You
It is in the morning around 8 o'clock. I'm still holding you in my arms although I know I should have gotten up already, but sometimes it feels almost unbearable to separate myself from you. My hand is on your chest, your breathing moves it up and down, up and down, I can feel your heartbeat, too. You are alive. I am alive. These two things are connected and can never be detached, like the two non-existing ends of a Möbius-line.
I bury my face in your neck, your silky, raven hair is tickling my skin, your scent is so familiar and calming, that it is hard for me to stay awake
I love you.
And it is not just three words. I is circulating in my veins like blood, it flows in and out of my lungs like air, it is trickling from my eyes like tears - this love I feel for you keeps me alive.
This time in the morning, while you are still sleeping peacefully I usually meditate a lot. I am meditating on you right now. Nobody could tell the difference while you are sleeping, me either if I didn't know already - I'm hugging the same sweet, strong body I hugged a year ago, two years ago in the same position. who counts it? If you are happy time looses its importance. And I'm happy with you.
At the beginning it was hard for them to understand that I could still want you in this state of yours, but I have never ever thought about not wanting you. If they could surmise only half of what I fell for you ever since I am capable of discerning what love is, they would never have doubted me.doubted us.
When I say I love you, that means you are part of me. That I can't live without you. That there is no-one I'd share my bet with, only with you. That there is no-one I crave to touch, to kiss, to embrace, only you. Only you, Harry.
They think they know, but in fact they have no idea. I was eleven when we first met in Madam Malkins' robe shop and already there I wanted you in every way a child could want another little child. And then something went terribly wrong between us and I had been hurting you for four years because all I wanted for you was to want me, too, but no matter what I did, we simply couldn't escape this masquerade. It was like a disgusting swamp - the more you fight against it, the deeper you sink.
And then I loved you - and you loved me back. I've found heaven on Earth - it was you. We took each other's virginity, my darling, and only few of them has an inkling that we have never had any other lovers from then on. I know nothing of any other bodies, because ever since I first touched yours I became blind and numb for all the others. Your body is a wonderland for me, where I willingly get lost not even trying to find the exit.
After the war you had been lying motionless on a bed in the hospital wing for day and I was dying for fear of loosing you. You had been the savior of us all, you had killed the Dark Lord Voldemort and yet you couldn't save yourself. The doctors warned us that the curse that had hit you might be a very dangerous one that it had very likely deranged your mind - but neither of them risked to come out with a possible estimation of how and in what way exactly.
Did they think in earnest, that after you had waken up from the coma and cried out my name again and again I could have left you there on your own, turn away and start a new life you are not part of. It is still ringing in my ears: 'Draco! Draco!' You didn't let anyone near you only me, my love, only me.
It's quarter to eight.
I have much to do today, mainly business with my muggle partners which, as it is conventional in the Malfoy family, brooks no delay. But the husband of this Malfoy is a Potter and you come always first. I drape myself tighter around you, my feet worm themselves between yours so that we are as tangled under the sheets as never before this morning.
You are wonderfully naked. Your body is warm, your skin is like silk where you are not sweaty. You are always a bit sweaty in the morning, if nothing else, then the root of your hair is a bit damp because you sleep tight, baby, you sleep, like a child.
The minute I first looked into your eyes that day in the hospital, I knew immediately what was wrong. It was only a premonition, the real explanation came a bit later, but I still knew it. You were like someone whose eyesight became a bit blurred. Veils descended in front of your eyes and you were forced to look upon the world through these layers. Floating veils. Still there - bits of reality reach your eyes through this undulating mess, but they are ruthlessly covered again.
You have gotten far from me, darling. Far away from everything. But even beyond the surface of deceptive passivity I can see your hand reaching out for me, asking for my help. That curse has put almost everything out of reach for you so that it can keep teasing you from the near distance. It is only me, that is left in your heart. It couldn't rip your love out of there. 'Draco!' you screamed in your first wake moment and I rushed to you and held you tight sobbing in relief that - at least - you are alive.
Not even my morning hard-on can wake you although it is pressing quite obviously into your waist. If I let myself go, I could become rock-hard in a minute, but I have no intentions to wake you just yet. Of course I could cajole you out of your dreamland with kisses and caresses. I can almost see you obediently letting my knee sneak in between your tights, separating them, while I murmur the charm and then slowly, ever so carefully penetrate you. It wouldn't even be necessary to prepare you since you are always so ready for me in the mornings. We'd make love quietly, slowly, I'd gently stroke you and you'd make those soft, contented sounds then and there.
I would find the others totally dumbfounded to know how wonderful a married life we have been conducting, you and me, darling. And the doctors' advice was for us to send you to St. Mungo's, for Merlin's sake! They couldn't see what I saw: that you had remained completely sane only you had gotten far, far away from the world. I didn't pay attention to them. No-one can tell a Malfoy what he should do or not, so I took you here, back to our home, back to your family and treated you just like I always did before.
I am not stating it was easy at the beginning. Cause it wasn't. It was hard as hell, but I loved you. I love you. I wanted you then just like I want you now and like I always will. I didn't give a damn that mostly all you did was staring in your lap or out of the window silently. The fact that I could be by your side made me happy and contented. And when the veils lifted for a minute, or for only a second, I was there and saw the flash of the old, familiar sparkle in your eyes that always made me remember there was still something to fight for, because you were still there, buried deep inside of yourself, trapped and waiting for your Draco to save you.
If the doctors could see you right now, I am sure it would render them speechless - it is just that I don't let them near you anymore. You are still quiet and you still sometimes retreat into that far away land of yours only you know, but you are closer now, closer than I could have ever dreamed of, my love. Somehow you managed to grab the hand I have been holding out for you for so long. Ever since this happened we have been holding on to each other desperately and if it is up to me I will never let go of your hand again.
I know that I will have to take care of you for the rest of our lives, and some people out there might assume it is a burden, but in fact it is so easy to do. It is infinitely easy to take care of you, to protect the one I love. Why? Mostly, because when you look at me with those incredibly emerald eyes of yours, the only thing they radiate towards me is your unconditional love for me, dear. It is the only thing left for you but it is something you are completely conscious of: that you love me, just like you did in Hogwarts, on the day of out wedding, and on all the other days that followed.
I am your world and you are mine.
Half-heartedly though, but I separate myself from your prone form. You need the resting, I has a good, calming effect on you and if you don't get enough sleep, you will have to make up for it during the day anyway, because you get tired so easily
I carefully leave the bed and go to have my morning shower after which I start to get dressed. While buttoning up my shirt my eyes never leave you. What a breathtaking beauty you still are, my darling! What strength is still hidden inside of you even now.Is it really a wonder that I never looked for another since we got together? (Since we were 15, my love.)
I open the French-windows of the balcony, so that the fist thing you catch sight of when you wake up, are the white curtains floating in the early sunshine. I know how much you like it. I have seen you so many times lying in bed, watching, watching the fresh morning lights playing on the surface of the undulating curtains.
I sit at my desk and leave a few lines for you. I will be away till late- afternoon today what with these rather important meetings with the muggles. The house elves will put this letter on your breakfast-tray, next to the obligatory red rose in the slim china vase.
You will take that rose out of the vase and carry it along with you all they, I know. Cause that's what you always do. I have learned well to have the thorns taken off of the stem so that you cannot wound yourself with it again. I remember, one day I had come home, had found you having a walk in the park and your hand, which had been holding the morning-rose, was covered with dried stains of blood and you hadn't even noticed it.
I am showering your face with butterfly kisses - in my mind, before I leave the room. I asked Severus to come and keep you company this day, so you see, it will be nice. I know you do like Severus.
Sweet dreams, my darling, my little one, my angel! I will hurry back home, back to you, sweetheart.
Back to you. As always.
It is in the morning around 8 o'clock. I'm still holding you in my arms although I know I should have gotten up already, but sometimes it feels almost unbearable to separate myself from you. My hand is on your chest, your breathing moves it up and down, up and down, I can feel your heartbeat, too. You are alive. I am alive. These two things are connected and can never be detached, like the two non-existing ends of a Möbius-line.
I bury my face in your neck, your silky, raven hair is tickling my skin, your scent is so familiar and calming, that it is hard for me to stay awake
I love you.
And it is not just three words. I is circulating in my veins like blood, it flows in and out of my lungs like air, it is trickling from my eyes like tears - this love I feel for you keeps me alive.
This time in the morning, while you are still sleeping peacefully I usually meditate a lot. I am meditating on you right now. Nobody could tell the difference while you are sleeping, me either if I didn't know already - I'm hugging the same sweet, strong body I hugged a year ago, two years ago in the same position. who counts it? If you are happy time looses its importance. And I'm happy with you.
At the beginning it was hard for them to understand that I could still want you in this state of yours, but I have never ever thought about not wanting you. If they could surmise only half of what I fell for you ever since I am capable of discerning what love is, they would never have doubted me.doubted us.
When I say I love you, that means you are part of me. That I can't live without you. That there is no-one I'd share my bet with, only with you. That there is no-one I crave to touch, to kiss, to embrace, only you. Only you, Harry.
They think they know, but in fact they have no idea. I was eleven when we first met in Madam Malkins' robe shop and already there I wanted you in every way a child could want another little child. And then something went terribly wrong between us and I had been hurting you for four years because all I wanted for you was to want me, too, but no matter what I did, we simply couldn't escape this masquerade. It was like a disgusting swamp - the more you fight against it, the deeper you sink.
And then I loved you - and you loved me back. I've found heaven on Earth - it was you. We took each other's virginity, my darling, and only few of them has an inkling that we have never had any other lovers from then on. I know nothing of any other bodies, because ever since I first touched yours I became blind and numb for all the others. Your body is a wonderland for me, where I willingly get lost not even trying to find the exit.
After the war you had been lying motionless on a bed in the hospital wing for day and I was dying for fear of loosing you. You had been the savior of us all, you had killed the Dark Lord Voldemort and yet you couldn't save yourself. The doctors warned us that the curse that had hit you might be a very dangerous one that it had very likely deranged your mind - but neither of them risked to come out with a possible estimation of how and in what way exactly.
Did they think in earnest, that after you had waken up from the coma and cried out my name again and again I could have left you there on your own, turn away and start a new life you are not part of. It is still ringing in my ears: 'Draco! Draco!' You didn't let anyone near you only me, my love, only me.
It's quarter to eight.
I have much to do today, mainly business with my muggle partners which, as it is conventional in the Malfoy family, brooks no delay. But the husband of this Malfoy is a Potter and you come always first. I drape myself tighter around you, my feet worm themselves between yours so that we are as tangled under the sheets as never before this morning.
You are wonderfully naked. Your body is warm, your skin is like silk where you are not sweaty. You are always a bit sweaty in the morning, if nothing else, then the root of your hair is a bit damp because you sleep tight, baby, you sleep, like a child.
The minute I first looked into your eyes that day in the hospital, I knew immediately what was wrong. It was only a premonition, the real explanation came a bit later, but I still knew it. You were like someone whose eyesight became a bit blurred. Veils descended in front of your eyes and you were forced to look upon the world through these layers. Floating veils. Still there - bits of reality reach your eyes through this undulating mess, but they are ruthlessly covered again.
You have gotten far from me, darling. Far away from everything. But even beyond the surface of deceptive passivity I can see your hand reaching out for me, asking for my help. That curse has put almost everything out of reach for you so that it can keep teasing you from the near distance. It is only me, that is left in your heart. It couldn't rip your love out of there. 'Draco!' you screamed in your first wake moment and I rushed to you and held you tight sobbing in relief that - at least - you are alive.
Not even my morning hard-on can wake you although it is pressing quite obviously into your waist. If I let myself go, I could become rock-hard in a minute, but I have no intentions to wake you just yet. Of course I could cajole you out of your dreamland with kisses and caresses. I can almost see you obediently letting my knee sneak in between your tights, separating them, while I murmur the charm and then slowly, ever so carefully penetrate you. It wouldn't even be necessary to prepare you since you are always so ready for me in the mornings. We'd make love quietly, slowly, I'd gently stroke you and you'd make those soft, contented sounds then and there.
I would find the others totally dumbfounded to know how wonderful a married life we have been conducting, you and me, darling. And the doctors' advice was for us to send you to St. Mungo's, for Merlin's sake! They couldn't see what I saw: that you had remained completely sane only you had gotten far, far away from the world. I didn't pay attention to them. No-one can tell a Malfoy what he should do or not, so I took you here, back to our home, back to your family and treated you just like I always did before.
I am not stating it was easy at the beginning. Cause it wasn't. It was hard as hell, but I loved you. I love you. I wanted you then just like I want you now and like I always will. I didn't give a damn that mostly all you did was staring in your lap or out of the window silently. The fact that I could be by your side made me happy and contented. And when the veils lifted for a minute, or for only a second, I was there and saw the flash of the old, familiar sparkle in your eyes that always made me remember there was still something to fight for, because you were still there, buried deep inside of yourself, trapped and waiting for your Draco to save you.
If the doctors could see you right now, I am sure it would render them speechless - it is just that I don't let them near you anymore. You are still quiet and you still sometimes retreat into that far away land of yours only you know, but you are closer now, closer than I could have ever dreamed of, my love. Somehow you managed to grab the hand I have been holding out for you for so long. Ever since this happened we have been holding on to each other desperately and if it is up to me I will never let go of your hand again.
I know that I will have to take care of you for the rest of our lives, and some people out there might assume it is a burden, but in fact it is so easy to do. It is infinitely easy to take care of you, to protect the one I love. Why? Mostly, because when you look at me with those incredibly emerald eyes of yours, the only thing they radiate towards me is your unconditional love for me, dear. It is the only thing left for you but it is something you are completely conscious of: that you love me, just like you did in Hogwarts, on the day of out wedding, and on all the other days that followed.
I am your world and you are mine.
Half-heartedly though, but I separate myself from your prone form. You need the resting, I has a good, calming effect on you and if you don't get enough sleep, you will have to make up for it during the day anyway, because you get tired so easily
I carefully leave the bed and go to have my morning shower after which I start to get dressed. While buttoning up my shirt my eyes never leave you. What a breathtaking beauty you still are, my darling! What strength is still hidden inside of you even now.Is it really a wonder that I never looked for another since we got together? (Since we were 15, my love.)
I open the French-windows of the balcony, so that the fist thing you catch sight of when you wake up, are the white curtains floating in the early sunshine. I know how much you like it. I have seen you so many times lying in bed, watching, watching the fresh morning lights playing on the surface of the undulating curtains.
I sit at my desk and leave a few lines for you. I will be away till late- afternoon today what with these rather important meetings with the muggles. The house elves will put this letter on your breakfast-tray, next to the obligatory red rose in the slim china vase.
You will take that rose out of the vase and carry it along with you all they, I know. Cause that's what you always do. I have learned well to have the thorns taken off of the stem so that you cannot wound yourself with it again. I remember, one day I had come home, had found you having a walk in the park and your hand, which had been holding the morning-rose, was covered with dried stains of blood and you hadn't even noticed it.
I am showering your face with butterfly kisses - in my mind, before I leave the room. I asked Severus to come and keep you company this day, so you see, it will be nice. I know you do like Severus.
Sweet dreams, my darling, my little one, my angel! I will hurry back home, back to you, sweetheart.
Back to you. As always.