines to one whole page to multiple pages. And my latest (and twenty-fifth, in the series) instalment, a tribute to Douglas Adam-- I still can't believe how long it grew to be. Take a guess. Five pages? Ten pages?
Would you believe twenty?
*shakes head* Okay, so maybe it's a stretch, putting this series of psuedo-fics in the B5 section, since most of the stories, especially the first ones, have a connection to the series about a monomolecular layer thick, but... well. We did these stories for the series; it seems only appropriate to put them here, although by no stretch of imagination, however flexible, could one even begin to imagine Ivanova and Delenn zipping around on Firebolts and hobnobbing with the likes of Janeway and T'Pol (both Star Trek characters if you didn't know). Yeah. But that's why its a parody, eh?
So, yeah. Here they are. The first few are, as I have said, the epitome of crappy fic, but once you're past that, the magnum opuses begin (IMHO, of course). The sad thing is, you can't read the last few without reading the ones in front first because they're all linked in a story-arc. Okay. A ridiculous story arc, but a story arc all the same. At least read them and tell us how much you hate them cos it really hurt my eyes (and fingers) trying to transcribe text into digital form.
Okay. Enough of my incrediblylonggrandmotherstory already. It's not good form to start apologizing for something you haven't even read yet. I'm Taya 17, my sis is the Omni PKYYR. I've edited a lot of my sister's grammar (give the kid a break!), and all my comments in [brackets like these] are just commentary and not part of the story.
Yeah. And in case you were wondering, to date my sis and I have already watched seven eps of B5. So we're not totally desecrating the series. I think.
Yeah. Enjoy (or at least, try to!)... and oh yes. How could I forget? *gets down on her knees* Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. IVANOVA IS GOD. PRAISE BE TO IVANOVA!!
She barely survived my backlash (which mainly consisted of my screaming "POOR DELENN!!!!! POOR JOHN!!!! AAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!" and lots of strangling on my part and lots of choking on hers).
Several stories later, I hit on the idea of requesting a story about Delenn and Ivanova as goddesses with superpowers going around saving the universe. My sis wrote a bin Laden-bashing flick (the post 911 anti-Osama fever still being prevalent). It was short, it was impossibly ridiculous, it had me in stitches.
It was downhill all the way from there. The first few are admittedly juvenile and not worth looking at. But somewhere along the line we became bigger B5 fans than we could ever imagine, and, in addition, also got rather carried away with our stories. Their length grew from 10 lines to one whole page to multiple pages. And my latest (and twenty-fifth, in the series) instalment, a tribute to Douglas Adam-- I still can't believe how long it grew to be. Take a guess. Five pages? Ten pages?
Would you believe twenty?
*shakes head* Okay, so maybe it's a stretch, putting this series of psuedo-fics in the B5 section, since most of the stories, especially the first ones, have a connection to the series about a monomolecular layer thick, but... well. We did these stories for the series; it seems only appropriate to put them here, although by no stretch of imagination, however flexible, could one even begin to imagine Ivanova and Delenn zipping around on Firebolts and hobnobbing with the likes of Janeway and T'Pol (both Star Trek characters if you didn't know). Yeah. But that's why its a parody, eh?
So, yeah. Here they are. The first few are, as I have said, the epitome of crappy fic, but once you're past that, the magnum opuses begin (IMHO, of course). The sad thing is, you can't read the last few without reading the ones in front first because they're all linked in a story-arc. Okay. A ridiculous story arc, but a story arc all the same. At least read them and tell us how much you hate them cos it really hurt my eyes (and fingers) trying to transcribe text into digital form.
Okay. Enough of my incrediblylonggrandmotherstory already. It's not good form to start apologizing for something you haven't even read yet. I'm Taya 17, my sis is the Omni PKYYR. I've edited a lot of my sister's grammar (give the kid a break!), and all my comments in [brackets like these] are just commentary and not part of the story.
Yeah. And in case you were wondering, to date my sis and I have already watched seven eps of B5. So we're not totally desecrating the series. I think.
Yeah. Enjoy (or at least, try to!)... and oh yes. How could I forget? *gets down on her knees* Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. IVANOVA IS GOD. PRAISE BE TO IVANOVA!!
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Fuschia stockings |
The Excalibur |
Pink Lionfish |
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Corrugated zinc roofing |
Sheridan cross-dressing |
Megatop 747 |
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Holy mountain water |
Neon blue "7" sign |
|
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Barracudas |
Extremely Large & Nasty Labrador |
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[written by the Omni PKYYR]
The Adventures of the Goddess Ivanova (Part 1): Bye Bye Bin Laden!
One day Osama bin Laden hijacked a Megatop 747. But... suddenly Delenn and Ivanova appeared in the cockpit with Delenn's pet, an Extremely Large And Nasty Labrador. They revived the pilot and went back on the Excalibur (with bin Laden), where they stuffed him on a corrugated zinc roofing and forced him to wear fuschia stockings with barracudas. They gave him a pink lionfish to keep alive... or they would execute him. Well... they forgot to give him the holy mountain water the fish needed to stay alive. Oops.Osama bin Laden was killed at dawn, with a neon blue "7" sign on his back, with crowds screaming "Klegh sogh Klegh" (which means "Die, Seven, Die" in Klingon), while Sheridan was enjoying himself cross-dressing.
(just don't ask.)