The Dagger in his Heart

by tululamiller

When Grissom returns from a four year break in England a new man, he find a minor hiccough in his plan to find the woman of his dreams.

Rating: M for language, just to be safe.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, anything CSI related or anything else in this story (except for the fact that I wrote the story itself)

Summary: Grissom returns to Las Vegas after 4 years away with a spring in his step, only to find an inconvenience in his plan to woo Sara.

Please R&R this is my first fanfiction I also haven't figured out chapters yet so my apologies for this being in one big block.

Warning! Spoilers through to series 6

PS. I use English spellings E.g. colour, jewellery, metre (just to clear up any confusion)

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Gil Grissom sighed heavily as he stared at the suitcase on the floor of his hotel room. It had been 4 years since he left Vegas for England to pursue entomology in a new environment, but here he was again, the bright lights tearing through the small window. Life in England had been miserable for many reasons, yet only one was on his mind. Only one made him gather up his courage and fly back home. He let out another sigh as he remembered…

Four years ago

Grissom strolled into the break room, determined to act normal. He glanced at the paper slips in his hand, then back at the room of people awaiting his words.

"Catherine, Warrick and Greg, you have a 419 at the Tangiers, Brass is there waiting. Suspect was apprehended at the scene. Sara and Nick, you have a murder/suicide in Henderson." He took a deep breath, but before he could start again, Catherine shot him a look.

"Not coming with us Gil?"

Grissom exhaled again and shrugged his shoulders. "Paperwork," he said. Accepting his reason, his team stood up and began to leave. "It's now or never," he thought. He opened his mouth again.

"I'm leaving for England tomorrow!" he almost screamed. "Damn! Months of practising and it came out like that?!" he thought to himself. His team had frozen, gaping at him with looks of disbelief on their faces.

"What!?"

"Are you serious?!"

"And you're telling us this now?!"

"Sara?" Grissom heard himself croak at the one silent figure. She simply stared at him, her eyes filling with tears. The others fell silent, watching the man that they had all looked up to silently begging their co-worker to answer

She turned her back and spoke in an icy voice, "Go on then! Go! Why should I care? We're not even friends Grissom. Don't worry about me, just send me another plant and that'll keep me happy!" With a sob she stormed out of the break room, leaving a deathly silence behind her. Trying to hide the dagger in his bruised heart, he turned back to the team.

"I will be gone by the end of shift, so I just wanted to say goodbye and thank you to all of you. Catherine, I've recommended you as my replacement for the supervisor position and I'm sure you will get it." Having said all that he could, he strode out of the room to finish packing up his office.

Present

The memory still made his heart ache. He had not seen or spoken to any of the team since he had left. It was his refusal to talk about the past that had ended his long-term relationship with a nurse named Elsie 2 months ago, and his inability to focus on his work had been the spark that made him pack up all he had left and move back to Vegas. It was still dark outside. Grissom made a mental note to stop by the lab the next day and speak to the team again. He wanted to show them the new man he had become. He had emotions. He was willing to let them in. He even was willing to go out for a beer with the guys if needs be, he just wanted to make peace.

The next day, Grissom approached the new secretary at the crime lab with a spring in his step. He was hoping that the team would be gathered in the break room for coffee so that he could stroll in and surprise them. They would be happy to see him and the celebrations would start. In the commotion, all would be forgiven and he would take Sara in his arms. He would tell her she was worth the risk and he would kiss her softly, they way he had pictured it for years.

"Hello. My name is Gil Grissom. I used to work in this lab. Please could you tell me where I could find Catherine Willows?" he asked politely, hoping that the young woman would answer immediately. However, the woman glanced down at a sheet of paper before looking at him again. "Well, clearly he's out of the loop!" she thought.

"I'm afraid Miss Willows has the day off today and will not return to the lab until tomorrow." She answered, barely concealing a grin.

"Well how about a Warrick Brown? Nick Stokes? Sara Sidle?" She cut him off before he could list the whole nightshift.

"I'm sorry Mr Grissom but the whole shift requested this day off." Grissom felt his enthusiasm wilt away. The whole shift? This was not going to plan. Without thanking the secretary, he turned, dug his hands into his pockets and walked out into the blaring sunshine, fully appreciating the heat that rarely graced him in England.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Around an hour later, Grissom was slowly pacing the crowded sidewalk at a complete loss of what to do. He thought back to his last night with Elsie and her bitter accusations when a letter arrived through the post from a Sara Sidle. She had demanded an explanation as to what Gil and Sara had and for the first time in years, he was at a complete loss of what to say. Mistaking his confusion for guilt, Elsie had left, taking the letter with her.

As soon as the door had slammed a final time, Gil felt his thoughts wandering to Sara. It wasn't until that point that he fully appreciated how much he missed Sara, her stubbornness, her passion, her beautiful face that made butterflies erupt in his abdomen, the feeling of being wanted whenever she was around. The happiest moments of his life had been with her. The saddest- either without her or when something happened to her. He remembered the helplessness he had felt as Adam Trent had held the jagged edge of pottery to her neck, when he could not rescue her and watch as she fought for her life and nearly lost. A dagger had a habit of piercing his heart whenever he feared for her, even though she fought through it every time with a smile that never failed to leave him stunned and breathless. He felt the dagger again as he pictured the tears he saw in her brown eyes as he announced his departure and he wished he could have held her in his arms, wiping away the tears. His heart had been wounded in the past, but that particular wound had smarted constantly, when he slept, in his dreams, when he let his mind wander away from work. He had planned for months what he would say to her if he saw her again, even while he was with Elsie. He hadn't been surprised when the dagger conveniently was out to lunch when Elsie left; this dagger had a soft spot for the part of his heart where he had held Sara for 15 years.

The sound of church bells brought Grissom back to his senses. Sitting on the wall outside the church, he sighed and watched as a young couple flung the doors open and ran towards a waiting car, the groom holding the bride. Hoping that witnessing the happiness of others would shake the longing for Sara out of his mind temporarily, he smiled as he heard the laugh of the bride as her new husband carried her down the stairs in front of the church, removing the cowboy hat from his head to kiss him. Grissom could help but picture himself carrying Sara down those steps and laughing at her beaming face. He wished that he would kiss her as he wished he could have done for years, just like this couple in front of him. His imagination didn't have to work too hard; the bride did look like Sara. Chin length brown hair framed the brides face under the black cowboy hat and, even from where Gil sat, he thought he saw a gap in between her two front teeth. The groom carrying her slender figure also looked familiar, with short brown hair, a muscular build and he was certain that he could detect a Texan twang in his laugh.

A suddenly familiar feeling gripped Gil's heart tightly as he saw two blonde bridesmaids dressed in blue run after the couple, one looked around 45 while the other couldn't have been older than 18, looking just as happy as the waved at the car. Others emerged from the church and waved too. A tall black, a shorter blonde and a stout man caught his eye, making the dagger begin to twist unbearably. There was no other explanation. He came to Vegas to tell Sara how much he loved her and pursue a relationship with her, but the dream was now floating away in the rush of air created by the white limousine driving away, taking Mrs Sara Stokes away from him forever.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Gil?"

Grissom quickly wiped his eyes before facing Catherine Willows, complete with a midnight blue bridesmaids dress and silver tiara. The look of shock on her face would have amused him on most occasions, but the dagger only twisted in deeper.

"Hello Catherine. Long time no see!" Trying to forget the image of Sara's truly happy face as she drove away, he pulled Catherine into a hug, hoping that she did not feel the desperation for comfort in his embrace. "I came by the lab and was told that everyone was off. How're things? Did you get the supervisor position?" He found himself babbling, unable to find a way to handle the situation he found himself in.

"Hey, slow down Gris! Everything's fine. Ecklie fancied your position so no, I'm not supervisor but one more shift with that asshole and maybe I might make him 'disappear'! Anyway forget the lab!" She punched his arm as he finally released her. "What the hell did you think you were doing? I thought you'd keep in contact with me at the very least. Do you have any idea what we had to cope with when you left?" Her voice was suddenly angry. "Did you not consider what might happen if you left?! Warrick's been back in the casinos and he's a mess. Greg's been wandering around the lab like a lost puppy. Jim was shot for God's sake! He nearly died and he thought you didn't care! I know you're not a people person but even I didn't think you were that selfish! Nick, where do I even start with Nick! He was kidnapped a week after you left and nearly died, he hasn't been the same since! The only thing holding the team together was the wedding…" She suddenly covered her mouth; the tears welling in her eyes vanished. "Did you… did you see…?" She couldn't finish, unsure how her old friend would take the news if he had. Unprepared, she staggered as the emotionally-strongest man she had met threw himself into her arms and sobbed.

"I love her Catherine! I came back because I love her and I wanted to make it work! I'm too late" His voice shook and faltered, breaking Catherine's steely heart as he mourned his loss into her blue clad shoulder. "I'm too late."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Grissom sat at the bar, swirling a glass of scotch in his hands before downing the whole thing mournfully. Catherine had insisted on bringing him to the bar where the wedding reception had gathered to celebrate, minus the bride and groom who had vanished. Both Greg and Brass had greeted Grissom enthusiastically, welcoming him with open arms and creating schemes to get Ecklie out of the top job. Warrick had been apprehensive, but the sight of his old mentor clearly sparked the fighter within that had taken a back seat to a poker mind. Doc Robbins had to leave early, but had cold shouldered Gil until he apologized for not saying goodbye. Greetings out of the way, the dagger in his heart began its new technique of slowly rotating again and thoughts began flowing through his head.

He could not make her happy like Nick did, who made her laugh in sad times and supported her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. The flirtatious remarks between the two were now glaringly obvious. Why did he not see Nick as the rival he turned out to be? He had always thought that Sara's widest smile had been saved for him until he saw her emerging from that church. The laugh that began to heal each hole from the dagger was now someone else's, leaving Gil's heart defenceless. He was definitely too late. Nick was his friend, a friend who he could not bear to hurt, yet his heart kept telling him to follow that limousine and claim Sara as his own. "She must not have ever loved me like I loved her," he thought dismally and ordered another scotch.

The room suddenly erupted into applause, causing Grissom to slide off his stool. Whirling around to the door, he saw Nick and Sara, arm in arm, beaming at the room. People began to approach the couple and congratulate them. The dagger twisted even deeper as he saw her. Her slender figure was fitted into a tight white gown with a full skirt, her hair pinned back loose enough to allow a few curls to fall loose around her face. A gleaming silver tiara held her hair in place and she was wearing a little make-up, making her porcelain skin flawless. Despite her feminine appearance, her old grin spread over her face as she smiled at her guests. Grissom had always dreamt of making her as happy as she was as she stood with Nick, who looked like the proudest man alive in a black tuxedo with a matching cowboy hat. The two looked at each other and Grissom saw it; the look she had given him when she first arrived in Vegas. It was a look of true adoration that made Grissom feel like punching the wall beside him. They leant towards each other as if to kiss each other, so he closed his eyes, afraid that he would not be able to control his reactions if he saw Sara kiss another man. The collective whoop around the bar confirmed his worst fears. Downing yet another scotch, Grissom prepared himself for a long night.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

2 hours later Grissom was downing water at the bar in an attempt to sober up. No-one had mentioned to the happy couple that Grissom was here. The meeting was the last thing Gil needed, but he squared his shoulders as Catherine walked over to Nick dancing with one of his sisters and whispered in his ear. As soon as Catherine leant back with a smile on her face, Nick turned towards the bar, his expression similar to that of a child on Christmas morning. He strode towards the bar and pulled Grissom into a tight hug. Hugging Nick back, Gil tried to feel happy again, although his heart was handing him the dagger this time to do away with the enemy. At this point, he felt disgusted with himself. Nicky? The enemy? He regained his composure and pushed Nick away gently.

"Congratulations Nick!" he heard his voice, unusually high, say. At this, Nick's chest swelled and he beamed like a child getting his first A on an assignment.

"Thanks man!" he said in his Texan accent. "I couldn't believe it when she said yes y'know. I mean, look at her!" He beamed over at the dance floor where Sara was dancing with Lindsey. "She's beautiful. I mean, how lucky am I?"

"You have no idea!" Grissom whispered wistfully under his breath, watching Sara laugh as she attempted to dance. Another thing he loved about her, her clumsiness. Not to mention her smile, her laugh, her touch… "Well, congratulations Nicky. I might go say hi to her; I haven't had the chance yet." Suddenly serious Nick nodded. "Have you two spoken since…" His voice trailed off, knowing that Grissom understood. Shaking his head, Grissom squared his shoulders again and headed in Sara's direction.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Sara! You are useless!" laughed Lindsey as she attempted to lead Sara in their waltz. Sara's stubbornness meant that she was in control of everything, or at least attempted to be. Laughing along with the young girl, Sara twirled, losing her balance and falling into someone's arms. Still giggling she stood up and turned to thank her helper. Her jaw dropped.

"G…G…Grissom?" Her voice was no more than a mortified whisper. Having waited 4 years to hear her voice, Grissom pulled her into a hug, hoping that it appeared innocent because to him, it was anything but. Her body stayed numb beneath his arms as he inhaled her scent, sending his senses into overdrive. This was where he wanted to be forever, holding her. He was so lost in the moment that he forgot to let her go, resulting in Sara having to push him away. She stared at him with tears in her eyes again. "No! Not today!" she pleaded in her head. She had buried her feelings for Grissom in her relationship with Nick until one day, she finally fell in love with Nick. Everything was working out, she couldn't have been happier and, most of all, things were simple. Yet here he was, and already her feelings were bubbling at the surface again. He had broken her heart more than once, he had left and not contacted her for 4 years, he didn't even reply to her wedding invitation, yet here he was. Hating herself, she found that she couldn't hate him just like before. She loved Grissom. But she loved Nick too. Confusion hit her, so she put on her expressionless face again. She hadn't needed it for 4 years.

"It's good to see you Gris," she smiled, hoping he didn't detect the shake in her voice. "Are you back for good?" Grissom nodded slowly, glad that she was not arguing with him. "Yes, hopefully. I may see Conrad about my old job and make Catherine's day." He hoped that she didn't hear the falseness in his laugh. Sara cracked a genuine grin, soothing the wounds in Grissom's heart. "That would be great Gris!"

The silence that followed was the longest silence either of the two had ever experienced. Opening his mouth, Grissom attempted to find the words to tell Sara how sorry he was for everything, but no words came out. Luckily, Greg bounced over, demanding a dance with Sara. She laughed, promising him that Nick would kill him but went anyway. She didn't look back as she walked away. If Grissom's heart was a rag doll, it would have lost a limb as he stared after her disappearing figure.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

4 Weeks Later

Grissom returned to the lab in his black suit and sat behind his old desk. He had never imagined attending Conrad Ecklie's funeral, but it was inevitable that one day, one of the innocent men that he had put behind bars would hunt him down. Grissom had had his job back for two weeks and things had returned to just about normal. The first day after Nick and Sara had returned from their honeymoon had been difficult, but Grissom ploughed through it just as he had when he had found out about Hank, throwing himself head first into cases and working double shifts. However, he had come close to breaking down as he walked to the break room for coffee that day, only to hear two familiar voices giggling and talking, with ominous pauses where Grissom suspected that the pair was kissing.

"I love you, y'know that?

Pause

"Course I do! But what are we going to do about this dinner your parents are throwing us?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's in a steakhouse honey! I'd like to see the vegetarian options!"

Pause

"We'll work it out darling. It'll be fine! Besides, we could always blow it off if you want to…" Grissom could take no more as he heard Sara giggle at Nick's whispered proposal. The dagger could still surprise him with its painful stabs when caught off guard. He proceeded to his office, closed the blinds and lay on the sofa, closing his eyes to try and clear his head. There was a knock on the door.

"Grissom?" Sara stuck her head in the door. "You okay? Another migraine?" He nodded, sitting up. He stared at her figure in the doorway, and she took this as a cue to start talking. "Mandy just got the results back on those fingerprints. Apparently, an ex-dealer, Karl Parker, handled the knife, so Brass is tracking him down."He merely nodded again. "Gris? You sure you're okay?" She sat down next to him on the sofa, gazing into his reddening face. He wanted to shout, "No I'm not okay! The love of my life has married one of my co-workers, the son I never had and you're asking me if I'm okay?! I know what you two get up to and it breaks my heart. My life has been for you and I love you. I have always loved you but now I'm too late and I have a dagger going at my heart 24/7 unless we're alone and I get the impression that there is still something there. I know you love me too and I wish I had been smart enough to take my chance when I had it but I blew it! But all I can think to do is throw you down on this couch and kiss you until you forget the world. I want to hold you forever and make you forget about Nick, Hank and all the others. I want to be the one to make love you and marry you and spend the rest of my days with you. But I can't. So no, I'm not okay!"

The silence in which these thoughts flew through Grissom's head made Sara uncomfortable. His eyes were fixed hard on her face, anger burning in his eyes. She fought back the desire to sooth his mind and kiss him. What was wrong with her? She opened her mouth to ask him again when he sighed.

"I guess the job is just getting to me again. I spent 4 years getting out of my routine only to get thrown back in again. And now I have to adjust to Conrad not being around to bug me and I'm sure the new receptionist thinks I'm a complete outsider." Sara laughed. "Yes, Rachel's like that. She's just a kid, really, with a high school brain and in her eyes, you're the new kid who has yet to find a clique. You know what high school was like." She laughed and Gil was sure that his heart skipped a beat. He laughed along with her, laughing for what seemed like decades of happy moments, until his pager bleeped. Glancing at it, he said, "Brass has the suspect in custody. Let's go." He let her walk a few paces in front of him, his mind screaming that, if they could have fun again, maybe he wasn't too late.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

1 year later, Grissom was positively beaming again. His team was working just like it used to, but he still lived with the possibility that maybe, something would happen with Sara if the opportunity came along. He could not help but assign Sara to all of his cases, telling the team that he didn't want the marriage to compromise any crime scenes. He and Sara were back to their relationship from 6 years ago, exchanging flirty remarks and sneaking glances all the time. Things were on track for Grissom's plan, except for one thing. Sara and Nick's marriage was going strong and, from what he could pick up from their conversations, they were trying for children. He knew he had to act fast and, luckily, his opportunity came knocking. He glanced at the clock in the break room. Sara was 25 minutes late for start of shift, even though Nick sat calmly on the sofa next to Greg, sipping coffee slowly. He caught Grissom watching him, a questioning look on his face. Nick shrugged. "She left before I was up. I thought she'd already be here by now. Maybe she was picking up the dry cleaning early and got caught in traffic."

Grissom was shocked by the coolness in Nick's voice as he spoke. Did he not care where she was? For all he knew, she could be lying dead in a ditch! Shaking this thought out of his head, he was surprised to see that he was not the only one looking surprised. Catherine and Greg were staring at Nick as if it was a complete stranger sitting next to them, not their friend of however many years. Greg's fists were clenched as anger blazed in his eyes. Grissom always knew that Greg had been waiting in the wings for Sara for years, hoping that one day his stares would be returned. His heart aching, Grissom wondered if he had done the same thing to Sara, she had always been waiting for him too. Greg opened his mouth to say something, but stopped as Warrick shook his head sharply at him, narrowing his blue eyes as he switched his glare to Nick. Completely oblivious, Nick was surprised to look up from his coffee and see a room of people staring at him. "What?" he asked coolly.

Catherine spoke first. "Did you two not say yesterday that you were both coming into the lab together cos your car was being serviced?" She had a feeling that something was not right, and glanced at Grissom. "He feels it too!" she thought. She waited as Nick took another sip of coffee before answering. "Yeah, we were but she came home in a funny mood yesterday and left again almost straight away. She came back later but didn't say anything. You know what she's like, I left her to it." He glanced at Warrick, whose icy stare was still on him. Grissom saw the stare and how it was making Nick squirm. "He knows something," he thought. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps grew outside the door and a slender figure was suddenly silhouetted in the doorway.

"Sorry I'm late guys." Sara swept into the room, stopping at the sofa and sitting on Nick's lap. As he kissed her cheek, she launched into some story about getting dry cleaning and total gridlock down every street and the crazy lady behind the till at the coffee shop down the street from the lab. Grissom recognised her over talking, desperate to throw off any suspicion. He noticed her slight twitch as Nick put his arm around her waist and was sure he saw her hands ball into fists temporarily, just as Greg had done after Nick's careless statement seconds before. Sighing and rubbing his temple, Grissom handed out the assignments, assigning Warrick and Sara with him to work a double homicide at the Palms. As he stopped to wash his hands before leaving the room, he could have sworn he heard Warrick mutter to Sara, "You okay girl? Anything you wanna talk about…" only to be cut off by her whisper of "You knew?" He whirled around to find the room empty, the silence ringing in his ears. You knew?!

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Sliding into the booth, Grissom looked around. Part of his willingness to change his ways was to eat out with his team more often. The floors and walls were gleaming red and white tiles, interrupted only by advertisements for meals that were clearly heart attacks waiting to happen. However, Sara and Warrick merely sat and looked towards the waitress. They were obviously regulars, as the approaching waitress just nodded at them before scribbling down on a small pad of paper. Looking questioningly at Grissom, the waitress looked surprised for only a second, before switching her glance to Warrick, who gave a thumbs up before glancing out of the window. Grissom watched Sara toy with the salt cellar, before deciding that these two clearly wanted to talk. Walking over to the retro jukebox, he strained his ears the listen to their conversation.

"Why didn't you tell me Rick? I thought you were my friend. I was there for you when Tina had Mark…" He heard her tail off, tears clearly falling down her face. It took every ounce of Grissom's strength to prevent him punching the air in jubilation. Was Nick cheating? He heard Warrick's soothing voice say, "Girl I tried. Did you not see how whenever I tried to talk to you alone, Nicky was there? Did you not notice how he called every ten minutes when we worked a case without him? I'm surprised he's not ringing now. He really laid the guilt on me, girl, he begged me not to tell you. He told me it went against everything that a best friend stands for. It's been breaking me inside for months…"

"MONTHS!!" The hysteric scream made everyone in the diner start. Leaving her untouched coffee on the table, Sara flung herself out of the booth and began to storm out, tears clearly flowing down her face. Catching Warrick's eye, he quickly followed her outside, gesturing for Warrick to stay where he sat. Warrick nodded weakly, picking up his phone. He dialled Nick's number, hesitating before pressing call.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Sara?" Where was she? Grissom frantically looked for a sign of her. His dagger was easing up, only occasionally picking his heart. He didn't know whether to cry with her, or be thrilled that he may yet have a chance. Hearing a car door slam to his left, he whirled around to see Sara sat in the driver's seat of her Denali. Although her hands were placed on the steering wheel as if she were going to drive away, her forehead was pressed against the dark wheel. Running over to the car, Grissom's mind raced. Would she talk to him? Should he listen to his head and comfort her when the rest of him was longing to hold her too close, to break down all of the walls she had built up around herself to remind him that she was someone else's? Slipping into the passenger seat beside her, he tentatively broke the silence filling the car. "Sara?"

Letting out a sob, Sara straightened up and looked directly into Grissom's eyes. "God she's beautiful!" he thought, her dark eyes shining in contrast to her pale face. Staring at him for a second, she stayed silent, thoughts tearing through her head. Here was the man who had held her hand as she confessed about her childhood. Here was the man who supported her through every tough case. Here was the man who left without telling her. Here was the man who broke her. Here he was again. The thought of him simultaneously shattered her broken heart, yet held it together just enough to let her suffer. She hated him, yet, staring into his concerned blue eyes seemed to make the world vanish around them. She could trust him.

"You know, I haven't changed one bit since you left. I still get emotionally attached to cases, my temper still gets me in trouble, I always choose men who will break my heart…" Realising what she had let slip, she quickly stared at the steering wheel. "Damn it Sara, he wants to help, don't lay the guilt on him now!" she thought as more tears fell down her face, draining her of any happiness she still possessed.

Sara appeared to be oblivious to the internal battle in Gil's head. The woman he loved was sat before him, looking more broken than he had ever seen her. He wanted nothing more that to pull her close, wiping away her tears before kissing her soft lips until she could smile again. He would stroke her hair and inhale her scent. She would realise that she wanted nothing more than him. As his hand suddenly began to twitch its way towards Sara, he had a sudden vision. He was standing before Nick, who was analysing him with a mixture of hurt, anger and disappointment sprawled across his young face. Nick was like a son to Grissom, would he ever forgive himself if he stole his bride? Instead, he moved his hand towards the radio, clearing his throat to announce this decision to Sara, who nodded slowly. The presenters babbled endlessly as Sara began to talk again.

"I honestly never thought Nicky would do this to me. When he told me he loved me…" she trailed off, gathering strength for the next assault on her mind. "When he said he loved me, I believed him. Why did I do that Gris? If I'd never trusted him, I wouldn't have walked in to our home last night to see some woman in my robe, wearing my…" Inhaling deeply, she gazed straight into Gil's eyes again, a hard blazing look banishing the softness Grissom had become accustomed to loving. "I gave Nicky my wedding ring to get it resized cos I lost weight. It was due back yesterday. Nicky told me he would pick it up for me and give it to me when I got back from work. I was supposed to stay at the lab for another two hours, but I just couldn't concentrate. Just imagine, opening your own front door to see some stranger in your bathrobe, looking over the moon, wearing your ring…" Sobs racked her body as emotion got the better of her. "Why, Gris? Why do I let people do this to me?"

Grissom could not hold it in any longer. He grasped one of her delicate hands in his, wondering how he could have missed the fact that she wasn't wearing her ring. He raised his other hand to her cheek, wiping away the fresh wave of tears. She exhaled deeply, closing her eyes and allowing her face to fall into Grissom's gentle hand. Neither of them noticed the new song playing softly on the radio as they took solace in a place forbidden to theem for so long.

Want to but I can't help it

I love the way you feel

Just kinda stuck between my fantasy and what is real

I needed when I want it

I want it when I don't

Tell myself I stop every day

Knowing that I won't

Grissom's hand seemed to have developed a mind of its own as it gently caressed her soft cheek. Sara slowly opened her eyes, registering the deep sea of blue before losing all self control. She leant forward, kissing him deeply, almost desperately. The initial shock left Grissom straight away as he kissed her back, letting out a low moan in the back of his throat. He raised his other hand, cradling her head in his hands while her arms wrapped around his torso. It was everything he had imagined. He knew at that moment that he was never going to let her go.

Baby you have become my addiction

I am so strung out on you

I can barely move

But I like it

And it's all because of you

Never get enough

She's the sweetest drugs

Think of it every second

I can get nothing done

Only concern is the next time I'm gon get me some

Know I should stay away from

Cause it's no good for me

I try and try but my obsession won't let me leave

The distant noise of a car door slamming suddenly brought Sara back to Earth. Here she was, sat in her car, kissing her boss passionately while one co-worker sat metres away in a café and there was every chance that her husband was looking for her. Warrick was obviously on Nick's side, so it was more than likely that he had called Nick. Ignoring the protesting her entire body was making, she pulled back and look in Grissom's expression. He looked surprised and almost hurt. His eyes were locked on hers, the desire written all over his face. She turned to look out of her window as he took her hand again. Her heart almost stopped when she saw Nick approaching her car, looking worried.

Grissom heard her gasp. Following her gaze, he saw Nick approaching the car. He felt the old dagger again as he realised why she had pulled back. He hurt her, but she still loved him. She had cried when she found out about Nick's other woman, but now she had done the same thing. What if he was just a rebound? After all, Sara often had difficulty controlling her emotions. Maybe she had seen his passion as empathy that she had abused. He opened his mouth just as Nick pulled on the driver's side's door handle. Grissom sneaked an arm around her shoulders in support, ready for the tidal wave of an angry couple. It didn't come.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Nick cursed as he pulled on the door handle. "Damn she must be angry!" he muttered as the door denied him entrance. Staring into the car, he saw Sara staring straight ahead, her face tearstained and… "Grissom?!" he muttered, seeing his boss with one arm around his wife's shoulders, his eyes focused on her face. The last person he needed to get involved… He knocked on the window, kicking a nearby abandoned take-out bag in frustration. He walked around the front of the car to face Sara straight on. She still didn't meet his eyes. Almost screaming in frustration, he pulled out his cell phone to call her, only to find it ringing. He answered tentatively.

"Stokes."

"Hey babe it's Elsie"

"Hey sugar. It's not a great time right now, y'know work. Can I call you…?"

"I know your secret!"

"What?" Nick's heart skipped a beat. Did Elsie find out about Sara?

"My answer is yes, Nick Stokes, I will marry you. I'm so sorry if I spoiled the surprise but I was snooping yesterday and I found the ring. It's so beautiful! I knew things were getting serious, but this is just perfect. The housekeeping lady stopped by and looked mortified, but I'm always telling you that you should hire a man cos all the ladies love you. Well, at least you hired someone like I said you should, but she didn't look in any state to work. I think we should fire her skinny ass!"

"Shit!"

"What's up babe?"

"Nothing hun, just this case. I'll call you back later okay?"

"Sure thing. Love ya!"

Ring? What ring? He hadn't bought a ring recently. What did he do yesterday, worked the case, went grocery shopping? Anything else? He stopped by the dry cleaners and the jewellery store for Sara's…shit! And he guessed, stabbing in the dark, that the upset housekeeper was not a maid at all, especially as they didn't have one, but that it was…

"Sara! Open the door!"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Grissom felt her shake as Nick put his phone down and began to hammer on the door again. She wasn't ready to talk to Nick, couldn't he see? He slowly withdrew his arm and climbed out of the car, closing his door before Nick could get in. He stormed over to the young CSI, not even bothering to control his anger. He had every intention of yanking the dagger out of his chest and slaughtering the man who had hurt his only love so badly. Nick, on the other hand, felt relieved. Maybe he could talk to Grissom, Sara drinks in every word he says. He could tell from the look on Gil's face that Sara had told him everything. Not that he doubted it anyway; Sara had told him that Grissom was the only one who knew about her family when she finally told him. There was no point playing innocent.

"Gris. Man, am I glad to see you! Is there any way you can get Sara to talk to me?"

"I don't think that's a good idea right now Nick. You see, she's a little upset." Oh man, Nick thought. "I think we both know why."

"Gris, there's been a huge misunderstanding…"

"Really Nicky? I don't think even your theories can explain away a naked woman in your house wearing Sara's wedding ring. Even as far as cheaters go, that is pretty poor taste."

"Gris, I'm not gonna lie to you, I have had a thing on the side, but it's been meaningless."

"Really Nick?" Sara's voice froze both men's anger instantly. Grissom felt momentarily inspired by the anger controlling her body, Nick recoiled with fear. "It's good to know that you're prepared to sacrifice our marriage for something meaningless. I bet this woman really thinks she's something though." She stopped Nick before he could finish the excuse beginning to fall out of his mouth. "Oh don't give me that Nick, she was wearing my ring. I trusted you!" Sobs only choked her voice for a second as she began to scream. "I spent so long shutting everything out that it took years to finally let a man in. He broke my heart and set me back years. Then, I took a risk with you, everything I had worked on all my life destroyed! And now, you're telling me that I'm meaningless! I've told you things about my past that I never told anyone before, not even Grissom…"She stopped for breath, her hand suddenly flying towards her belt. Both men jumped, neither of them realising till that second that she was armed and hysterical. She pointed the gun at Nick's face, her arms trembling uncontrollably.

Grissom had already seen Nick's reaction to being at gunpoint once before. His dark eyes filled with tears, his voice almost a croak. "Sara honey, we can sort this out, okay? Just…just give me the gun and we'll work this out."Nick began to walk towards her, his hand outstretched. He froze as Sara's arms suddenly steadied. "Sara, honey, I love you, and if you give me the gun then you won't do anything you'll regret later. It's all gonna be okay, just give me the gun."His voice would have normally made Grissom feel as if his own child was in trouble, but this time his mind roared with delight. Sara, on the other hand was torn. She had no intention of this argument going this far, but she couldn't forgive Nick. Grissom was not moving and, seeing him, she suddenly felt guilty. Didn't she just do the same thing with him? Shouldn't she forgive Nick now that they were even? Seeing her husband so afraid broke her heart again and again, just as much as his infidelity, until she was sure that it must be in tatters around her abdomen. But still, Sara's pride held the gun at her best friend, her partner.

"Hey!"

Sara's head jerked in the direction of the passerby that had been stood there for the whole argument, clearly forgetting the gun. Nick jumped forward and attempted to wrestle the gun from Sara's hands. Grissom, seeing his chance, also jumped forward to help Nick. He loved Sara but he didn't want her to do anything stupid in the heat of the moment. The three of them fought for a few seconds, Sara's emotions spurring her to grip the gun tightly. The three of them froze horrified as the gun suddenly fired. The silence that followed the overwhelming bang was just as loud as they all studied each other's shocked faces.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Warrick sat in the café, sipping his cold coffee. He knew that this was Nick and Sara's battle, so he should sit out. His actions had already made things even worse for the rocky couple. Nick had been in a state of shock when Warrick told him that Sara knew, and had got angry. Warrick had spent 10 minutes on the phone with Nick while Grissom spoke to Sara outside, making him believe that no-one had told her about Elsie and she had figured it out herself. Nick ended the conversation as he apparently arrived in the parking lot. Warrick had expected Grissom to join him inside, which he didn't. Alarm bells were ringing too loudly to be ignored, so Warrick stood up to leave. He made his way slowly to the car park. His gut was telling him to run, he didn't know why. A split second later, he found out.

The café was full of screams as a gunshot rang out. Drawing his gun, Warrick swore under his breath as he searched for the origin of the sound. A teenage girl stared out the window and screamed again. He ran to her quickly.

"Hey! You okay?"

"Oh my god! Someone's been shot out there!" The girl pointed a shaky finger at three figures stood near a Denali.

"Shit!"

Warrick pulled out his radio. "This is CSI we have an officer down at Hardy's Café. Requesting emergency medical assistance immediately." He quickly ran to the door towards his co-workers, one of whom was crumpled on the ground.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

2 Hours Later

Warrick sat back in a seat in the hospital waiting room. Catherine sat next to him; her eyes closed tightly, her coffee practically falling out of her hand. Taking her coffee, he gripped her hand encouragingly, reassuring her the only way he knew how. The room was full of people, all silent. Greg was pacing up and down the narrow room, looking fraught with worry. Brass was slumped in a chair, his eyes fixed on the door where the doctor had first come out to inform them of the procedures needed. His eyes momentarily jumped to the two silent, solemn people that had witnessed the accident.

The doctor marvelled at the amount of people in the waiting room as he stepped out of the operating theatre. He glanced back at the blonde nurse that was supposed to follow him out of the room. He felt confused as she shook her head quickly. Rolling his eyes, he looked back at the crowd of people now rising to their feet. "These damn transfers!" he thought to himself before preparing himself to deliver the news.

"Family of Stokes?" he asked politely. Witnessing the nods, he beckoned for them to follow him down the hallway to a room not far from surgery. The crowd of solemn figures sprang into action, all wishing in their heads that the doctor would walk faster, or at least speak as he lead them to the victim. Glancing down at his chart, he suddenly stopped them outside a closed door. The faint beeping of hospital machinery would be heard from outside. "Now, this patient has requested that a certain Mr Nick Stokes should not be permitted to enter the room." He looked around and spotted a wedding band on one man's finger. "I presume that she means you, sir? I recommend that you stay away from the doorway, nurse Carmit will update you on her condition first." The doctor felt a pang of sympathy for the young man as his hopeful face fell. These two were obviously going through a rough patch. The blonde woman stood with them patted the young man on the shoulder and spoke softly to him.

"It'll be okay Nicky. She just needs time. It's not your fault." The man spoke in a soft voice, his Texan accent barely audible over his dry sobs.

"Cath, I understand if she never wants to see me again. I've cheated on her, I've lied to her and now I've shot her. I'm the worst husband that ever existed! I wanted this to work so badly, and I love her, but I don't see how she'll even be able to look at me after all this." He shook his head and turned towards the nurse that had emerged from the operating theatre. His mouth hit the floor, joining one that had already settled there.

"Elsie?" Two voices harmonized. Both Nick and Grissom turned to face each other; their faces were of utter disbelief.

"How…? When did you fly over?" Grissom asked hoarsely. This was the last place he'd expected to see his ex-girlfriend. The tall woman, however, showed no sign of shock. Ignoring Gil, she turned to Nick.

"Hey babe, I thought it must have been you that was banned from her room, the name was familiar!" She winked and made to kiss Nick, freezing when she saw the glares from all the visitors. "Wow, I didn't know that your whole shift was friends with…" she checked the file in her hands, "Mrs Sara Stokes, I'm guessing she's one of your sisters, yeah? Or a sister in law? Well, she's doing fine at the minute, damage to her abdomen is not too severe, she lost a lot of blood but she'll be fine! However…" She glanced at the group of people around her, her smile fading as they continued to stare daggers at her. "Babe, what's going…?" She drew back quickly as Greg lunged at her.

"You stupid bitch! You whore! I care… we all care about Sara and you waltz in here like one of the family! She's been through so much in her life, you can't even begin to imagine…! Can you not see the ring on Nick's finger?!"

"Yes, of course I can! I found the matching one in his house, we're getting married! Aren't we babe?" She beamed at Nick, who felt the daggers on himself now.

"Elsie, we need to talk. Come down to the cafeteria with me and I'll tell you more. Okay?" Elsie nodded, her blonde ponytail bouncing without the glee it had held before. She followed Nick mutely down the corridor, casting a longing glance back at Grissom, who now felt the stares on his back. Turning to his team, he sighed heavily and gave a brief summary.

"When I was in England, Elsie and I dated for a few months. It ended badly and it was probably all a misunderstanding, but these things happen." Feeling a familiar twinge in his chest, he led the way into the room where the reason for his failed relationship lay unconscious.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The bright white lights suddenly woke Sara from her blissful dream world. Whimpering slightly, she tried to block the lights, only to hear a voice that soothed her efforts. She slowly opened her eyes, thinking that she must be outside for the sky was a clear blue. Upon closer inspection, she realised they were eyes, beautiful eyes that she had dreamt of for years. She felt his warm hands on hers, a burden being released from her chest as she felt his lips brush her cheek. Her eyelids felt like lead, she was willing to surrender to this idyllic scene. A shout suddenly rang out through the door.

"Sara! Grissom, why didn't you tell us she was awake?"

"Gris…?" Sara's voice was unbelievably faint, surprising the small room which was now full of people. She had tried to sit up, only to find a ripping pain in her stomach. Looking down, she felt bile rise in her throat as blood began to seep through her gown. "Gris…I'm bleeding! What's going on?" A nurse suddenly ran in, calling down the hallway. The whole nightshift, complete with gifts, were shepherded out of the room. Catherine glanced at Grissom, who was very pale all over again. She thought she saw a slight grimace on his face as his hand flew to his chest.

"Gil, she'll be fine. She probably just tore her stitches. Let's go down to the cafeteria and get some lunch while she gets sorted out." Her last comment was greeted with murmurs and nods as the crowd began to make their way down the corridor.

Later that day

Sara sat up in bed again, smiling at the gifts filling her room. She had learned to detest hospitals as a child, always lying alone in a room while her father told the doctors that she had fallen over again, what a klutz! The nurses would never speak directly to her, she would always feel unwanted and the bare walls would give her nightmares for weeks on end. Now, she couldn't see the walls for balloons bouncing around and bouquets of flowers. Cards filled the surface space of the machine measuring her heartbeat and piles of forensics journals filled her bedside cabinet. A teddy bear the size of a small child sat at the foot of her bed, she remembered Greg's face as she laughed friendlily at his gift efforts, and a lump the size of a middle-aged man sat snoring in the chair next to her. The room was silent apart from an occasional beep. Sara had been pre-occupied with guests for the first few hours of consciousness and was now awaiting the smiling doctor for a full report on her damage.

Her mind began to wander. She remembered standing in the parking lot, gun in her hands, pointing at Nick. She remembered being distracted and wrestling to hold onto the gun. She remembered her hand leaving the trigger and another grabbed hold of it. She remembered feeling immense pain, both emotionally and physically, and that's when the tears came. Nick. He had been fooling around for months, they had fought, and now she was in hospital. This was her parents all over again. Next, the drinking would start, then the more frequent trips to the hospital and then… Sara could even bear to think what would happen if the murder gene came out. Thinking about Nick only brought pain; she knew she had to end it, despite one huge obstacle. The doctor had told Sara that she could go home by the end of the week, she would see him then. She had banned him from her room to give her time to think. A slight grunt suddenly made her jump and she turned, smiling at Grissom's sleeping form.

He had certainly changed since his departure. He was no longer blanking her, he was there when she needed a shoulder to cry on and now he wouldn't leave her side after her stitches broke once. He was more devoted than Nick had ever been, despite the constant shadow stood in the corridor, looking through her window. Grissom loved her, she knew it. He had figured it out, and had clung to the hope that he wasn't too late after all. He knew what to do about this. How could she tell him that she loved him, but now it was her who didn't have a clue what to do now? Before she could do anything, the doctor walked in, smiling.

"How are you feeling Mrs Stokes? Any better than after this morning's incident?" he beamed at the woman's nod. "Now, you may want to wake your…oh he's awake! That's fine then. Now, the bullet entered your abdomen and you lost a lot of blood, but we've fixed that now. You may be a bit sore for a while, so I recommend you take some time off. However…" he broke off, looking at his pager. "I'm sorry, there's an emergency I must tend to I'll tell you the rest later." He ran out of the room looking serious. Sara turned to Grissom, looking pale.

"Gris, I'm…I'm not leaving Nick for now." She felt her heart twinge with pain as his face fell. "I know that there's still something here, but now isn't the best time. I don't know if I love him still, but I have to stay with him. Gris…" she swallowed the lump in her throat, knowing the next words would break his heart, "Gris, I'm having his baby, I can't leave now, I'm not gonna be a single mother. Gris? What is it?" She had expected his face to fall even further, but was shocked when he merely looked awkward.

"Sara, the doctor didn't have time to tell you, but when…" He sighed heavily, looking sympathetic. "The bullet pierced your uterus. Honey, I'm sorry but you lost the babies."

"Babies?" Her voice sounded surprisingly high.

"You were having triplets, honey I'm so sorry." He gripped her hand as tears began to well up in her eyes. Part of him felt relieved, the only thing keeping her with Nick had gone, maybe now she could move on. He moved one arm around her shoulders and held her head to his chest as she began to cry softly. He caught himself inhaling the scent of her hair as if it was an addictive fume. He couldn't help himself any longer, he wiped her tears away with him hands, one resting under her chin. He moved her face until they were both staring into each other's eyes, his cool blue and her shining brown. He leant forward slowly, their lips barely an inch away when…

"Sara?" Nick looked dreadful, Sara thought. He looked thinner than usual, his chin unshaven and his eyes bloodshot. He was too far away to tell if he had been crying or drinking, probably a mixture of both. Staring at his pale face, Sara felt a pang of fear, not the usual pride of landing such a good husband. There was no familiar swoop of love in her stomach. This was it, it was over. She barely heard Grissom leap to his feet as she stared at Nick's approaching silhouette, tears still pouring down her face. She felt herself back against the headboard of her bed, hoping that Nick wasn't aware of the faster beeping coming from her heart monitor. "Sara?" His voice was pleading. He could feel her fear, almost like when he went out hunting with his father. However, he felt no adrenaline rush as he cornered a helpless racoon, just dread as he saw her shining eyes. He stopped next to her bedside, despite Grissom's threats to call security and have him removed. Sara thought she saw his arm go to move and she flinched, opening her eyes to find Nick on his knees.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Sara? I know you don't want to see me, but just…just hear me out, okay? Now, I'm not making excuses, but Elsie was a stupid mistake. We had one date a few months ago, she told me her father had died and needed a distraction. I never thought I'd hear from her again, especially as I told her I was unavailable from the start. But that night, you were pulling a triple and so she accused me of lying about being unavailable and invited herself in. She's been calling me ever since. Whenever I'm in here for a case, she counts it as a date, and then she calls me. I should have told her no ages ago, especially when she cut herself a key for our house, but every time I try to end it, she'd tell me that her housemates beat her up, or that she was pregnant so that I would keep with her. I…I know that you saw her with your ring, she thought it was for her. I'd picked it up and…she was just there in your robe. I told her to go home and went in the shower. When I came out, she was gone so I assumed that she'd got the picture. Then she called me, thinking I'd got the ring for her and that my cleaning lady stopped by but she looked upset." He stopped to survey her face, feeling relieved as it showed that she was listening, her tears thicker and faster than before. "She…she works at the hospital. I've told her straight, and she's given the ring back. She didn't take it well, she said that I'd see her soon, but I've made my choice. I never loved Elsie, it's always been you. I know I've done way too much and you deserve so much better than me, but I'm begging you. Please, give me another chance." He stopped, the silence piercing the room.

"Nick…" Sara stared at the pleading man on the floor. His hand opened and she saw them, her wedding and engagement rings. Her resolve to stand up for herself melted away.

2 years ago

"Sara Sidle." Nick paused dramatically, motioning for the band behind him to start their music. Sara turned to look at the band as the lead singer began to speak.

"Now, a certain young man has asked us to perform this song. Can we have a Nick Stokes and Sara Sidle on the stage please?" The room, full of law enforcement personnel attending another Ecklie Celebration Evening burst into a round of applause as Nick strolled confidently to the stage, delicately leading the slender brunette behind him. He smiled at the look of shock on her face. "She doesn't have a clue" he thought happily as he took both her hands, ready for dancing. The band began to play, the lead singer singing in his silky tenor voice.

You're just too good to be true.Can't take my eyes off you.You'd be like Heaven to touch.I wanna hold you so much.At long last love has arrivedAnd I thank God I'm alive.You're just too good to be true.Can't take my eyes off you.Pardon the way that I stare.There's nothing else to compare.The sight of you leaves me weak.There are no words left to speakBut if you feel like I feelPlease let me know that it's real.You're just too good to be true.Can't take my eyes off you.

Sara noticed Nick singing along to the song, his eyes fixed only on her face. The rest of the room vanished as the two danced, gazing into each other's eyes. Even Grissom was forgotten, she felt like the most important woman in the world. Her cheeks began to ache as she continued to grin, seeing how it lit up Nick's face. As the music became louder, the two danced closer and closer until their faces were a mere inch away from each other.

I love you, babyAnd if it's quite alright,I need you, baby,To warm a lonely night.I love you, baby.Trust in me when I say:Oh, pretty baby,Don't bring me down, I pray.Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay

The band stopped abruptly, so did Nick. Sara was afraid that her heart would explode as he dropped onto one knee, holding her delicate hand in his strong one. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a black velvet box. She felt tears erupting in her eyes as she saw the delicate silver engagement ring. Even the diamond didn't sparkle as much as Sara's eyes as she began to laugh and cry with happiness while Nick slipped the ring onto her slender finger. She leapt forward and kissed Nick deeply as the band began to play again, barely audible over the applause filling the room.

And let me love you, baby.Let me love you.

She drew back from Nick, smiling happily and nodding. She felt breathless as she saw Nick's face. Even as far as Nick's beams went, this was the brightest one she'd seen, his huge eyes brimming with tears. She had been precautious at the beginning of their relationship, but now she knew things were perfect…

Shaking her head, Sara noticed that Nick had slipped both rings onto her finger again, his trembling hand holding hers as he watched her face anxiously for her reaction. Despite all the hurt, Sara couldn't help drawing him into a tight hug. As she felt his warm tears on her shoulder and his heavy breaths, she gazed at Grissom. He merely looked disappointed, his shoulders slumped forward. She needed him to understand, Nick had been there for her when he left, Nick had known what to do about the spark he felt between them, Nick had not been afraid of the consequences. Grissom, he was a coward that had only made a move while she was married and vulnerable. She loved them both, but only one had put a ring on her finger. Staring into Grissom's eyes over Nicks head, she mouthed the only words that came into her head to try and carry the whole message and make him see.

"I'm so sorry…"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The second that Nick entered the room, Grissom knew there would be trouble. Both his mind and his body told him to call security straight away, but one look at Nick left him feeling numb, minus of course the dagger that suddenly reappeared in his heart. Nick had always been like a son to Gil, and seeing him looking thin, ill and wasted causing him too much grief to have him heartlessly thrown from their company. He had not left Sara's side for longer than 5 minutes all the time she had been in hospital, and had not seen Nick since they had first arrived in the same car, both worried sick about the same woman. They had had to stop for gas on the way, meaning that they fell behind the paramedics. Arriving at the front desk in unison, Grissom and Nick had started speaking at the same time.

"My colleague has just been brought in, a Sara Si…" Grissom's voice had been lost behind Nicks shouts.

"I need to find a Mrs Sara Stokes; she was just brought in a few minutes ago! Please hurry, she's my wife!" Grissom stared at Nick as he drummed the desk impatiently while the receptionist checked her computer. How could he have forgotten that Sara used Nick's name now? Every day at work, he saw her new signature on evidence bags, reports, samples. And here he was now, asking for the woman he knew 5 years ago. The dagger began to rotate slowly in his heart, almost causing him to groan out loud in pain. Sara Sidle had long since become Sara Stokes, she belonged to someone else now. Yet, not 30 minutes before, Sara was in his arms, kissing him as if her life depended on it. Before he could consider it any longer, the receptionist smiled at the two men, telling them that Sara was being prepared for surgery and directing them to a special room designated for families while relatives were under the knife.

Now, Grissom felt obliged to protect what he considered to be his. Leaving Sara's side, he took a few steps forward.

"Nick, you know you're not supposed to be in here. I think you should leave, she doesn't want to see you", he added in an undertone. He quickly glanced at both Sara and Nick, neither appearing to hear his words. Sara looked so afraid, while Nick looked almost defeated at the look of terror on her face. Grissom listened to what Nick was saying to Sara, knowing that he was being completely sincere. Completely unsure of what to do, he left the room, calling for the hospital security. Upon entering the room again, he saw Sara's far away glance as Nick slipped her rings back onto her finger. The dagger he had come to hate became pounding his heart, such pain was unbearable. Pain consumed his whole body as Sara pulled Nick into a close embrace, Nick clutching her like a young child finding his mom after becoming lost in the mall, Sara pulling him close herself as a comfort for all the pain she had endured. Her eyes suddenly met his and he was so sure she could see the pain on his face. Her eyes brimmed with tears, making Grissom do the same as she mouthed the words he knew she would say.

"I'm so sorry…" The security guard appeared behind Grissom's back and made his way over to the embracing pair.

"Sir, I believe that you're not permitted in this room, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"He…he can stay." Sara's voice sounded raspy as she took Nick's hand. She looked up into Nick's face. "Honey, did the doctors tell you about…? Did they tell you about the babies?" Her tears began to fall again as Nick nodded, pulling her into yet another tight hug. Grissom couldn't bear to watch anymore. He turned around, walking away from the love of his life all over again. As he left, however, he nearly collided with Catherine and Greg.

"How did it go? Did she take him back?" was the first thing to leave Catherine's mouth. Nick had obviously been planning this for a while, much to Catherine's and Greg's delight. Grissom nodded sullenly, adding "They're discussing the babies though; I wouldn't go in just yet." As he said this, he noticed Elsie, apparently organising files, suddenly slouching like she always did when disappointed. He prayed that nobody else had noticed the defeated tone in his voice as he slouched out of the hospital.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Nick had taken over Grissom's position at Sara's side as her time in hospital drew to a close. Grissom was maxing out his overtime, desperate to distract himself from his loss. He had visited Sara since, always with other people and never for long, hers and Nick's reconciliation techniques caused him too much anguish. After three days, Sara was allowed to go home, though the doctor told her not to work for at least a month while laughing at the incredulous look he received at this comment. He had watched Nick push her wheelchair out of the building into the sun while Sara laughed at his words. They seemed like the perfect couple.

2 Months Later

Grissom drifted into the break room to hand out assignments. His eyes leapt to Sara first, who was sat in Nick's arms looking thoroughly content, and then he addressed the team.

"Okay, we've got a quiet night tonight. Warrick? Nick? Catherine? You three have a double homicide at the Tropicana. Greg, Sara and I have a potential arson case. With big teams, we may solve these quickly, so go off the board if you finish before the end of shift. Sara? I need to speak with you for a second regarding the Jones case you worked last week." The rest of the room filed out, leaving Sara and Grissom alone for the first time in weeks. They were both clearly uncomfortable.

"Look, Sara. I know things have been complicated between us recently, well always! But I want us to try and be friends again. I miss being able to talk to you. Look, you know how I feel, right?" Sara nodded, looking relieved at where this was going. "But I know you love Nick and I'm willing to accept that. I value our friendship too much to let 'this' complicate things. Okay?" He watched Sara closely, smiling as she laughed.

"Of course we're still friends Gris! I want us to be back where we were when you came back, we were, are, such good friends!" He let out a sigh of relief and hugged her, making sure that he wasn't too close to her. If his body had its way, he would have thrown her on the break room couch and made love to her right then and there. However, he felt her flinch as he held her. He drew back, looking concerned. She shook her head. "It's nothing Gris. It's just… it's just the old wound, y'know."

"Sara, it's been weeks since that happened, it shouldn't still hurt now. Let me take a look."

"No Gris! Its fine, I don't need…" However, Grissom had already lifted her top just high enough to see her abdomen and ribs. She whipped her top back down, flushing with embarrassment but not before Grissom had seen the bruises covering her body.

"Sara, what happened?" Before he could say anything else she looked at him defiantly. "You said you needed to discuss the Jones case?" her voice was icy cold, clearly telling Grissom to drop the subject.

"Sara, did…did he do this you?"

"If there is nothing wrong with the case, I'll go. Greg's waiting for us."With that, she stormed out of the room, leaving Grissom feeling very confused. Sara was so strong and always reacted badly with domestic abuse cases, so why did she not come forward? He knew what bruises looked like when they were caused by human fists and he knew how people with bruised ribs moved. Sara had confided in him that she was terrified of becoming her mother, so why did she not break the cycle when it started? However, he knew Sara was too stubborn to back down from her decisions unless something happened to throw off her emotions. He decided to watch the pair for a while, just to see how they were.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

That night, Grissom sat at home at the breakfast bar, sipping a scotch and thinking. It had been a relatively simple case, yet it had been made so difficult by Sara's icy indifference. She changed the subject every time Grissom began to steer their conversations in forbidden directions, leaving them even further back than before they had agreed to be friends again. He was worried about her. Her worst fears were coming true and she just stood numbly and took it. Every time her sleeve had rolled back, Grissom felt himself looking at her wrists for bruises, feeling his least favourite dagger as he saw purple and black instead of their usual pale complex. Every time he tried to talk to her, she brushed him off or began talking loudly about the case.

He cast his mind back to when he walked into the break room that morning. Normally, when Sara and Nick sat together, he would wrap one arm around her back, clutching her narrow waist with his hand. She would have a hand resting comfortably on his thigh and would sometimes rest her head on his shoulder. They seemed completely at ease with each other, showing enough affection to show the world that they cared about each other, but to a degree where people realised that this relationship was not all for show.

Today however, Nick had sat with his legs open and Sara sat in the gap between the two. Both Nick's arms were draped over her shoulders and she held the hands that clasped at her navel. Nick had buried his head in her neck as Grissom had entered, causing her to smile weakly. The two looked like they were showing the world how much they loved each other, even if only the world believed it. Grissom had noticed the red patches on Sara's neck all day, wondering if they had been caused by a make-up session or… He shrugged and downed his scotch. Sara wasn't as strong as she let people believe, she knew when she needed help. He had done as much as he could to establish himself as a concerned friend; all he had to do was wait for her.

Grissom stared through the dark window at the rain thundering down on his windowsill. Almost no cars were driving that night, visibility was awful. Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled like huge drums in the distance. Grissom had never liked storms. To him, they symbolised a drastic change in his life. When his father had died, 9 year-old Gil had ran outside crying, only to be soaked by the pouring rain from the storm going on. The night the letter arrived from Sara in England, thunder had rattled the windows of his flat. Now, he could barely comprehend what could possibly happen with this storm. Lost in his thoughts, he jumped violently as there was a knock at the door.

At first, all Grissom could see was the deafening sheet of rain as he opened the door. He peered through the gloom, failing to make out any shapes. It wasn't until a huge fork of lightning flashed that he saw the figure slumped on the doorstep next to a suitcase. He crouched down to examine the heap, only to find Sara lying unconscious, blood seeping from her head.

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Grissom left the kitchen, fully equipped with a first aid kit and a bag of ice. Sara was sat in silence on his couch, her shoulders slumped and her eyes closed. Her elbows were resting on the large suitcase in front of her. Every time Gil saw that suitcase, he felt his chest swell with pride. He had managed to express his concern as a friend and she had not ignored the matter like he thought she might. Still, her formed suggested that she was in no mood for celebration.

Sara glanced up at Grissom as he re-entered the living room, looking concerned. She felt herself sigh deeply, her usually relaxed breathing shaking as her heart continued to give her grief. She couldn't remember falling asleep on Grissom's couch. She could even remember entering his house, or bringing her suitcase in with her. All she knew was that one second she had been outside in the rain, the next she was slightly warmer and drier on an overstuffed couch with a splitting headache. Lifting her hand to her right temple, she felt a shallow cut and a fresh trickle of blood ran down her forehead. She gasped in pain, causing Grissom to take her hand away from her face as he sat down beside her.

"Sara, honey. This looks like it'll be okay, I just would touch it if I were you. It looks like you'll have a bruise to match that black eye." Confused, Sara raised a hand to her eye and was surprised to feel it was slightly swollen. Grissom held the ice pack against the whole side of her face to numb the pain. She gasped again, before holding the pack for herself.

"Sara, what happened? This has gotten out of hand, we need to do something." Sara looked mournfully ahead of her, not meeting his eyes. Her voice sounded distant and shaken, just like when she had told him about her parents. Recognising the need for support, Gil slid in front of her, crouching on the cool laminate flooring. He gasped both of her hands in his, urging her silently to speak.

"I already have. I realised that you were…you were right before. I know I didn't give you the chance to say anything, but I got the hints all day. The night before, Nick and I had a huge row. He accused me of having an affair…with you. I told him about…about the kiss, but I set him straight that I was with him and he had no right to accuse me after what he did with that nurse. He just…lost it completely. I can't even remember most of it, just that he called me a stubborn whore and you a…a home wrecker. I just blanked out. It was like being a kid again with my father…" Her voice shook dangerously. Grissom tightened his hold on her hands as she took a great shuddering breath and continued. "I can only remember lying on our bed with Nicky stood in the corner of the room. There was blood everywhere and we were both just shaking. He…he couldn't stop staring at his hands and he apologised straight after, so I guess I figured it was a one off. The next morning, he was all over me, trying to compensate for the night before but I could still remember what he said. I didn't realise how much pain I was in until I had a shower and saw the cuts and bruises. It made me sick but I thought, since he felt so guilty, maybe he didn't mean it. I mean, he's been under stress with that nurse still breaking the door down every other night and Rick's not been talking to him since he had to tell me about her. But then I saw your reaction and everything just clicked into place. He hurt me. He had no right. I needed to do something about it. So I left shift an hour early, I told Catherine I had a check-up and I packed. I thought if I left him a note and stayed somewhere else, he might cool off a bit and see reason when it came to the divorce. I stopped for a drink before I left because you know how expensive hotels are and I thought; maybe it'll make this easier? He…he was early. He went crazy. He blocked the door with that huge dresser we had hanging around in the hall and pushed me into the bedroom. He… he said that I was his and that I wasn't going anywhere. He tied me to the bed and left. I had no idea where he was or what he was going to do, so I tried to get out. I…I…" She stopped again. Grissom opened his mouth to tell her that it was okay, she had suffered enough. Before he could utter a word of comfort, she ploughed on. "No Gris, I need to do this. I managed to bite my way through the bed sheet he used to tie me after a few hours and he still didn't come home. I found my suitcase, got into the hall and was nearly out when he just… appeared in the kitchen. I just ran and he threw my beer bottle at me and then… all I can remember is rain and now I'm here." She stopped for breath, looked at Grissom for the first time that night with tears streaming down her face. I guess I managed to find the way here. "He has my purse, so I had no money for a hotel. I had no car. I didn't know where else to go." Sobs racked her frail body as she finally broke down. Grissom leapt into action, pulling her into a gentle yet reassuring hug.

"Shhh honey. You did great. I won't let him get you here. You can stay as long as you need to, okay? We agreed his morning to be friends, this is what friends do." He bit his tongue to stop the three words he was dying to say from slipping out. "Not the time Gil!" he thought to himself. "She's been through hell and back." Nevertheless, Grissom hugged her closer, reassuring himself too that Nick was out of the picture. He stroked her hair softly as she sobbed even harder. Hours seemed to pass as he clung to her, inhaling her scent as if was the only thing keeping him alive and slowly stroking her damp hair. Her sobs had stopped, but he still held her.

A loud beep made Grissom jump. He looked at Sara before looking at his pager. She had fallen asleep, her tearstained face peaceful. He scoop her up in his arms, feeling shocked at how light she felt. He carried her to his bed and laid her down gently. Tucking her in, it took all the self restraint Gil had not to lie with her, holding her close so that she had him there when the nightmares began to kick in. He looked at his pager again, still not quite reading the message, as he left the room, glancing back longingly at the woman he loved. One final look at his pager made the colour drain from his face and true to the message; there was a knock on the door.

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"Gris? Can I come in?"

"Nick, now's not a great time, I was about to go and get some groceries. Maybe later, okay?"

"Grissom, don't fuck with me right now I know she's here! And don't say you don't know who I mean!" This stopped Grissom's question instantly. "This is the only place she would go; everyone else would send her home!" Nick pushed his way into the living room and looked around. "Where is she?!"

"Nick, I'm telling you, she's not here."

"Bullshit Grissom! That's her suitcase! Where is she? Tell me Grissom, I'm her husband, not you!"

A shocked silence filled the room. Nick glared at Grissom. Grissom glared at Nick. A stranger observing would never have guessed that these two men used to be like father and son. Grissom's hands balled into fists at his side, Nick's imitated perfectly. Recognising danger, Grissom decided to be perfectly honest with the young man in front of him.

"She's sleeping now Nick. Just…just let her sleep. She needs time to heal from what you did to her."

"Where's she sleeping?" Nick stormed up to where he remembered Grissom's bedroom to be after one particularly drunken poker game a few months back. He looked in at Sara but didn't move towards her at first. He fell silent as he watched her chest rise and fall peacefully. The sense of reverence filling the room seemed to smother all bad emotion coming from all three people. Grissom held his breath as Nick approached Sara quietly, his face set with deep concentration not to frighten her. The heavy duvet on Grissom's bed covered all but the bare shoulders from her shoulder-less sweater and her bruised face. Reaching out to touch her face, he heard a throat being cleared behind him. As he left the room, he rounded on Grissom angrily.

"Why is my wife in your bed? Why is my fucking wife in your fucking bed? Why did you try to hide my own wife from me, my wife that you have been staring at ever since you came back from England? Don't bother denying it Grissom; did you think I hadn't noticed you assigning her to every one of your cases? That you took every opportunity to touch her when she was near you? I'm not blind Grissom! You know, you've got some nerve helping her now, do you know what she did when you left? She fell to pieces Gris, she didn't sleep, she wouldn't eat, she drank herself into a coma twice and her name was the first word she spoke when she woke up!" Nick stopped, savouring the shocked look on Grissom's face. He knew that these words were the only thing that would hurt Grissom the way he deserved to hurt. The man in front of him sank to his knees, his hands trembling. Nick was determined to break him. "Gris, I went to check on her once and found her handing from a curtain pole. She nearly died and you didn't care. I thought she'd let you go if she found someone so I stepped in. Why? Because I wanted to be there for her while you sat in your comfortable bubble in England with Elsie. She used me to get to you, you know. The two women I love both love you and you lounge back and enjoy it! Then Sara tells me you kissed her! What the fuck Gris? Just take back Elsie and leave me with my wife."

Nick stopped and walked shakily back over to the bedroom to look at Sara sleeping peacefully. Grissom stayed on the floor, his mind racing. He had seen the deep scar on Sara's neck, why hadn't he asked about it? Did Sara really do all those things because of him? And then he just continued to hold her just close enough to enjoy himself but still at arm's length? What sort of monster did that to the woman he loved? He could have lost her when he was away and he didn't know a thing about it. None of the guys ever spoke about the time when he was away, was this why? He clawed his way up the wall back onto his feet. He glared at Nick's slightly shaking back as he quietly sobbed.

"Get out of my house." Nick whirled around angrily to meet a face contorted with hatred. "I don't care if she's your wife. I love her and I swore to protect her from you. You hurt her more than I could ever do and it was intentional. Get out Nick or I swear to god I won't be responsible for my actions!" Nick remained where he stood. Grissom brought himself up to his full height, his blue eyes unrecognisable as they smouldered with anger.

"Nick! Get the fuck out of my house!" Nick finally moved towards the front door.

"I'll be back for my wife, just you see!"

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The loud bang as Nick slammed the door could have been heard for miles around. Hearing a whimper, Grissom ran towards his bedroom to find Sara sat up, her face terrified.

"Gris? What was that? Was it him…?" Grissom strode towards her as tears began to drip down her face again. He wrapped his arms around her, attempting to comfort her with his warm body. He felt her relax into his chest as he exhaled deeply.

"Shhhh honey, it's alright. He's gone, I won't let him come anywhere near you, okay? You deserve better than him. It'll all work out, just you wait." Before he knew what he was doing, the three words that had almost escaped him hours ago finally made a successful run for the open air. "I love you."

Grissom closed his eyes. Why? Why did he say that now? He was about to let Sara go free from his hug when she wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered into his ear, "I love you too Gris. I always have and always will" She pulled back from his chest and gazed into his ocean blue eyes, a smirk on her face. "I realise I've asked this once before but this time might be different; Do you want to sleep with me?" Grissom let out a low chuckle and swung his legs up onto the bed, resting his body beside hers.

"Of course." He pulled her close to him, letting his exhaustion take over him. At the same time, Sara snuggled into the chest she had dreamed about for years, smiling contently. He was right, it would work out fine. With this happy thought, she drifted off into peaceful, happy dreams, the nightmares gone for the first time since he left. He'd figured it out in time after all, who'd have known?

The end.

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Again, please R&R. I may write an epilogue if anyone wants one, but they may want to tell me how first!