If You Go Away
It was autumn; Neville's favorite time of the year. A season not too cold, and not too warm. He sat at a park, a park full of muggles spending time with their families. Family. Something Neville wished he really had. A family of his own but, he didn't. After Hogwarts, Neville left. He left and came back a few years later to become the Herbology professor. He was taking a break from it, old Professor Sprout, his mentor, was substituting.
If you go awayOn this summer's day Then you might as wellTake the sun awayAll the birds that flewIn the summer sky
He was holding a small book in his hand. It's binding, very nearly destroyed. It was a book he'd read many times. A book that helped him realize, he'd blown it with her. She was beautiful and pure and had a very good heart. After the war though, he'd changed. He wasn't the forgetful, scared, plump pushover, Neville Longbottom. He was Professor Neville Longbottom, fresh from his first year of teaching Herbology and living in Godric's Hollow, for the time being.
When our love was newAnd our hearts were highAnd the day was youngAnd the nights were longAnd the moon stood stillFor the night bird's song
He had grown into his looks, taller, fit looking and handsome, he was not recognized. He mainly kept to himself these days. Always thinking of the girl he let go. The girl, who was no longer his. He sighed heavily, as he closed the book and placed it in his satchel.
If you go awayIf you go awayIf you go away...
"Professor Longbottom?" said a painfully familiar voice.
Neville looked up to see her. His love. His Loony, Luna Lovegood. She was still as beautiful as she'd been, the last time he saw her, just a few years ago, after the battle at Hogwarts.
"Luna? What are you doing here? This is a Muggle park", Neville asked, straightening up.
Luna gazed at the man she wished to embrace but, held back. She did not want him to get angry again. "I live around here, Neville. So…you're a professor, at Hogwarts? How nice", Luna answered, in her airy tone. The tone, that Neville absolutely loved.
But if you stayI'll make you a dayLike no day has beenOr will be againWe'll sail on the sunWe'll ride on the rainAnd talk to the treesAnd worship the wind
"Yes, where did you hear that?" Neville asked, staring up at the beautiful blonde woman.
"Oh I saw Ginny a few weeks ago. I went to one of her Quidditch matches and we had a cup of tea afterwards. I asked her about you" Luna answered, sitting next to him.
"Oh, well...how are she and Harry doing?" he asked, not wanting to talk about his own affairs.
"They're doing great. How are you doing, Neville?" Luna asked, staring at him with her big grey-blue eyes.
But if you goI'll understandLeave me just enough loveTo fill up my hand
"I'm fine. Luna, I'm sorry about the way things ended" Neville said, taking her hands in his. He knew he shouldn't. That he was getting too close. Luna's breathing hitched at this simple yet, intimate contact.
If you go awayIf you go awayIf you go away...
"It's alright Neville, I know how hard it was for you. It was hard for me to. For everyone. But you know, I will always be your friend. I will always love you" Luna said, in a pained voice. This wasn't the voice he had known and loved. This is the voice, of someone suffering.
If you go awayAs I know you willYou must tell the worldTo stop turning'til you return againIf you ever do
"I will always love you too. Noone will ever mean to me what you have and what you do. I love you so much, Luna. It hurts that we can never be together" he said, as tears fell from his dark blue eyes.
"I thought you would say that. Your wedding announcement was in the Daily Prophet this morning. Congratulations Neville" Luna said, as he voice cracked. She couldn't hold the tears in much longer. Neville would never be her's. Hannah Abbot would now call Neville her own.
"I wanted to tell you Luna but, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm sorry" Neville said, in a strangled voice.
For what good is loveWithout loving you?Can I tell you nowAs you turn to goI'll be dying slowly'til the next hello
"I'm sorry that we couldn't work things out. I love you" she said again. Before she could register any movement, she was in Neville's arms. His lips but an inch away. Luna knew it was wrong but, she couldn't stop herself. She moved her face and the second their lips touched, memories came flooding back. The stolen hours they spent together in the Green Houses. The short moments in the DA head quarters where they shared they their first kiss and the first time they made love. The day Luna was forced off of the Hogwarts Express and Neville was broken without her. The day she came back to Hogwarts. And the day they left once more.
If you go awayIf you go awayIf you go away...
The day they fought and he told her that they just couldn't be together. It was all too much for them both to handle. Neville's hand ran through Luna's love hair as the other pulled her closer against his body. He never wanted to let her go. He loved the feeling of her against him and he loved that her hands ran through his hair and then down the plains of his back. But Neville knew that this couldn't continue. He pulled away and looked at her in shock and in pain.
But if you stayI'll make you a nightLike no night has beenOr will be again
"Do you see what you do to me? I'm sorry Luna…" Neville said, in a tortured voice.
I'll sail on your smileI'll ride on your touchI'll talk to your eyesThat I love so much
"No Neville! I'm sorry. Please, don't run away again. I can't go through that again" Luna said, as the tears finally spilled from her eyes. Neville wanted to kiss her again and tell her all would be fine. But it wasn't. He was marrying someone who was not her. Someone who will never be her. Someone who until this moment, he knew he would never truly love.
But if you goI won't cryThough the good is goneFrom the word goodbye
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Luna…But you know that I can't see you anymore. I love you more than my own life but I can't see you again. I'm getting married!" Neville yelled, his voice completely breaking on the last word.
If you go awayIf you go awayIf you go away...
"But you don't love her…why marry someone you don't love?" Luna sobbed, clutching the front of his jacket.
If you go awayAs I know you mustThere is nothing leftIn this world to trustJust an empty roomFull of empty space
"Because she helped me pick up the pieces of my heart…" Neville answered, in a whisper. He grabbed her shoulders and pressed his lips hard against her's. He could taste her salty tears as their lips moved together, desperately.
Like the empty lookI see on your faceAnd I'd been the shadowOf your shadowIf you might have kept meBy your side
His fingers dug into her delicate shoulders as he kissed her feverishly. He didn't want this to end. Because he knew that once they broke apart, he would never see her again. Her mouth opened ever so slightly, to let his tongue in, like it had on so many other occasions. But this time, there was hunger, and a desire so strong. This time it was different. Because as he kissed her, he stole the remnants of her heart.
If you go awayIf you go awayIf you go away...
When they finally pulled apart, Neville looked down at her and touched her face gently. Her eyes were red and puffy for crying. The tears still running down her delicate face. Her hand made its way up his chest and rested against his lightly stubbled face. "I love you Luna, so much that it hurts me to look at you. Please don't try to contact me again. I wish it was different but it's not. Please forgive me for hurting you" he whispered, as he brought her closer.
"I do forgive you. Because I could never not forgive the man that has my heart" Luna whispered, kissing him lightly on the lips before turning around. The tears fell fresh as she walked away. Back to her meaningless existence. Back to a life without Neville. Back to a life without her heart. Because he would always have it, and she would always have his.
If you go awayIf you go away...
A/N: So this was my first Neville/Luna fic. It's a song fic inspired by the song If You Go Away by Emiliana Torrini. I hope you like it, even if it did get a little awkward by the end. The italics are the lyrics to the song, obviously. This fic is dedicated to my Gothic Vampire Love.