Scent of Roses

Ch. 1.

Rin walked aimlessly through the paths that circled around and through the Sohma main house. She really didn't know why she was there in the first place, she certainly wasn't there to try and see Haru. Or at least that's what she told herself over and over again. It had been what seemed like forever since she had broken-up with him, telling him, "I'm tired of you" "I don't need you anymore". She knew why she had done it, it wasn't to hurt Haru even though she did. She simply wanted to protect him from Akito's rage. She felt that she could bare the punishment of their relationship's consequences on her own.

This was one of the few times since they were children that she felt the need to take on a protective, motherly role in Haru's life. She knew very well that she had broken Haru's heart the second he heard her say those words, those painfully awful words, but she thought that the physical pain Akito would have put them through for loving each other was far worse than the emotional pain they were both experiencing. Although she was aware that she shouldn't, she thought about how desperately wanted to have Haru back.

There was an empty void in her heart ever since she left him, a gaping hole she couldn't fill, and it pained her entire body in a way she couldn't even describe. She knew that he must feel the same way, she was certain that he still sincerely loved her. She couldn't bring herself to think of what he would say if she simply walked up to him and asked him to take her back. She played out the scenario in her head. She would run up to him and embrace him tightly, kissing him relentlessly until he agreed to be hers' again. It wasn't really her style, but she was desperate. Those images reeled through her head over and over again, seeming to become less like a dream and more like reality. But it was only a silly schoolgirl thought. She knew very well that she would never be able to do something like that in the main house.

No, she had to get him somewhere else to tell him, there was no other option. She decided to write a simple letter to him and slip it through his bedroom window later that day. The letter read:
Haru, meet me at the park next to Sohma house tonight at 10:00.
She didn't even have to sign her name, she was positive that Haru would know it was from her. It was just the way they addressed each other, and spoke so informally, the way most Sohma family members would never speak to one another.

It was 5:00 pm before she finally got up the courage to deliver the letter to his room. She walked quietly around the back of the house where Haru's room was. She saw that his window was crack open slightly, meaning he was there. She suddenly lost all the courage she had spent hours working up. "I can't do it, not while he's there" she tried and failed to convince herself. "no, if I don't give it to him now, I know I never will". She continued to walk slowly up to the window. Then she reached up and slipped the letter through the open in the window. As soon as she heard it hit the floor, she ran and didn't look back.

Inside the house, Haru had just noticed the piece of paper that had fallen to the floor. He walked over to pick it up. As soon as he saw how it was labeled, he knew who had delivered it. It must have been Rin. With that thought he quickly opened the window the rest of the way and stuck his head out looking for her, but she was already gone. With a sigh he closed the window and read the letter. "meet me at the park? Whatever you say Rin". He followed the letter's instructions as if Rin's own voice was speaking through the pencil scratched onto the paper. So at ten he snuck out of his house through the back and went to the old park outside of the Sohma main estate. He thought her choice of location was interesting, because the park was the same one they had played together at when they were children.

When he arrived he saw her sitting on one end of a seesaw, waiting for him. She obviously didn't hear him come up because he was able to sit down on the other side, lifting her into the air before she noticed he had arrived. "Haru, you're here! You scared me"
"I'm sorry Rin". "It's ok…" she said as she lay her head back on the board of the seesaw looking into his eyes.
"so you wanted to talk about something Rin"
"yea….I do" she hesitated as she spoke.
"Just say what you want to say Rin." Haru grabbed onto her shoulders and pulled her back until she was slouched between his legs, her head resting against his chest. This only succeeded in making her more nervous, but she didn't want to move. She turned her head so she was almost looking him face-to-face and tried to find the words she wanted to say.
"Haru I…….I realized that I still…….love you." She hung her head as the words spilled out of her mouth almost unwillingly.
"what"
"you heard me haru. The only reason I ever broke up with you is because of…..Akito"
"Akito, what does she have to do with our relationship"
"Haru, you know we can't be together unless Akito is ok with it"
"why can't we." At these words he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. "All I want is to stay with you, that's all I ever wanted"
"oh Haru….." She said weakly as tears began to roll down her face and she turned around to hug him.
She never wanted their embrace to end, and it felt like they were there forever when she heard him speak again.
"ahh…..Rin, does this mean you want me back?" he asked sheepishly.
"yes, you idiot." She laughed as she playfully slapped him upside his head.
"Rin……….." he said with is face pressed into her hair muffling his voice. "I….I love you"
She finally let a natural smile spread over her face and laughed even more.
"I know…..I love you too." Again they sat together in silence, stuck in an embrace that was so deep they were able to forget the cruel world around them for the time being. "shit……..you did it again" "what, Rin"
"……..this was too easy, why are you always able to do that to me"
"ah…..do what?" Haru looked at her with a puzzled face for a moment.
"just make me loose all control and give in to you so easily…..I hate loosing control like that"
"but Rin……I thought you wanted to…….." His face slipped into a small frown.
"I'm sorry…..I do want to be with you, I really do, it's just………..I didn't want it to happen so fast…….it still feels…..odd"
"No Rin, I'm sorry…..I took things too fast, I should have guessed you wouldn't like it." A tiny tear rolled down Rin's face as she looked up at him.
"And that's just like you too……always thinking about me….what makes me feel comfortable, what I want……..your too good to me Haru, you really are"
"you deserve more than I could ever give you Rin" He said as he lifted a finger to her face to wipe away the now more ravenous tears rolling down her cheeks. She smiled weakly and lightly kissed him on the lips. Haru took this as a sign that things were ok and kissed her back. It had been so long since Rin had allowed Haru to come anywhere near her without the consequences of being slapped or having something thrown at him, so he wasn't sure if she would be ok with taking things further than they had already gotten. For a while they both sat on the seesaw at a loss of what to do next. Then Rin finally spoke up.
"why don't we go back to my house now"
"What? Seriously?" Haru hadn't been asked this question in a very long time.
"Of course I am, its getting late and I still want to talk to you some more.
"Whatever you want Rin….it is getting kinda cold out here." He stared around the park for a minute until he felt Rin's body move leaving a cold spot where she had been. He looked up at her.
"Well are we leaving or not? Come on Haru…" "hmm….ok…." Haru answered starting to stir.
He slumped back down as if he couldn't get up and reached out his hand to Rin.
"Help me up…..please?" He looked up at her with something twinkling in his eye, something she couldn't recognize. She looked back at him before grabbing his hand and pulling him up next to her. As their hands let go, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into a deep kiss one like they hadn't shared for so long it seemed impossible that they could be sharing it now. At first Rin was surprised at his forwardness after such a long separation but she welcomed it with great enthusiasm. The shyness and resistance that had once filled her was now almost gone. She reveled in the simple pleasure she felt while she was with him. Finally Haru broke their kiss.
"Shouldn't we be getting back now?" Haru asked quietly. Rin sighed as she nodded. "I guess so……" she answered as she started walking in the direction of kagura's house.
"Should we take the main road, there may still be some people out." Haru looked at Rin with a concerned face.
"We probably should, I don't want to risk it." She said as they began to take a path that would lead them around to the back of Kagura's house and to a window in Rin's room. As they walked together in silence Rin thought about how she would be able to keep their relationship a secret once more. She had failed the last time and had paid the price, but if she failed again, it might be Haru who is forced to take the punishment. She shuddered to think of Haru being hurt because of her selfish wishes to be with him again. Her sudden movement made Haru look over at her. She reassured him by grabbing on to his hand, holding it tightly and giving him a bright smile.
But he was still worried. " what is it Rin"
"Nothing I'm fine, I'm just…..thinking about how we're going to keep this a secret"
"Nothing bad will happen, I'll keep you safe Rin"
"I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you! Who's going to keep you safe"
"I can take care of myself, I can take care of both of us, I'm not a little boy anymore." Haru looked at her with serious eyes. " I love you, and I won't let anyone hurt you for loving me Rin"
"I-I know, I trust you Haru" Her voice sounded so sincere that he couldn't help but smile. They had almost reached the house and by now it was way past eleven and they were both beginning to feel the cold air around them. "I hope I left the window unlocked." Rin said as she reached up to the sill and tried to lift the window up. She succeeded with a little help from Haru. He gave her a boost up into her room and then lifted himself up afterward. When they were both in he closed the window and joined Rin on her bed. "Do you still want to talk more?" Haru asked Rin as she yawned.
"well yeah, but I don't think I'll be able to stay awake……." She yawned again as she felt her eyelids grow heavier. It was nearly midnight and they were both getting tired.
"Maybe I should just go home then." Haru said as he looked over at the window, then back at Rin "No….no, I want you to stay….please?" He looked slightly shocked. "I didn't mean it like that….it just…..its really cold tonight and I don't want you to get sick and I…….." Haru caught her mouth with a kiss.
"Don't worry about it, I understand, I'll stay." "Thank you." She hugged him and walked over to her closet, pulled out a nightie and began to change.
Haru sighed "Rin if you keep that up, I'm not going to be able to sleep"
"huh?…oh sorry, I guess I just feel so comfortable with you I don't notice……..." Rin looked at him and smiled slightly. "Well just cover you'r eyes then." Haru obeyed and covered himself with a sheet.
Rin laughed. "What are you doing"
"Covering my eyes." He said without removing the sheet "You look like a ghost." She finished changing and walked over to him. "You can take it off now." Rin pulled at the sheet a little. Haru pulled it off as she settled into bed.