Disclaimer: We do not own the Penguins of Madagascar.

Source: The Drunken Tavern Suggestion Box

Weapon of Convenience

Written by TerraNovA

As requested by POMfan17286: 5/16/12

Genre: Crime / Adventure

Rating: T

Characters: Kowalski / Max

Original Characters: Angelique (POMfan17286)

Summary: Kowalski invents a device of devastating power, and is kidnapped. Unfortunately, a search for him soon becomes the least of their worries.

"Skipper! I've done it! I've done it!"

The intellectual was almost hopping in excitement as he pushed his newest invention out of the lab. Its appearance resembled that of a cannon, only more mechanized.

"Done what?" snorted the commando derisively.

"You remember that Anti-Matter device we 'liberated' from the weapons lab?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"I was able to stabilize it and invent this! Behold: the Anti-Matter Cannon 5000!"

"Anti-Matter cannon? Doesn't that sound dangerous, even for you?" piped up Angelique as she made her way over to Skipper's side.

"I didn't invent it for danger Angelique." said the scientist reassuringly. "For example, this baby can eliminate the need for the constant hauling of garbage."

"Oh yeah, I hate throwing out the garbage." grumbled the chubby penguin in between Skipper and Rico.

"Yuck!" concurred Rico.

"Now, with my newest invention, we can just zap the garbage and we'll never have to worry about it ever again." giggled Kowalski as he aimed at the garbage can in the corner. "Now all I have to do is regulate the power … garbage can size … and there!"

A thin beam of bright-blue light formed between the ray and the metal can. The beam focused, and after a second, the can glowed a blinding bright blue. All the penguins covered their eyes to shield them from the intense light. A loud clap of displaced air smashing together echoed off the walls and the light died down. Sure enough, the can was nowhere to be seen.

"EUREKA!" shrieked Kowalski as he jumped up in the air. "So what do you think?"

"Scrap it." said Skipper as he rubbed his eyes.

"Well thank you, I … what? Scrap it?"

"Kowalski! Don't you realize what you've invented?" shouted Skipper as he gestured at the machine. "You've invented something that can destroy anything!"

"That's really the point of why I invented it Skipper. Besides, it's completely safe!"

"Oh yeah? Try pointing it at one of us and shooting before you tell me it's safe!"

"But – but what about Anti-Matter itself? It can't destroy just anything!"

"Actually everything." murmured Angelique as she approached Kowalski. "I agree with Skipper. This is too dangerous."

"You too?" whimpered Kowalski as his face fell.

The intellectual looked around the room and received only looks of disapproval. He sighed heavily and shut the machine off.

"As you say Skipper. I will … scrap it." Kowalski choked on the words and bit back a sob.

Angelique felt her heart dropping. The last thing she wanted was to do was to hurt Kowalski, but she had to accept the bitter reality that sometimes the only way to help someone was to hurt them. She sighed in disappointment and watched Kowalski unplug the machine, just as she heard a loud metal clank. She, along with the other penguins turned to locate the source of the clank. Her eyes widened when they fell upon a canister grenade rolling to a stop beside Private's feet.

"GRENADE!" yelled Skipper as he tackled Private out of the way.

Almost immediately, the entire lair was bathed in thick, grey smoke. Angelique could barely make anything out in the thick fog. Both her eyes and nostrils burned from the stinging smoke. She heard Kowalski's surprised yell amidst the coughs of her fellow penguins.

"Kowalski!" she called desperately, waving her flipper in front of her. "Kowalski, wh - ?"

Her next words were cut off as she let out a series of coughs. She felt her throat start to sear with pain and discomfort as the smoke found its way into her lungs, while her legs started shaking. Her flippers flailed about as they tried to grab something to stop her from falling. She cried out as she hit the ground hard. The penguin felt dazed, and struggled to remain conscious. She felt her chest heaving as the smoke cleared, and her lungs almost exploded when precious oxygen found its way to them. She rose steadily from her position on the ground.

"Guys?" she croaked, her throat still blistering from the smoke.

"Over here!" yelled Skipper, rising as well. "Is everyone alright?"

"Rico and I are fine!" said Private as the psychopath helped him up.

Angelique was relieved that her friends were alright, and at least Kowalski …

"Kowalski!" she blurted out.

She looked through bleary eyes at the last spot where the tall penguin was, then gasped in horror as Kowalski was nowhere to be seen. She ran over to the machine, only to discover that Kowalski wasn't the only one missing; the Anti-Matter Cannon Core of the machine was as well.

"Guys I just heard!" said Marlene as she jumped down the hatch along with Becky and Stacy. "What's the situation?"

"Good. You're all here." said Private invitingly as he offered them some tea and crackers.

Marlene's eyes first fell on Skipper pacing the ground nervously, and then jumped to Angelique polishing her blades in the corner, although the otter could tell that she was brooding because her violet eyes were unfocused. She cautiously walked over to her friend, leaving her companions to talk to Private.

"How're you holding up there?" she said, taking a seat beside the female avian and placing a paw on her shoulder. Before Angelique could respond, however, Skipper yelled angrily, drawing everyone's attention.

"This is no doubt Hans' work! There's no one else but him. Flippy's still at the aquarium, and Red is in that max security prison with Rockgut … It's Hans I'm telling you." he ranted before turning to the scarred penguin beside him. "Rico, map."

Rico regurgitated a map of the city and hung it up on the wall, while Skipper gave out assignments.

"I'm fine." said Angelique in answer to Marlene's question.

"Really?" said the otter in surprise. "I mean, it is Kowalski right?"

"I told you, I'm fine." she insisted.

She lay down the katana she was polishing and stood up to join the others in Skipper's briefing.

"Motive! What does this kidnapper want with Kowalski?" asked Skipper in a teasing voice.

"The Anti-Matter Cannon!" piped up Private, just as Skipper slapped his forehead with his flipper.

"Obviously!" shouted the commando.

"Oh, and here I was thinking it was because of Kowalski's delightful conversations." smirked Marlene sarcastically, eliciting a giggle from Angelique.

"With a power as dangerous as anti-matter, we need to find Hans before he breaks Kowalski. He has the core, he has the inventor, but he doesn't have the machine. Chances are he's going to force Kowalski into building it again for him. If we can find him before Kowalski finishes the machine, then good. If we don't, then we will have hell to deal with."

He gestured toward the map and encircled several districts with a red marker.

"I want all of you to spread out over this city, find Kowalski, and find that weapon core. If Hans has the gall to attack us right in our home, then I won't have any trouble repaying that favor. Once you find them, do not engage at once. Contact the rest of us and we'll rendezvous to your location. Oh, and one more thing: if at any point during the mission Kowalski becomes a liability, I want you to take him out."

"WHAT!" roared Angelique, making everyone except Skipper jump.

"You heard me. With technology this dangerous, we can't afford any slip-ups, even if Kowalski is a slip-up."

"You're being unreasonable." seethed the she-penguin. "We can't do that to Kowalski!"

"If by unreasonable you mean that his topic can't be reasoned with or discussed, then you're right." said Skipper with a smirk, before proceeding with the assignments.

"Marlene, help me out here." whispered Angelique frantically.

"Well you're one to talk about being unreasonable." the otter said with a roll of the eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean? Aren't you supposed to be on my side here?"

"Well, let's just say you lose all sense of reason whenever Kowalski isn't here."

"What?"

"Remember that snow cone incident last week?" giggled Marlene. "I swear! You were so paranoid you became a Skipper with bangs."

The otter then burst out laughing, earning everyone's awkward attention. They all looked at the source of her amusement: the sour expression on Angelique's face, which told them all they needed to know.