Prologue

I don't think I could see anyone at this moment. Even if the conversation between Dimitri and I was private. I feel exposed… vulnerable. Anyone who would see me would be convinced that Liss was dead. And that's exactly how I felt. Dead.

I can't have people loving me. I'm incapable of loving anyone in return. I don't believe him. Not one bit. There's no way in hell that his feelings for me has suddenly turned off. Love can't be turned off. I've been through hell in the past year, yet my love for him seems to grow every single day.

I've given up on you. Love fades. Mine has. It's impossible. I... I... I just don't believe him! I did not just go through these past few months just for him to tell me to get going. It doesn't work that way. Our past is too strong to forget.

The night in the cabin was ultimately the best night of my entire life. He was my first everything. The moment I saw him that night they found Liss and I was the end. In the back of my head I already knew I was in for a new adventure.

Our first kiss, granted we were under a spell, but it's still a memory I don't want to forget. Every moment we spent together is stuck in my memories, all the way up to today. When he said that he no longer loves me.

I can't let go. I don't think I can see him every day knowing that he's giving up so easily. He's a quitter.

He's weak.

I'm leaving, I can't be here. I'm not going to sit around and watch him look at Liss like he used to look at me. It's just too much to handle. She's his savior and I'm nothing. A page in a book that he no longer wants to re-read. I'm nothing but a past issue. All the trouble of sneaking around wasn't worth it anymore. He doesn't see a future for us.

I don't want you here. And here is no longer my home. Where is home? I never had a home, if I was with Liss, I was okay. Where would I go? I have no place to go.

Could I leave? Am I strong enough to walk away from Liss? From him? I would be leaving her without a guardian, if I even ended up being her guardian. Who knows, I could be on desk duty for the rest of my life.

The real question is, am I running away out of the vampire community. Or will I continue my work someplace else. I can always ask for a charge far away. If Hans lets me.

You know what. Who the hell cares. He certainly doesn't. I think my time at Court is over. My life with Liss, Christian, Eddie, Mia, Adrian, and Dimitri is over. I need to leave before I can't my mind, before I let anyone change my mind.

No one can know. I'll just disappear into the night. Like I never existed.

The walk to Hans' office felt like a lifetime. The night air caused the hair on my body to rise from the cold. There wasn't anyone out, majority of the Moroi were in church along with some guardians. The only people around were a couple of guardians changing shifts.

My thoughts were all over the place before I realized Adrian was standing right in front of me. His soft hands were on my shoulders, positioning me so I wouldn't walk into him. Adrian pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around my waist. I wanted to respond to his hug, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not when I know I'll be leaving within the night.

Adrian finally pulled away from me, his hand still resting on my lower back. His green eyes peered deep into my eyes, as if he already knew what was going on. My poor Adrian. I never gave him the chance he deserved. I don't think I could ever give him what he wanted. I was to engrossed in Dimitri to see what was right in front of me… literally.

"Little Dhampir. Are you okay?" His dark eyebrows scrunched down into a frown, concerned he leads me to a bench off to the side. We sit side by side, shoulders slightly touching.

Adrian's touch always gave me butterflies, but his touch never gave me the spark I desperately desire. His spark.

"Yeah… Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just going to find Liss. I need to talk to her about something." The lie spilled out with ease. Almost as if I had no remorse… almost.

His eyes closed and a soft sigh came from his throat. "Rose… If this is about Dimitri-" I cut him off before he could even jump to talking about him.

"No! Adrian. I just… need to speak to Liss. Don't worry." Adrian's brown hair blew in the breeze as he was studying me. Oh, how much I'm going to miss him.

"All I do is worry about you Rose." The edges of my mouth curl up into a small smile. I feel as if he cares too much. If I stayed I don't think I could have the heart to hurt him. In the end, things wouldn't work out and it would hurt more if I waited.

"You don't need to worry. I promise. I'm fine." Slightly rising my voice to emphasize that I'm okay, even if I'm not. At this point I stopped looking him in the eyes. I can't handle telling him anymore lies. They just continue to build up in this short conversation.

I always told myself I could be honest with Adrian, but looking back at it. I've always had to tell him some sort of lie. Even when we first met. He always secretly knew Dimitri and I were in love and I always denied it.

I lied to him when I said I would give him a chance. I tried, I really did. He just isn't what I want. What I want doesn't love or want me and I must live with that.

"Anyways, I need to go. I'll see you soon alright?" With hopefulness in my voice. If I tell myself I'll come back one day, then it might happen. Once I've moved on.

"Alright Little Dhampir." He said with a small smile. I cover his hand with my own, a soft touch that I'm going to miss feeling. We stood up at the same time, turning towards each other. I leaned in to give him one last kiss on the cheek. A small gesture, but with so much meaning behind it.

Walking away from Adrian had to been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I know once he figures out I'm gone; he's going to replay that conversation and imagine what he could've said to make me stay.

To be honest, nothing anyone says will make me stay. He told me to stay away. And stay away is what I'll do.

With nothing else stopping me, I finally reached the guardian admin building. With all my manual labor, I know this building better than anyone.

Walking straight to Hans' office, his door is slightly ajar. Being the person I am, I pushed his door open with no warning.

Hans stood at the window, speaking on the phone. He turns towards me with a scowl on his face. Beside the window is a large old fashioned book case with tons of files on each of the eight shelves. In the middle of the room sat a large brown desk, a file sits in the middle sprawled out all over the desk.

His office is relatively small, "perks" of being a guardian.

"Alberta I'm going to have to talk to you later." A low voice came through the phone before Hans slams the phone back onto his desk.

"What do you want Hathaway?" He says, his voice deep with anger. "What could be so important to interrupt my call."

It takes me a moment to compose myself. Is this what I want? Hans continued to glare at me, impatiently.

"I know I won't be Liss' guardian and before you think I'm going to argue with you on this, I'd like to ask you for a charge outside the country." He looked shocked. I, Rosemarie Hathaway, caught the famous Hans Croft by surprise. In all his work in his field, I don't think he ever saw this coming.

The famous guardian mask we all possess pops back onto his face. That one exposed emotion reminds me that we aren't all careless. It's just how unfortunate we are. Dhampir's don't have the time to care, we must be strong for our charges. And right now, I care too much.

"Is this some kind of trick?" His voice is back to a hard, strong sound. He effortlessly walks over to his desk, opening the laptop sitting off to the side. He types something into the computer, out of my eye sight.

"No. I need to get away. Far, far away." I say, my voice slowly tuning out." He gives me one last glance before returning to the task at hand.

"Alright, well do you have an idea of where you would like to go?" I think long and hard about this. I knew there were many academies out in Russia, but do I want to go back to his home country?

"Russia." I say, finally making my decision. What would be the chances I would go to a city anywhere near his family.

"Alright Hathaway, there is an academy east of Moscow. It's off the map, just like St. Vladimir's. You will be stationed there, guarding Danielle Szelsky. You're lucky that I'm giving you a royal to look out for. I have all the faith in you. You will be required to mentor a student as well as work extra hours during the day time. There is a shortage of guardians out in Russia which means there won't be any time for fun and games."

I'm blessed. All that time for working leaves no time for my thoughts. My mind will be consumed with Danielle and my student. I don't think it could get any better than that.

From what I remember, Moscow is far away from Novosibirsk. Even further from Baia, Dimitri's hometown. Which means I won't be running into any Belikovs anytime soon.

I look down to my lap, hesitating to give an answer to Hans. My hands are fidgeting in my lap, showing how doubtful I am. My fingers continue to glide over each other as I think the plan over again.

Lissa will be left with some guardian she probably doesn't know. The best I can hope for is Serena recovering and taking my place.

My relationship with Liss will probably take a strain on it once the news of my departure spreads. She'll no doubt be angry and I'll be able to feel it. The moment I step off these grounds I'm going to have to shut her out. Leave her feelings and experiences to herself.

I've come so far with my shadow kissed abilities that I think I'll be up for the challenge. Emotionally, it'll be hard. Staying away from Liss and her mind, but it's for the best. I don't think I would last long seeing him through her eyes.

Plus, what would be the point of leaving Court if I am still experiencing everything through her. Our past cannot be forgotten and I hope she remembers that when it's time for me to come back.

A loud cough drags me out of my thoughts. I look up at Hans and see him staring at me, impatiently. He's waiting for my answer, I realize. Looking out the window I see a young Moroi with her parents, their guardian walking slightly behind.

Their lives are so simple. They go to school, not having to worry about giving their life to someone else. They're so oblivious to the guardian behind them. All the things he had to give up so he could keep them alive.

A soft sigh escapes my throat before I look back toward Hans. My decision has been made. I'm leaving. I don't know for how long, but I need to go. I have had so many arguments in my head, debating if this was the right decision. And it is.

"I accept your offer.