As Your Friend Chapter One
Gwen watched Arthur duck hurriedly behind a building for the third time that morning, and worried. All week he had been alternatively skittish, and appearing everywhere to engage her in seemingly pointless conversations. She had been confused, but not unduly worried. If he needed to talk to her, he would. They were good friends. Except today, he was everywhere, but he never tried to talk to her, only ducked behind whatever was nearest to hide from her. She stepped up to the pump, smiling at the woman before her in passing. Out of the corner of her eye, Gwen saw Arthur come out from behind the building, and casually walk closer to the pump, before sliding in-between two stalls, and out of her range of vision. With one last rush of water her bucket filled, and Gwen started walking back to the castle. Arthur emerged from between the stalls and followed.
Arthur followed Gwen all that day. He sulked in a shadowed alcove as she hemmed Morgana's dress, followed her to the kitchen when she went to get Morgana's dinner, waited in the corridor as she washed Morgana's hair, and followed her out to the gardens when she went to dump the water. The only time she hadn't seen him all day was when she had brought Morgana's lunch. Gwen shook her head. She was beginning to wonder if something was really wrong. "Oh!" She stopped short as a cat sprinted past her, yowling, and watched startled as a dog tore after it, barking loudly. Starting forward she crashed straight into Arthur.
"Guinevere!" Arthur exclaimed.
"I'm so sorry!" She cried at the same time. Arthur smiled at her, a slightly frenzied look in his eyes.
"No no, my fault, nothing to worry about," He spoke very quickly, waving his hands about. "I was just, you haven't seen Merlin have you, I'm so sorry to bother you, I'll leave you alone. I was just looking for Merlin. See you around, goodbye!" And he was gone. Gwen looked over her shoulder, completely baffled. There was definitely something going on. Part of Arthur's rushed greeting and farewell flowed through her mind . . . you haven't seen Merlin have you. . . Merlin might know something. Changing her plans she turned back to the kitchen and set the bucket back with the others before turning down towards the laundry. She had seen Merlin heading there an hour or so ago with some of Arthur's clothing. It was getting dark, and the torches were only now being lit. She turned down an unlit connecting passage between two main corridors then turned left towards the laundry, there was a large cart a foot or so away from the wall across from the door to the laundry room. Footsteps came from the other end of the corridor, pausing she turned to look who it was. Arthur was looking for Merlin too, he had said so, in a sudden panic, Gwen hid behind the laundry cart. Arthur came around the corner. Gwen held her breath. She really didn't want Arthur to find her hiding behind a laundry cart for no apparent reason, and she really had no energy to figure out his behavior. The laundry room door opened, Merlin emerged, carrying a pile of Arthur's clean clothes, and started walking the way Gwen had come, not noticing Arthur.
"Merlin." Arthur's voice was surprisingly quiet. Merlin turned, seeming surprised.
"Arthur, what happened?" Merlin asked. Gwen watched as Arthur stopped in front of Merlin. She was eavesdropping, but there wasn't anywhere she could go without letting them know she was there. Suppressing a sigh, she sat on the floor as quietly as possible, hoping they would move their conversation elsewhere soon.
"I- I'm so sorry Merlin!" Arthur's voice shook. "I couldn't, I just, I just couldn't." Gwen bit her lip. She desperately wanted to know what was going on, but she should not be listening to this conversation, already she could tell it was of a private nature.
Merlin sighed. Looking defeated. "Arthur, we talked about this, you said you could be happy! You said you could do this!" He was almost shouting by the end of the sentence.
"I know! I know!" Arthur matched his volume. "I thought I could! Except—" He closed his eyes and his shoulders slumped. "I—" He opened his eyes. "This isn't easy Merlin." He was talking so quietly Gwen could barely hear him. Merlin put down the laundry and sighed.
"This isn't easy for me either Arthur." He said shaking his head. Gwen prayed they would stop talking and go somewhere else. She had no such luck.
"I know it isn't. And that breaks my heart." Arthur said, stepping closer to Merlin. "None of this is fair. To anyone."
Merlin nodded. "I understand." He continued in a choked voice. "But we can't—" he cleared his throat and started again. "You have a duty to your people, to your kingdom, and to your country. You have to do what's best for them. Gwen is a good person, she will be a good queen." Gwen's breath caught. What on earth were they planning? Merlin couldn't mean for her to marry Arthur!
"I know. She is also a good friend. I cannot, in good conscience, lie to her that way, and I don't think myself a good enough actor to convince her of the lie." Gwen's confusion increased. She could make head nor tail of this conversation.
Merlin ran his hands through his hair. "Arthur," He said desperately. "I can't do this! I can't watch you—it hurts Arthur. Watching someone you love, play act a happy couple with someone else. If I can believe that you are happy, then I can bear it! But knowing you are as miserable as I am? That, I can't," He looked to be holding back tears.
"Merlin." Arthur whispered. Gwen watched in horror as Arthur began to cry in earnest. She may not fully understand the situation, but these were her friends. Merlin stepped up to Arthur and wrapped his arms around him. The pain, concern, and love clear on his face. Arthur clung to him like a lifeline, his face buried in Merlin's shoulder, body shaking as he sobbed. Merlin pressed his lips to Arthur's head, and held him. Tears on his face. He whispered, like a mantra: "I love you. I love you."
Author's Notes: So I wrote this today (finally) after it had been floating around in my head for a while. Hope you like it!