For those of you who don't watch Vampire Diaries…WATCH IT. This is going to be pure comedy, maybe some creepy vampire-horror-ness, obviously a LOVE TRIANGLE with DAMON, Casey and Sammy (well, not Damon/Casey but you know what I mean by love triangle). BECAUSE I LOVE DAMON. Team Damon. Go watch some Vampire Diaries now. I think there's a website where you can watch EVERY episode for free—except I buy the season DVDs because I'm like obsessed with the show. Xoxo

By the way, the title of the story is from the AMAZING song "Help I'm Alive" by Metric. That song was once used in Vampire Diaries and now it is best known for being a song from VD. BUT ITS SUCH A CREEPY AND COOL SONG. And by the way, Sammy is a junior in high school in this story, so 17 years old, because I want her to be around the same age as the people on Vampire Diaries. So Casey is 18/19-ish. And Marissa is the same as Sammy, Billy as Casey, etc.

Santa Martina, California:

11:06 p.m.

It was too late for me to stay up on Facebook to chat with my friends. In fact, I completely regret getting this Facebook, but Marissa insisted. And now instead of doing my homework, I spend my hours Facebook-creeping on people because that's just how I am. Overly curious. And I'm sorry, but looking through Heather's garbage is way too amusing.

Marissa: you still up?

Me: No, I went to sleep on top of my laptop. This is my head typing the words by the way.

Marissa: you suck. And guess what?

Me: What.

Marissa: My dad

(Her dad, by the way, finally stopped gambling back in her freshman year and now they finally bounced back—quick)

is going out of town. And guess what Kevin

(Kevin was her current boyfriend)

got me?

Me: What?

Marissa: Well he's going out of town to his dad's house in Virginia and he said he'd take me.

Me: cool. Would your parents me okay with that?

Suddenly my phone rang. I picked it up.

"Marissa, why are you calling me when we're chatting?"

"It's easier to tell you in person," she said. "And no, my parents wouldn't be okay with it. But they're going out of town too next week for spring break and so that's when I'm going."

I had no idea what to say. "Cool? Have fun in…Virginia."

"Shut up! He said Mystic Falls is a very cool place. It has great history."

I snorted. "Tell Kevin I said he's a dork."

"Okay, well what if I tell you that they have a history of witches? Like the Salem witches?"

"I wouldn't believe you."

"The Salem witches were real."

"I realize that."

"So?"

"So?"

"Ugh, Sammy, you're impossible!" she hung up the phone.

I logged off my computer and spent the rest of the night doing a rush-job of my homework.

The next morning at school, however, Marissa was not pleased.

"I can't believe how un-enthusiastic you were," she whined as we walked down the hallway. "You are a very bad best friend."

"I'm sorry! But Virginia is a really boring place to take your girlfriend. Why doesn't he take you to Hawaii or something?"

"He's visiting his dad, you idiot!"

"Who's visiting his dad?" Casey's voice. Behind me. I turned around and rolled my eyes. "Kevin. And Marissa, apparently."

He grinned. "Cool? Where?"

"Virginia."

His grin faded. "Uh, okay. Cool." Less enthused this time. Surprise, surprise.

"Look, guys, I gotta get to U.S. History before the bell rings. Bye."

"See you guys after school?" Casey asked, giving me a quick kiss. I smiled and nodded and rushed off to class.

U.S. History. Usually people would think this class is the equivalent to nap-time in kindergarten, but I actually like it. I actually like history is the teacher is pretty cool and we're not learning about Europe or anything. Because I seriously hate learning about Europeans and how they try to colonize every country and how they lose every stupid war they start.

I really hate learning about Europe.

Which is why I'm taking U.S. History, to learn about more interesting things, like, I dunno, the country I live in?

Unfortunately we were watching a dull video on New England in class. They mentioned the Salem witches at one point in colonial Massachusetts. I thought of Marissa yammering about witches in Virginia and rolled my eyes.

But then suddenly a kid called out, "Hey, were those witches real?"

Mr. Edgington (aka "Mr. Edge", his much approved nickname) paused the screen and turned to us. "Why, I know someone of the decent of Alice Young, a very famous witch."

I smirked. Bullcrap. I put my head on my desk.

"They were real, witches. Doing black magic—and all over New England, too. Connecticut, Massachussets, Virginia…"

My head snapped up. Virginia? Oh, god, I sure hoped Marissa doesn't hear about Mr. Edge confirming her suspicions or whatever.

Unfortunately I couldn't keep my big mouth shut. After class I just had to tell Marissa, Casey, and Billy all about what Mr. Edge had said. And I'm embarrassed to say that I actually sounded…interested.

"You wanna come with us?" Marissa asked. "I mean, roundtrip tickets are only $200 a person. I'm sure your mom can fork over that much money."

I nodded. "Yeah, probably. But still."

"If you're both going, we're going too!" Billy demanded. "I'll take the money out of my video game money stash."

Casey rolled his eyes but Billy punched him. "Don't tell me you don't have of those, too!"

"I don't."

"Yes, you do. Don't deny it!"

"Do I even own an X-Box?"

"Yeah, but you own a Play Station 3"—

"Both of you, shut up!" Marissa yelled. "Too much bickering. Are we all going? Cuz I'll tell Kevin to"—

"Why am I even going?" I asked aloud. "To hunt for witches? How ridiculous am I?"

"No, but Kevin tells me the history is rich there. Apparently Mystic Falls had a whole coven of vampires that were burned down in a church during their civil war. And I've even heard something about werewolves!"

"This is insane."

"Seriously, though," she reached into her bag and pulled out a statistics sheet. "Kevin gave this to me. It's a list of how many deaths occur in Mystic Falls. See that? In the past three months, 21 people have died."

"I'm surprised the population hasn't dwindled down too far," I said, an eyebrow lurching as I looked over the population graphs.

"Yeah, that's because there isn't always this much deaths. Usually it's only 1 or 2 people every month."

"That's still a lot of people dying!" Billy cried.

Marissa nodded. "And these past few months people have been dying of mysterious animal attacks. Isn't that suspicious? I mean, I know Virginia would have forests and wild animals, but 21 deaths? That's ridiculous. The animal must be schizophrenic."

"And so he wants to take you to Virginia…where people are dying?"

"We'll be fine. I mean, what are the chances? Besides, as long as we don't venture out into any forests, we won't get eaten by any…vampires." She grinned.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, Bella. Seems like you're a little too eager to encounter these creatures."

I looked around at all of my friends. They shrugged like, Why not?

"Fine, we're going to Mystic Falls, Virginia." I rolled my eyes. "But we're not playing Buffy, okay? We're only going there to learn about the history."

Marissa jumped up and down. "I love you! Let me tell Kevin." She whipped her phone out and stalked away.

I looked over at Casey. "Think this is a good idea?"

He grinned. "No. But since when has anything we've done been a good idea?"

"Good point."

"Good point," Billy grinned. "But not good idea."

We were far too right about that.

Not a good idea.

At all.

MEANWHILE, in Mystic Falls, Virginia…

Damon threw Stefan's journal across the wall.

Goddammit, Stefan!

Why did Damon do that? Why did he and his brother always fall for the same girl? Elena.

I need to stop thinking about her, he growled in his mind.

He wiped his dark hair across from his forehead. He shut his icy blue eyes. Stop thinking about Elena.

Let's go out and find another girl to obsess over, shall we…?

END OF CHAPTER ONE.

Note: I know Damon sounds like an evil jerk, but he's not. He's nice and sweet and caring on the inside, but on the outside he's sarcastic and snide and witty and evil and HILARIOUS. AND PLUS HE IS SOO FRICKEN HOT. He's like the hottest man on earth. Anyway, I'm Team Damon, but Stefan is pretty cool (coughcough HOT) too. YOU CAN PROBABLY GUESS WHO DAMON IS GOING TO LOVE NEXT.

That's right, folks. Harry Styles.

Just kidding, Sammy.

By the way, Damon is 23 years old but he's a vampire so he never grows old. And Stefan is 17 and a vampire too. And Elena, the girl they both love, is 18. Sammy is 17. Casey = let's say he's 18. Ages all set? A'IGHT MAN.

AUTHOR OUT. (comment yo)