Dengoku Man's Big Teletubbie Slaying Adventure!
One boring day, at Dengoku Man's condominium, the tofu-eating five year old was watching Pokemon, Battle Frontier, When he realized the tofu he had been eating was not tofu, but meat sticks, made of mechanically-pulled chicken and assorted spices! "AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!! Curse you, evil Teletubbies! I swear my eternal revenge! Now begins my tofu themed adventure of MEGA-FISHSTICKNESS!!!" he screamed in a horrible rage. He then proceeded to throw a tin of canned crab at the T.V. and stormed of to his secret, Pokemon-themed lair, mumbling about tasty fish snacks. "HAHAHAHA!" he cackled menacingly, "It is truly great!" The pool store guy soon left the lair, and Dengoku Man jumped into hi new pool filled with silly putty. "James, you must remind me to get a new plexi-glass dog kennel for my pool!" he said to the cardboard cut-out of a butler, that promptly fell over. Dengoku Man soon grabbed a Bazooka and blasted apart his wax model of Ash Ketchum. "Damn Pikachu!" he squealed. He then left his lair with a couple of oozies, set out on the journey to fulfill his plan to slaughter Teletubies everywhere.
"Man, no luck," he sighed, as his depressed form limped through Teletubie Land. Then amazingly, he saw them, rubbing their awful buts all over his tofu!—PLEASE REFRAIN FROM MIMICKING THE FOLLOWING SENTANCES—Dengoku Man whipped out his oozies and began blasting the teletubies with them. Points racked up in the upper right of the screen and tofu rained from the sky Dengoku Man scrambled left and right picking it up and blasting Jelly Jigglers and Teletubies. And as such, the first leg of Dengoku's adventure comes to a conclusion.
Welcome Back, even though no time has really elapsed during the commercial break that didn't happen! The following Christmas, Dengoku Man was opening his only gift. "Yeah! I wonder what Mom got me this Christmas!" he said," OH YEAH! AN AWSOME TOTALLY COOL SUPER KILLER TELETUBBIE SLAYER OF DOOM 5000! With tofu thief protection and new and improved oddly specificness!" And so, with newfound hope, he moved back on to Tele-Turf and decided to get really weird.
"Oh no!" the Teletubbies screamed to Dengoku's delight, "It's Mop, The Outrageously sinister Doom's Day device! Run to the tubbie hole! And bring all of the Twinkies and Fritos! We shall hide, Plotting our sinister revenge on that wretched tofu-stuffed Vannila Man!" Knives slashed, blood splashed, and Teletubbies blew up as this particularly gory paragraph comes to a taquito themed end. Brought to you by Mexy Co.! The sensational bean taco filler company!
Completely satisfied, cats rained from the sky as Tokyo blew up. The Horrible End.
WTF?!? GET OFF THE F' IN KEY BOARD, YOU DIRTY, DIRTY KITTEN! GO WATCH YOUR KAPPA MIKEY! Anyway, as I was saying, Dengoku Man reentered his wondrous abode, and lived happily ever after.
"DANG, that was IDIOTIC!" screamed the horribly cast Naruto character, Gara. Gara soon left his spot in front of the T.V. in toucan Sam's basement to serve Fruit Loop's cereal to poor third-world children. After a while, he came back to watch a particularly ridiculous episode of Pokemon: Battle Frontier titled "Aipom and Circumstance." Sasuke was sitting on the floor of a locked bathroom in his fish-net stockings and bra playing "Patty-Cake" with the toilet. Naruto, being fat and lazy, sat on a couch watching adult programming, and eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. Sakura was drinking out of the upstairs toilet. And thus, this completely pointless story comes to a conclusion. Thanks for reading "Naruto Sucks: Premiere Article"