This is very random. I don't even remember how I came up with it, but I was really really hyper, and laughing at almost every little thing. So, I started writing this, but a few paragraphs in, I lost my hyper, so it's not as funny as I'd intended it to be. I hope you like it anyway. I don't own DGM.
"Tyki, I'm hungry!" Road complained. "And we've been in the car all day; can't we get out and stretch our legs? Why'd we have to come to this stupid country anyway?"
"Stop whining Road, and buckle your seatbelt. We came to investigate any Innocence possibilities. And you're the one who wanted to see the United States for yourself." Tyki Mikk said to his little sister.
"That's not fair!" She cried. "And it's uncomfortable." She said, kicking her feet out. "It restricts my movement."
"That's what it's supposed to do, Road, so that you don't fly out of the car if we're in a crash."
"But you're such a good driver, Tyki, so we won't be in a crash!"
Tyki snorted. "You're faith in me is astounding," he replied as yet another driver honked at him for cutting him off.
He sped along the freeway, cutting in front of cars and speeding up until he was almost twenty miles an hour above the speed limit, enduring Road's complaints all the while.
After she had whined of her rumbling stomach for at least the tenth time, Tyki got tired of it.
"Fine, we'll stop to get something to eat." He zipped across the street, causing many cars to honk again and swerve away from him. The smell of burning rubber filled the air.
In the lot, he parked the car, and walked around to open his sister's door. "You're dinner awaits, Madame," he said, bowing dramatically.
She giggled. "You're so weird, Tyki."
He grinned at her, a surprisingly genuine smile for one so evil.
"So what is this place?" Road asked, looking up at the twin yellow arches on the sign. Her brother shrugged.
"Just someplace the normal people go to eat. They seem to find it good."
"Oh. What kind of food do they have?"
"I don't know. We'll have to go in to find that out."
Tyki Mikk walked toward the door, but before the two Noahs could get there, they were surrounded by many white cars with flashing lights on top. Tyki looked at them mildly.
"Tyki, who are these people?" Road whispered, tugging on Tyki's coat tails.
"I believe they are the American's welcoming committee. Their foreign embassy, perhaps, come to meet us?" Tyki had based his assumption on the red, white and blue lights atop the cars.
"Oh, ok." Road said, releasing his clothes. "Do you think they'll have candy?"
"Don't move!" Cried a man, stepping out of one of the cars. He pointed a gun at the two Noahs. "Put your hands up!"
Tyki Mikk looked at him. "Excuse me, sir?"
"You're under arrest for suspicious activity and traffic violations!" The man cried. He was chubby, with a red face, and even on this cool day, he had sweat dripping from his chin. Tyki glared at him with distaste.
"I find you offensive, sir. Please tell me what the meaning of this is. I can't even take my sister to get food?"
The fat man suddenly looked unsure of himself. He was new to the job, and had never actually made an arrest before. "Just put your hands in the air, pal!"
Tyki Mikk grinned, an evil smile. "Alright. Whatever you say." He slowly lifted his hands, palms toward the man.
"That's better." The police man relaxed visibly, pointing his gun toward the ground.
Suddenly Tyki's hands seemed to whirl, and a curtain of purple butterflies seemed to explode from his palms. The flapped toward the fat man, and engulfed him. When the cloud cleared, there was nothing left of him but a few shreds of clothing and his bones. The other officers stared.
Tyki called his Teez back to him, and they reentered his still open palms, except one. The lone Teez settled on his masters fingertips, flapping its wings gently in the breeze.
The two other officers there gaped at it, then looked with terrified eyes at the man holding it.
"THE WRATH OF GOD IS UPON US!" One shrieked, throwing his gun to the ground in hysterics. Forgetting his car, he ran toward the street, his arms waving frantically. "WE WILL ALL DIE!"
His partner watched as he was abandoned with this strange butterfly-commanding person, and began to tremble violently. "FORGIVE ME BUTTERFLY LORD!" He dropped to his knees, genuflecting for all he was worth. Tyki Mikk watched with amusement.
"Butterfly lord?" He murmured to Road, who shrugged. He chuckled, and sauntered over to the prostrate police officer.
"Of course I forgive you, dear chap," he said, kneeling next to the man. "In fact, I will give you a gift as sign of my goodwill." He reached forward with the hand that held the Teez, and slipped it through the man's chest.
The man stared in horror at Tyki Mikk's arm sticking out of his body, and began to mumble incoherently.
Tyki Mikk sighed. The man had cracked. He released his Teez, who fed off the man's soft heart, and withdrew his arm.
Road was watching with interest. "Is he insane, Tyki?"
"Yes, Road, I'm afraid his brain is broken."
"These half bloods are such wimps. They break so easily."
"That they do, Road, that they do."
"But, Tyki, who were these people, if not the American Embassy or whatever you said?"
Tyki Mikk shrugged. He didn't know, and didn't particularly care. They were just as fragile as other humans.
"Them thar people, little one, are the po-leece. Them po-po is always trying to stir up trouble for common folk, don' ya know," came a voice from behind them. They turned to find a scruffy looking man with a shopping cart.
"I see," Road said, though she didn't see at all. "Thank you for the information. You were very kind to give it to us."
The man grinned. Several of his teeth were missing. "An' aren't ya just the darling girl to say so?" She stared at him blankly.
"Lesse now, would you be willing to see yer way to buyin' an old man a meal?" He said, gesturing at the McDonald's.
"I believe we could probably manage that," Tyki conceded.
"Food, food!" Road bounded towards the door.
The two Noahs stared with uncertainty at the ordering board, but the old homeless man ordered like he came here all the time. "I'll have a double cheeseburger and an M&M McFlurry, with a large fry and a Dr. Pepper." He licked his lips eagerly. Tyki and Road glanced at each other.
"Um…I'll have the same as him, but without the fly." Road said. The man burst into laughter.
"That's FRY, little one, not FLY. Ya know, like a French fry?"
She stared at him blankly. "Whatever."
Tyki Mikk shrugged. "I guess I'll have the same, as well."
"Alright, I have three double cheeseburger combos with Dr. Pepper and three M&M McFlurries. Is that all?"
Tyki and Road nodded, and were handed their food. As they walked to a table, the old man giggled.
"It that all?" He mimicked the higher voice of the clerk. "No it's not." Then he paused. He had run the words together so that it sounded like he had said 'no it's not'. He suddenly cackled.
"No it's snot! And it's green and slimy too!"
The two Noah's stared at him. Tyki sighed. He could tell this was going to be a long trip.
Well, that's it. Hope you liked it. The whole "it's snot and it's green and slimy too" is actually a direct quote from my father. XD I wonder what he'd think he if new his crazyness inspired a fanfiction?