Everything was going wrong.
He couldn't keep this up much longer… Was a little sleep too much to ask?
Who would have thought that that one little "F" could do so much damage?
It wasn't like he'd meant to fail the course, but he did… and now... his parents wouldn't stop yelling at him, he couldn't be with his friends after school, he couldn't even be in the school's play!
When had this started? When had the wall gone up? When had he stopped caring about his grades? They ruled everything in his life right now!
Every privilege had been taken away, all his friends cut off, it was all school all the time, everything else was cut and allowed to fall away.
The only peace he could find was sleep. It was the only place where his tears didn't fall, where his absolute loneliness couldn't overtake him.
Every thought was muddled. It was as if his brain had turned into water and all he could hear through it were the words of those people from his old school. They taunted him, mocked him, made him hate himself.
All I want is sleep.
They made fun of everything, his accent, his clothes, even the way he walked.
All I want is sleep.
I don't want to be hated.
All I want is sleep.
I don't want to be hated.
All I want is sleep.
"What's suffocation like?" The line from that show he'd seen before all this started floated to the surface of the water. "It's like falling asleep."
All I want is sleep.
A pillow can smother a person. Another thought floated to the surface.
All I want is sleep.
A pillow can smother a person. It's like falling asleep.
All I want is sleep…. The thoughts began to fade as his lungs began to stop receiving oxygen.
All I want…
All I…
All…
"Fratello?" a voice and a knock from behind the door. "Feli, open the door."
The pillow fell from his face. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and unlocked the door before falling back into his bed.
"Feli, I've been where you are," a hand on his back, "The hormones are making everything worse. I know you're thinking, No they aren't! but they are."
A small bowl placed in front of him. "Eat, it'll make you cry harder, but you will feel better."
He stared at the bowl, not willing to take a bite. "Feli, eat."
He picked up the fork and took a bit into his mouth. The tears fell faster. Another bite. More tears. Another one and another and another until all the pasta was gone.
"Better?"
"Yes, thank you Fratello."
Lovi kissed his brother on the top of his head.
"Come one, there's more downstairs."
Feliciano got up and followed Lovino to where his family was waiting, not to yell at him, but to tell him that it would get better.
-Several Years Later-
"Feliciano, you're going to explode from eating all that pasta!"
"Ve, but Ludwig, pasta makes you feel better!"
"Feli, get away from that potato bastard!"