Its been four months since he'd left. Four months since he left me to stumble and fall in that god forsaken forest. Four months since he told me he didn't love me. Four months since I was myself, the real me.
No one at forks high speaks to me really. After a few weeks of trying, the calls, texts and attempted banter at school ended. I don't blame my old friends, any of them. Its not their fault its mine. So nowadays I just sit on my own at lunch, sadly however, the only table free for me to sit out was the Cullen's, my old families one.
No matter how much I want to, I can't move on. Yes I hate Edward for leaving me… scratch that… abandoning me, but deep down I know that I still love him. Its just deep beneath the surface. Extremely beneath the surface, every other emotion for him is anger, hate.
As for the rest of his family, I feel the same.
Alice, my best friend, my sister. Surely I had to have meant something to her. I told her with everything, trusted her. She didn't even say bye.
Esme, sweet caring Esme. She once said I was very much like a daughter to her, foolhardy me believed her, but what kind of mother abandons their kid?
Carlisle, my doctor, my second dad. Compassionate, caring like his wife. How could he have let this happen to me! He works in a hospital everyday of his life, saving peoples, strangers life! but could he help me? Come back and save me? No.
Emmett. The big brother I had always wanted. He could always put a smile on my face. I haven't smiled in months, where is he?
Jasper. I didn't know him as well as the others but he was still very much family to me. I don't blame him for what happened at my sordid 18th or for any event that was of consequence of the party. Matter of fact, out of all of the family, if I was to see them again. I think Id be able to speak to jasper and feel comfortable with him most, well him and Rosalie.
Ah, Rosalie. The blond goddess. Never once said anything nice to me, she didn't like me, but she still helped to save me from James and Victoria. I think the reason id be able to speak toher above the rest is for the fact that not once did she pretend with me, her feelings towards me were straightforward, simple. She didn't lie.
The last four months have been miserable. I at first tried to act normal for Charlie but he saw straight through it, and a few weeks after the Cullens had left, he snapped. His words cut me like a knife, "God Dammit Isabella! Its been a month. He left you! Move on. I refuse to watch you act like this for any longer! You cant sit around waiting for him to come back, they are not returning. Deal with it. Or your going to Jacksonville and living with your mother. Being here, obviously isn't helping." At that point I flipped. How dare he?! I told him that I know I meant nothing to him and that's most of the problem, that it was all a lie. I then told him, I was fed up with him and ten minutes later, I had packed my bag and gotten into my truck. I then drove, I drove to the one place I wished to never set a foot back into, their house. It still had all the furniture in, covered in white sheets. I stared around at the room and collapsed in tears, I just laid there, sobbing, for how long I don't exactly know.
Eventually the crying stopped and I reflected over the last month on how things had gone from so good to so bad so quickly. Images flashed before me; Edwards face, his crooked smile that always made my heart quicken. Alice playing Bella Barbie. Emmett giving me a bone crushing hug. The smiles of Esme and Carlisle. The images then turned sour; Jasper launching towards me. The emptiness of Edwards eyes as he told me he was leaving. Edward telling me he didn't love me. His back as he turned away. Charlies angry face as he yelled at me just hours earlier. The face turning to sadness as I replied to his harsh statement…
I shook my head, no Bella, no more moping, no more crying. Don't be weak! That was the moment I knew what I had to do.