of living in spaces between time
Summary: There is little time between saving the world and leading an order. OneShot- Luke, Mara and many facets of a crystal.
Set: Story-unrelated. Technically after the "Hand of Thrawn"-trilogy, after Union, in between NJO, LotF and FotJ. Bits and pieces from everywhere.
Warning: -
Disclaimer: Standards apply.
i.
"Luke. Hey, Luke."
No answer.
"Luke…"
"Hmmm…"
"Farm boy, if you don't wake up and give me your undivided attention right now, my hand's going to slip and hit the fire button, and the entire world will see the great Jedi Master in his nightwear. You're never going to live that down. I, on the other side…"
"What – the great Emperor's Hand would rather resort to public attention instead of killing me quietly and quickly?"
"Gotta do what's necessary to get the job done."
Mara smirked down at Luke, her red-golden hair falling into his face and tickling him. Sleepy, Luke rubbed his nose and his eyes and looked up at the woman perched over him.
"What time is it?"
"Almost two, I guess."
"Mara – it's in the middle of the night."
"Not by my standards."
"I can only pray that your standards won't become mine as well after you've married me," he joked and tried to foretell her response. He wasn't so bad with that nowadays. In fact, he was becoming much, much better at guessing her. Must have had something to do with their Force connection.
"You asked for it, so go figure."
"I did." Luke reached up and pulled her down, placed a gentle kiss on her lips and then tucked her face into the hollow of his shoulder. Her body was warm and pliant against his. "So what does my beautiful fiancée want from me in the middle of the night?"
"I just remembered something," came her voice, muffled by the plain T-Shirt he wore.
"And what was of such importance that you had to wake me immediately?"
"The Sabre. Has she-"
"Who?"
"The Jade's Sabre." Mara's voice was a mixture between pride, shyness and smugness. "Do I have to spell it out for you, Farm Boy? The ship you've commissioned as my wedding gift. It's the Jade's Sabre."
"Wait a minute." Luke's hand stopped caressing her hair. "You know?"
"It's pretty difficult to keep a secret between the two of us," Mara said lightly. "And, to be honest, I needed a few days to figure it out. But I was right. For example, yesterday, your robe smelled like fused durasteel. And you didn't visit Han."
Luke felt her smugness – and a tiny hint of guilt – and couldn't help but smile. "I should have known there was no way you wouldn't notice. The Sabre it is. What is with her, oh mighty mind-reader?"
"Have you made sure she has all the equipment the Fire had, too? Laser Cannons and a blaster turret and all the extra sensory stuff. Because I get the feeling she's gonna need it… As the official transportation device of the Jedi Master's wife."
"She has everything the Fire had… Plus a few improvements."
"Oh?" Mara lifted her head to look at him in the dimness of their shared bedroom. "Like what?"
"Not that I'm going to tell you everything," Luke said and grinned. "Especially not after you saw fit to wake me up in the middle of the night and to spoil my surprise."
"Farm Boy, if you can't take this you'll find yourself at a loss in the future. We aren't even married yet."
"Looking forward to it, in fact." He yawned. "Mara, I love you with all my heart and soul. Can we go to sleep now? I have a meeting with the Camaasi tomorrow, and Wedge needs me to have a look at something, and the Academy needs a few orders to be placed. And…"
He more felt than saw her smile. Carefully extricating herself from him, she rolled herself up into his side.
"So that's the way it is. Your duty keeps you too busy to be awake when your wife wants you to be."
"Mara…"
"No, no." He felt her sigh, a mixture of regret and understanding in her ever-present Force signature in his mind. "You know I don't mean it like that. Sleep, Luke."
"I know. Good Night, my love."
"Good Night, Skywalker."
Silence descended onto the room.
"…"
"Luke?"
ii.
"Sometimes I think the universe is going mad."
"Sometimes I think the universe has already gone mad and we're going to hell with it."
"You're exaggerating."
"Only because you're understating."
Luke laughed out. "What would I do without you, Mara?"
Mara answered with a smug look, lovingly threading her fingers through his hair.
"You'd be on your way to save the mad universe, and nobody would tell you to stop, sit and have a cup of caf."
iii.
And there she was, the steady, warming presence in his mind finally standing in the room. Mara's hair glowed softly in the light of the lamps. When the people around Luke noticed her, the attention shifted to her almost instantly, every pair (and, in some cases, even more) of eyes suddenly going in her direction.
What are they staring at?
Luke, momentarily, was at a loss for words. As were about fifteen humans and not-so-humans.
Skywalker? She demanded.
I guess it's you, he finally managed, equally unheard. You are beautiful.
Mara Jade didn't blush. Rather the opposite – annoyance flickered across her face as she refused to acknowledge the host of people and aliens in the small room, all staring at her in her evening gown. Only in her Force presence, Luke could see the crimson stain of her self-consciousness.
Is there any way, she demanded sharply, I could cross the room without them staring their eyes off?
Luke's mouth twitched. "Gentlemen," he said out loud and with just a tiny hint of the Force in his voice. Heads and eyes snapped back to him. From the corners of his eyes, he watched as Mara made her way through the room gracefully and disappeared in the enclosed bedroom the two of them shared.
She was stunning.
iv.
"Ice-cream! Ice-cream!"
Jacen and Jaina were far too old – in their opinion – for such a show, but Anakin and Tahiri didn't mind much. Their voices echoed across the great avenue.
"I don't think…" Luke started off, but four pairs of eyes latched onto him pleading and reprimanding.
"It's summer, Uncle Luke," Jacen explained with all the seriousness a twelve-year old possessed. "You just have to have ice-cream in summer, otherwise it's not really summer."
His siblings nodded vigorously.
Luke smirked. "Well, what can I do against that kind of logic."
"Had I known I only needed a couple of children to bring you down, Skywalker, I'd have done it long before."
"Jade." Unsurprised, Luke turned around. "What are you doing here?"
She threw her hair over her shoulder. "Errands for Karrde. Fawn has the ship in the orbit – we're leaving in four standard hours."
"Off for your next great adventure?"
She didn't even blink. "As fast as possible."
"Hey." Ignoring Anakin, who was pulling at his robe, and Jacen and Jaina, who were running circles around a near pillar of the avenue, Luke tried to stare her down and, as usual, failed.
"When will you finish your training?"
For a second, something flashed in her eyes Luke couldn't define. Then it was gone, as quickly as it had come.
"Your temple isn't my thing, Skywalker. I've survived without your training, I will manage the rest of my life, as well."
Luke couldn't hide the hurt in his face.
"You'd be a good student… A good knight."
"Student." Mara let the word roll of her tongue like she was testing it. "Knight. Do I want to be a student? I don't know, Skywalker. I want…"
She stopped and shook her head. "Never mind. Don't be angry, Skywalker, you're a Jedi Master. I'll see you."
With that, she was gone.
v.
"Are you okay?"
"Skywalker. I'm pregnant, not invalid. And in the name of the Force, stop asking me that! Everybody's asking and nobody believes me when I say I'm fine!"
He doesn't answer, just looks at her with those ridiculously blue eyes, and although she feels bloated and heavy and unable to move, although her back hurts and her feet ache and she can feel the usual irritation building up inside of her, she cannot bring it over herself to snap at him further. Because his whole presence radiates with his love for her, for them, for Mara and for the tiny child she carries. Protectively, her hand slips to her belly, cupping the swell. Luke's presence in her mind is warm and comforting and so incredibly full of love she feels like crying.
She blames the hormones.
"I'm not fine, Luke. I'm better." Nudging him with her mind, she waits until he sits down next to her on the bed, wrapping her in the comfort of his familiar embrace and mind. His heart is full of light, as usual. As it always was. Even as the Emperor's Hand, Mara remembers she could feel the honesty, the passion and compassion that are Luke Skywalker. It was too much, back then. It is the only thing that keeps her going on other days. But there is a small, dark piece, as well, well-hidden – but not to her.
"Luke," she reminds him. "I'm in your heart."
Luke sighs against her hair.
"Don't be afraid."
And she does not know whether she is consoling him or herself. Besides all their unshakable faith in the Force – and in each other – they still are afraid. Sometimes.
"A war is going on. It's not safe for you."
"I'm safe as long as we are together."
He cannot argue with that.
vi.
Being a Jedi means not giving in to emotions, both good and bad. But it does not mean that they don't have such emotions. So they just stare at each other from across the room, willing the other one to give up.
No one does.
Because it's not really anger, and it's not really resignation, and it surely is nothing even remotely like giving up. Jedi don't get angry, especially not over such simple things. But really – how are human beings supposed to live together if they aren't allowed to express disapproval?
For Mara, it feels like this: cold hands cold thoughts cold eyes, blueblueblue but oh so cold, the whole love and compassion and everything that makes him hers is gone from the Force presence that presses against her own like a cold, cold block of ice. Tightly controlled fury – not even fury, because this man, Luke Skywalker, has learned what darkness is and is far too goddamn good to slip a second time in his life. You are as stubborn as a bantha, Mara thinks with all the malice she can muster into her mental voice, trying to faze him, trying to hurt him, trying to get any reaction other than this incredible, incredible coldness. Because Jedi Masters do not get angry, and her Luke never loses his temper, but this is worse than anything. And she retaliates with the same strength he has.
For Luke, it feels like this: hot blood hot thoughts hot eyes, greengreengreen and filled with all the fiery emotions he can read on her face, see in her shoulders, feel in her mind, and everything that makes her his is there, from the heated passion to the glowing rage and the burning fury. Her Force presence presses against his, melts his ice and only causes it to expand more and more, because this woman, Mara Jade Skywalker, has learned that she is not a soulless puppet without strings and she is far too goddamn stubborn to see the reason in his argumentation. Or perhaps she sees it but she refuses to back down, refuses to agree with him because she knows what it will mean. Her red fire presses against his cold reason and she is trying to force him to change his mind but he will not do that. Her anger is a physical thing, a wave that threatens to push him under the surface and he wonders whether he will be able to breathe if he lets it. It is exhilarating, somehow, this raw strength of hers meeting his, and he enjoys it far too much.
Training.
No Force, no weapons, and when Mara bests him again, Luke pants and sweats and smiles, and she cannot help but smile back, his pulse fast under her hand.
vii.
"Did you see this?"
Mara's expression is a mixture of awe, suspiciousness and suppressed laughter.
"What?"
She hands him a datapad.
"Jedi Skywalker and his wife enjoy a belated honeymoon…" Luke stops. "What the…?"
"It's all over the news."
"…romantic moonlight dinner at the beach of Eryn VI during coral bloom… Luxury suite at the White Star Hotel… No visits allowed…"
He shakes his head, amazed.
"Someone did his job here."
"He only forgot to mention the fact that it wasn't us at that beach," Mara said scathingly. "And that we've been married for six years now. And, please? I don't wear "a piece of flimsiness in the color of my emerald eyes", which makes "my betrothed unable to look away for the rest of the evening". Who, by the way, is Grand Master Skywalker, not Jedi Skywalker. You ask me? Someone was really, really bored."
"From what I gather, someone will be really, really glad he is two or three systems away from Coruscant when he gets to listen to his holonet messages tomorrow…"
"What – I'd never do something like that. Luke, you know me!"
The mock-innocent look on her face is too much for Luke: he starts laughing. Leaning over the sofa, he kisses his wife's head.
"Of course not. Mara, I'm sorry but I have to get going again. The Council's waiting…"
"And the universe does not continue on without the Great Jedi Master, I know," Mara sighed and leaned back. "And I have to go and find Kyp Durron. He wanted to talk to me about something, has been pestering me the whole morning. You'll be back when?"
"Around dinner, hopefully."
Their hands touch briefly before Luke turns to leave. He stops when Mara calls after him.
"Luke?"
"Yeah?"
She pulls him down by his robes until she can kiss him.
"Don't take too long."
A groan from the door.
"Mum! Dad! Not in the kitchen!"
viii.
"Hmmmm," Mara muses. "That's what I like."
"What do you like?"
"Hot, shirtless men in the holodramas."
"What?!"
"You asked."
"Okay… I think I am offended."
"Why offended, dearest husband mine?"
"Because… Scratch that. I'm not offended, I'm jealous."
"Perhaps you should walk around shirtless a bit more often, then."
"I'm officially offended a lot."
A smirk, a laugh, and she is so beautiful when she smiles at him like that.
"Don't be, Skywalker, because that sixpack of his? No comparison to yours."
She loves it how he still blushes like the farmboy he is.
ix.
"There is a place in the farthest part of the known universe…"
Ben always wants to listen to Luke's stories before falling asleep. Mara guesses it's because his father is so rarely there in the evening, and she knows it's ridiculous to feel jealous of her own husband because her son – her baby – always wants a good night story when his Dad is there. She can't help it.
The fact that they have been apart for such a long time – not even years in the course of the war, but still enough time that she wonders when Ben started to like spinach, and cannot remember if he had blue fever, and wonders where the small scar on his left hand came from. She wants to cry when she thinks of it because she has missed so much time with Ben. And now she has him every day, every hour and minute, and she even begrudges Luke of his little bedside talk when he comes back in the evening, tired and grey with exhaustion and yet eagerly rushing to Ben's room where his son is already sitting in his bed, waiting expectantly.
"… and the child had an elephant. All elephants in the group were grey, like normal elephants. But this special elephant…"
"What are elephants, Daddy?"
"Elephants are huge, grey animals that lived on Terra long, long ago. They could rip threes from the ground with their trunks, and…"
"Daddy, now you're making things up!"
"I am not. When did I ever make things up before, Ben? Those elephants had teeth made from ivory, and everyone wanted to have an elephant because their teeth were so valuable…"
"Are my teeth valuable, too?"
Mara saw Luke smile affectionally and lean over Ben to kiss his head.
"You are more valuable than anything, Ben."
And Mara wants to file them away: these moments, all the short seconds that pass in a blurr, barely noticed, and yet hold all those little things she treasures so much. And she loves them – her Luke, her Ben, her two men – she loves them so much she feels like crying.
She smiles instead.
x.
"Stay the night, love."
He isn't sure whether she smiles or shakes her head. The projection is blurry but he doesn't need it, anyway. Luke Skywalker knows exactly how his wife looks – looked – like.
"You're not taking care of yourself," she tells him and settles down behind him. They have often sat like this – Mara leaning her back on his – but the only thing Luke feels now is a soft, cool draft in his back. Shivering, he pulls his blanket up to cover himself better.
"Really, Luke. Dagobah?"
He manages a dry cough. "One place is as good as the other."
"I'd like to ask you what you're doing here, just to check whether you actually know what you're doing. But since I know the answer I'll settle with telling you that…"
Her voice drifts away. Luke lifts his eyes, looks into the green and yellow colors that represent the sky on Dagobah.
"It's not your time yet, Luke."
He laughs again, and his laugh turns into a hacking cough.
"It's not, indeed, love. I know that."
"What are you doing here then, almost killing yourself?"
"Perhaps I was looking for peace?"
"Couldn't you find it on a warm, pretty, beach-y planet?"
"Yeah." He relents. Coughs into his hands, presses a fist against his chest. It hurts. "Lando and Han will be joining me tomorrow and we'll throw a Sabacc Tournament."
"Oh."
For a while it is silent, so silent Luke leans back and pretends to feel her warmth.
"Seriously, Luke, what are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to see you one more time."
xi.
He wakes up slowly.
Which is unusual. Drilled into his body by years and years of military practice, life on the run and Jedi Master, his consciousness surfaces even before his body does, immediately passing on information on whereabouts, dangers and threats. With opening his eyes, Luke Skywalker is awake.
Normally.
This time he feels warm and fuzzy and heavy, as if he had drunk a whole liter of Livrauan Berry-Juice. His brain struggles with the information flow, sluggish as if it was filled with soap bubbles. The sheets are cool and comfortable, his one hand is asleep and something warm and pliant is rolled up into his side.
Snap.The sound of a brain taking up its routine work.
Mara's hair is spread around her face like a halo. Her eyes are closed, her face buried in his chest, and her breath ghosts over his skin and makes him shudder.
Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful…
She fits against him perfectly.
And she is asleep – deeply and uncommonly unguarded – and Luke catches himself wanting to look at her only, to touch her, feel her and kiss her and never again let go. Her eye-lashes flutter softly.
Luke gathered her into his arms once again and she stirred.
"Shhhh, love," he breathed in her ear and she calmed again, instantly.
Yesterday they had married. Today Mara would leave for a trip to Dantooine, to pick something up for Karrde, and Luke would meet a few associates on Bothawui.
"Will it always be like this?" Mara whispered, fully awake now. Their Force Bond had, if even possible, only gained intensity.
"What?"
"We'll always be leaving into opposite directions, won't we."
"I love you," Luke murmured into her ear. Not answering her question but giving her an answer, nevertheless.
Even if this was what eternity promised, he would never get tired of it. Coming back would always be the thing he would work towards, seeing her again the reason why he kept going.
Mara shifted. "You'll come back," she said. A question. "I'll always come back. Promise me you'll come back, as well. No matter what."
He didn't even think about it for the fraction of a second. "I promise."
A sigh, soft as a gust of wind. Mara's eyes were luminous in the darkness for their shared room. "I don't want to sleep now. I just want to be here with you."
Their life is a story. A story of spaces between leaving and returning, between fighting and watching. Between saving the world and leading an order and working for a smuggler. A story of two people, and of living in spaces between time.
And she loves him.