Momentomori by Reina Antilles

MAIN CHARACTERS:

Captain Wedge Antilles-Rogue Squadron

Lieutenant Commander Reina Faleur Antilles-Medicinal Botany & Exogeology. She is also a traditional healer. I gave her a promotion and she has since left the Quartermasters Corps.

DISCLAIMER:

This story was created for my own amusement while I was doing an internship in a nameless midwestern city. It will not be sold and the author recognizes the original genius upon which this story is based (Lucas, Stackpole, Dark Horse Comics, LFL, etc.). Characters from various SW related sources, timelines and my imagination might appear in this fic—you've been warned!

CHAPTER SUMMARY:

Reina returns home from a successful and dangerous exploration with big news, but Wedge is nowhere to be found.

This is my first fanfic. Please read and review. Thank you!

Absent was the excited chatter so typical among exploration teams returning home from a successful mission with ship, crew and cargo intact. Instead, on this vessel, over the groan and complaint of the engines, there was only silence. The excitement and relief everyone had felt as they entered uncontested space had now been ungraciously replaced by exhaustion and impatience. The ship's cabin, crammed with personnel, gear, equipment and cargo seemed to be growing smaller by the minute, as they endured a bone-jarring and dispiriting re-entry. They sat face-to-face and shoulder-to-shoulder uncomfortably confined on two narrow benches in a vessel built neither for their comfort nor their protection, subject to the twin tyrannies of pinched gut and pounding heart. The Exogeology and Medicinal Botany Survey and Exploration Teams (ESET/MEBSET) were returning to home base on Brentaal IV from a job well done.

In the cockpit, Lt. Commander Antilles skillfully piloted the space-weary vessel into the hangar, cut her engines and under the direction of the signalmen, guided the old bird to what could be its final resting place. The vessel was so ancient that no one bothered to call it by its registered name, but by one it had long since come to earn, the Jury Rig. It should have been put out of its misery long ago but some forward thinking soul had saved it from oblivion. Now, it was serving a useful and unexpected purpose. Too old to be considered a threat by its outward appearance and apparently lacking the ability to defend itself, the Jury Rig allowed xSET teams to conduct surveys, collect core samples and extract raw materials for the Alliance, right under the nose of the Empire or whatever was left of it. It had gotten the job done and was now delivering its crew and cargo safely home, frayed wires, frayed nerves and all.

A collective sigh of relief was heard throughout the cabin after they parked. Thoughts of the scientists, specialists and crew alike were about the comforts of home. Home sweet home was where the fleet was, where their base was, where they were told it was. And the meteor storm they'd escaped from with their lives and the ship that had harrowingly ferried them through it, without a doubt, was not home.

"Oh, I could kiss the permacrete! I want a palatable meal, real caf, a hot shower, my own bed and a bunkmate with undeveloped scent glands who doesn't snore. Too much to ask, do you think, Reina?"

Reina Faleur Antilles, leader of this mission, turned and smiled triumphantly at her co-pilot, colleague and childhood friend, Arlen Win. "No, not too much to ask. Congratulations on a successful mission, Arlen." She extended a hand to him formally.

"And to you Commander!" he said as both his hands warmly enveloped hers. Arlen could see past her relief and exhaustion and noticed that Reina seemed distracted and not completely of a mind to fully enjoy her success.

Reina sighed softly. "Now, all I want to do is see my husband again. I just want him to hold me in his arms, kiss me and tell me that he loves me." Reina was thinking out loud, something she might have been more careful of had Arlen been her only confidant.

"Hold? Kiss? Wedge! Antilles, I could think of a dozen different things I'd like to do to a man like that with holding and kissing not being near the top of my agenda. After all the time you two have been apart…I really think you need to get more of an imagination…especially if you want to hang on to him." The carelessly outspoken crewmember who had entered the cockpit unannounced mumbled the very last bit of her comment to Reina.

"Humph! That's not all she needs to get," Arlen commented as he took the datapad listing the ship's manifest being offered to him. "I know exactly what you need to get, Reina." Both Arlen and the crewmember laughed heartily.

Perturbed, Reina replied, "How would you know what I need, either of you?" She was caught off guard by the nature of their comments and their willingness to freely share a laugh at her expense.

"Well," Arlen continued on boldly, "don't let me have to guess. Tell me and I'll fulfill your wildest dreams. I promise!"

The crewmember was wise enough to slip out, leaving the two of them alone.

"Thank you, no. I think I already have someone willing and able to do that for me. And Arlen," she added with careful phrasing sharp enough to pierce an ego of durasteel, "Never promise more than you can perform!"

"You're welcome," he said, nudging her while pretending to ignore her barbed comment.

"Hmmm?" Reina was staring straight ahead straining for a glimpse of Wedge. Surely, he would have gotten word of my arrival, she thought. You promised to meet me. You promised! You told me that nothing could keep you away. Nothing! Where are you, my love? Why are you not here? What has happened?

"I stopped listening after you said 'thank you'." Arlen was leaning slightly against her now. "Any time. Any place. Always at your command," he whispered in her ear, hoping to get her full attention.

"Dream on, Lieutenant!" Reina said in a hushed tone that belied her growing anxiety as she pushed him away.

Wedge was nowhere in sight. She continued to scan the hangar for a glimpse of her husband. Where are you! Reina sighed and turned her attention to Arlen and the control panels before she stood up to leave the cockpit to say a few words to the crew.

"Looks like that's about all I can do." Arlen swiveled his seat around and slouched down in his seat, looking dejected.

"Someone like you? Now, look at who needs to get an imagination." Reina said while looking back at him as she prepared to step out. Her efforts to conceal her private distress from him did not go unnoticed. He longed to see her smile earnestly and to hear her laugh again. His eyes followed her sadly as she left the cockpit. He turned back to the console, picked up the datapad and began tapping away on it. He stopped working as soon as Reina began to address his colleagues and crewmates in the cabin.

"Remember people," Reina said to her teams, "debriefing and presentation to command staff at the top of the hour. After that, whatever is left of today day and the next is your own. Enjoy it and thanks for being partners in a difficult yet incredibly successful mission. Great job everyone!"

To that someone cried out, "Last one off is a rotten Krayt Dragon's egg!"

Everyone grabbed at their gear and started to head out. The cabin emptied out in minutes as they filed past Arlen in haste. But, Reina, he noticed, unlike everyone else, was making her way back towards the crew's quarters.

Arlen decided to wait for her, but after a few minutes he called out to her. "Reina, are you coming?" When he got no response he decided to check on her.

He was surprised to find her lying prone on her bunk, sobbing like a broken-hearted schoolgirl.

"Reina, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

She didn't want Arlen to see her like this but she wasn't able to compose herself as quickly as she would have liked. He sat down carefully beside her and he whispered, "Reina, honey, what is it?"

"It's nothing. I just need some time…some privacy. I just want to be alone." She was barely able to choke the words out.

"I won't leave you here like this," he protested gently. "Come on," he said as he rested a hand lightly on her back, "tell me what's wrong. What's troubling you? What's been troubling you? I hope it wasn't what I said earlier. I was just teasing you. You must know that I didn't mean anything by it. Has something happened?"

"No, I'm just feeling a little emotional right now. I'll be okay." Yet she continued to sob.

"Emotional, about what? Coming home?"

She shook her head no and turned to look at him. "Wedge is not here. I'm…I just want to see him and be with him. He told me he would be waiting for me. I'm just worried…the fact that he's not here… Something must have happened…" Reina sat up with her back to the wall and hugged her knees. She looked Arlen in the eye briefly and started sobbing again as her whole body shook.

Arlen didn't fully understand. Reina was saying that she was worried about Wedge yet he felt that she was acting as if she was very deeply hurt. It was as if Wedge, by not showing up, had abandoned her completely. Arlen felt as if her emotional dam had finally burst. He should have given her the privacy she wanted, but couldn't bring himself to leave her side.

"It's okay, Reina. Take your time. I am here for you." He waited for her to compose herself.

She sat up straight, wiping her eyes. "Look, it's been a stressful trip and my emotions are getting the best of me. We have the briefing in about a half hour and I just can't think straight." She leaned back against the wall and looked at him while tears continued to stream down her face.

"Did something happen between you two before you left?"

"It's what didn't happen between us that's the problem. That and the fact that I know he is going to be furious about this mission, since I went to great lengths to see that he was kept in the dark about certain details. Perhaps he already knows and that's why he's not here."

"He could just be busy, you know." Arlen put both hands on her shoulders. "Got an idea! Let's hop on a personnel transport and go see if his fighter is here in the hangar. We'll probably see someone who'll know his whereabouts if he's not nearby. Maybe he's just tied up in a meeting, conducting sims or chewing out a Rogue or something. It's not like it's o' dark-thirty and he got nothing but time on his hands. He's probably just very busy."

"That's a thought but I can go alone." She sniffled.

"No, you're upset. We'll go together. Come on." He coaxed, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. "You'll feel better knowing otherwise it'll be on your mind throughout the meeting. Someone will definitely know where he is if we can't find him."

Arlen gave Reina some time to freshen up. They left their belongings on board and prepared to head out.

Arlen watched Reina as they rode over together on the small open transport vehicle. She had seemed so confident during their month-long mission, but now she seemed vulnerable, making her all the more appealing to him. He suspected that she had been holding something back from him during the mission. And sometimes, particularly during downtime, she seemed so sad. He remembered that he had overheard her bunkmate say that Reina often cried in her sleep. Or, was it that she cried herself to sleep; he was no longer sure. They had had at least a half dozen awkward conversations where he tried to gently encourage her to confide in him. He finally gave up at the risk of pushing her away. In spite of their long friendship, he'd almost come to accept it, until today. At least he now knew that, whatever the problem was, it had to do with Wedge. Lucky man, he thought.

The transport driver stopped in front of the Rogue Squadron fleet to let them off. Both Reina and Arlen thanked her kindly. Arlen offered his arm to Reina to assist her in stepping off and she took it, clinging tightly. Obviously, she was very anxious about seeing Wedge again. But, Arlen wondered why it was anxiety rather than excitement.

As soon as they arrived, they saw that Wedge's X-wing was safely grounded, freshly painted and looking in top condition. In fact, its condition made it stand out from the rest of the fleet, complete with recently added kill marks. Obviously, Wedge hadn't been twiddling his thumbs while Reina was away. Wedge's astromech, Mynock, peeped wildly at the unexpected visitors. The acknowledgement made Reina smile briefly. But, Reina's grip on Arlen's arm didn't loosen at the sight of her husband's fighter. Arlen silently acknowledged this. His heart was breaking for her and he hoped that there would be no bad news.

They spotted Koyi Komad, the squadron's brainy and beautiful Twi'lek chief technician atop Hobbie's heavily damaged craft, busily making repairs. She stopped her work to acknowledge them. There was no point in trying to speak; only a Wookiee's throaty roar could be heard over the din in that part of the hangar. Arlen mouthed, "Wedge?" to her. Koyi shook her head and shrugged her shoulders indicating that he was not in the vicinity and she didn't know where he was.

"Well," said Arlen, "his fighter is here and in ship-shape, so he's got to be around here somewhere. He's probably in a meeting. I notice that I don't see any of the other Rogues hanging around…looking aimless," he added with derision. "We could check with the deck officer on duty."

"No, that's okay, Arlen. Thank you. Thank you for coming with me. I think I really needed your strength."

Arlen grinned broadly. "Feeling better now?"

"A little," she said shakily. "Do I look like I've been crying?"

He stopped her, putting both his hands on her shoulders, "You're still crying. What do you think?"

"Oh, great!" she said as she tried to wipe the tears from her eyes discreetly. But she knew that after a mission, if you were fortunate enough to feel even slightly embarrassed by your own tears, you were the lucky one. This was true if you were crying for a lost loved one or simply for yourself because you'd lost a loved one. And it certainly didn't appear as if she'd lost Wedge.

"Come on. Cheer up. You'll soon see him." He put his hand on her back as if to gently propel her towards the xSET conference room. "Let's not be late. We have a bit of a walk to the meeting room. And if you thought that I had exhausted my supply of bad jokes during the mission, well…I am a bottomless pit and you're a captive audience," he said in an attempt to lighten things up.

"Oh no, then I may start bawling my eyes out again," she said with a sniffle and a weak smile. He offered his arm and she took it again but this time did not hold on so tightly.

With her friend's support, Reina's mood began to improve as she started to reframe her situation. She fidgeted through the debriefing, but happily partook in the commendations to members of her team. By the time it was all over, she felt proud, relaxed and relieved.

After speaking with her superiors, Reina headed back to the Jury Rig to get her belongings. She had been enjoying the few moments of solitude when a voice called out to her. It was Tycho Celchu, Wedge's first. He had three fresh-faced recruits trailing behind him, just barely able to keep up. He stopped and told them that he would meet up with them in the locker room. They continued on, but at a more leisurely pace.

"Reina! Welcome back!" He gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. In spite of being in the midst of running recruits ragged, he looked as polished as ever. "I am so glad that you made it safely home. You've done us a great service. Congratulations to you…to you and Wedge…especially to you-twice over! Well-done!" He winked at her.

"About Wedge…have you seen him? I have been looking around—"

"Reina, I am sure that he's around somewhere. Look, I've got to get going. It's best if I don't let those three out of my sight for too long. They are the Sith's workshop! Glad they're on our side…I think." He gave her another hug and kiss on the cheek and was off.

Reina was beginning to feel a little suspicious. It was a mild suspicion, but something worth noting. Wedge was nowhere to be found. And even Tycho claimed not to know where he was, but there was something else. Tycho was being evasive. It was in his eyes. He could barely maintain eye contact with her. And she had gotten to know him pretty well. Back in the days when she was in the Quartermaster's Corps, she'd bent the rules more times than she could remember in the Squadron's favor. Over time, while dealing mostly with Tycho, he'd come to owe her a huge favor. She often asked him about Wedge, but Tycho never took the hint, so one day she decided to be bold and make her desires known. Tycho owed her a favor and Captain Wedge Antilles would be the only acceptable deliverable. Tycho was a man of his word and it wasn't long before Wedge was holding her in his arms on the dance floor of the Officer's Club. She'd complimented him on his natural talents while there, but she was really wondering about what other talents the Captain had on offer, where in a tender intimacy, she could enjoy the pleasure of being held in his arms again. It was a while before she found out, but she recalled, definitely, definitely worth the wait. Reina smiled at the memories as she made her way to the Rig. The dark feeling of foreboding she'd had earlier was beginning to dissipate.

She boarded the Rig and picked up her scant few personal belongings plus a large geode that she was going to cut and finish for Wedge's office. All tools, equipment and cargo would be delivered to the appropriate science labs tomorrow. Arlen would see to that.

Being back on the Rig made her remember some of the more interesting moments of the trip and those were usually the personal ones. She'd managed to put on some weight while she was on board. Oh, if Wedge could see how snugly my flightsuit is fitting these days! And she'd suffered stares and comments from interested members of the crew. She remembered one crewman in particular who boldly stated that he would be at her beck and call if she ever needed help pulling her zipper up…or down. Funny, she never saw him again after that and she thought he was kind of cute. She giggled to herself as she prepared to deboard the outmoded vessel.

However, once outside of it, her thoughts drifted to Wedge again as she made her way through the noise and confusion that immediately engulfed her. She trekked past battle-blasted vessels, dodged small armies of gonking power droids, zippy mouse droids, war-weary pilots and harried technicians struggling with fueling hoses or damaged astromechanicals. Alone.

But as Reina entered the Antilles quarters she was startled to find Wedge at home in the middle of the day. He'd been waiting for her.