Disclaimer: Characters etc. belong to Paramount. I'm just having my share of fun.

Author's note: All feedback is welcome. All I ask is that you be honest, but gentle (bats eyes innocently).

Thanks to Singing Violin for lending a helping hand:)

Not Home Yet

by Chocobo87

Kathryn looked at Chakotay from across the room. His appearance had barely changed since she first met him all those years ago, except now he was cleaner and formally dressed. How she already missed their dinners and the time spent together on the holodeck. She knew she could not have expected him to choose the solitude she had been resigned to accept for herself. He'd had none of the moral restrictions that came with being captain. His devoted friendship had for a while seemed enough, but the pain and jealousy she'd felt every time she'd seen him look so tenderly at another woman had nearly been unbearable. Would it really have been so horrible to allow herself to give in to his numerous, yet subtle invitations? His affairs had always been brief, so she'd taken for granted he would never really belong to anyone else. If only she could get them home within their lifetime, it would not be too late. That was the hope she had carried.

But then came Seven of Nine. An unlikely match, but there it was. Hearing herself say he would be Seven's husband was like a stab to the heart. Perhaps things would be different now, or perhaps not. At least now she need not deny herself any more. If only he would give her a sign... something, anything to tell her it was not too late.

Suddenly he turned. Kathryn felt a strike of panic as she realized he had noticed her staring at him. She tried to cover it as best she could with a smile and walked decidedly towards a group of people nearby, trying to seem interested in their conversation and join in, but never letting Chakotay slip from the corner of her eye. He was coming towards her! What will I say?! They hadn't really had a chance to talk since their arrival home, only a few days ago.It wasn't that she had failed to notice his many attempts to speak with her, but that, being irrationally afraid to hear what he trying to say, she had done her best to avoid the issue.

Seemingly out of the blue, Seven grabbed Chakotay's attention. He gave Kathryn one last glance, then turned his attention towards his date. The captain didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed, despite her initial panic. There was nothing she wanted more than for him to take her into his arms and be with her forever. But she could never come between him and Seven if it proved to be the tall blonde he really wanted. Kathryn couldn't blame Chakotay for having fallen for her beauty and intelligence. Though no one could have guessed when they'd first liberated her, Seven was actually very charming, now that she'd had four years to rediscover her humanity. Kathryn could almost blame the formation of this couple on herself, when she thought about it. She knew she was responsible for a great deal of how Seven had turned out; she'd even encouraged the ex-Borg to explore the world of romance. Seemingly, she had influenced her charge more than she'd intended.

Kathryn's love for her protégée, whom she had come to see as somewhat of a daughter, having watched her grow and thrive, was not making her decision any easier. Clearly, her ultimate course of action would depend on Chakotay's feelings. The obvious thing to do was, of course, to ask him directly and let him know how she felt, but did she have the right? That would be interfering with what could very well be Chakotay's and Seven's happiness. But who is to say their happy endings will be with each other? They might break up somewhere down the line anyway. After all, circumstances are very different now from those under which they got married.

Eventually Chakotay left Seven and continued in Kathryn's direction. She barely realized what was happening before he said her name in greeting.

"Chakotay," she replied with a careful smile.

"We're here. We made it," he stated, as if he too had trouble believing it.

"Indeed." Kathryn gave a chuckle; that was the only other thing that had occupied her mind since she had found herself in the Alpha Quadrant again. "I can hardly believe it."

"Same here. I feel I'll wake up any moment and the Borg or some other hostile species will be right around the nearest nebula."

"Well, you know me: as long as I have my coffee, I'll survive."

"I'd bet on that," he replied with a laugh. Oh, that wonderful laugh. Then the band, as if knowing her heart's desire, started playing her favourite melody by Tchaikovsky. "Would you like to dance?"

Before she'd had time to think, she'd accepted. What am I doing?! How can I hide what I feel when I'm this close to him? But it was too late now. He took her hand and pulled her out on the floor. His arm wrapped around her waist as he held her close and started moving them both to the waves of the music. Her right arm on his left, Kathryn could feel Chakotay's tension, which rivalled her own. She didn't dare look him in the eyes. I can't risk his seeing what I feel for him, not yet. I'm not ready.

What do I mean I'm not ready? This is what I've been waiting for all my life, even before I knew it myself!

But what if he doesn't reciprocate? I know he did once, but his feelings may have changed. And Seven deserves better than to have someone steal her man.

It's not stealing if he chooses me of his own accord.

Her eyes finally ventured to meet Chakotay's. He smiled softly. She couldn't help but smile back at him. Seven or no Seven, right now the man of her dreams held her in his arms, smiled at her, looked at her. She couldn't feel anything but joy as the world around them, the entire time-space-continuum, seemed to disappear. Neither the past nor the future seemed to matter, only the here and now. Kathryn could almost swear it was not the hard, wooden floor of the ballroom, but clouds upon which they were dancing.

Was it just her imagination, or had Chakotay slowly been pulling her closer and closer? What's happening? Neither of them were smiling anymore. What is that look on his face? I've seen it before, have I not? Years ago… Her eyes were locked with his and she noticed it got more difficult to breathe. Naturally, it didn't take long before she got dizzy and stumbled. Like the trusty first officer he had always been to her, Chakotay caught her and took her out into the gardens for some fresh air.

They were beautiful gardens: paths of gravel that made crunching noises as one walked down the lane past yellow lilies, purple irises, pink cherry-trees, white apple-trees and beautiful red roses, all in bloom on this warm, starlit summer night. Chakotay gently guided Kathryn to a white marble bench in a slightly secluded spot behind a row of trees.

"You okay?" he asked as soon as he was sitting next her in the warm, dim light from a streetlamp.

"I'm fine," she replied curtly, obviously lying.

"You're sure? For the seven years I've known you you've never been one to faint easily."

"Yes, I am, and I didn't faint! I just lost my footing. Don't worry about me; you should get back to your date," she retorted more sharply than she intended.

Chakotay opened his mouth to speak, but no words came and he closed it quickly. After a few seconds, he reluctantly got up and turned to leave, but immediately stopped. As the commander bent down and picked a luscious rose from its dark green bush he said, "I hope you know that just because we're no longer isolated from Earth and the rest of the Alpha Quadrant, it doesn't mean I'll no longer be there for you whenever you need me, or just someone to talk to." He looked at her through the corner of his eye. Lids closing for a moment, he inhaled the sweet scent of the flower before handing it to his long-time friend.

This time, Kathryn was the one to whom words would not come easily. She merely stared at the rose in front of her and silently accepted it as Chakotay continued back inside. Surreptitiously, he regarded her one last time, sitting there all alone beneath the apple-blossoms, before reentering the ballroom and finding Seven by the refreshments table.

"Is the captain ill?" she asked when Chakotay stood beside her.

"She'll be fine," he replied. "She just needed some fresh air." He tried to seem casual, but Seven could tell he was troubled. Being quite familiar with her accurate perceptive skills, Chakotay quickly asked if she would join him on the dance floor, hoping she'd forget all about it. She did not, but assessed that it would not be prudent to pursue the matter presently.

Shortly after, the lonely captain was standing in the doorway, contemplating the dancing couple. So he still cares about me, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants anything but my friendship. Does he love her? She took another thoughtful whiff of the red flower in her hand. Or me?

Her mind going in circles, she didn't notice the man coming towards her from her right.

"What are doing standing here all by yourself? There are plenty of people dying to talk to the captain who crossed half the galaxy."

"I didn't see you there, Admiral Paris," Janeway replied, startled at being ripped away from her reverie.

"How are you? You don't look as thoroughly happy as I might have expected to find you."

"Oh, I'm just fine, thank you," Janeway said, just managing to force out a smile. "It's just a lot to digest, you know, coming home after seven years instead of seventy. I guess I almost got used to the prospect of never seeing Earth again."

"Quite understandable, Captain." Paris's expression underlined that he meant it. "You're likely to be considered for Admiral, you know," he revealed, changing the subject.

"Really…" Janeway didn't know how to respond other than with surprise.

"Yes. It's no small deed to bring the better part of a crew home alive across seventy thousand light years, not to mention deliver a crippling blow or two to the Borg in the process. I am also eternally grateful for the return of my son, in more than one way." His second chance with Tom was heaven-sent in Owen's eyes. "Of course, nothing is official until after scrutinous debriefings, but to not show firm appreciation of a person regarded as highly by the masses as you are now, wouldn't exactly be smart. Starfleet knows that."

"What about the rest of my crew?"

"Of that I know only a little. So far it hasn't even been decided if the Maquis will be pardoned for their previous crimes. It all really depends on your reports and such. I will, however, do whatever I can to see that they get the honours they deserve. After all, one is now the mother of my grandchild." He gave a warm smile at the mention of the new-born.

"Speaking of which, how are little Miral and her parents?"

"As far as I can tell, they are doing just fine, considering the newcomer keeps them up most of the night. Of course, they're in an adjustment period, much like you are, and probably even more so as they didn't have as much tying them to Earth. Why not ask them yourself? I believe they're around here somewhere," Kathryn's colleague and dear friend suggested while taking an overview of the room, as if trying to locate the individuals in question.

"Yes, I spotted Tom earlier, but lost him in the crowd," she conceded with a slight, crooked smile.

There was quite an impressive attendance at their welcome home party. Even though half her crewmembers were still criminals on paper, the long-lost people as a group had a made a much appreciated return. Besides, as far as Starfleet was concerned, no one deserved to be ripped away from everything familiar and dear as Voyager's and the Val Jean's crews had been.

"Ah, there they are," the Admiral exclaimed as he spotted them leaving the dancefloor and indicated their location to Kathryn before he excused himself to continue mingling.

The rest of the evening was, for Kathryn, filled with small talk with most of her former subordinates, fellow captains, and several flag officers, the latter two all too eager to give her effusive praise for her awe-inspiring accomplishments. Secretly, Chakotay watched her whenever Seven did not demand his full attention. He seriously considered going after her when she stealthily left the party well before midnight, but decided she probably needed her space more than anything at the moment. However, he didn't bother remaining much longer himself and soon made an excuse to Seven for leaving so early.