Harry comforts Snow after her Zoom trauma
"Snow, are you all right?" the question was out of his mouth before he could stop it or think about it, truth being that if this was any other person, any other member of the team, he would make a chase retreat, pretending he didn't notice something was wrong.
But he couldn't do the same with her. Never with her. When he was around this woman, it was so easy for him to forget about all of those walls he'd built around himself over the past years and just feel. In the end, that might be his doom, because despite all the difference between them, all the obstacles, the fact that someday he might lose her as well was the most devastating. And the possibility of her rejecting him, that was. He just couldn't get through any more pain, so he kept his personal feelings to himself, thinking it was for the best, thinking that maybe one day he'd simply forget about them.
Yeah, probably a foolish wish.
She didn't answer his question, just staring at something ahead of her like a deer caught in the headlights. She seemed to be frozen, unable to move, yet he could still notice a sight shaking to her body.
He was by her side in no time, his hands on her shoulders, steadying her, his blue eyes locking with her hazels, grounding her.
Just then, as she spotted him standing there, she seemed to relax a little, the tension gone, though she did look aside for a brief second and nervously bit on her lip before meeting his eyes again.
"I'm sorry," she finally said in a feeble and trembling voice. "It's just… sometimes I just see him and I… I can't…"
"Hey, it's ok," Harry immediately followed with, now reaching to her face and cupping it, looking deeper into her eyes. "He won't get you here. You're safe, ok? Snow, you're safe."
They were just standing there, looking at each other and then, suddenly, Snow reached for his face as well and before he knew what was happening, she was pressing her lips against his.
He didn't respond at first, too shocked with what she'd just done and once her lips moved over his own, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her back, to taste her and to lose himself in the kiss, but he couldn't.
He pulled away before he'd change his mind.
"I'm sorry…" he apologized immediately, releasing her from his hold and making a step back, hating the hurt look in her eyes, "It's not that…" He hesitated, bringing his hand to his head and running it through his hair. "I just… I'm not the one who you should be turning to for comfort," he finally said.
"Yeah… sorry…" she said in a changed voice. "I… Yeah… Forgive me for believing you may actually have feelings, Harry." After that, she turned on her heel and left the room and he could only stare after her, feeling shocked and confused.
He would do anything to be able to take that back, but sadly, he couldn't; her words hurting him more than he would like to admit. Because she was so, so terribly wrong and it pained him that people, even those on the team who were close to him, still thought so low of him. Then again, it was his own damn fault, wasn't it? He was the one who'd sworn never to get attached again.
"Oh, Snow…" he sighed, murmuring under his breath to himself since there was no one else around, "it's because that I actually do have them that I can't do this…"
Harrison felt awful. He nearly couldn't take this situation any longer. Snow was clearly avoiding him, adding this awkwardness to her Zoom trauma and he felt like the jerk he usually was. She refused to even look at him when they discussed a new issue with the team and he couldn't blame her, feeling even worse. Yes, he deserved this kind of a treatment. He knew he would probably never deserve anything more as he still had so much to make up for, but she didn't. With his rejection he only deepened the wound that was already there and he needed to explain. Him hurting because of his unreciprocated feelings was one thing, but her misunderstanding his actions and getting hurt in the process was another.
That night no one was more surprised than Snow when after coming back from work, she opened the door for no one else but Harry.
"Harry… why are you even here?" she immediately asked in exasperation and he could tell that she still wasn't comfortable with looking at him. Yet, at the moment she really seemed to have no other option.
The second thing he noticed was that she didn't seem to be so shaken up at the moment, rather mildly angry with him for invading her privacy in her apartment, but that was probably to cover the ache that he'd caused her. He always knew she was exceptionally strong and she was proving that to him with every passing day. Yes, she was still traumatized after being held captive by Zoom and still had minor or major panic attacks, but in overall, she was handling this whole situation better than any other person Harrison knew. In fact, he'd never in his entire life met anyone quite like her.
"I… I needed to explain," he finally said awkwardly, running a hand through his hair again, a gesture that always betrayed his nervousness and she knew it well.
"It's fine. I kissed you. You didn't want to kiss me back. If anyone should be apologizing, it's me, Harry. So I am sorry for reading things wrong or…" she cocked her head aside in hesitation, "maybe I should say I'm sorry for thinking there was more there, because you never let me think… Anyways, it's fine. We're good."
"No, we're not," he disagreed and she sighed heavily, still standing there with her hand on the doorknob. "Can I maybe come in?"
"Honestly, why? It's been awkward enough and…"
"Snow, listen to me," he interrupter her just then, his voice becoming intense and she did, meeting his eyes and immediately regretting it because the blue color there would always be her undoing. "I pulled away because I didn't want to just be the comfort for you," he finally spoke the truth.
"That's just it, Harry," she said after what seemed like a whole minute of her staring at him incredulously, "I wouldn't kiss Barry or Cisco if they were the ones there that day to talk me down. I kissed you. I didn't choose just any man and… mmphhh…" her words were cut off by Harry crashing his lips against her in a way he'd been craving to do for a very, very long time. And God, this felt good. In fact, she felt heavenly as he pulled her close to his body, locking in his embrace, his mouth moving over hers lovingly just before it all became too much and he couldn't help but be a little rough, prodding with his tongue and meeting her own when she allowed him access. They collided together, thoughts gone from their heads, only their bodies crashing together, their lips sucking, teeth scraping mattered.
They stilled when hearing the sound the door made as he kicked them close and that woke them up, causing them to pull away from each other.
"I'm sorry," he eventually apologized, again ruffling his hair.
"Why? Do you regret this, too?" she challenged him.
"You know well that I didn't even regret the first kiss. I just couldn't kiss you back, knowing you might not feel the same."
"Why didn't you say something?" She wanted to know. "Why did you just keep quiet? Letting me think I was nothing more to you than a friend?"
"Because I didn't want the pain," he told her honestly and she shot him a confused look. Again – hand through his hair when he told her, "I already lost everything that I held dear once and I thought I wouldn't survive that, that I would never find happiness again, Caitlin. I actually wanted to die, too; to stop existing and I couldn't because Jesse needed me," he confessed, a haunted look in his eyes. "Till this day I'm not sure whether it was a blessing or a curse, but I wouldn't wish such a fate on anyone. And then, there was you. You woke something up inside of me and before I knew it, I was falling for you and…" He closed his eyes briefly when shaking his head, deep ache marrying his features. "I didn't want it to happen. I knew that once I let myself feel again, once I let someone in… in the end, I might again be faced with a loss so enormous that this time I would die. And then you were taken by Zoom and it seemed like all of my worst nightmares were coming true."
There was silence as she was just standing there, looking at him, processing his words and feeling so much for this man that it killed her. She understood him perfectly, actually.
"Did you stop for a second to think that I may have the exact same fears?" she asked then and he shot her a surprised look. "Harry, I lost my husband. Twice," she added. "I, too, thought I could never be happy again, the team being the only thing keeping me together. With them I had a purpose and I knew I couldn't break because they needed me. Just like Jesse needed you. I, too, thought my personal happiness was as good as gone. I watched Barry and Iris fell in love and I was happy for them, I really was, but in the same time I was sure that this would never happen to me again. Yet, it did," she confessed. "It happened when you came along and I wanted to ignore you. I kept telling myself I couldn't possibly fall for the person that looked exactly like the previous dr. Wells I knew, yet I did. There's only one difference here, Harry."
"Yeah?" he asked her nearly breathlessly. "What is that?"
"I'm willing to risk it. Being with you, with the man that Ilove, will always be infinitely better than not getting together just because something might happen. It might or might not. I say the odds are in our favor this time and we should stop holding back."
He thought about what she said for a second before nodding and saying, "Well, I think the holding back part is as good as gone since I'm already here."
She actually smiled and he loved how her face immediately lit up.
"You got that right, dr. Wells. Apparently, in the end you can't really fight what you feel."
"No. No, you can't," he agreed before reaching for her again and kissing her slowly, lovingly, taking his time.
They didn't even know how they ended up in her bedroom, but once Harry realized his sweater was somehow misplaced and he was just pulling on her shirt to take it off of her, he hesitated, asking whether she was sure. She and her well-being was the most important to him and it even tramped his own nagging need that he could feel in his pants. She had been, after all, in Zoom's captivity and despite the monster never laying a hand on her, she might need some time.
"Of you?" she asked to his astonishment. "Always." And that was truly all he needed to know.
He still did make sure to be extremely gentle and loving that first time around, making sweet love to her, reaching for her hand and lacing their fingers together and through this simple act showing her how much he cared,
"I will never let anyone hurt you, Snow," he whispered into her ear when moving inside of her, his thrusts so deliciously and torturously slow. "I'll always protect you. I love you."