There are so many times where I wish I could just end it all.

It keeps getting harder trying to ignore the thoughts running through my head. They each show me how I messed up,how messed I am and all the crap I caused on everyone.

Everyone keeps pointing it out,too. Do they seriously believe I'm not aware?

Sometimes I know I can be dense but...but I know okay?

I don't NEED people telling me it. Anything they say cant compare to what I think of myself.

I know. I know I cant keep my damn self stable. I know I'm not even three hundred yet I've already screwed up so much.

I know my crimes.I know the pain I caused on so many countries people because of my damn stupidity and ego. I know the wars I started just because some misunderstanding. Believing I could be every ones hero and save them. But I fucking lost myself on what I was doing.

All the things I did and for what? Wanting to prove myself?

Wanted them to see that I could be just like them? That I was on their level? That I could compete? But what did I really do?

I became cruel and uncaring. The experiments,the testing,the treatment the way I just let it happen and just turned a blind eye even when they where my own. My own children,my states, how they suffer for them and what kind of father was/am I to let it just kind of nation was I?

I changed then. I changed so many times. I tried to make it all better,but then I became blind. Blind to how I was run. Blind to all the paranoia and the distrust consuming me.

So many of them hate me now and I cant blame them. I'm suppose to uphold them. I'm suppose to represent them and I cant. I can barely take care of them now and give them what they need.

Some of them are threatening to leave me again. My people and my babies... they want a new representative,a new father to take care of them and what should I do?

Should I just let them leave?

Should I disappear?

Have another civil war and this time lose?

They use to call me the land of the free,the land of opportunity,but now what am I?

Who am I?

I don't think anyone knows anymore.