-1DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, the Harlem Globetrotters, Cesc Fabregas sigh, My computer or this piece of work.

A Harry Potter Fiction…allegedly.

Draco Malfoy smirked as he followed his father through the barrier, as long as his father was here none of the other bigger boys would be able to pick on him and he'd have more time for the quality sucking up he was famed for (the publicly displayable kind…for now)…STOP, STOP that's not the direction we want to go in.

Take 2!

He stalked along the platform like…a big stalky thing? Causing all the other students to take off their caps (?) in respect. He was back and badder than ever , you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout , I'm telling you why: Santa Claus is coming to town! OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!

Take 3.

Hermione Granger rolled her eyes at her friends, in Draco Hermione fics she tends to do this a lot. Ron had once again said something stupid, Harry was looking uncomfortable, obviously anticipating another Ron Hermione argument…wait a second what was happening to Harry! His hair was changing colour and you could almost see the IQ points leaving him. OMG! Ron 2! Harry (Ron 2?) then turned to Ron laughed and made another Moronic comment…causing Hermione to storm of in a huff.

"What was the about?" Possibly Ron asked Probably Ron 2

"I don't know, fancy a game of chess?" Harry (2?) replied.

"I didn't know we were on the train!" Replied the bemused Ron.

Just then a familiar sneering voice made its predictable yet still unwelcome presence known.

"What you don't know could fill several books…Weasel." Draco sneered smirkingly.

Draco, still a little off kilter from the sudden boost of IQ points turned to Potter.

"Where's Hermione?"

Causing 4 mouths to hang open in shock?

"Who?" Replied Ron 2/Harry Faintly.

"Hermione…Granger, Bushy Haired Know-it-all. Always hanging around you two." Draco, unaware of his unwitting social gaffe.

"SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN CALLING MIONE HERMIONE?" Roared Ron having confirmed, indeed they were on the Hogwarts express.

Draco watched dreamily as the flustered red head got up a strode manfully across the compartment to slam him up against the wall.

"HOW LONG HAVING YOU BEING FUCKING MIONE!" Roared Ron immediately jumping to the worst and most ludicrous conclusion.

Draco meanwhile was trying not faint as the air from Rons breath assaulted his delicate pureblood nasal passages which contained a hint of his secret turn on…corned beef sandwiches.

"Leave my boyfriend alone" Screamed a briefly returned Harry who quickly blushed and turned back into Ron 2 on account of two incredulous stares.

Draco suddenly beefed up due to, being a sexy slytherin bad boy with blonde hair causing him to grow half a foot…in his pants, gain 20 hitherto unknown sexual experiences and lose one with his father, double his skill at quid ditch (making victory against Harry a dead cert, Dramione remember?) and BECOME THE MOST POWERFUL DROP DEAD GORGEOUS HOTTY EVER. Super Draco briefly took stock before promptly pushing Ron through the compartment wall, then the next one until colliding with Proffesor Snapes Penis which had been on its way back to it's master after a nice vacation to Ireland.

"Hey Ron, nice of you to drop in." Replied the Penis Amicably.

Ron however wasn't listening, he was to busy staring at the beautiful black haired Goddess sitting across from him sporting a perfect hourglass figure and an amused smirk.

"Hey Ron, what are you doing in the Heads department?"

She knows my name! Could life get any better? Ron was beginning to drool.

"Ron are you in there?"

"How do you know my name?"

The girl sighed. "Ron it's me, Hermione."

"Hermione?"

"No…Ronald, the Queen of Sheeba." Hermione sarcastically replied sarcastically. SARCASTICALLY.

Then we find out the in fact somehow Hermione is Professor Snapes daughter who had been living under a glamour spell and was NOW THE MOST POWERFUL DROP DEAD GORGEOUS HOTTY EVER….causing Ron to scream. "OH MY GOD, YOU REALLY ARE FUCKING MALFOY!" Run out crying leaving a bewildered Hermione in his wake.

Snapes penis having just finished wandlessly repairing the compartments turned around. "Well that could have gone better."

Hermione collapsed onto his testicles sobbing about losing all her friends, Ron never noticing her as a girl and the unfairness of her life in general.

"As touching as this family reunion is." Sneered a familiar voice. "I believe we're meant to be having the heads meeting now."

"YOU'RE HEAD BOY?" Screamed Hermione tapping Ron's powers briefly.

A brief. "I didn't know it was seventh year." Could be heard vaguely in the direction of Ron's exit.

"Of course." Replied a sexily unruffled Penis. "Who else would it be? This is a Draco/Hermione ship after all."

"But I love Ron!" Screamed Two Voices.

"What do you mean 'I love Ron'?" Fired back two voices

"I thought that would be…" Started Crabbe

"Pretty Obvious." Finished Goyle.

You better watch out.