TITLE: Peace of Mind
AUTHOR: Sakura the Cookie Monster
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: In the history of disclaimers, you should know who owns Sailor Moon right now. If not, then here it goes. Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha, Toei, and any other company that I've seemed to forget.
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Life's funny. At forty-six years old, I am truly alone. My mother, father, and younger brother are all dead. My mother died of cancer. My brother died in a car crash, and my father was killed by the Yakuza through pavement hijacking. My only daughter, Sakana, now lives in Kyoto with her husband and child, living her own life. And here I am, about to visit the only family I have left here in Tokyo. He invited me to his apartment after a year of writing letters back and forth to each other. I was worried that he wouldn't want anything to do with me. Maybe Tetsuya didn't make a mistake by naming him after our drunken father that had ties to the Yakuza?
I look out the window and see the raindrops fall as I ride the bus. My tea had gone cold and today reminded me of the day my mother died. It was raining heavily, just like it was now. My father never comforted her during her illness. And the very last two people she saw before she passed away were Sakana and Mamoru. Sakana was only ten when my dear grandmother died. And I think my mother knew what they both would be like when they grew up. She always seemed to glow in pride when she held little Mamoru in her arms. I think she knew everything, just like my brother did.
Not only did our family had a history of our ancestors always going into the field of medicine, we also had a more private history that involved our ability to receive premonitions and healing. You see, it's our gift to heal that led all of us to work in the field of medicine. I was born with the gift to heal. Even today, I still use it. In my line of work as a pediatrician and obstetrician, it's truly a helpful gift. But, I always thought that my mother and my brother were luckier than me. Especially since their visions tend to be very accurate. But, that's only on my mother's side of the family.
On my father's side of the family, we only had shady relatives and financial problems. I remember my uncle dying of an overdose of cocaine and my grandpa died of lung cancer. And then, my father was not only a drunk, but loved to gamble. Even if it is illegal here in Japan, he didn't care about the risks. He never cared about anyone but himself. And he was a member of the Yakuza till the end of his days, where he was embezzling money right from under their noses. That's what got him thrown into the road during oncoming traffic.
I look at the only portrait of our family where our father wasn't drunk, high, or not there. Mom and Tetsuya looked so happy. Our father ruined the happy picture with his grim glare. And there I was, an innocent sixteen-year-old teenager with my family. Thirty years later, I'm the only one alive in the portrait. There was nothing I could do for my father or mother, but damnit, Tetsuya could've at least tried to fight fate! If not for himself, then for Mamoru.
Every time I think of my nephew, I often think of what would've happen if I wasn't in America then? Then, just maybe, he wouldn't have been in an orphanage, alone and scared in this terrifying world. My mother and Tetsuya had high expectations for him. I never knew what they were. It was like their little secret. What was it about Mamoru that made them glow with pride and honor? Was Mamoru being born into our family that big of an honor for us? They'd always tell me what they see in Sakana's future. But when it comes to Mamoru, it was like trying to pry information from American agents about the existence of Area Fifty-one.
"Next stop, Maison Apartments," I hear the bus driver say over the speakerphone.
It's almost time. In a few minutes, I'll be at the home of my nephew, who I haven't seen in over eleven years. What will he be like? What kind of apartment is he living in? Is he doing well? Does he know what he wants to be when he goes to college? These questions pop into my mind as I push my strands of dark grey behind my ear and push my glasses back. These glasses always love to slide down my nose. I guess I am blessed that I had my mother's eyes, which were a beautiful marine blue.
When I look at another picture of Mamoru, I notice one thing about him. His eyes looked noble, like as though they belonged to a prince or one of those high-society families. Then again, his mother was one of those socialites. I never met anyone from Chiharu's side of the family. But, then again, I wouldn't want to; especially the way they acted towards her when they found out she was pregnant. We knew our father wouldn't approve of any of us becoming parents, but we didn't think Chiharu's family would disown her for not giving up Tetsuya or Mamoru. They didn't even bother claiming him after they died. Sometimes, I think that they're much worse than my father.
The bus arrives at Maison Apartments and I step out of the bus. I straighten my trench coat and open my umbrella and quickly run inside. But, I wasn't fast enough and was a bit wet. My sneakers felt squishy on the inside and were filled with water. My ankle-length white skirt was drenched at the bottom and the straps of my tank top were dangling over my shoulder. I looked sloppy.
I noticed a full-length mirror by the wall as I stepped inside the bathroom. Pulling a hairbrush out of my bag, I undo my ponytail and brush my hair, making sure that it was all pulled back. With a black scrunchie, I tie it tightly and then turn my ponytail into a bun. Then, I straighten out my clothes and give one last look at myself before I head up towards his apartment.
The elevator ride was slow and painful to me. I didn't want to wait anymore. All I wanted to do was meet my nephew again and finally make peace with myself. When I finally reach the apartment floor, I walk slowly towards his apartment door. Fear was starting to rise within me and I thought about running away and going back home. But, I've made it this far. And I, Sonomi Chiba, am not coward. I will not back down from this.
I knock on his apartment door lightly. Maybe he's not home? Maybe he's asleep? Maybe he's...
"Hello," he says as he greets me.
Shit! He is home. Oh well, I'll just have to bite the bullet.
"Ah, Mamoru. It's me, your aunt Sonomi," I say, at a loss for words. I may have to bite the bullet, but that certainly didn't mean that I would eat the whole rifle.
"Aunt Sonomi? You look... wow... Come in, come in," he says, a little nervously.
"Thank you," I say as I step into the immaculately clean apartment. An anxious silence follows as I take a seat on the couch.
"Would you like some tea?"
"Yes, please."
This isn't going very well. I don't know what to say to him after all these years. I don't know how to comfort him and say that everything is going to be okay now.
He brings me the cup of tea and sits down next to me. All I feel like doing is drinking this tea and cry. Cry for all the times that I've felt alone and out of the picture. Cry for the regrets that I have.
"So... how have you been?", I ask him. That sounded terrible and very distant.
"I've been doing alright for myself. Thank you for the stuff that you sent. It means a lot to me. Probably more than you can imagine," he says with a small smile.
"I bet you probably want an explanation, don't you?"
"...Not really. I really don't know what to say. It's just still a shock to me that I have family that's still alive and that still cares."
"Mamoru, if I knew that car crash was going to happen, I would've stayed and taken you into my home..."
"Aunt Sonomi, it's best not to try to dwell on the past. What happened is in the past. I'm not angry with you. It's time to move on beyond that."
"...You're probably right. But, I don't know what to say to make everything okay."
"Then, just say nothing. It's already in the past," he says as he pulls me into a friendly hug. Maybe it's best when words aren't said. Now, I know that you'll be okay and that you don't need your aunt guiding you on the right path and that you don't need me holding your hand. Thank you, Mamoru, for giving me peace of mind.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Somewhere along the way, this story seemed to have lost the emotional pull that it was going for. Oh well.
I'd like to thank Mokona-chan for suggesting me to post this story up. Without her, this story would still sit on my computer hard drive.
*Walks off.* I hope that you enjoyed the story. Ja ne.
AUTHOR: Sakura the Cookie Monster
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: In the history of disclaimers, you should know who owns Sailor Moon right now. If not, then here it goes. Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha, Toei, and any other company that I've seemed to forget.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life's funny. At forty-six years old, I am truly alone. My mother, father, and younger brother are all dead. My mother died of cancer. My brother died in a car crash, and my father was killed by the Yakuza through pavement hijacking. My only daughter, Sakana, now lives in Kyoto with her husband and child, living her own life. And here I am, about to visit the only family I have left here in Tokyo. He invited me to his apartment after a year of writing letters back and forth to each other. I was worried that he wouldn't want anything to do with me. Maybe Tetsuya didn't make a mistake by naming him after our drunken father that had ties to the Yakuza?
I look out the window and see the raindrops fall as I ride the bus. My tea had gone cold and today reminded me of the day my mother died. It was raining heavily, just like it was now. My father never comforted her during her illness. And the very last two people she saw before she passed away were Sakana and Mamoru. Sakana was only ten when my dear grandmother died. And I think my mother knew what they both would be like when they grew up. She always seemed to glow in pride when she held little Mamoru in her arms. I think she knew everything, just like my brother did.
Not only did our family had a history of our ancestors always going into the field of medicine, we also had a more private history that involved our ability to receive premonitions and healing. You see, it's our gift to heal that led all of us to work in the field of medicine. I was born with the gift to heal. Even today, I still use it. In my line of work as a pediatrician and obstetrician, it's truly a helpful gift. But, I always thought that my mother and my brother were luckier than me. Especially since their visions tend to be very accurate. But, that's only on my mother's side of the family.
On my father's side of the family, we only had shady relatives and financial problems. I remember my uncle dying of an overdose of cocaine and my grandpa died of lung cancer. And then, my father was not only a drunk, but loved to gamble. Even if it is illegal here in Japan, he didn't care about the risks. He never cared about anyone but himself. And he was a member of the Yakuza till the end of his days, where he was embezzling money right from under their noses. That's what got him thrown into the road during oncoming traffic.
I look at the only portrait of our family where our father wasn't drunk, high, or not there. Mom and Tetsuya looked so happy. Our father ruined the happy picture with his grim glare. And there I was, an innocent sixteen-year-old teenager with my family. Thirty years later, I'm the only one alive in the portrait. There was nothing I could do for my father or mother, but damnit, Tetsuya could've at least tried to fight fate! If not for himself, then for Mamoru.
Every time I think of my nephew, I often think of what would've happen if I wasn't in America then? Then, just maybe, he wouldn't have been in an orphanage, alone and scared in this terrifying world. My mother and Tetsuya had high expectations for him. I never knew what they were. It was like their little secret. What was it about Mamoru that made them glow with pride and honor? Was Mamoru being born into our family that big of an honor for us? They'd always tell me what they see in Sakana's future. But when it comes to Mamoru, it was like trying to pry information from American agents about the existence of Area Fifty-one.
"Next stop, Maison Apartments," I hear the bus driver say over the speakerphone.
It's almost time. In a few minutes, I'll be at the home of my nephew, who I haven't seen in over eleven years. What will he be like? What kind of apartment is he living in? Is he doing well? Does he know what he wants to be when he goes to college? These questions pop into my mind as I push my strands of dark grey behind my ear and push my glasses back. These glasses always love to slide down my nose. I guess I am blessed that I had my mother's eyes, which were a beautiful marine blue.
When I look at another picture of Mamoru, I notice one thing about him. His eyes looked noble, like as though they belonged to a prince or one of those high-society families. Then again, his mother was one of those socialites. I never met anyone from Chiharu's side of the family. But, then again, I wouldn't want to; especially the way they acted towards her when they found out she was pregnant. We knew our father wouldn't approve of any of us becoming parents, but we didn't think Chiharu's family would disown her for not giving up Tetsuya or Mamoru. They didn't even bother claiming him after they died. Sometimes, I think that they're much worse than my father.
The bus arrives at Maison Apartments and I step out of the bus. I straighten my trench coat and open my umbrella and quickly run inside. But, I wasn't fast enough and was a bit wet. My sneakers felt squishy on the inside and were filled with water. My ankle-length white skirt was drenched at the bottom and the straps of my tank top were dangling over my shoulder. I looked sloppy.
I noticed a full-length mirror by the wall as I stepped inside the bathroom. Pulling a hairbrush out of my bag, I undo my ponytail and brush my hair, making sure that it was all pulled back. With a black scrunchie, I tie it tightly and then turn my ponytail into a bun. Then, I straighten out my clothes and give one last look at myself before I head up towards his apartment.
The elevator ride was slow and painful to me. I didn't want to wait anymore. All I wanted to do was meet my nephew again and finally make peace with myself. When I finally reach the apartment floor, I walk slowly towards his apartment door. Fear was starting to rise within me and I thought about running away and going back home. But, I've made it this far. And I, Sonomi Chiba, am not coward. I will not back down from this.
I knock on his apartment door lightly. Maybe he's not home? Maybe he's asleep? Maybe he's...
"Hello," he says as he greets me.
Shit! He is home. Oh well, I'll just have to bite the bullet.
"Ah, Mamoru. It's me, your aunt Sonomi," I say, at a loss for words. I may have to bite the bullet, but that certainly didn't mean that I would eat the whole rifle.
"Aunt Sonomi? You look... wow... Come in, come in," he says, a little nervously.
"Thank you," I say as I step into the immaculately clean apartment. An anxious silence follows as I take a seat on the couch.
"Would you like some tea?"
"Yes, please."
This isn't going very well. I don't know what to say to him after all these years. I don't know how to comfort him and say that everything is going to be okay now.
He brings me the cup of tea and sits down next to me. All I feel like doing is drinking this tea and cry. Cry for all the times that I've felt alone and out of the picture. Cry for the regrets that I have.
"So... how have you been?", I ask him. That sounded terrible and very distant.
"I've been doing alright for myself. Thank you for the stuff that you sent. It means a lot to me. Probably more than you can imagine," he says with a small smile.
"I bet you probably want an explanation, don't you?"
"...Not really. I really don't know what to say. It's just still a shock to me that I have family that's still alive and that still cares."
"Mamoru, if I knew that car crash was going to happen, I would've stayed and taken you into my home..."
"Aunt Sonomi, it's best not to try to dwell on the past. What happened is in the past. I'm not angry with you. It's time to move on beyond that."
"...You're probably right. But, I don't know what to say to make everything okay."
"Then, just say nothing. It's already in the past," he says as he pulls me into a friendly hug. Maybe it's best when words aren't said. Now, I know that you'll be okay and that you don't need your aunt guiding you on the right path and that you don't need me holding your hand. Thank you, Mamoru, for giving me peace of mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Somewhere along the way, this story seemed to have lost the emotional pull that it was going for. Oh well.
I'd like to thank Mokona-chan for suggesting me to post this story up. Without her, this story would still sit on my computer hard drive.
*Walks off.* I hope that you enjoyed the story. Ja ne.