If I could describe it I would. If there were any words in any language to describe what I'm feeling right now I would certainly use them; instead I'm standing here with my mouth to the floor, waiting for her to explain herself. I keep hoping I am dreaming but every time I pinch myself it hurts, not dreaming, so lost, so very, very lost. I march myself past Christina and walk out the door hoping that some how if I retrace my steps I can undo the process that led to this…this thing. But when I turn round and open the door once more there they are as If they don't even see me. Christina and Mark Sloan are there in our living room in full on make out; I'm pretty sure I saw raw butt cheeks too. This is just too much, I slam the door behind me hoping to make it to Joe's before close.

I'm on my fifth shot of tequila when Lexie Grey notices and asks if she can buy my next drink. I know what this means because I saw her do the same thing to Mark after he had a bad surgery, Alex after Izzy's cancer, and her dad after a very entertaining hospital drink. I know she is going to offer me a shot of Sprite and tell me it's carbonated tequila, or a bottle of non-alcoholic beer, but somewhere in my drunken mind I think maybe this time is different.

"sure, but can I tell you something?" I say. Lexie nods her head in eager agreement.

"Everybody cheats" I say. "Even you."

The young intern looks up at me doe eyed and perplexed.

"Mark cheats, Christina cheats, and you" I down the shot of sprite she's purchased and tap the table for another. "You're the worst of all, you're cheating me out of my alcohol."

"I thought you might want to talk." Lexie says placing a hand over mine to show her concern.

"Nope, don't wanna talk, More near- beer please" I plead

"I probably shouldn't ask because you've been drinking and nothing you say makes any sense now, but I really would like to know so I'm going to try any way." I nod in approval letting her know she can ask-away.

"Knowing Mark this could mean anything, but you said Mark cheats, what are you talking about?"

Lexie is not one for smutty details, the girl can't even say Penis, but I'm drunk so part o me thinks it will be fun watching her turn green when I tell her what "Mark Slone is a cheater" means. I think back to when she needed my help because she "broke" Mark Sloan. She seemed so in a daze, I couldn't stand to look at her walking around like a dog whose tail had been stepped on. We'd been casual friends ever since.

"I don't know how he did it, I do NOT want to know how he did it, But Mr. Mar McSlutty Sloan is busy getting busy with…"

"Callie!" Meredith interrupts.

I turn around to great the voice behind me, leaving Lexie waiting with baited breath for the big reveal.

"Is my sister bothering you?" Meredith implored putting extra emphasis on the syllables in the word sister. This she had been doing for a month, ever since the afore mentioned visit from Big Daddy Grey. It was good to see the older Grey making her awkward attempts at bonding with Lexie and I was glad for it because one more person for Lexie to talk to meant one less conversation about her cat, or her love of hello-kitty, or…whatever random thing that I have to endure.

"Mer don't interrupt her; she's drunk and she's talking."

"Talking, about what?" The other Grey demanded, suddenly intrigued.

"Che-e-ters! Like you Grey, both of you, you cheat all the time, nasty, slutty…"

"Adulterous whores?" Meredith adds

"Exactly, Like Christina Yang." I continue. Meredith makes a point to inform me that Christina is not a cheater. She says she should know because Christina turned down Mark Sloan once.

"The woman can not be tempted" Meredith insists.

"She didn't turn him down today, no ma'am, she's been branded with a big red hand print on her left butt cheek."

"She didn't turn who down Cal?" Lexie questions

I give the girl a stare that begs her to put two and two together, which, trust me, took way longer than it should have but was totally worth the wait.

"Oh my god! Oh ewwww! Ah god no!" She was then joined by Meredith in equal exclamations of shock.

"Calliope Torres, are you telling me that Mark Sloan and Christina are in your apartment having sex?" Meredith asks, dumbfounded.

"Having sex, doing the dirty, knocking boots, rocking the boat, bumping uglies, whatever you want to call it the answer is yes."

"Oh god I think I need a drink" Lexie declares

"Yeah, me too. This time none of that fake stuff Grey. We could all benefit from beer goggles, maybe it'll blur out the visual I'm getting"

"Make that three drinks then, I'm not going to bed with red ass cheeks on the brain."

After two or three more shots of tequila I announce that I'm going to attempt going home, unfortunately I don't even make one full step before spinning around and falling back in my seat. Seeing this, Mer decides that I am too inebriated to drive anywhere and she must drive me home. Lexie disagrees and states that since she only had two drinks she is the most fit to drive and we should both go in her car. I want to disagree, but admit defeat when I realize the guy that's been checking me out is not Joe's twin; it's just my eyes playing tricks on me. I see both of them smiling as I grab my jacket from the stool .

"You bitches don't care if I'm drunk, you just want to catch XXXtina in the throws."

"So!" They declare in unison as we head for the door.

Back at my place we're clamoring around the elevator trying to figure out how to sneak in with out causing a disturbance. This serves to remind me that Meredith Grey can not handle her liquor. The girl is stumbling all over the place and making crazy suggestions.

"I'm telling you we should go in through the window, Chris always keeps her bedroom window open"

"Ok first of all Callie Torres does not climb through window, and second we live on the third floor"

"Hello! Human Ladder, y'a know for a doc you sure don't think on your toes too well."

Lexie is too busy having a giggle fit to make any positive contribution to this conversation.

"It's my place, and we're going in through the door, you know, the thing I have keys to."

"Suit yourself, but the window would be a lot quieter and way less noticeable"

We finally decide on an old-fashioned door entry and manage to tiptoe past the happy couple who have fallen asleep on top of each other on the sofa. We stop in the hall to get a better view of the situation. Mark has his legs flailed about and entangled in Christina's. Chris's hair is flopping over the edge of the couch and one hand resting on a McSteamy pectoral muscle. Meredith has her phone pulled out and is ready to snap pictures but Lexie and I both stop her.

"No one should ever have to see THIS"

"Absolutely not, ever, NEVER!" I add.

"Ok, fine. C'mon Lex, we can crash in Christina's room; I don't think she'll be using it tonight" Meredith yawns.

There's a secret women's oath, an oath that, for the most part, makes no sense what-so-ever, but it does exist. Part of this oath says that you never tell another woman's secret. Yes you can tease her about it and create whatever little inside jokes you want, but never under any circumstances is it ok to tell another woman's secret. Well when you work at Seattle Grace you can even forget bringing it up in passing, cause people talk and there are listening ears everywhere. So despite my disapproval, despite my incessant curiosity, I can not say a word to Mark, or Christina, which sucks cause Mark and I are on the same case today. Instead, I've resorted to swatting at Mark randomly with my rolled up news paper and giving Yang the evil eye.

Meredith has been assigned the task of tailing them to make sure there are no repeats on last night in the on-call rooms, A task that would have been assigned to Lexie except she can't seem to stop murmuring "Oh my God" every time Christina passes . Mer even came up with a hand signal to let Lexie and me know if things were out of the ordinary. If she thinks they've gotten a smidge too close for comfort she wipes her nose with her index finger as she's passing. We thought we were being subtle, but she's working with George today and he seems to have caught on because he's stopped by the nurse's station to join in our conversation.

"What's going on with Christina and Sloan?"

"Wha…nothing! George don't you have to go pick up the labs." Meredith says trying to distract him.

"Nope, Pierce is on it, which you should know, except you're clearly trying to avoid the subject. So, Callie, you look like an honest person, What's going on with Yang and Sloan?"

"What? What are you talking about, Yang's fine, Sloan's fine, we're all fine; fine happy people." I say, doing my best to cover the lie in my voice"

"Cal-lie" George says, calling my name with sing-song intonation.

"We weren't married very long, but it was long enough for me to know that when you're lying you ramble, which also tells me I'm about three random questions from knowing anyway."

Meredith must sense that George is close to something because she motions for us to leave, but its to no avail as George quickly follows suit.

"Dr. O'Malley why re you following us?" Mer demands.

"Well Dr. Grey it would seem you and I have the same patient, a fact you seem to have conveniently forgotten." George retorts, never one to leave his wits out of a conversation.

"George you don't know me that well, so whatever ask your stupid questions" I insist hoping to scare him off.

"You had waffles for breakfast, I know cause your licking your lips every so often to taste the syrup residue, you are having a really good hair day which is why you keep checking yourself in all the reflective surfaces, and I don't think you have any undies…"

"OK, enough with the play by play I get it!"

Meredith looks on in amazement "If you two got divorced Derek and I are screwed"

"George if I told you you'd only wish you never asked."

Apparently my face is all he needs to see, before turning flush white with sudden realization. Luckily Meredith and I are able to pull him in to a supply closet before he blurts out anything.

"Oh…Oh..This is, this is just wrong"

"George just… look, I told you, you wouldn't want to know"

"She did say that" Meredith chimes in.

"How could I not know when you did the thing with your face?"

"What thing with my face George? I do not have a thing with my face."

"Yes you do, you get all scrunchy faced, then you cock your eyebrow, it's totally readable." He looks to Mer for confirmation, but she's too busy being dazed and confused.

"Seriously, you two? Divorced?" She reiterates.

"It happens." I assure her

"I'm gonna… I've got dirty, dirty images in my head, so labs; I'm gonna go look at labs" George proclaims as he leaves the room.

George is permanently relegated to the friend zone after the whole mess with Izzy Stevens, but I have to admit I was a little pleasantly surprised about the waffles. Thinking about our marriage reminds me that Christina and Mark had an affair last nigh, that no matter how much fun I've been having with the ewe factor of this, they have both cheated on two people I actually care about.