DISCLAIMER: None of these characters are mine, they all belong to Star Trek: Enterprise and are used here without permission for no personal gain.
Author's Note: Maybe this should go in the disclaimer. I'm not sure. I got this idea from a line from Infinite Diversity by Starbaby. By the way, if you are reading this, I loved your story. I hope you are not mad that I used your fic for inspiration. Anyway, everyone please r/r.
Dying Young
It wasn't fair.
T'Pol was startled by the illogical...human sentiment that flashed across her mind. But of course it wasn't fair. How could this be happening? She could still remember perfectly the day that she had first met him. Could that really have been 20 years ago? It seemed like yesterday.
And now he was dying. Of course she had known that this day would come. Humans had such short lives; they existed in only short, vibrant bursts. Her husband was the perfect example of that, after all. From the moment she had first met him, she had been struck by his loud, spontaneous personality. Most Vulcans would consider him immature, impetuous, and irresponsible (and she had to admit that had been her initial assessment of him), but she saw him as simply having a deep, passionate relationship with love. He lived fully and deeply, as though trying to make sure that no day passed in which he did not truly live.
That was in stark contrast to his condition now. He lay on the hospital bed limply. His eyes were closed. Only the monitors above reassured her that he was not dead yet. She had long ago lost the powerful mental connection that they had formed during her first Pon far years ago. Now when she reached out for him, she felt nothing.
She closed her eyes and replayed the last few months. One morning he had simply not woken up no matter how hard she shook him. He had always been a very serious sleeper, but she began to worry when he refused to wake up after many minutes. She had tried to calm her fears by feeling for him through their psychic bond but had only become more afraid when she was unable to sense his presence. Finally she had called an ambulance. At the hospital they told her that he had a serious neurological condition that had resulted in the shutdown of many sections of his brain. Although he was not brain dead yet, he was in a coma. He was unable to eat, drink, open his eyes, or even breathe. Only the machines kept him alive.
She heard footsteps coming down the hall. Someone else was coming to sit with him now. T'Pol stood up and walked towards the door.
"Good bye Trip," she said.
But there was no answer.
*****
Outside the air was crisp and cool. She would have preferred to remain with her husband, but Captain Archer had insisted that she "take a break." "You've been here day and night," he had said. "Some fresh air will do you good."
She reflected on how much the former crew of the Enterprise was helping her. Jonathon had constantly looked out for her, making sure that she remembered to eat and got at least a few hours of sleep every night. Hoshi, Travis, and Malcolm had volunteered to take turns watching their two children, 18-year-old T'Lara (Lauren to most people) and 11-year-old Ston who insisted on being called Stephen.
To be honest, she did not know how she could face them. They obviously preferred their father and the human world to their mother and the strict, Vulcan society. She really couldn't blame them. Trip had such a strong personality. She wasn't really surprised that they were as passionate and emotional as their father, rejecting only the most basic elements of the Vulcan philosophy that she had tried to teach them. She could not imagine how the three of them could even begin to live as a family once Trip was gone. He had been the glue that had held everything together. Without him, their family would fall like those houses made of playing cards that Trip and Stephen loved to build.
As terrible as it sounded, she wished that they weren't a family. She wished that she had never gotten involved with Trip. It had been such a foolish decision. She could never have dreamed how much his love would change her. Slowly, stubbornly, he had broken down her Vulcan shields so that now she was unable to protect herself from the immense pain that she felt.
Why had she ever gotten involved with him? Even though she could not imagine that being with him would make her lose much of her Vulcan training, she did know that he would die before she did. Humans lived their lives as best as they could, living deeply and fully, and then died so quickly. Vulcans, in contrast, lived long, serene, controlled lives.
She wasn't sure which one was better. Before she would have immediately answered that it is better to live a long life than a short, passionate one, but now...Trip had showed her the joy in all the little things that made life good--the smile of their children, a laugh, a good-night kiss, the touch of your lover's hand on your bare skin...
'But we had only 20 years!' she thought angrily. 20 years of laughing, arguing, and loving. Most Vulcan marriages lasted at least five, maybe ten times that long.
She remembered one morning shortly after the fires of Pon far were gone and the two of them no longer burned with uncontrollable desire. She had awoken in a cold sweat, shaking violently.
"What's wrong?" Trip had asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes like a child.
She had struggled to control her voice before responding, "You should leave."
"Why? What's wrong?" His arms wrapped around her, but she just shrugged them off. "T'Pol...please...I love you."
"It was wrong for me to become involved with you."
He had grinned then, that damned cocky grin that somehow always managed to get under her skin. "It's a little late for that, don't you think? You're having my baby."
"I don't want you to be involved in the child's life."
The smile had faded. "What do you mean? You can't stop me from taking care of my kid."
"I will raise the child myself. I do not need your help."
"That baby's gonna be half-human, don't forget that."
"I will raise the child as a Vulcan. With training, he or she will learn to overcome that burden."
"T'Pol, please. I love you." He gently brushed his lips against hers. He liked to kiss her, although she wasn't quite sure why. She had once told him that kissing was illogical only to have him laugh a little and say, "Hey, I'm not expecting you to kiss me back. But I like kissing you. It's how I tell you that I love you."
She felt herself go limp under his strong, gentle touch. "Humans die very young," she whispered. "It is illogical for us to become involved since it cannot last for very long."
"Is that what you're worried about? That I'll die?" The smile was back, but this one was not the cocky grin that most people saw. This one was much sweeter and gentler. "T'Pol...you know, there aren't any guarantees. Yeah, Vulcans have a better track record, but...hell, either one of us could die tomorrow! There's no way to predict that."
"Exactly..." she began, but he interrupted her.
"T'Pol, I can't promise you that I'll always be here with you. Hell, you can't promise that you'll always be here with me. But none of that matters. All that does is that I love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to go to bed with you every night." He kissed her again. "I love you, T'Pol, and nothing you can say will make me change my mind."
T'Pol opened her eyes. He had wooed her with those sweet words, but they were just words. The nightmare that she had had was coming true--he was dying far too young and there was nothing she could do.
She closed her eyes again. Trip had always been so sweet to her and their children. She recalled a thousand moments: falling into bed, burning with the fever of Pon far; his gentle kisses on her neck; his tongue running over the edge of her ear, sending shivers up and down her spine; his peaceful, childlike face while he slept beside her; and his endless promise that he repeated over and over--"I love you."
She had never been sure why he said that so much. "I just want you to always remember it," he had told her. "I never want you to doubt for a second that I love you." But it bothered her. She had never been able to repeat it, never been able to even kiss him back. Had he known how much she loved him even though she had been unable to find the words? Did he know now?
A drop of water fell onto her leg. She looked up, but the sky was a clear, brilliant blue. Startled, she realized that she was crying.
"Trip, I love you," she whispered but there was no answer.
*****
She returned to the hospital at exactly 10:00. "Thank you for your assistance, Jonathon."
"No problem, T'Pol." He stood up, but didn't leave. "Would you like me to stay with you tonight?"
"No, I will be fine."
"All right. What about the kids?"
"They are staying with Hoshi tonight."
"Great. Well, if you need anything, let me know, okay?"
"I will. Thank you."
Once he was gone, she sat down in the chair next to his bed. He looked so much older. His hair was gray, and his face no longer looked as boyish. And yet she knew that she was almost unchanged from that day 20 years ago when she had first met him on board the Enterprise.
"Trip, I love you."
The words seemed to have left her mouth without her realizing it, but once she said it, she felt different. Words poured out of her mouth.
"Please don't leave me Trip." To anyone else her voice would sound calm and void of any emotion, but she could hear the tiny hint of desperation in her words. "I love you. I will always love you." Her voice caught slightly. "I never thought that I would feel as you made me feel. I did not even think I wanted to feel those things. But now I cannot imagine my life without you."
She stood and gently brushed her lips against his. It sent a pleasant sensation through her body. His lips were warm, and for a moment she imagined that she could feel them move against hers. There was nothing, though. He remained unconscious.
"I love you," she said again, this time allowing some of her emotions to creep into her voice.
She wasn't quite sure why she did it, but she lay somewhat awkwardly on the bed beside him. He looked so peaceful that she could almost pretend that he was sleeping.
Of course the doctors and her crewmates--her friends, they were her friends, she realized--were right. It was wrong to keep him alive like this. He would not want to exist like this. Tomorrow she would speak to the doctors about taking him off of life-support.
Until then, though, they would spend one last night together. She kissed him once more and closed her eyes. Tomorrow he would be gone forever, but now she had one more night.
Author's Note: Maybe this should go in the disclaimer. I'm not sure. I got this idea from a line from Infinite Diversity by Starbaby. By the way, if you are reading this, I loved your story. I hope you are not mad that I used your fic for inspiration. Anyway, everyone please r/r.
Dying Young
It wasn't fair.
T'Pol was startled by the illogical...human sentiment that flashed across her mind. But of course it wasn't fair. How could this be happening? She could still remember perfectly the day that she had first met him. Could that really have been 20 years ago? It seemed like yesterday.
And now he was dying. Of course she had known that this day would come. Humans had such short lives; they existed in only short, vibrant bursts. Her husband was the perfect example of that, after all. From the moment she had first met him, she had been struck by his loud, spontaneous personality. Most Vulcans would consider him immature, impetuous, and irresponsible (and she had to admit that had been her initial assessment of him), but she saw him as simply having a deep, passionate relationship with love. He lived fully and deeply, as though trying to make sure that no day passed in which he did not truly live.
That was in stark contrast to his condition now. He lay on the hospital bed limply. His eyes were closed. Only the monitors above reassured her that he was not dead yet. She had long ago lost the powerful mental connection that they had formed during her first Pon far years ago. Now when she reached out for him, she felt nothing.
She closed her eyes and replayed the last few months. One morning he had simply not woken up no matter how hard she shook him. He had always been a very serious sleeper, but she began to worry when he refused to wake up after many minutes. She had tried to calm her fears by feeling for him through their psychic bond but had only become more afraid when she was unable to sense his presence. Finally she had called an ambulance. At the hospital they told her that he had a serious neurological condition that had resulted in the shutdown of many sections of his brain. Although he was not brain dead yet, he was in a coma. He was unable to eat, drink, open his eyes, or even breathe. Only the machines kept him alive.
She heard footsteps coming down the hall. Someone else was coming to sit with him now. T'Pol stood up and walked towards the door.
"Good bye Trip," she said.
But there was no answer.
*****
Outside the air was crisp and cool. She would have preferred to remain with her husband, but Captain Archer had insisted that she "take a break." "You've been here day and night," he had said. "Some fresh air will do you good."
She reflected on how much the former crew of the Enterprise was helping her. Jonathon had constantly looked out for her, making sure that she remembered to eat and got at least a few hours of sleep every night. Hoshi, Travis, and Malcolm had volunteered to take turns watching their two children, 18-year-old T'Lara (Lauren to most people) and 11-year-old Ston who insisted on being called Stephen.
To be honest, she did not know how she could face them. They obviously preferred their father and the human world to their mother and the strict, Vulcan society. She really couldn't blame them. Trip had such a strong personality. She wasn't really surprised that they were as passionate and emotional as their father, rejecting only the most basic elements of the Vulcan philosophy that she had tried to teach them. She could not imagine how the three of them could even begin to live as a family once Trip was gone. He had been the glue that had held everything together. Without him, their family would fall like those houses made of playing cards that Trip and Stephen loved to build.
As terrible as it sounded, she wished that they weren't a family. She wished that she had never gotten involved with Trip. It had been such a foolish decision. She could never have dreamed how much his love would change her. Slowly, stubbornly, he had broken down her Vulcan shields so that now she was unable to protect herself from the immense pain that she felt.
Why had she ever gotten involved with him? Even though she could not imagine that being with him would make her lose much of her Vulcan training, she did know that he would die before she did. Humans lived their lives as best as they could, living deeply and fully, and then died so quickly. Vulcans, in contrast, lived long, serene, controlled lives.
She wasn't sure which one was better. Before she would have immediately answered that it is better to live a long life than a short, passionate one, but now...Trip had showed her the joy in all the little things that made life good--the smile of their children, a laugh, a good-night kiss, the touch of your lover's hand on your bare skin...
'But we had only 20 years!' she thought angrily. 20 years of laughing, arguing, and loving. Most Vulcan marriages lasted at least five, maybe ten times that long.
She remembered one morning shortly after the fires of Pon far were gone and the two of them no longer burned with uncontrollable desire. She had awoken in a cold sweat, shaking violently.
"What's wrong?" Trip had asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes like a child.
She had struggled to control her voice before responding, "You should leave."
"Why? What's wrong?" His arms wrapped around her, but she just shrugged them off. "T'Pol...please...I love you."
"It was wrong for me to become involved with you."
He had grinned then, that damned cocky grin that somehow always managed to get under her skin. "It's a little late for that, don't you think? You're having my baby."
"I don't want you to be involved in the child's life."
The smile had faded. "What do you mean? You can't stop me from taking care of my kid."
"I will raise the child myself. I do not need your help."
"That baby's gonna be half-human, don't forget that."
"I will raise the child as a Vulcan. With training, he or she will learn to overcome that burden."
"T'Pol, please. I love you." He gently brushed his lips against hers. He liked to kiss her, although she wasn't quite sure why. She had once told him that kissing was illogical only to have him laugh a little and say, "Hey, I'm not expecting you to kiss me back. But I like kissing you. It's how I tell you that I love you."
She felt herself go limp under his strong, gentle touch. "Humans die very young," she whispered. "It is illogical for us to become involved since it cannot last for very long."
"Is that what you're worried about? That I'll die?" The smile was back, but this one was not the cocky grin that most people saw. This one was much sweeter and gentler. "T'Pol...you know, there aren't any guarantees. Yeah, Vulcans have a better track record, but...hell, either one of us could die tomorrow! There's no way to predict that."
"Exactly..." she began, but he interrupted her.
"T'Pol, I can't promise you that I'll always be here with you. Hell, you can't promise that you'll always be here with me. But none of that matters. All that does is that I love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to go to bed with you every night." He kissed her again. "I love you, T'Pol, and nothing you can say will make me change my mind."
T'Pol opened her eyes. He had wooed her with those sweet words, but they were just words. The nightmare that she had had was coming true--he was dying far too young and there was nothing she could do.
She closed her eyes again. Trip had always been so sweet to her and their children. She recalled a thousand moments: falling into bed, burning with the fever of Pon far; his gentle kisses on her neck; his tongue running over the edge of her ear, sending shivers up and down her spine; his peaceful, childlike face while he slept beside her; and his endless promise that he repeated over and over--"I love you."
She had never been sure why he said that so much. "I just want you to always remember it," he had told her. "I never want you to doubt for a second that I love you." But it bothered her. She had never been able to repeat it, never been able to even kiss him back. Had he known how much she loved him even though she had been unable to find the words? Did he know now?
A drop of water fell onto her leg. She looked up, but the sky was a clear, brilliant blue. Startled, she realized that she was crying.
"Trip, I love you," she whispered but there was no answer.
*****
She returned to the hospital at exactly 10:00. "Thank you for your assistance, Jonathon."
"No problem, T'Pol." He stood up, but didn't leave. "Would you like me to stay with you tonight?"
"No, I will be fine."
"All right. What about the kids?"
"They are staying with Hoshi tonight."
"Great. Well, if you need anything, let me know, okay?"
"I will. Thank you."
Once he was gone, she sat down in the chair next to his bed. He looked so much older. His hair was gray, and his face no longer looked as boyish. And yet she knew that she was almost unchanged from that day 20 years ago when she had first met him on board the Enterprise.
"Trip, I love you."
The words seemed to have left her mouth without her realizing it, but once she said it, she felt different. Words poured out of her mouth.
"Please don't leave me Trip." To anyone else her voice would sound calm and void of any emotion, but she could hear the tiny hint of desperation in her words. "I love you. I will always love you." Her voice caught slightly. "I never thought that I would feel as you made me feel. I did not even think I wanted to feel those things. But now I cannot imagine my life without you."
She stood and gently brushed her lips against his. It sent a pleasant sensation through her body. His lips were warm, and for a moment she imagined that she could feel them move against hers. There was nothing, though. He remained unconscious.
"I love you," she said again, this time allowing some of her emotions to creep into her voice.
She wasn't quite sure why she did it, but she lay somewhat awkwardly on the bed beside him. He looked so peaceful that she could almost pretend that he was sleeping.
Of course the doctors and her crewmates--her friends, they were her friends, she realized--were right. It was wrong to keep him alive like this. He would not want to exist like this. Tomorrow she would speak to the doctors about taking him off of life-support.
Until then, though, they would spend one last night together. She kissed him once more and closed her eyes. Tomorrow he would be gone forever, but now she had one more night.