She saw Sam as soon as she entered the clinic. His picture beamed out at her from the cover of his book, although he was nowhere to be seen, and Addison took a moment to stare at the display, trying not to groan at how her old friend was now 'Dr. Feelgood'. She'd gotten a great deal of amusement out of that fact two months ago in New York, but it wasn't so funny now that she'd experienced it for herself. The sex had been great, but the aftermath was anything but pretty.
She shook her head and approached the receptionist, a shaggy blond guy who couldn't have been more than twenty-three. "Hi, uh, I hope I'm in the right place." She glanced around in hopes of sighting the real Sam. "I'm looking for--"
Addison broke off as she caught sight of the familiar-looking young girl in the waiting area. The last time she'd seen Maya, the girl had been eight and obsessed with horses, and now she'd grown up seemingly overnight. "Maya, is that you?"
"Addison!" Maya exclaimed, looking thrilled to see her and Addison didn't know whether to feel relieved or guilty. Sam and Naomi obviously hadn't told their daughter about what had happened in New York, and Addison felt like the worst friend ever knowing that she was responsible for the dissolution of Maya's family.
"Oh my God, look at you! You've gotten so big!" Addison grinned at the girl, getting a shy smile in response. "What are you, like, forty-five now?"
"Maya, you're going to be late for school." Naomi entered on the scene suddenly, stiffening as she caught sight of Addison. She looked tired and sad, and Addison marveled at how much it was possible to wound your best friend when you never wanted to hurt her at all. "What are you doing here?"
"Naomi." Addison forced a smile and held out her arms. "Surprise!" She hugged a shell-shocked Naomi, grateful that her friend hadn't called security and had her thrown out. Yet.
Naomi turned to her daughter. "Maya, go get your backpack." The girl left and she turned back to Addison, her arms crossed against her chest. "So, what do you want, Addison?"
She wanted lots of things, none of which were possible to have anymore. She wanted not to have slept with Sam, not to have wrecked her marriage and especially not to have ruined Naomi's. "I want to talk."
"Really?" Naomi raised an eyebrow, her eyes betraying her struggle to maintain her composure. Her friend seldom lost control, but Addison could see her friend's hurt and anger threatening to break through the surface. "Because before now, I hadn't heard from you in a year, unless you count two months ago when you betrayed our friendship by screwing my husband."
"Addison." She turned around to see Sam staring uneasily at her, a wary look in his eyes that made Addison feel unexpectedly sad. Sam and Naomi had been two of her very best friends, and now that was gone. Not like Sam was entirely blameless in this, she reminded herself. She hadn't exactly had to tie him down while she had her wicked way with him.
"Hey," she greeted him, giving him a careful hug, conscious of Naomi's eyes on her. Sam hugged her back, awkwardly, and Addison wondered if he was as angry with her as Naomi was. "It's so good to see you, but," she picked up one of the books, "your face is everywhere." She paused, hoping to get a smile at her joke, from either of them, but neither looked like they were finding much amusement in the situation.
This wasn't going to be easy.
"So Addison," Naomi continued, and Addison shrank back as she felt the other woman's eyes boring holes into her. "You never did say what you're here for, unless there's a convention for backstabbing ex-best friends going on in LA this week."
"Nai, I'm so sorry," Addison pleaded, feeling her eyes begin to brim with tears. She forced them back and breathed in deeply, willing herself to get through this conversation. Of course Naomi was hurt and angry. Wouldn't she have been if she were in her position, if Naomi had slept with Derek?
"You're sorry you betrayed our friendship and slept with my husband? Yeah, I'm sorry too." Her friend's voice sounded like it was going to break and if this conversation wasn't finished in thirty seconds then Addison thought she really might cry. She cast a mute appeal to Sam but he just stood there, looking uneasily between her and Naomi as if he were afraid they were going to turn on him next.
Addison sighed, giving up hope of making things go any easier. It wasn't looking like Naomi was ever going to forgive her and things with Sam seemed pretty screwed up as well. She might as well get this over with so she could get back to Seattle and go on with her life.
"I'm pregnant."
*********
"So you're…" Sam's voice trailed off as he watched Addison pace around his office. She'd been walking from one side to the other for the last five minutes, ever since they'd gotten here. Naomi was probably holed up with Violet somewhere, Sam guessed, and he would have to go find her when he was finished talking with Addison. "You're pregnant."
Addison paused in her pacing to give him a dirty look. "I already said that, five minutes ago. You haven't said yet how you feel about it."
That was a good question. He was having any number of reactions to the news, but none of them summed up exactly how he felt on the issue. "You know I'm going to be here, Addison, whatever you decide to do."
She stopped pacing and was now glaring at him, looking truly pissed off. He'd seen Addison angry on a number of occasions, but seldom at him and he wasn't enjoying the prospect of it now. He knew she wanted an answer, but the fact was that he didn't *know*.
"Thanks for the non-answer, Sam, that's just what I needed. I'm so glad you're being so supportive, because I'm not scared or anything. It's not like my husband threw me out or won't return my phone calls or anything like that." She sniffed and grabbed a tissue from the box on his desk. "These are just allergies. Don't you think that I'm crying, because I'm not."
Derek had thrown Addison out? That was...Sam didn't know exactly what that was, but it definitely didn't seem like Derek. Granted, he hadn't talked to the guy all that much in recent years, and Addison had seemed so sad and lonely when he'd visited New York two months ago. Throwing his wife out didn't seem like Derek, though. He was more the type to leave himself, stealing out of New York under the cover of darkness and fleeing across the country.
"Hey, Addison, it's okay," he tried to assure her, stepping forward and pulling her into a hug. Her body was stiff and tense against his for a few seconds, then relaxed as he rubbed her back gently. "It's going to be okay, Addison. We're going to do this together."
"He left me, Sam, I ruined my marriage," Addison sniffled, burying her head in Sam's shoulder. He could feel her tears dripping onto his shirt as he held her, and he wished he knew what to say to her. "I've called him so many times, I've left I don't know how many voicemails, and he hasn't called back. It's been two months, and he hasn't called back."
"Maybe he's just busy," Sam offered weakly, regretting his words the moment hed said them. Add'ison pulled away quickly and looking at him with a mixture of hurt and fury that made him wish he'd just kept his mouth shut.
"'He's just busy?' That's why my husband won't talk to me? If Naomi slept with Derek, would you not call her because you had too much to do at the office?" She blew her nose and tossed the Kleenex into the trash can. "I betrayed him, Sam, I slept with his friend and I don't think he can forgive that. You didn't see what he was like after you left. He was…I don't know what he was, but he wasn't Derek."
"You're right, I'm sorry." Sam sat down in his chair, rubbing his forehead with one hand. God, this was a mess. He had one distraught woman in his office, another one somewhere around--most likely plotting violence against him--and no idea what he was going to do.
"I don't know what to do, Sam." Addison sank wearily into a chair, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees as she massaged her temple. "I'm barely sleeping, my appetite is next to nonexistent, and I know all this stress is bad for the baby, but I just…I'm at a loss here."
"Does Derek know about the baby?" Sam questioned gingerly, not wanting to set her off into another flood of tears. He'd never seen Addison fall apart like this and he wasn't sure what the right thing to do was. "Because you're going to have to tell him eventually, if you want to work things out."
"Yeah, of course Derek knows about the baby. He and I have been having long heart-to-hearts and he's fine with me having another man's child." Addison shook her head. "God, Sam, I know you're not stupid but you're certainly acting like it."
He felt a twinge of annoyance at her words. Okay, so maybe he was handling this badly, but he'd just found out fifteen minutes ago that he was going to be a father again, by a woman who wasn't Naomi, and that news was more than a little unsettling. He wanted to be home with his dog and figuring this whole mess out, but in the meantime he had to deal with Addison and Naomi and he had no idea how he was supposed to be doing that.
This conversation really wasn't going well. He was making a complete idiot out of himself, and he suspected that his talk with Naomi would be even more difficult, if she would even talk to him at all. That was later, though. For right now he had to reassure Addison that everything would be all right, even if he didn't believe it himself.
"How long have you known?" Sam asked, watching her reaction closely. Her eyes were still red when she looked at him, but she didn't seem to be crying anymore. This was good. Not crying was definitely an improvement.
"A little less than a week." Addison counted off on her fingers, then nodded. "Six days, to be exact. I wanted to be absolutely sure before I came to tell you."
Sam nodded, unsure as to what he should say. He looked down at his hands, aware of Addison's eyes on him as they both waited for him to do something.
********
"God, Violet, why do I let him do this to me?" Naomi choked back a sob and took another bite of cake, trying to enjoy the chocolaty taste in her mouth. Now this was much better. Cake didn't cheat on you with your best friend or get said best friend pregnant. She should have just enrolled in cooking school instead of marrying Sam all those years ago. Much less heartache in the long run.
"Okay, Naomi, step away from the cake." Her plate was unceremoniously snatched out of her hands and dumped in the trash can, and she turned to her friend with an accusatory stare. "Don't look at me like that, I'm just trying to help."
"My best friend is pregnant with my husband's baby and you're trying to help by taking away the chocolate?" Naomi sighed deeply, then handed over her fork. As much as she would like to find Sam and stab him with it, she had few doubts that Violet would tackle her if she did. She could probably best her in a fight, but Violet wasn't the one who had betrayed her.
"Come on, Naomi, use your words," Violet urged, taking hold of one of Naomi's hands and gripping it tightly. "Eating your troubles isn't going to get you anywhere. You need to be talking about this, with someone who can understand."
"You're right," Naomi decided, an idea suddenly occurring to her as she reached for her cell phone. "Let's call Addison's husband and tell him the happy news, shall we?"
"Naomi, wait!" Violet yelped, dropping Naomi's fork on the floor as she unsuccessfully grabbed for the receiver. "That's not what I meant when I said that you should use your words!"
"Why not?" Naomi challenged, stepping up onto the couch to hold the phone out of reach. "Derek should know about this, shouldn't he?" She scrolled through her contacts list until she found Derek's cell phone number. She had no idea if it was the same or not, but it was worth a try, wasn't it?
"Naomi, you don't want to do this." Violet reached for the phone, her voice calm and level in what Naomi privately thought as her friend's 'shrink voice'. It was effective for her patients, but Naomi wasn't a patient. Her best friend had fucked her husband and was pregnant with his baby, and she was entitled to be hurt and angry, wasn't she? "Just give me the phone, okay?"
"I don't think so." Naomi shook her head, pressing 'send' and holding the phone to her ear as she listened to it ring. One ring, two, three, and still nothing. She glanced at her watch--it was about seven in the evening in New York, and Derek should be done with work, although from what Addison had told her in the past, he seldom got home before ten or eleven at night.
"Naomi, give me the phone," Violet repeated, reaching her hand out as she made eye contact with her friend. Naomi looked away--she did feel slightly guilty about this, knowing that she was about to betray Addison (and why did she feel bad about that, when Addison had betrayed her first, in the cruelest manner possible?)--but the hurt was too strong and she continued to hold the phone to her ear, the ringing lulling her into a dull kind of trance.
The phone rang once more on the other end and then stopped, replaced by Derek's familiar voice. Maybe not so familiar anymore, Naomi thought to herself as she listened to the voicemail message informing her that Derek Shepherd was unavailable at the moment but that she should call the hospital if this was an emergency. The beep came just as Violet leapt toward her and lunged for the phone.
"What do you think you're doing?" Naomi hissed before turning her attention back to the phone. "Not you, Derek. Um, this is Naomi calling--"
"Give me the phone!" Violet tugged at her arm, trying to snatch the phone out of her grasp. "Trust me, you don't want to be doing this. You'll thank me later!"
"No. I. Won't." Naomi blocked her friend's renewed attempt to grab the phone as she stood on her tiptoes in the hopes that it would thwart Violet's efforts. "Sorry, Derek, it's a bit chaotic in here. Anyhow, I just wanted to congratulate you on the good news--"
"Naomi!" Violet was almost successful that time, knocking the phone out of Naomi's hand. They both reached for it, but Naomi got to it first and leapt up onto the coffee table, hoping that the height difference would give her the advantage'
"Addison came to visit and she told me about the baby, and I just wanted to say that I think it's great," Naomi finished, stepping down from the table at seeing Violet's stunned expression. She'd won this battle, but the victory wasn't as sweet as she'd thought it would be. "Anyhow, uh, yeah, I'm really happy for her."
She pressed 'end call', wishing she could take back her words. She hadn't accomplished anything besides hurting Derek, who hadn't done anything to her. Yes, this was really and truly a great day.
******
There was a strange woman crying in his office.
Cooper's first thought was that she was one of the girls from the internet that he'd slept with, although that was silly since he didn't make a practice of telling his sexual partners where he worked, and tracking a one night stand to his place of employment was rather weird, bordering on the creepy. But he was pretty sure he'd never seen this woman before, which still left the question of who she was and why she was in his office.
"Uh, can I help you?" He leaned against the doorframe, his hands shoved in his pockets, and most likely looking as awkward as he felt. If the girl had been seven then he would have known exactly what to do, but apart from Violet, he wasn't so good with the interacting with women his own age. Hence the sleeping with random women from the internet and not having an actual relationship in he didn't even know how long.
The woman looked up at him, and he could see the mascara running down her face. Her eyes were red and puffy and she must have been in here for quite some time. "I'm sorry, is this your office? You must have patients to see." She stood up and grabbed a Kleenex from the box on the his desk and blew her nose. "I'll get out of your way."
"Actually, I don't have any patients for another hour, so you can stay a bit if you want to, and finish…" Cooper trailed off, not wanting to say 'crying', since that sounded weird. "Um, what you're doing in here."
"You mean crying?" The woman smiled faintly, sitting back down on the couch and Cooper knew she was going to stay. "It's okay, you can say it. It's only the truth."
"Can I get you anything?" Cooper offered, looking toward the kitchen and back at her. "Coffee or tea or water? Or there might be something else in the fridge, but I can check."
"Tea would be wonderful, thank you." She helped herself to another Kleenex and wiped her face with it, which had the unfortunate effect of smearing the mascara all over her cheeks.
"I"ll go get you some," Cooper promised, starting to leave before turning back to her, hesitating as if not sure whether to say it or not. "Um, the ladies room is down the hall if you want to freshen up a bit while I'm gone."
He didn't know if she would be offended by that, since women could be sensitive about how they looked, but she only gave him that faint smile again. "I think I'll do that, then. Thank you…" she trailed off. "I don't know your name."
"Cooper. Cooper Freedman, that is, but you can call me Cooper." He shut up, aware that he was about to start rambling, which wouldn't go over so well. Not like he was looking to impress this woman, but it would be nice if he didn't act like he had no social skills whatsoever.
"Addison Shepherd. Addison." She stood up and grabbed her handbag, "Actually, I think I'm going to pass on the tea, but thank you for the offer. And the use of your office."
"You can stay if you want to," Cooper offered, shrugging his shoulders and gesturing toward the couch. "Like I said before, I don't have any patients for an hour, and I can leave you alone if you don't want company. I have a house call to make anyhow."
Addison shook her head and walked over to the door. She was pretty hot, apart from the black stuff on her face, but even Cooper knew that this wasn't the time or the place for that. "No, I think I'm done here, but really, thanks again. You're the first friendly face I've had all day, and I appreciate the offer."
Her smile was a little less shaky this time, and Cooper stepped away from the door to get out of her way as she left.
*****
It was going on four when Addison got back to her hotel room, feeling absolutely exhausted from the morning's events. She'd known her visit to Santa Monica wouldn't be a pleasant one, but she hadn't anticipated quite how emotionally intense it would be. At least it was over with now--she'd done her duty and informed Sam of his impending fatherhood, and now it was up to him to decide how involved he wanted to be in their child's life.
She was just about to order some room service--she'd barely eaten all day, or all week, even, a combination of nerves and morning sickness--when her cell phone rang. She picked it up, expecting it to be Sam on the other end, hoping it would be Derek, but instead saw Naomi's name flashing up on the caller ID.
She opened her phone, putting it to her ear and immediately beginning to ramble. "Naomi, I am so incredibly sorry," she blurted out, the words falling over themselves in her haste to get them out. "I know you hate me right now, I get that, but I honestly never wanted this to happen. I was lonely and Sam was there and it just happened, Nai, it just happened."
"Addison, shut up." Her friend's voice was thick with emotion and it was fairly easy to tell that Naomi was crying. "I didn't call to listen to your pathetic apologies. I don't know why I called, but it wasn't for that."
"Okay," Addison agreed, hopeful that Naomi would want to talk, that they could communicate somehow, even if it was a little bit. Just talking was good, and even though she was about to burst into tears all over again, she felt a tiny ray of hope for the first time all day. "How about you talk and I listen? Or you can yell and I'll listen. Whatever you want, Naomi, we can do whatever you want to."
"I told Derek," Naomi said, sounding like she was choking back a sob. "I left a message on his voice mail and told him the good news. I thought he'd want to know that his wife is having my husband's baby."
It took a moment for her friend's words to sink in, and a gradual feeling of horror began to creep up on her. Derek would check his voicemail and then he would know. He would never forgive her for this; even if he could somehow get over the infidelity, he wouldn't be able to accept her having another man's child.
"Naomi, why--how--how could you do this to me?"
"How could I do this to you?" Naomi repeated, a bit of hysterical laughter in her voice as she repeated Addison's words. "How could I do this to you, Addison? Maybe you should have asked yourself that when you fucked Sam, shouldn't you? Maybe you could have considered that before you showed up here and wrecked it a second time. We were trying to work things out, Addison, and you have to come and stir up trouble all over again. Wasn't it enough for you the first time? Or do you get a kick out of this sort of thing?"
"You told Derek!" Addison repeated, feeling the tears begin to slide down her cheeks for what felt like the thousandth time today. She was going to be completely dehydrated if she kept this up for much longer. "You didn't have to do that! I'm trying to get him to talk to me so we can work things out, and you just ruined it!"
"Yeah, well, now you know how I feel," Naomi said bitterly, the tears evident in her voice as well. "Welcome to the club, Addison. Don't you feel so much better now?"
She hung up then, which was just as well seeing as Addison was on the verge of throwing the phone across the room, or saying something she was really and truly regret. As it was, she was too devastated to do much of anything besides cry. Which was so sad and pathetic and hopelessly emo of her, but she didn't know what to do now that her marriage was officially over, she'd lost her best friend, and she was pregnant with said best friend's husband's baby.
She sank down onto the bed, buried her face in her hands, and cried.