Pretending
Being a teenager is hard for anybody. You're not a kid, not an adult; you're stuck in the middle and you always feel misunderstood. You feel like no one knows what you are going through or generally cares. You learn to bottle it up and don't let too many people get to close to you. But nineteen year old Amara had a bigger "problem." She wasn't boy crazy nor showed any interest in boys. Her eyes always drifted another way when a nice-looking boy passed and other girls swooned. It gave her a sick feeling in her stomach. She often wounded if something was wrong with her.
As far as she could remember she had a dear friend named Michelle. They have been inseparable since Pre-K and hung out almost every day even before Amaras parents died. They told each other everything, except one thing. Amara has hidden if from Michelle for years because she was scared to even try to say it to the ocean-eyed beauty. She worried Michelle would look at her differently. She was scared that all the years they spent together would become nothing, nothing but dust in the wind. This was because the truth was that Amara was in love with her best friend, Michelle, who was engaged to her high school sweetheart.
On a crisp autumn day one like you find in fairy tales and love stories, Amara spent her days tinkering in Michelle's father's garage. This was where were she kept her "baby," her racing motorcycle. Here she was slightly swooning to the gentle melody of a violin, which was played from the submarine blue-eyed women she secretly adored, her face puzzled in an unreadable expression.
Michelle looked away from her music and smiled at her. "What are you thinking about?" She asked, her eyes intent. Amara shook her head, running her hand through her already wind tossed hair. "I know," She smirked.
"Then what is that?" The tomboy huffed almost in a snap. Michelle put down her violin and smoothed her blue tea-length dress that complimented her eyes greatly as she walked over and started rubbing Amaras shoulders.
"You're worried about finals coming up, aren't you?"
Amara sighed in relief and clenched her teeth. "Yeah I guess," She said through them, glaring at the diamond on her friend's left hand, and the other didn't seem to notice.
"Don't worry, you'll be fine," Amara nodded and crossed the garage to her motorcycle and got on. "Here," Michelle said, handing Amara her helmet. She took it and put it on. "You know you worry me without your helmet,"
Amara nodded and hit the kick-start and the engine roared to life. "I'll be back later," She said, and drove out of the garage. Michelle watched her leave, her mind swimming with confusion. "What's on your mind Amara?"
Speed has always been the answer for Amara ever since she was a small child. After a while of riding she pulled over to a sunset beach and sat in the sand, her helmet cradled in her crossed legs. She loved the ocean, not just because of the sunset-painted beaches and endless stretches of sand. It's because in the every drop of salty water, she felt like she was staring into Michelle's eye's endlessly gazing, imaging her gazing into hers with the same intent passion. A dream, nothing more.
About an hour later she rode back to the garage, her mind still swimming as she steadily road in, and she growled to herself when she was Michelle's boyfriend Gavin's car in the driveway.
"Hi, Amara," Michelle greeted as Amara walked in and took off her jacket; she waved it off with a quick wave of her hand and booked it to her room next to Michelle's. Michelle looked at her fiancée and he nodded, knowing what she meant. He better go. So he gave her a kiss and left quickly. Michelle went to Amaras room and saw her start to pack.
"Amara, where are you going?" She sighed. Amara didn't look at her, not wanting her to see her tear-dampened eyes.
"The University," She started and stopped, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. "I've stayed long enough," Michelle walked over and set a hand on Amaras shoulder.
"Amara-," She shrugged it off and continued to pack. "Why do you get like this whenever he's around?"
Amara glared, but didn't look at her. "I don't like him," She finally said. Michelle tried to get in front of her. She did the unthinkable; she kissed her full on the lips. Michelle stood there rigidly, not fully understanding what was going on.
"That's what he did, he took my chances away from me forever to be with you, a secret I kept forever unable to tell you. I loved you before I even knew what love even was, Michelle," Michelle stood there letting the new knowledge sink in.
"Amara-,"
Amara cut her off. "Save it, you're engaged," She picked up her backpack and booked it to the front door and to the garage. Michelle stood there stunned and she snapped out of it when she heard Amaras bike kick to life. She ran to the window and watched her speed off. Her heart was heavy with sadness. She sunk to her knees and stared at the window, feeling guilty she never noticed. In two months she and her Gavin will be married. They already have preparations and arrangements and Amara drops this on her. She felt like her life was falling in.
For those long two months Michelle didn't see the tomboy, all the time all she did was think about her what she said and the hurt she saw in her eyes. Even when she was with her fiancé, all she thought about was her and that hurt her, but she didn't want to hurt him. She tried to call her but it only went to voicemail. She tried to email and Amara wouldn't respond. What was she going to do?
In a flash the day came, there Michelle was standing before the mirror in her long white gown and veil, her heart heavy.
"Michelle are you ready?" Her Mother asked. Michelle looked to her Mother with a rigid smile and nodded. "Oh, it's just nerves, love, you'll be just fine," She nodded. "Your Father is waiting,"
The older women walked over and lowered her vail. "You look beautiful. I'm so proud to be your Mother on this day. Where is Amara?"
Michelle faked a smile. "She says she couldn't make it, she gives best wishes,"
"Odd," The older women then nodded and led her to where her Father waited. The older man smiled at her and took her hand in his elbow and led her down the aisle. When she was her soon-to-be husband, her heart sank. She couldn't do this. Gavin took her hands offered from her Father and smiled. She faked a smile trying not to discourage him, but when the priest got to the vows, that's when she couldn't take it anymore.
"Do you Michelle take this man to be your offal wedded husband?"
She stood there for a moment and shook her head tears welling up in her eyes. "No," She croaked.
Gavin gasped, as well as most of the witnesses. The priest stood stunned.
"I can't do this Gavin,"
"What do you mean you can't do this? He asked quickly, like his heart was going to burst from his chest.
"I can't marry you,"
He gritted his teeth and nodded, his calm expression hiding the pain. "You decided then,"
Michelle nodded. "Yes," She kissed his cheek. "Just know I will always love you, even if it's not the way you want it to be," He nodded again and watched her run off and out of the church, hearing the spectators muttering disapproval as she exited quickly.
"Where is she going?" His mother hollered.
He smiled. "To her real love,"
Michelle ran down the stone steps of the church and in to the waiting car that was supposed to be the ride to the reception, but using it as a getaway car works to.
"Where's your groom?" The driver asked.
"There is going to be no groom, step on it to Whitewater University,"
"Yes, Ma'am," The driver replied and drove off.
Sitting in the library, Amara sat staring at one of her auto books, seeing nothing. Her mind was too occupied with the thought of the wedding. She sighed giving up on studying for the day, and gathered her stuff. She was going to head back to her dorm and call it a night, her mind still swimming as she walks through the doors. When she walks outside she almost thought she was going to have a heart attack when she saw the person who was standing right in front of her. She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She just couldn't grasp the beauty who was standing before her in in that white dress. Breathtaking.
"I thought I'll find you here," Michelle said.
"What are you doing here?" Amara asked her voice now found. "Your wedding Gavin-,"
"I couldn't do it," She cut her off. Amaras heart flutters as Michelle approached her.
"What you mean you couldn't do it?"
"I can't marry him, Amara, because you haunt my dreams. You're there when you're not there. I hear your voice even when your miles away. I didn't understand what it meant but now I do. I love you, Amara, and I want to be with you until my sole crosses the great beyond,"
"But what about Gavin?" Michelle put a hand on Amaras face, the tomboy leaned into her touch.
"He understands," Amara smiled with joy and hugged her with all the love you could muster. Then she claimed that beautiful ocean of Michelle's eyes and her lips, savoring the taste.
Well, I guess dreams do come true.