The OFFICIAL fanfic for the popular online podcast series! It's approved by PierceSmoulder and everything! Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh MUFFINS!

Yeah, I'm excited too.

Thanks to Konpeki Rei for betaing this, to PierceSmoulder for sending me a copy of the script and giving me the rights to do this, and Hasbro/ The Hub for creating this epic show (which I don't own).

Allons-y!

Chapter 1

A Bit Unexpected, Part One

Our scene opens up in a sunny meadow with a nearby pond. The trees are large and green and look somewhat cartoonish. Not a single cloud hangs in the sky. Suddenly, there's a whoosh, despite the lack of wind. The sound grows and grows as a large blue box appears out of nowhere. Eventually the strange object solidifies, and after a pause, a man pokes his head out to investigate his surroundings.

He begins to mutter to himself. "Well, that was a bit unexpected. Hmm... let's have a look around then. Trees are the same, birds are the same... a bit too sunny to be English weather. A bit primitive, perhaps. Wonder where I am, the TARDIS getting all wonky like that. Well, best I try to fix it up then..."

"Hi!" shouts a female voice right in the Doctor's face. Naturally, he's shocked, and so begins to scream.

"Whoa! Huh... ah," he shouts.

He gets a proper look at the girl who interrupted him- except it isn't a girl. It's a... horse? A talking horse? Not only that, but it's a purple horse. That's flying. Flying! It's not a horse at all, but a pegasus! Which planet could this be?

"Hello there, mister. Wow, your house kinda appeared out of nowhere," she (it?) continues, apparently oblivious to the form she/it is taking.

The Doctor is actually fairly calm, all things considering. "No, this isn't a house, and furthermore, you're talking and you look like you're an equine of some sort... a pony. I think that's more interesting," he admits.

Ditzy Doo, or Derpy Hooves (whichever you prefer), is the name of the pony in question, but our hero doesn't know that yet. But for the sake of this fanfic, we will refer to her as Ditzy so as to clear any confusion. With me so far? Eyeup? Good.

Anyway, back to the action. Ditzy seems puzzled (naturally) by the statement. "I am a pony, and you're a pony too, mister."

He's stunned. "Now wait a minute, I can't possibly be a pony. Last time I checked, I was at least homo sapien in appearance."

"A homo- say- what- now?" There's a look in her eyes that suggest she may just be thinking of "homo" as something else, but then again, with those pupils, who can tell?

"Oh, you know, a hairless ape that walks on bipedals. Basically they-"

"Monkeys on bike pedals!" Ditzy interrupts. You should get used to her in bursts now. "Oh boy! So you're from the circus. I love the circus!" Oh! I love the circus, too!

"Uh, no, it means I walk on two legs," the Doctor explains with exasperation.

Ditzy is concerned. "Uh, you're not walking on two legs, mister. Did that house hit your head?" Her eyes uncross for just a second, emphasizing her fear.

He sighs, "Now hold on a minute, let me take a look," and walks over to peer into the pond. His eyes go wide when he sees his newest regeneration result. "Oh dear! Good... well, that's interesting, isn't it? Look at that, hooves and everything." He chuckles. "Guess that explains a lot then. I'm liking the tail, a rather nice touch. Hmm, chestnut, it looks like." A sigh escapes his snout. "Still not ginger. Blast. Oh! This looks like an hourglass right here on my rump. Fancy that. Doesn't look like a-"

"Duh! That's your Cutie Mark!" Ditzy interjects. She scoffs at the newcomer's stupidity.

"Ah!" exclaims the stallion.

"Jeez, do I have to teach you everything all over again?" rants Ditzy. Cue eye- roll.

"Now you see..."

"I really, really think you hit your head pretty hard. What's your name, anyway?" she goes on, ignoring the newcomer's attempt at butting in. Talky, talky, talky.

The Doctor jumps back to reality. "Oh! I'm the Doctor!"

To nobody's surprise, a confused look crosses her face. "The doctor of what?"

"Oh, well... I'm just the Doctor," he explains.

"Um, OK... so you fix ponies up, right?" She bites her lip.

The Time Lord is also puzzled now. "Um, no, if I just fixed ponies up, then I don't think this would be the... watchamacallit, the mark on my rump."

Ditzy examines the said design. "A Cutie Mark!" she sighs.

"Ah, yes."

"Let me see... whoa. It looks like your Cutie Mark is an... hourglass? So... hourglass, hourglass..." After a bit of pondering, she gives an excited gasp. "Is your special talent time?"

He grins smugly, and I'm sure if he were still Matt Smith, he would straighten his bow tie. "Indeed. Time and fabrication at the slightest..."

"OH MY GOSH A TIME- TRAVELING PONY!" Ditzy yells happily. "This is so cool! I wa... a bu..." She struggles off adorably. "Uh, that's nice." She sighs. "I don't remember what my special talent is."

"Well it's-"

Ditzy interrupts him for what seems to be the millionth time. "Anyways..."

"-But, but it shows that you have bubbles on your... eh, rump," counter-interrupts the Doctor.

"Well, yeah," she replies, "I think it's for my bubbly personality."

"Or bubbly brain, but that can be debated later..." he mumbles under his breath. Oh, that's just cruel, Doctor. It's not her fault she's Derpy. Don't insult the handicapped, kids. It's mean.

"Huh?" Ditzy blurts, accidently hearing some of the Doctor's muttering.

He panics. "Uh, nothing! Nothing... actually, you see," he continues, "I'm in a bit of a situation. The TARDIS brought me here at this specific moment, and that-"

And yet another interruption. "You named your house TARDIS?"

"Oh, that's the name of the... time machine behind you," he explains.

"Oohh. OK." Obviously it's not OK, but let's leave poor Ditzy alone, all right?

The Doctor continues, "Ah, but actually, out of curiosity, what event is about to be taking place at this particular time and moment?" Geez, Doctor, that's the longest way of asking "what's happening?" I've ever heard.

Ditzy attempts to recall her memories. "Um... I dunno. I guess the Summer Sun Celebration's coming." After this, she visibly brightens. "It's actually the first time we've had it here in Ponyville in a long time. The Princess is gonna come out and everything! Everybody's-" hey wait a minute, shouldn't that be "everypony?"- "going to be there!"

"So this event is very important, right?" he asks worriedly.

"Eeyup. VERY important," she responds affirmatively.

"Hmm. It seems that the TARDIS sent me at this specific, exact moment for just this right occasion. That means that something is bound to happen at this particular event. Right!"

"Huh?" And, once again, Ditzy has lost the Time Lord (Pony?)'s train of thought.

"Let me just take a look at- uh," he begins, pulling out his sonic screwdriver, which he then drops. He attempts to pick it up but fails. Several times. Quite epically, in fact. "Uh... oh dear goodness... ah... oh!... Blast... dang... How do you hold these things? I can't hold my sonic screwdriver!"

Ditzy lifts it off the ground with ease. "Oh, well, you just... pick it up. See? Like this."

The Doctor is amazed. "How do you even do that? You have... it's... it's virtually impossible with these hooves."

"Uh, no, you just pick it up. See? Like this," she replies, demonstrating.

"OK, let me try this the way you do... ugh, this isn't working!" And suddenly, an epiphany! "Oh! Hold on, I have an idea!" He grasps the device in his jaw. "Tshere! Tshere we gos. Now I'm sholding it in-"

Alas, another interruption. And I thought we were done with those... "Hey, your mouth is good, but, um, I mean..."

"It'sh tshe only way I can phshysically shold tshish tshing," he mumbles. To which our little pegasus responds, "Well, you could just hold it in your hoof." The Doctor's answer to this? "No, it'sh quite imposshible. I'll jusht shtick witsh tshe mouths. Sho, anyway, let'sh get rigsht to it!"

Ditzy rolls her eyes. "I think you're gonna need a unicorn to help you with that."

Clank. The Doctor drops his jaw, which in turn drops the sonic screwdriver. "Wait a minute, did you just say 'unicorns?'"

"Yeah, unicorns," she answers, like it's the most common thing in the world. "Like, see, I'm a pegasus. We have unicorns."

"Are you telling me there's actuallyunicornshere?"

"Yeah, all over the place." Huh, I guess they arethe most common thing in the world. My bad.

The stallion gives an amazed laugh. "The humans were onto something for once! Right then, let's-" Cue stomach growl. "Oh, uh, oh dear, oh... Perchance, let's get something to eat first. Um, you do eat, right?" he asks the mare.

"Sure! We have dandelion sandwiches, hay fries, apple pie..." she begins to rattle off the whole menu for Sugarcube Corner.

"Do you have bacon and eggs, out of curiosity?" inquires the male pony.

Her face contorts with confusion. "Uh, I could bakeyou some eggs, if that's what you're asking." She gives a small giggle.

"Uh... do you have pigs on this planet?"

"Yeah, what about them?" counters the native horse. Well, of course there are pigs on this planet, otherwise Pinkie Pie's pig song makes no sense.

The Doctor begins a monologue to himself. "Oh yes, that's right, I forgot. Equines are herbivores in nature. That means they don't... or wouldn't even consider cannibalizing something similar to their own species."

"What?" I don't blame you, Ditz, I'm confused too. Those were some big words.

"Uh, nothing actually. Do you have... oh, I know! Do you have muffins with butter?"

Oh no. Oh no Doctor. You just had to mention muffins.

Here we go. Plug your ears, everybody.

"MUFFINS! YES, I GOT MUFFINS! I got blueberry muffins, I got coffee muffins, I got.. you should try the blueberry muffins. I really like the blueberry muffins, ESPECIALLY with butter, because butter is really good on muffins. I can make you muffins!"

OK, muffin tirade over.

"Splendid. I'll go for the blueberry muffins with the side of butter." Geez, Doctor, does Ditzy look like a waitress to you?

"I KNEW you'd like the blueberry muffins," she laughs.

Oh goodie, more internal monologuing. "Well, at least she can make a partial English breakfast in those regards."

"Um... so, I guess we should go get food then, right?" Ditzy Doo pulls the Doctor back into reality.

"Yes! Right!" He clears his throat. "Capital idea. Let's go and get some food. And from now on, until the job is done, you are my temporary assistant."

She gives an excited gasp. "A temporary assistant?!" She giggles happily, then stops. She turns to the Doctor with fear and worry all across her face.

"What do I do?"

End Chapter 1

This is going to be so much fun... Stay tuned for "A Bit Unexpected, Part Two!"