"i would do anything
'cause love is a selfish thing"
(-isles and glaciers)
xxx
It's a right mess
a tangled, fucked-up mess
with strings knotting between
friendship & fucking
between
the guys & the girl
between
your feelings & your fear
but it's easier this way
it's so much easier to say
"fuck off, you twat"
than it is to say (to admit)
"it's just that I kinda, well, love you"
and not in the way I love JJ
and not in the way I should
and not in the way you love me
xxx
It's not that you haven't tried
to tell him
to show him
to do everything but s-p-e-l-l it out for him
It's not like you haven't kissed him
once
or
twice
but you've snogged JJ, but you snog everyone
but it's not like that!
you've never kissed JJ or anyone
with the intensity
with the feeling
that you have with Freddie
and, of course, he can't see that
because his eyes are too busy
undressing fucking Effy
because his mind is too occupied with
thinking about fucking Effy
fucking Effy
fuckingEffy
FUCKEFFY!
and so you do the only thing
you can do
(you fuck Effy)
xxx
But you've never been one for planning
(more of a spur of the moment kinda guy)
and you hadn't at all expected him
to still want her
to still love her
after she's laid in your bed
(many, many times)
but he does
he fucking does
because he's stupid like that
xxx
And when he comes up to you
when Freddie actually finds the balls to say
"I need to know it's okay, Cookie. I love her."
("oh, and by the way, I slept with her last night")
you can only shake your head
and make your last attempt to secure him for yourself
"I can't tell you that"
(BECAUSE I WANT YOU!)
"I need her"
(I NEED YOU, YOU WANKER!)
"I love her"
(I FUCKING LOVE YOU!)
and let him walk away
because that's what you do
you let everything good you've ever had
you let everything good you've ever wanted
leave
(perhaps you're more like Daddy than you'll ever admit)
without the bat of an eyelash
with just the light of some spliff
with just the comfort of a bottle
because you're stupid like that
(because you're fucking scared)
xxx
You let them lock you up
because it seemed like a good idea at the time
taking the blame for something you didn't do
and owing up to something you did
because maybe that way Freddie will see
that you can change, that you can grow up
and maybe that way
you can sort out these thoughts and feelings that you never wished to have
but it turns out even a
WEEK
is too long to go without
seeing him&talking to him&being near him
so you escape
(easy as that)
but what you had expected
(you should know by now never to expect anything)
the welcome back that you had imagined
is no where to be found
JJ has this fucking girlfriend and this job
and Freddie
well, he's killing himself to keep her alive
and everyone is just too busy for you
everyone's been getting on fine
without you
can't you see, they don't
need
you anymore, Cookie
can't you realize, they don't
love
you anymore, Cook
it's all about Effy now
EffyEffyFUCKINGEffy
(because she's going crazy, you know?)
and no one has time for your games anymore
and the only people who want you now are the
police
so maybe you should just
leave
maybe you should just leave them all to live their
fucked up lives
w-i-t-h-o-u-t you
but that's the problem
you could never do that
(if only you could do that)
because you need them
too much
because you love him
too much
because you're
SCARED
xxx
But when it all comes down to it
when Freddie's gone
(not as in just went away)
but as in
bloody fucking clothing
bloody fucking trainers
(with his name in your handwriting across the side)
that you find in some bloke's basement
you aren't scared anymore
you aren't scared
(I'M NOT FUCKING SCARED!)
you stand up to that man
that man who beat down Freddie
(your Freddie, your best fucking mate)
and tell him
"I'M NOT SCARED"
"I HAVEN'T ANYTHING TO LOSE"
(because I've lost the only thing that mattered)
"AND I KNOW YOU KILLED HIM"
and you hit him with a rage
a passion-filled rage
every blow made
every punch swung
is for Freddie
because vengeance is the only thing you can give him now
because it's too late, you're too fucking late
because he would've done the same thing for you
I've been so addicted to this series lately! It's just...wow.
:O
I know the series showed that Cook and Freddie were fighting because of Effy, but I always interpreted it more because Cookie loved Freddie and Freddie loved Effy. AND you have to admit that Cookie seemed to kiss/hug/touch/declare his love for Freddie quite often.
;3
Thank you, mew, for betaing this! I really appreciate it, especially since you don't watch Skins. :)