Incredibly challenging prompt (for me) on Tumblr that I put together with great difficulty! First attempt at a romance (with Hidan and Kakuzu on top of that) makes anyone cringe ;P But yeah, after this, you can really tell I suck at writing romantic stories. But it's done and it's here. Enjoy!

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

No. No matter what fate had in plan for him when it decided to drop a bunch of psychos calling themselves Akatsuki in front of his face, this could not have been one of them.

There was no way this could've happened without some outside influence. Maybe it had been that Uchiha fuckboy. Sasori slipping some weird concoction into his food. Deidara... well alright, blondie just blew things up so he probably didn't have anything to do with it. And Leader? Well, that guy probably had better things to do than play matchmaker with his own employees.

Was that what they were? A collection of insane killing machines hired to achieve some sort of world domination, or peace? Ah, what did it matter...

But no matter what they were, there had to be another explanation, because none of this made any sense whatsoever.

Because damn it, he was supposed to have gotten rid of such flaws a long time ago. He was Jashin's true servant, and petty things such as feelings mattered to him no longer. All he was made to feel was joy, joy at the pain he inflicted on others as he offered their tortured souls to his one and only beloved. And anger; anger and hatred, at the one person whom he'd come to know as his enemy, rival, and grudging comrade, as they were both tangled together in the same fucking lifeboat floating in a sea of dumb mortals and pointless ambitions.

By far, Kakuzu was the only other individual graced with eternal life, or as close as anyone could get to it without being Hidan himself. That was where their connection should have ended. And it had for a while, until the Jashinist had to go and fuck himself over with it just like every other thing he vowed to do.

"Kiss me," he blurted out one day, when they were crouched behind a barbed fence barricading the true walls that encased the feudal mansion within its brick forces. Kakuzu had pivoted around to give him an utterly scandalized look with true disbelief radiating from his eyes, but it was the first time he'd ever seen the miser at a loss for words. Hidan stared at the older man with an equally horrified expression, snapping his mouth shut with enough force to crack his teeth, but unfortunately he'd done so a fraction too late. They were plunged into the most uncomfortable silences the Jashinist had ever experienced in his life and he silently wished Lord Jashin would revoke his immortality so he could reach into his mouth and rip his tongue right out, and hopefully he'd bleed to death after that.

But then Kakuzu finally broke their intense staredown with a slight snort, and finally looked away. "Funny," he intoned flatly. "Your distractions aren't going to foil the original plan no matter how much you hate it, so just keep focus."

Hidan, whose heart had literally felt like it was going to burst from pressure, could have screamed and cried in relief, and he wouldn't have cared if it gave away their positions.

After that day, they never spoke of that little word slip again. They each minded their own business, argued whenever they could, made each other's lives miserable. Everything was back how it should be. But despite everything, this angered Hidan more than it ever should.

Because no matter how they struggled, the pieces were already shattered and spread across the floor, impossible to pick up and bind together again.

And it was all Hidan's fault.

He ran the cloth over and over the blades of his scythe, scrubbing the already shimmering surface for the umpteenth time in their dingy old rental room. He listened to the muffled sounds of the afternoon market leaking through the paper-thin walls, wondering what would happen if he were to just burst out of the small window there and start slaughtering the civilians one by one. If he did that, then maybe the world would finally be convinced that he was the real Hidan, and not some pathetic idiot sulking over his own failures.

He heard the door creak open, and didn't look up.

A small rustle of a plastic bag; undoubtedly it was cheap, plain rice and kimchi from the vendors again. Hidan continued to run his hand over his scythe mechanically, watching Kakuzu's distorted reflection in the over-polished blade.

Even when the older man began to approach him, he didn't bother lifting his chin. Until Kakuzu decided he was tired of this and painful fingers tangled in his hair and yanked up, so that there was no choice but to follow the movement.

"Owww!" Hidan shrieked, the scythe clattering to the floorboards noisily. "Watch it, you're pulling it right from the roots!"

"Did you mean it?" Kakuzu's stare was deadpan; his eyes were strangely devoid of anger or annoyance, or any emotion at all. Hidan paused in his struggling, squinting confusedly up at the bastard.

"What?"

"The bounty hunt. Did you mean it?" Kakuzu asked again. Oh. That bounty hunt. Well fuck, the Jashinist had thought he was putting his brain into overload enough already with his own thoughts, now this guy had to contribute.

"You're fucking insane," he spat, beginning his squirming anew, trying to dislodge the hand unsuccessfully. "I didn't think you'd resort to hair-pulling, man, that's such a coward move–"

"Hidan, I am going to get an answer out of you before this day ends, and if not don't think I won't leave you dismembered for the carrion crows to pick at," snarled the older man, eyes blazing. And he was serious.

"Okay fine!" Hidan yelled, feeling like his dignity was about to be blown to smithereens and never seen again. "Fucking yes, alright? Fuck you! Why you always gotta threaten a guy like that–"

The rest of his sentence was forgotten when abruptly, all his senses were filled with nothing but Kakuzu.

Suddenly, all those scattered pieces were together as a whole again.

I'm a huge baby and didn't even explicitly state that they were kissing, but it was implied at the end, so I really hope that counts xD I think I should stick with angsty stories though, all these smushy feelings aren't really my expertise (especially when the Zombie Combo are involved, whew), and I would hate to ruin it any more than I probably did just now.

I hope I didn't completely butcher the prompt. o.o

Like? Love? Hate? Please tell me what you think; your reviews will be greatly appreciated! :)