Gamer4 in. Well, in case you couldn't tell from the description, this is a retelling of Harry Potter from the world of the Smash Bros. To tell the truth, I'm doing this basically on a random whim. I just woke up the other morning and thought it would be a good idea. Anyways, the only other thing I think is at all important is that I will be using scenes from both the movie and the book for this. Okay, that's it. Moving on.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own either Harry Potter or Super Smash Bros.

Mario Mario and the Hylian Stone

Chapter I

The Plumber who Lived

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of Number 4, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. However, this story has nothing whatsoever to do with them. This story is concerned, not with them, but with the Smiths, who lived in a house in Peach Creek. Peach Creek was a quiet town, and exactly why it was called Peach Creek was a mystery to its residents, considering that there wasn't a creek anywhere near the place. At any rate, it was one of those towns where all the houses are the same. By this, we don't mean that they were all similar. We mean that they were all built in exactly the same way. If you'd seen one Peach Creek house, you'd seen them all, a fact that even its most proud residents admitted. It was the last place you'd expect anything even remotely weird, strange, or mysterious to happen.

But back to the Smiths. Mr. Smith had brown hair, and a large, same-colored moustache. He was relatively tall, about the average weight for a man of his age, and worked in an insurance company. The name of the company isn't any more important than the name of the company Mr. Dursley worked at (Grunnings), so it won't be mentioned here. His wife, Mrs. Smith, had red hair and was, as you'd think, clean-shaven. She was the kind of person who was often to be found spying on next-door neighbors. They also had a small son, (though exactly how small he was was open to interpretation, putting it mildly,) and firmly believed that Jesus himself couldn't have possibly made a better son.

At the end of the day, the Smiths had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and the fear that it would be discovered one day.

They didn't think they would be able to stand it if anyone found out about the Marios. Sarah Mario was Mrs. Smith's sister, but they never talked about her. She and Jake, her good-for-nothing husband, were unSmithlike as it was possible to be while still alive. The two were aware that Sarah and Jake had a small son, too (Apparently named under the influence of 50-year old wine) but this just made the Smiths all the more eager to keep them away: they didn't like the idea of their son, John, mixing with a child who had the same first and last name.

Mr. Smith was just climbing into bed. He was rattled by the strange things that had happened that day, including a cat outside the door, which he had caught reading things twice, with the read object vanishing the first time, news reports about everything from screaming mailmen to moving mushrooms to people who claimed they'd seen clouds with faces, and strange people on the streets using the name Mario a lot. One of these people had collided with him on the street earlier, but far from being off put, he'd hugged him around the waist, claiming that "You-Know-Who" was gone at last, referred to him as a muggle, and walked off without another word.

His last, comforting thought was that whatever was going on, he was safe in Peach Creek. Whatever it was, it couldn't affect him or his family.

If only he knew about the dangers of tempting fate.

XXXX

As he fell asleep, the cat outside wasn't moving at all. One time, a mouse ran right in front of it, and it didn't pay any attention. A car backfired in another part of the community. The cat stayed still. A carjacker drove by, shooting at the police behind him with a machine gun, while they fired back. The cat sat and didn't even move its eyes. A semi truck shot by with two people having a karate match on the top, one dressed in leather, the other in a suit and sunglasses. The cat still refused to even blink. It kept staring across the street at the forest that covered the edge of Peach Creek, where the Smiths lived.

Suddenly, in front of the trees, there appeared... a hand. It was a normal right hand, except for two minor details: one, it was more than ten times the size of a normal hand, and two, it wasn't attached to a body. It was wearing a white glove. The thing had a name: the Master Hand.

The Master Hand wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings. He seemed to be concentrating. For a second, there was a flash of bright light. When it died down, the hand had been replaced by a regular man dressed relatively normally, with a white glove on his right hand. Casually, he glanced across the road. As he walked across, he took out what seemed to be a cigarette lighter. He clicked it once. All the lights in the immediate area went out. He did this without stopping his crossing of the street. At this point, the only lights were the eyes of the cat, who had been watching him since he had appeared.

The Master Hand suddenly noticed the cat sitting there. Laughing quietly, he muttered, "I should have known." He sat down next to the cat. He reached out and touched its head, and from the point it touched, a blue light flashed. When it died, there was a woman there instead. "I didn't think I'd meet you here, Samus."

"How did you know it was me?" Samus asked.

"Well, I know the Crazy Hand's work when I see it. I assume he was the one who did it for you?"

"Yes. He was supposed to do it so I could change back. I've said it before: he's a little to random for his own good."

"Well, he got part of it right: I think you can do it voluntarily now."

"Wonderful," Samus said, not really caring. She leaned back. "I've been waiting for you all day."

"All day?" the Master Hand asked. "When you could have been celebrating? Well, I'm touched, but seriously, I must have passed at least fifty parties, just on my way here."

"Oh, people are celebrating all right," Samus said darkly. "I heard all about it on the muggle's news. They've noticed, you know. Even the toads didn't get past them unnoticed."

"Well, we've all got a right to be happy," Master Hand said, reaching into his pocket again. "Red Vine?"

"What?" Samus asked, bewildered.

"Do you want a Red Vine?" Master Hand asked, taking one from the package he'd just taken from his pocket and starting on it. "It's a candy of these muggles that I've grown fond of."

"Wonderful," Samus said drily. Apparently, she didn't think this was the right time for Red Vines. "Anyways, as I was about to say, even if You-Know-Who has gone-"

"Even you, Samus?" Master Hand asked. "I would have thought that you, at least, could call him by his rightful name. Things just get confusing if we just keep calling him You-Know-Who. I've never seen a reason to be scared of saying the name."

"Of course you haven't," Samus said. "But that's a different thing entirely. Everyone knows you're the only one that You-Know- oh, alright, Tabuu, was frightened of."

"As nice as that sounds, I must confess that Tabuu has powers I will never have."

"Oh, you have them, all right, but you're just too much of a good guy to use them."

"I'm glad it's dark. I haven't blushed so badly since Daisy said she liked my new watch."

Samus rolled her eyes at the Master Hand telling her this, and continued. "Anyways, what made it on their news is nothing next to the rumors those toads and mailpeople are carrying around. You know what everyone's saying about what finally stopped him?"

Master Hand didn't answer: he was in the middle of getting another Red Vine. Samus pressed on. "They're saying that last night, Tabuu turned up in Silver Creek. The rumor says that they're... dead."

Master Hand quietly nodded. Samus gasped. "I can't believe it," she said, leaning towards the Master Hand. "Sarah and Jake... I didn't want to believe it..."

"I know," Master Hand said heavily, temporarily abandoning his Red Vines and patting her on the shoulder. As anyone who knew Samus would agree, it wasn't easy to make her cry.

"There's more," she said, getting control of herself. "They say that when he killed them, he tried to kill their child, Mario. But he couldn't do it. And when he failed, his power broke somehow, and that's why he's gone."

Again, Master Hand nodded. Samus gasped again. Gasping was also high on the list of things that was hard to get her to do. "It's true?" she asked, looking dumbfounded. "After all he's done, all those people he's killed... he couldn't kill a little boy? How did Mario survive?"

"We can only guess," Master Hand conceded. "We might never find out."

The two sat in silence for a bit. As they did, Master Hand took a watch out from his other pocket. It was a strange watch. It had twelve hands and stars and planet where the numbers would usually be. It apparently made sense to the former hand, though, since he put it back and said, "Crazy's late. He was the one who told you I'd be here, right?"

"Yes," Samus admitted. "I don't suppose you want to tell me why you're here, do you?"

"I came here to deliver Mario to his aunt and uncle. They're his only family now."

"You don't mean the people who live here, do you?" Samus cried, jumping to her feet. "You can't, Master Hand. I was watching them all day, you couldn't find anyone less like us. And their son- one year old, he was kicking his mother, screaming for sweets! The mother was proud when he learned a word that can't be put in this fiction! Mario Mario come and live here!"

"It's the best place for him," Master Hand said solemnly. "They will be able to explain everything to him when he's old enough to understand. I've written them a letter."

"A letter?" Samus asked, sounding astonished again. "You really think you can explain all this in a letter? They will never- never- understand him. He'll be famous- a legend- there will be books written about him, every child in our world will know his name! I wouldn't be surprised if they made a Mario Mario video game!"

"Exactly," Master Hand said, sounding serious. "It would be enough to make him think like that child. Famous before he could walk, talk, or jump! He won't even remember it! He's much better growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it."

Samus, though she still looked bewildered, said, "Well, I can't deny that. But how's he getting here?" she asked.

"Crazy's bringing him," Master Hand said simply.

"Did you think it wise to trust Crazy with something as important as this?"

"I would trust the Crazy Hand with my life," Master Hand said, referring to his half-brother, an insane left hand inside a glove, much like himself.

"I'm not saying that he's evil," Samus said. "But he is- well, crazy."

Whatever she was going to say next, she was suddenly cut off by a rumbling sound. For a second, they looked at the road, expecting to see a car coming. As it grew louder, they realized it was coming from the air. They looked up and saw a gigantic motorcycle coming out of the sky. It fell from the air and landed on the road in front of them.

The man driving it was strange, too. He looked and dressed exactly like the Master Hand, aside from having the glove on his left hand instead of his right. On his face was an insane yet kind expression. He jumped down and walked towards the two. In his arms, he was carrying a bundle of blankets.

"Ah, Crazy," Master Hand said, sounding relieved. "Finally. Where did you get that motorcycle?"

"Oh, I borrow it from Roy!" the man said, arriving at the two. "I got him, brudda!"

"Just thinking out loud here," Samus said, "but wouldn't it have been quicker to travel in your real form?"

"Yeah, but ten I no get to use dis baby," Crazy pointed out, nodding at the motorcycle.

"Were there any problems?" Master Hand asked.

"No. House got blown up, but I get him out before muggles start swarming. He fall asleep as we fly."

Master Hand and Samus looked at the baby. Under a tuft of raven-colored hair was a strange cut, like a red M.

"Is that where-?" Samus asked.

"Yes," Master Hand said. "He'll have it forever." For a second, they were all silent. Finally, Master Hand spoke again. "Well, let's not draw this out. Give him here, Crazy." Crazy obliged, and promptly turned himself into his true form: a gigantic, disembodied left hand inside a glove. They all turned towards the Smiths' house.

"I say good-bye to him one last time?" Crazy asked. He turned towards Mario, turning human again as he did so, and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

The Master Hand took Mario and walked to the front door of the Smith household. He lay down Mario with the letter tucked in his blankets before returning to the two watchers. They stayed for a full minute; Crazy (back in his real form) was shaking, Samus was blinking furiously, and the Master Hand (still in human form) was simply still. Finally, Master Hand spoke. "Well, that's that. We might as well join the celebrations."

"Iz gots to take Roy his bike back," Crazy said, turning back into a human and climbing on the motorcycle. He kicked it to life and roared away on it.

"I'll see you soon, Samus," Master Hand said, reaching into his pocket and taking out his cigarette lighter. He clicked it and the lights all came back to life. He turned to see Samus turning into a cat, confirming his suspicion, and stalking off. He walked back to the edge of the forest. Turning back into a hand, his true form, he glanced back at the front door of the Smiths' house. "Good luck, Mario Mario," he said, and with a twitch of his finger, he was gone.

Mario, still asleep, turned over. He wasn't aware of all that he was destined to do. He wasn't aware that he was special, or famous, or that he would spend the next few weeks being jabbed and poked by his cousin. He wasn't aware of the countless people all over the country, raising their glasses and saying, "To Mario Mario, the boy who lived!"

So, what do you guys think? Can I pull this off? Please R&R, constructive criticism is fine, flames are bad, Gamer4 out.