Cry
I hadn't meant for anyone to see me. Whether they new of my nocturnal habits or not, none of the Titans had ever walked in on me when I sat at the table alone in the wee hours of the morning, a cup of cold, untouched tea in front of me, eyes staring out across the black waters of the bay. I didn't want anyone to know how little I slept, and when I didn't want anyone to know, no one did.
I arrived in the kitchen. I pulled my white ceramic mug from the top shelf, I filled a tea pot on the stove with water. I watched. The blue flames lapped the metal bottom of the pot, curling up over the edges, making blackened smudges. Steam began to shoot from the hole in the spout, dissipating into the dimly lit kitchen. Before it could begin to whistle, I removed the pot from the heat. By hand. The handle was a bit hot, but I held it firmly. I poured the steaming water in to the cup. I dipped a bag of brown herbs into the hot cup. Little auburn tentacles of tea spiraled out of the bag, spinning and rotating and twisting in the bottom of the cup. I turned my eyes to the red burn on my hand. It wouldn't blister, but it would hurt. I remembered to wrap some cloth around it later. I watched the tea for a moment. I held the handle gently and sat at the table.
There was a boat in the harbor. Tiny port and starboard lights traveled across the horizon slowly. A sail boat. The wind pushed small waves crashing on the shore of Titan Rock. I watched the boat; I watched the black waves and the city lights flicking steadily in the distance.
"Raven?"
I blinked. Which was like being startled. I was startled.
"Raven, what are you doing up so late… er, early?"
Terra made her way into my view. I looked at her. A swishy blonde my age. Clad in what looked like one of Beast Boy's old tee shirts that reached her mid thigh. Not unlike my own. Robin had loaned it to me ages ago when I was hurt on a mission.
"Erm, Raven? Everything alright?"
It was then that I did it. I felt something in my throat. Something hurt, like a tight knot behind my tongue. I blinked a few times. I sniffed. Terra started slightly at the tiny noise.
"Rae?"
I tried to save myself. I lifted the tea cup. I raised it to my lips. I took a sip. It was hot, and it hurt my tongue. Hurt my whole mouth, and the painful lump in my throat. I felt a tiny gasping noise escape my lips. Like a little whimper; a tiny pitiful thing.
A tear dropped down my pale cheek. A tear. Just one, on its own, running its salty way down my face. It dropped into the tea cup, now on the table.
Terra took a step back. I had frightened her it seemed. But as her round blue eyes met my own shining, tearful purple ones, I saw no fear. I bit my lip.
"Raven, you're crying." She spoke in a whisper. I hadn't wanted anyone to know, and she didn't want anyone to know either.
More tears. There were three now. I became highly aware of their paths on my face. They were warm, and cold, and sweet, and salty as they spilled into the crevice of my lips. As soon as there were three, there were five. Ten. Twenty. I couldn't count them all. I let another tiny whimper out. Which was like a sob. I sobbed.
Terra pulled another chair from the table next to mine. She sat and wrapped her long arms around my constricting chest. I allowed my head to be guided to her shoulder, where I cried more. My face was wet, my nose was wet, my eyes were wet. Her blonde loveliness and my blue frigidity spilled together in a mass over our shoulders. Snow white legs brushed against strong tan ones. White and purple shielded our faces from view.
S he said nothing for a while, letting me regain awareness of my tears. I couldn't count them, but I could feel them all on my face, streaming and trickling in little paths of their own. They dropped off my chin and splashed on the floor. I closed my eyes, arms folded across my stomach. My arms weren't defensive. They were fearful.
"Rae, it's alright. Just cry. No one will know. I'm not going to tell anyone, I promise, alright?"
I nodded dumbly into her shoulder.
"Everyone has to cry sometimes. Even you," she whispered in my ear. I was nodding through my tears, "And I don't need to know why. But I know you have to. So just cry on me and no one will know."
I stopped nodding as she kissed me gently on the cheek. Her lips were soft, moist, not sticky. I acknowledged the invisible mark on my face. My tears were slowing. My folded arms were loosening, though still at a loss of where to be. I could feel her smiling sadly as she ran her hand over my back in a small circle.
"Just cry, Rae."
objectlesson
a/n Didn't want to put the note at the beginning causeI thought it distracted from the cleanliness of the piece. I just wanted to dedicate this to my friend Avery, cause even though I wrote this ages ago, just now reading it, it truly reminds me of our friendship and clears up a lot. So, Avers, tis all for you.
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