He called him Sir, but there were no Sirs here, just John. John shaped Spencer Reid's life from that pivotal moment and now it was Spencer's turn to help John.
"Dr Reid! Things must be grim if you're here to see me."
"I heard you were in the hospital John, I wanted to be here."
"It's okay Spencer... no need to pussyfoot around the details... I am fully aware that I only have weeks, perhaps days left. I'm happy that you're here. It's good to see you; it's been a while."
"You stopped coming to the meetings and I got concerned. Knowing you were ill for some time, I had hoped that things were looking up for you... I asked around and I was made aware of your ... situation. I'm sorry John."
"It's all right Spencer. You're still attending the meetings, that's wonderful. I'm only sorry I haven't been there for you."
"John, if it hadn't been for people like you, you in particular, I may not have continued with the meetings. I am so grateful for your 3 years of sponsorship and continued support after that."
"You just needed someone to hear you Spencer - I was happy to be that person. I'm very proud of your achievements in the past 5 years. Not all cases turn out as well as yours you know."
"I know and that's why I'm here... to thank you, personally. John, when you loaned me your One Year Chip when I only had 10 months sobriety I didn't fully comprehend the magnitude of that gesture... but now, 5 years on, I get it."
Spencer reached into his pocket and took out a small red and black chip with a silver 5 emblazoned on it. He placed the chip in the frail, shaky hand of the man in the hospital bed and said "I owe you my life John."
Spencer took a seat beside the once physically and emotionally strong man and held his hand lightly as tears filled John's line-etched eyes. Spence too felt tears coming but it was his turn to be strong now.
He said softly "Not a day passes that I don't think of you John and thank God for leading me to you and the group and for finding the solace I needed to gain my life back."
"It's all you Spencer; you did this!"
Spencer nodded slowly, "I put the work in, I know that... but it was you that paved my way to success. If you hadn't taken an interest in my situation, helped me at every turn, I doubt I would be sitting here with you today."
"Well I'm proud to have you sit here by me Dr Spencer Reid and I'm grateful to you too... You gave me a reason to continue with my sobriety even when it became apparent that it really didn't matter anymore. I got to a point where I thought, does it really matter if I take a drink... in the scheme of things - did it really matter now, but young men like you and those who will follow, make it important to keep this dream alive; to never give up."
Spencer smiled warmly "We can never give up John. I promise you that I will always try and keep this dream alive, for you and for those who come afterwards - I owe you that much."
"You don't owe me anything Spencer, but you do owe it to yourself. You're an amazing young man who has a lifetime ahead of him and if you choose to help others along the way with the same problems that you and I have faced, the same demons, then your life will be that more rewarding - I can promise you that."
John mustered up the strength to squeeze the hand of his much younger counterpart; a young man who had come in to his life at a low time. Spencer Reid was battling addictions just like many other people in their field, like many others who would follow. He said breathlessly "You have an amazing team of people around you Spencer, never forget that. You may credit me with being your saving grace but you know that it is people like Aaron Hotchner and the rest of your team that keep you grounded on a daily basis - let them fill the void son, let them walk beside you."
"I will. I constantly remind myself of how lucky I am to have those people in my life and I would rather die than let them down... oh God, I am so sorry... I don't know why I said that."
John managed a croaky chuckle "Spencer, it's fine... if you can't say stuff like that to me, who can you! In the 5 years I've known you Dr Reid, you've never failed to put a smile on my face, don't stop now."
Spence smiled coyly and said "I can't help it; I only open my mouth to change feet!"
John chuckled again but this time it was shallow and almost inaudible. He needed to rest.
Spencer stood up and said quietly "I will leave you to rest... I'll be outside though. I want to talk some more when you're up to it."
John didn't acknowledge the statement, he just drifted off to sleep. Spencer made his way out of the room. John's wife and children were in the waiting area, they all smiled at Spencer and he felt warm and comfortable.
John's wife, Rowena took his hand "He would have been so happy to see you Dr Reid, thank you for coming."
"I couldn't be anywhere else... That man saved my life - I had to be here."
Rowena nodded knowingly; it wasn't the first time she had heard that phrase in the past days. Many agents, officers and non-uniform personnel had paid the same tribute to her husband. He was a man of great stature and it pleased him no end to help those around him if he could and that selflessness was now being honoured in his greatest time of need.
Almost an hour passed before Spencer could return to chat with John. He shared that time with John's family over a coffee in the cafeteria. He learned more about John in that time than in the past 5 years. He learned how much John was loved and admired by his children, particularly his 28 year old police officer son.
Spencer enjoyed listening to Rowena express her love for her husband; in spite of his failings, John had been a remarkable husband and father, not to mention an amazing mentor to people just like Spencer who John had sought out to help.
Spencer also learned that sadly John really only had hours to live, not the days or weeks he was hoping for. Spencer thanked John's family for allowing him this precious time, before he could spend his last hours with them.
Spence went back into John's room.
John managed a smile for Spencer. "I suppose the whole clan is out there?"
"They are. You have a wonderful family John and they're all so proud of you, as they should be."
"It is me who is proud Spencer, of each and every one of them. I'm a lucky man... I can leave this world knowing that I'm leaving behind a terrific legacy."
"That you are John... Can I tell you something... I've told you before that my father wasn't in my life for a very long time and having spent this past hour with your children, I can only imagine the great loss they're going to feel. I've had you in my life for 5 years and that's something I will carry with me for the rest of my life and I can't tell you how very grateful I am to you for filling that void for me..."
"Spencer, it has been my absolute pleasure to know you, to watch your career go from strength to strength and to witness you becoming the man I knew you would be ... you hit a rocky patch but you fought your demons and I know you will continue to fight the fight and you will win! I've not said this to many of the young men and women I've stood alongside in our darkest hours, that you Dr Reid are one of the most genuine, gentlest and special people that I've had the pleasure to call a friend."
Spence brushed away a tear as Rowena entered John's room. She smiled at Spence and knew instantly that her husband had given this young man the hope and courage he had sought by being here today; just as many others had in the past few days.
"Spencer, take this... I won't need it where I'm going son." Spencer gently took his 5 year chip from John's hand and smiled. "You're going to an amazing place John, I know that in my heart of hearts."
John crooked his finger for Spencer to come closer; "I'll keep a tight arm around your special girl Spencer, until you get there to hold her..."
Tears spilled down Spencer's cheeks and he clutched John's hand tightly. He managed to voice his parting words to John before leaving. "You're an amazing man; Heaven takes care of its special agents... Thank you John, for everything."
A warm embrace followed and Spencer quickly left the room. He thanked John's family again for allowing him that time and he left the hospital.
Spencer would never see John again.
In the days following John's funeral Aaron kept a close eye on Reid. He knew how much John had meant to Reid and he knew that his agent would be feeling the loss. He needn't have worried. Spencer had spent time initiating a special tribute to John to honour him. He would fund an award in John's name to all officers and agents who received their one year chip. The award would accompany a salute to John's story and honour the man who had fought so hard to help others. On the bottom of the plaque it would read "There are no Sirs here..."
Spencer Reid would never forget the man who had helped him heal and forge ahead in his darkest times.