Pairings – Hermione Granger/ It's a secret
Rating – R
Summary – Hermione Granger comes home late from a business trip and is rudely interrupted by prank phone calls from someone who isn't quite a stranger. Scream is Hermione's favourite scary movie, what is yours?
Warnings - This story is HET/SLASH/YAOI (m/f, m/m pairing), so if you don't like it you should leave now. May contain coarse language, sexual content, rape and any other bad thing your mind and obviously mine came up with.
Disclaimer - Draco: bloody hell, what the hell was that Potter?
Harry: How am I supposed to know malfoy, I've never driven before!
Draco: Potter Stop, Stop the damn car Potter! Potter watch out!
Harry: what was that silver hexagon thingy?
Draco: I don't know, I HAVN'T SEEN THE BACK OF A STOP SIGN BEFORE! Jeez potter!
Harry: I guess this isn't the best time to tell him he has oil in his hair…
Draco: Ok, this may sound stupid but isn't the writer suppose to be giving a disclaimer here, instead of making us slash stars give an introduction…
Harry: Isn't that the most obvious question, with the most obvious answer?
Draco: well I didn't think so…Draco kiss's Harry
Snape: Oh can you two boy's just get on with the disclaimer…damn these young wizards with their bloody hormones now a days!
Draco & Harry: Yes professor Snape, right away…
Draco: I wonder if the writer realizes how long this is…
Harry: I wonder if Draco or better yet the writer knows what the disclaimer is…
Snape: Fine I'll do it you incompetent little wizards: The writer doesn't own anything to do with Harry potter, I thought it would have been a little obvious by now!
Writer: Well that's not entirely true …I mean, I do own this story and all the other ones I make, and I own the power to create what I want all of you characters to say! Mua ha ha ha evil laugh.
Reviews –
ArcadiaX091 – Aha, lmao. Thanks! I strive to be unique when it comes to my writing, so I hope you continue to read/review my fic's, because I look forward to hearing from you more! I also love writing comedies, because I love making people laugh & smile :
Mrs.AshleyFelton – Lmao, I bet. I hope it was unexpected in a good way:
aj – Thanks! Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of the movie to tell you the truth. Oh wow! Thanks! I love when people mention my username : Probably cause I love it so much!
cordyangel – Lmao! Props to me! Sometimes I like to walk around in circles and no one knows what I'm doing. Aha, yeah…I love being random :
Authors Note – Aha, so my beta and I needed to find an idea for me to write something about. All I have to say is…this fic was written all because we stood in her kitchen eating popcorn and making pizza.
Beta's Note – I quite like this story. Yes, quite a lot. I think you'll like it to, and I also think that you should go read & review my stories. Yes I do. Go now!
So let the magic begin…
One-Shot When A Not So Stranger Calls
It was late, nine-thirty-ish. Hermione Granger was entering her secured house she shared with her boyfriend. The wind howled and echoed as she dug through her Gucci purse for her keys. Her curly brown hair blew through the wind as she felt like she was being fallowed and watched since getting off work. She turned her key in the door, disappointed to find the house empty with no shoes in the front entrance. She sighed heavily knowing her homecoming was of no importance to her boyfriend. She looked up to see a welcome home banner on their upper staircase banister. It was slightly hanging in bad form as if it were put up days ago.
She swiftly closed the door behind her, and made sure to lock it. She jumped at hearing the phone ring and managed to hop out of her shoes, running to the kitchen. She answered the phone, "Hello, Hermione speaking!" Hearing nothing on the other end made her realize how parched she was. She tried again, incase she wasn't heard the first time. "Hello! Is anyone there?" Yet again all she got was static. Deciding no on was on the line she hung up.
Hermione slowly paced herself up the stairs after her long business trip. She relinquished in the feel of the soft carpet between her feet; relived not to be wearing anymore heels. She made it to her bedroom and placed her briefcase and jacket on her bed.
The bedroom was dark and the blinds were partly open. She leaned down, turning on a small white light that illuminated a good part of the room. She took her thin sweater off, revealing a tight pink thin-strapped blouse. Her nipples hard and noticeable; she slowly unbuttoned and unzipped her dress pants, sliding them to the floor. She twitched at the cool air hitting her body. Now standing in a tight blouse and fitted panties she reached for her phone, "Yes, whom may I ask is speaking?" Her heart began to race as no one answered. Hermione once again hung up. Holding the cordless phone in her hand she walked over to the window. Her fingers traced over the open folds of the blinds. Again the phone rang. A little on the angry side she answered with a tone, "Alright, who is this and what do you want?"
Her brows shot up in surprise as a voice replied; "You shouldn't stand by an open window half naked." Hermione swallowed hard. Someone was watching her.
"Hermione?" He questioned.
"Who is this?" She asked in a paranoid tone.
"It's Harry of course."
Hermione began to breathe easy at the recognition that it was one of her closest friends on the line. "…But how do you know I'm half naked?" she asked.
"Because I live across the street and it's not hard to notice." He replied with amusement.
"Right," she sighed with relief, "Well say goodbye to the free show" she said while shutting the blinds.
"No problem. I do happen to love my wife you know!"
Hermione laughed, "I know you do," she said in reply.
"So what are you doing this evening?" he asked her in curiosity.
"Well first I'm going to take a relaxing bubble bath, and then pray that my boyfriend comes home to join me."
Harry cooed, "I suspect it should be a hot night then!"
"Indeed." She agreed, hanging up the phone after saying, "Goodnight."
It wasn't long before the phone rang again. Hermione had made it into her bath and picked the cordless from the side of the tub. "You rang?" She said, imitating Lurch from The Adams Family; one of her and Harry's favourite muggle movies. Again static. "Alright, stop calling me to breathe on the phone!" she said, knowing it was not Harry again. She hung up and sunk her head under the warm water, trying to ignore the phone, which was continuing to ring.
It was now around eleven pm and Hermione was dressed in her silky pj's making popcorn. Her boyfriend was still not home and she suspected he would call at any moment to explain himself. She didn't understand why he was not home. He was usually so prompt. Almost right on que, her phone rang. "Hello my sexy lover! How are you?" She heard a small wheezing sound.
"Is your refrigerator running?"
Hermione didn't understand. In mock curiosity she answered truthfully, "Yes."
The voice replied, "Well then, you better go catch it!"
Hermione couldn't believe someone had actually called her to tell such a horrible joke. "Draco? Is that you?" She waited…
"Who is Draco?"
She listened to the voice with more depth, "Right, well…stop calling." She was about to hang up but…
"Your popcorn is burning!"
Her heart started to pound, her hands felt clammy. She was nervous. "And how would you know that?"
The guy cleared his voice, "Because…"He breathed like a retard moaning, "I can smell it burning on the stove."
"Well that's funny…"
"Why is that funny?"
"Because, I am using the microwave, dumb-ass!"
The voice snickered, "Right. Of course…muggles own those."
"Yes…so discontinue being a creeper and stop calling!"
"I can't do that…"
"And why is that?" Hermione asked politely.
"Because, aha, err, what's your favourite scary movie?"
"You called to ask me questions?"
"Just answer, or I'll gut you like a fish"
"Well that's original. Yah know it's only fair that I get to ask you questions in return, so may I ask…what is your IQ?"
"Yeah, I like HIQ"
"Moron. I asked your IQ level, not if you liked the game HIQ!"
"So what's your favourite scary movie?"
"Jeez… one tracked mind or what?"
"Yeah. Pretty much."
"Fine. Scream. It's predictable, entertaining, and in the end I win."
"Well that's lame."
"Listen sketch-bag! Stop calling and go home to mommy!" Hermione again would have hung up, but the lights in her place switched off. Being only one switch to that room, she knew the stranger was in the house. "Draco, please…your scaring me!"
"That's what I like to hear, but I'm not Draco."
"Then who are you?"
"I'm not telling!" he said as he flicked on the patio lights, "Look outside. Proof that I am not Draco and why your boyfriend isn't home right now protecting you."
Hermione slowly crept to the patio doors, scared out of her mind. She looked out to see her boyfriend Ron fucking her friend and his enemy, Draco Malfoy. They fucked like lovers on the edge of the pool deck. "Ok, that is only slightly alarming." She said as she flicked the patio lights off, leaving the two to do as they please.
Hermione looked around her over sized house wondering where the intruder could be. She hurried up the stairs trying to make it to her bedroom. She tripped as a strong grip got hold of her ankle. Now she was really alarmed. This man was going to try and kill her. She started to kick hard knocking the man in a Death Eater suit down the stairs completely. Ouch, she thought as she continued up the stairs, running down her small hallway and into her bedroom where she looked the door.
She then went over to her bed peeling her clothes off one by one. She was now naked and lying on her bed. She took the silk sheets and wrapped them around her body, still showing skin but making herself look less vulnerable and more in control.
Her head turned quickly to see the man she had kicked down the stairs enter the open window. "It's about time you got here." She spoke softly.
The man revealed his face from the cloak, a crooked nose, "Well if you hadn't pushed me down a flight of stairs I probably would have caught you sooner love."
"Sorry." She beamed.
The tall man stalked forward undressing himself slowly as to torture his girlfriend. "I've missed you."
"I missed you too Severus." Hermione giggled, pulling his now naked body closer to her own. He hovered over her, leaning down and pushing her flat on her back to the bed. He grazed her cheeks with his hands, kissing her lips. When he pulled apart he asked, "So how did you like the game this evening?"
She smiled genuinely, "It has been the best one in a long time. It really got me going, if you know what I mean…"
"…Oh, I know what you mean." He replied, kissing her from her forehead down to the crook of her bellybutton. "So how do you think the boys are?"
"I think the lovers are doing just fine. And I think you should continue what you were doing before I go completely insane. Do you realize how long it's been for us?"
"Let me think…" Severus thought, "A whole day?"
"Don't tease! That's a very long time when your boyfriend is a total sex god!"
"I don't know if I would say that…I mean, without you, there really is nothing there." He smirked.
"You always know the right thing to say…" She gasped at the end of her words, moaning at the feel of Severus's ministrations.
"Our little sex games seem to entice the pleasure, don't they? What do you think we should do for our next Friday night sex game?"
"I don't know. Maybe, Pirates Of The Caribbean?"
Severus looked at her shocked. And couldn't believe what he was about to do next. He so uncharacterized of himself began to laugh, "Hermione…you bring out the best of me. I am sure the boys will find that next game kinky, enticing and pleasurable. Maybe Harry and Ginny will have time to join in more. Good pick."
"Severus…shut up, and make love to me now!"
He smirked at knowing that he had made her wait long enough. Tonight they would celebrate with their usual sex game, and tomorrow… just make love because they're horny, in love and can.
Author's Note – Hey friends…I am so excited for reviews right now! I hope everyone liked this crazy one-shot! I know I've done a lot of funny fic's, but I don't think I have done one in the shape of a one-shot before. Not crazy-funny anyway! Reviews are welcomed!