Skyscraper – Series: 5th installment Stars Ascending
(Solace, Sanctuary, Stay, Skyscraper)
Prompt: Getting Married
Written to: Skyscraper: Boyce Avenue
Skyscraper
A successful marriage requires falling in love over and over again,
always with the same person. – Mignon McLaughlin
The blue tails of his bandana whipped around his head, lashing him across his cheek and catching on his neck. He didn't care. His face was numb from the cold, the wind beating him with such fury he almost wondered if Raph wasn't controlling the weather. His lip quivered at thought of his brother, his frown deepening. He was failing them.
Had failed them.
Made so many mistakes.
The resident pain in his chest stabbed him with every inhale. He never knew anything could hurt like losing his father. Until he lost Karai too. He flinched at mere thought of her name, though her face was a permanent impression he saw every time he closed his eyes. From her molten honey-gold irises to the beauty mark beneath one, her full bottom lip, and the way she'd tasted, sweet and spicy. His mouth watered, his heart dipping and rising. Every detail, clear as if she were still there.
Where she belonged.
With him.
What was it about her that he'd let in, so hard, so fast, so fully? What had he opened himself up to? And why hadn't he fought harder to stop it? He should've. Should've known he could never have this. Silly notions such as love weren't meant for mutants. Though the woman he adored was partly one. But that hadn't stopped her from leaving. Their connection, their bond, one that even she hadn't denied, couldn't keep her there.
No, she wanted more.
Able to shift to human form as she was, she deserved everything she wanted, better than him perhaps. Someone capable of providing her more than the nothing he had to offer.
He bowed his head, gaze falling to the red bricks beneath his feet. He shouldn't be up here, leaning against the glass shield that kept others from falling or worse jumping to their deaths. Protection he'd thwarted like a child climbing a chain-link fence.
He rubbed his plastron, desperate to ease the ache. This long enduring pain was worse than being broken by Shredder. It was ever-present all-consuming, mind-numbing, a searing burn in his heart, a spot his body shielded so he couldn't properly rub to ease the hurt.
And he'd done everything he knew to be rid of it.
Of her.
Training left him missing his best sparring partner.
Reading pointless. The endless supply of romances supplied by April were absurd. Nothing he could relate to. Frustrating strange stories, all of them with happy endings.
Even meditation was useless for the first time in his life. All he'd seen were visions of her, some memories, intimate ones, the small of her back, the silk of her skin, her lips parted as she cried his name. How his blood burned, his ears ringing as if he could still hear her.
He'd been so sure she loved him.
That it was real and true and lasting.
Then the plane lifted off, taking all that he thought he knew and carrying it high above his world of skyscrapers; leaving him behind, lower than the stench of sewer he called home. He leaned against the glass, his reflection a bizarre stretch of misshapen green and blue, blurry for some reason. His muscles were stiff in the cold, ached for the warm touch of smooth, skilled fingers. He'd probably never feel or see her again.
The city below was a distorted stretch of lights, smatterings of stars below rather than above. Even the world was upside down.
How long did things like this take?
To get over the hurt.
Surely, it should be fading or something. Maybe he was sick.
He sighed, sensing a new presence behind him. She was getting better. A momentary smile crossed his lips. The strong scent of shampoo carried to him, giving her away. "So, they're sending you now?" He didn't even look at her, keeping his eyes on the streets below. Bumper to bumper traffic, headlights and taillights, the flash of blue and red, the yellow of a tow truck. It was all so… pointless.
"You're not answering your phone." April ignored his comment, not hesitating to scold him. "Your brothers and I have been out looking everywhere for you. Why would you come here? I mean it's the Empire State Building, you know you could be seen."
He flashed her a melancholy smile, his eyes darting toward the door marked off with caution tape just behind her. "Closed for repairs. Just like me. But I don't know the cure for this."
"Oh, Leo." She plopped down beside him, rested her head against his shoulder. "I don't know that I do either. I mean, they say time is the fix for a broken heart. But, it's been almost a year." She patted his arm, brief fleeting taps of warmth.
Why did she have to be the one to find him? What did she know of this awful, endless suffering? She and Donnie were at last a thing, going strong. In fact, being anywhere near either of them kept him feeling gutted by their happiness. Then guilty for it, because in truth he wanted that for them. Was glad his brother found his true north, and she wasn't going anywhere.
Long seconds passed, the endless sound of wind muffling out their quiet breaths.
"Your hurt radiates off you in waves, Leo. You've lost weight, you're distant. Maybe-" she hesitated and he braced for whatever she might say next. "Maybe it's time to let go. Move on."
He straightened, bumping the back of his head on the glass with an audible thump. "First of all, as if I've got a line-up of options. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And this is messed up, I know. I should just get over it, over her. But she won't get out of-" He stopped, dropped his gaze to the center of his plastron then back out the glass.
April rubbed his forearm, as if she were soothing a wound. All she was doing was haunting him with echoes of a woman's skin and reminding him love was possible for them. Just not him. She opened her mouth, hesitating before she asked, "Have you heard from her?"
He huffed a pathetic sound. "All the time at first. Then the calls stopped and there were only texts and emails. She quit answering when I called her. She'd only respond to writing. Then last month-" He shrugged. "Nothing."
"Well, I do- talk to her. She's got the Foot under her control now, in Japan, and Shini has it covered for her here. Maybe she's coming home soon." April reached for his hand, gave it a squeeze. "Leo, I really think she still loves you."
He cringed even as he was stricken with jealousy that Karai would talk to April and not him. Why? Especially if she loved him the way April said. This wasn't helping.
Then his jaw unhinged and he burst out, unsure of what was going to spill out of him. "What was I thinking? It's not like we were ever getting married or anything. I mean it's stupid right?" The idea that he was become an emotional nightmare scared him. But life seemed to just pile it on, taking his father, Karai leaving, his brother's finding love and doing well. Where did that leave him? Gutted and hurting while Karai did who knows what? How happy was she? Was it easy for her to just move on? He swallowed a lump in his throat. Had she? Was that why she quit talking to him?
He rubbed his face. What had he done to himself?
April slowly pulled her hand back, getting to her feet. "Whoa, Leo, do you realize what you just said?" He looked at her, now standing over him, arms crossed, but judging by the sad turn of her mouth her posture was more to keep herself warm than in frustration. "Why didn't you tell anyone how serious things had gotten between you?"
His jaw shifted as he swallowed words of confession, words that would proclaim just how close they'd been, and what it had meant to him. What had he said?
A sharp red eyebrow lifted. "You mentioned getting married. Why- what would make you think about something so serious? And with Karai of all people. She's hardly the marrying type."
"Hold up. I'm not?"
Leo's heart ground to a halt, his blood chilling then heating at sound of Karai's voice. "What?" He scrambled to his feet, searching the shadows before finding the silhouette of her in the darkened doorway. Behind the yellow tape. All at once he didn't know what to think or feel. "How? When? Why?"
April flashed him a guilty look. "I think you two have a lot to talk about, so I'm going to just-" She backed toward the door, exchanged a knowing look with Karai. Then he heard her whisper. "Good luck."