A Journey Starts With One Foot Forward
Dark of Light
The Hogwarts Express left at precisely eleven o'clock. And Sirius was late, yet again. He had just seconds to board the train and, with a jump, both he and his luggage, including his owl, made it across. He ran down the corridor of the train, searching for James, his best friend who was practically his brother, and, if he was honest with himself, he was searching for Remus too. But he hated being honest with himself. It only brought back the painful memory of when he had tried to tell his parents.
"No son of mine is going to be involved with males! I won't have such a creature in my house! Monster! Abomination! I despair at the very look of you! Unworthy Black! Oh, you torture your mother with your cruel ways! Lock him in the basement Kreacher!" His mother screamed at him.
"Sirius, you will marry whoever we tell you regardless of this…abnormality, to be polite. If you tell anyone, ANYONE, at all, you will never again set foot in this house of mine." His father said before turning away, refusing to speak to him.
The memory was like a swift knife to the gut that was quickly dragged upwards, until it came to the bottom of his chest. His heart panged as he thought of his family. Cruel tyrants they were, but they were still a part of him. Without them, he would not exist and they made him what he is today. Though, he wished he wasn't so handsome, as a female from Gryffindor waved at him and giggled to herself. How could she not get it?
"Siri, we're in here!" Remus called from down the corridor, grinning at the sight of Sirius.
"Remi! I'm coming, mate." Sirius was the only one privileged enough to call Remus Remi. And only Remus could call Sirius Siri. It was their thing.
He grinned and sat back down. Sirius came trudging in with his luggage and hoisted it over Remus's head. He looked around at his seating options and realised that he had to sit next to Remus. What luck, he thought to himself. It was bad enough sleeping in a bed near Remus, let alone sitting next to him. Especially when he hadn't been able to fully…enjoy himself all summer thanks to his mother locking him in the basement.
"Siri, what's wrong?" Remus looked at him, his eyes filled with concern and his face in a frown. It was like he could read his mind.
"Aww, you guys are like lovebirds with the short nicknames for each other. Soon you'll be going out and walking around holding hands and quoting poetry to each other…." James wouldn't stop taunting them and he conjured a flower out of thin air.
"Remus loves Sirius, Remus loves Sirius not. Remus loves Sirius, Remus loves Sirius not. Remus loves Sirius!" James was happy to discover after picking off the last petal that Remus did, in fact, love Sirius.
Remus and Sirius simply looked at each other. They were pretty much reading each other's minds; who would hex him first?
Sirius whipped out his wand and shouted out a hex, the notorious hex of 'langlock'. This caused James's tongue to be stuck to the roof of his mouth, forcing him to stop taunting the two of them.
"Let's discuss this in the bathroom." Sirius knew this would only cause James's imagination to run wild but things had to be settled. James knew all about Sirius and about his secret crush too. Peter was too delicate to hear such things. It was Remus who deserved to be told.
"Tell me what happened." Remus simply stared at Sirius. He expected this to be of incredible importance. But what he heard was not what he expected at all.
"Remi…I'm gay." Sirius couldn't face him as he said it, so he turned away.
"I'm sorry, who are you and what have you done with the womaniser Sirius Black who has slept with every girl in every house besides the girls who don't want to lose it?" Remus taunted Sirius, certain that Siri was pulling his leg.
"Remi, I'm telling the truth. Those girls were to make sure that I was after guys. Or A guy, anyway. I couldn't get it up unless I was thinking about a guy. One guy in particular." Sirius looked at the floor, ashamed.
"Sirius it doesn't matter that you're gay. Nothing to be ashamed of mate. Who's the guy? We'll come up with a plan." Remus smiled at him, not bothered at all by this shocking revelation.
"Remus….my crush is you, Remi. I'm in love with you." Sirius stared into Remus's hazel eyes, his mesmerising eyes, the ones he could not help but get lost in.
It seemed like too much to ask for, that Remus would admit it straight back. As it was, Remus stared at him in horror and in disgust before turning on his heels and storming back to the compartment. Sirius sat on the bathroom floor and cried. He had poured his heart out and had been worse than rejected. The look on Remus's face said it all; he would never be able to look at Sirius again. Sirius had lost everything that mattered to him. Remus was the one that got him through each summer at his parent's house. Remus was the one that made all the suffering worthwhile. Without Remus, what would make Sirius survive?
Like they say, there is nothing worse than unrequited love.
Sirius managed to stop crying though his eyes were swollen and puffy, not to mention red. It was obvious he'd been crying but he didn't care. Soon, everyone would know why. He tried to slide back into the compartment but Remus seemed to find something to say to him.
"No, Sirius will find another compartment today." Remus didn't even look at him.
Sirius spun around and went straight back to the bathroom. He locked himself in a cubicle and slid to the floor, head in his hands. He began to cry again, worse than before.
How can one escape a nightmare that is all the more worse when it's reality?