10 Truths and a Lie
Harley Quinn
Contrary to popular belief, it's not always the quiet ones who end up crazy. Harley Quinn was never one to be quiet-at any time! She was a gossip who couldn't keep a secret if it would kill her. She was always the lead role in school productions, always out-cartwheeling the other girls in gymnastics and (most importantly) she always had to be right! The quiet ones may slowly slip into madness, but don't be fooled: Harley dived into it head-first screaming 'WEEEEEE' the whole way down!
Harley was never destructive as a child. Sure, she'd been known to throw a massive temper tantrum to mummy if she didn't get an ice-cream, but she would never hurt a fly! There are many forms of destruction: breaking items, splitting people and families apart and your everyday self-destruction of ruining your chance of a date with your crush and Harley was seemingly immune to them all. Well, until Mista J came along, that was.
Harley Quinn loathed make-up. She really and truly despised it. Other girls in her gym class would lather it on until their faces looked like a colouring book, but Harley would huff, stand up and leave. Dramatically, of course, while making it very clear that she thought of her 'friends' as 'whores'. When she first got a glimpse of Mista J's full get-up she had to physically hold down the bile that was threatening to surface in response to his deranged appearance. When she got a glimpse of her own make-up was another story. From that day forward she vowed never to look in a mirror again. As it turns out, looking in a mirror is a rather unavoidable task, so she stuck to just pretending it wasn't her face that was being spoiled and learnt to smile when people looked as shocked as she felt.
Fantastically abled psychiatrists are often hard to find, but you could certainly find one in Harley. She spent years in college slaving over boring textbooks and taking un-constructive criticism from all of her professors to finally emerge a fully registered psychiatrist with a side-line degree in psychology. To say she was proud would be an understatement.
Although she had a job most would kill (or be killed) for, Harley was rather unsatisfied. She really only took the job at Arkham for one reason- to make a name for herself through one of her clients. Sure, she loved being a run of the mill psychiatrist but a job at Arkham offered so many possibilities that she'd be a fool not to take advantage of, so take advantage she did. Or, at least, she tried to: her plan was to get a hard-hitting interview with one of the many psychotic serial killers in the building and then sell the story for a few bucks and a title that would secure her as one of the most brilliant psychiatrists of all time. That was until The Joker came along, anyway. For as much as he claims to love her, Mista J sure does put a dampener on her life at times. Still, there can be no light without darkness, and Mista J is all darkness, without a doubt.
Harley never understood why Mista J put so much effort into a scheme when an idiot a mile away could see that failure was imminent. Come on, a piranha tank? The Bat had a full suit of armour reinforced with latex and an electric shock delivery system; those little fishies didn't stand a chance! Harley was starting to wonder if the scariest part of any of The Joker's schemes was the sadistic looking smiley faces plastered at the scene of every (failed) crime. She almost felt bad for Batsy- if The Joker was so insistent on calling him down every week, he should at least put up a better fight!
Harley Quinn was by no means a prude, but every time Mista J touched her felt like her first time, and not in a good way! Harley was a self-assured, sexy woman who wore a latex black and red playsuit all day, for God's sake, she was more than capable of seducing a man, yet for some unknown reason, she could barely get a word out when he looked at her. Most of the time she could barely move when he touched her, and she was practically placid during the act which was supposed to set her body on fire and reduce her to a whimpering mess. Instead of exciting her, his eager thrusts would only leave her sore and his animalistic growling only made her shudder. Harley loved her Mista J, but the love making was all a big joke of which she was the punch line, and that hurt.
It was obvious that Harley found slightly insane men attractive, but the Joker wasn't the only object of her fancy. As much as she hated to admit it, she found a cape and a mask much more arousing than globs of make-up and custom made purple suits. Robin, you ask? Not if he were the last man on earth! Batman? HA! As if she could ever love that big, blundering, undeniably handsome idiot. That would be a fool's errand, and Harley Quinn was no fool.
Harley Quinn enjoyed her descent to insanity and it had nothing to do with The Joker. People would shake their heads in shame and disbelief that The Joker had captured another defenceless victim, while Harley would just laugh at the close-mindedness of people. Did they really think that she was that corruptible? Fat chance! In truth, Harley had submitted herself to madness to avoid hard questions and society's judgement. For as strong as she was, Harley couldn't stand to have a bad word spoken against her, and if everyone knew that a respectable psychiatrist had fallen in love with her patient, she would be forever ridiculed. That, on top of the stresses of her father's release out of jail, made her only too aware that her life was a mess. Madness simply gave her a free pass, a rostered day off.
Poison Ivy was Harley's best friend and constant companion behind bars at Arkham, but out in the real world, Harley would shun her. Perhaps it was her former belonging in her gymnast 'in' crowd during High School that made her constantly concerned about who she surrounded herself with, or it could just be self-preservation. A point can be made that Ivy is nothing compared to The Joker, but love has been known to make a person crazy and if her old gang could see her now, she'd take the insanity plea and run. She had a reputation to maintain after all, and once she was declared 'sane' by the nurses at Arkham she would be out in the real world and never look back. A fresh start is a perfect way to go about belonging in society again and Harley was not going to spoil hers by joining the 'circus.'
Harley Quinn most certainly does not have a newspaper clipping of Batman stashed under her mattress. She is faithful to her Joker, doodling 'Mista J + Harley 4Eva' on every free block of wall space she gets. She certainly does not spend late nights dreaming about a man sheathed in black or obsessing over his hazel eyes which feel like they are staring straight into her soul. She loves Mista J, and when she gets out of the Asylum they will run off together to start a new life. She will certainly not miss the dark gaze of a handsome vigilante and she will definitely not try to cause any mayhem which might result in his interference. 'Harley Quinns' and 'Batmans' just don't belong in the real world together, and Harley is nothing if not a realist. However, if you were to find the picture, if it did exist of course, then maybe you'd know Harley's greatest secret of all.