Criminals and Innocents and the
Apple they ate.
So here I am... in the dock. The faces stare at me one by one, each with skepticism and anger in their faces. They look at me as a criminal, as a rebel, as a scum. And to hell with it all they're completely right that's exactly what I am. There's no denying it.
My Lawyer persuaded me to plead "Not Guilty" for some reason he's got it into his head to win the biggest court case in history. He's good, that's for sure, but I know he can't win it for me. Really he's just out for the name.
It was a dark dull morning when I awoke. The same as it was every morning, dark skies with a gun under my pillow, it's a wonder I never set it off in my sleep, because I could swear I woke up some mornings with my finger round the trigger.
I always had a thing with guns. Right from when I was small it was the gun I wanted, not the teddy bear or the dummy. I'd seen too much Robocop and Terminator to be a normal little kid, and besides the kids near me were all the same. I remember once. Bobby bringing in his father's gun for Show and tell, boy did he get it.
But that's not what matters. What matters is whether they've got the guts to become the gangsters or not. Whether they have the guts to do what they're told for money, and whether they have the guts to bump off the people who tell them what to do - for money. Whether they have the skill, the luck and the brains to get out of a shoot out alive.
I was lucky in my education. We weren't a rich family but we had enough to get by. I guess really when I actually did some work I was their little treasure. I did brilliantly in Maths and Science and PE but slumped Art and Geography and English. The state seemed to find me above average so they sent me off to some specialist school for brainiacs and nobends. Well naturally I didn't get on. I spent a few years there lazing about, I got my exams way before my time... heh I suppose I was quite a bright kid now I come to think of it. Things could have been so different if I hadn't punched that kid for the sixth time in a row. Heck he deserved it calling me common and homo and all that shit. I'd punch him again if I met him.
Well after getting thrown out of that dustpan I told my mummy what I really wanted to be. A soldier. Had an argument with my dad, finally that asshole got fed up with his office job one night got drunk went out and shot himself. After that I could do what I liked.
So off I went to military school. Excelled in pretty much everything is what they said. Really all it means is that I can aim a gun and hit a cross, it ain't difficult and anyway when you're trying to waste a real person its entirely different. For a start in Gang wars you can never be sure whether you're slugging innocents the FBI or gang members. But the advantage is they feel the same way and you can see it in their eyes, when I see the mark that's when I shoot. Silenced 9 millimeter to the head and they're down.
When I was with the feds they told me to always shoot twice but myself I like to wait until I get them in the head which usually I get first time. Its such an easy target, round it sticks up above the neck, you'd have thought Darwin designed us to get shot.
Anyway, so of course it started with bribes that I accepted from gang members. Then bit-by-bit I got contacts in the underworld Zaibatsu, Rebels, the Russian Mafia, the lot of them are always drunk on some kinda weed. And one day I simply resigned from the Feds and Military and bought a flat in the city. That's where I was when it all began.
The phone rang and wearily I picked it up. I didn't think that it would be anything impressive, just someone telling me they'd gotten held up with the doe or something, or Jonny had been shot or whatever and did I want to take over from him temporarily for the week? You know that kinda shite, the small jobs that you can wipe your ass with. These movie stars go around with their big cars and rich fucking country houses and act in their movies as if gangsters spend all their time trying to rob fucking Fort Nox. Well I can tell you it ain't like that. Sometimes you get work, others you don't.
Anyway... so I lift up the receiver and there's a voice I don't know on the other end, says something incomprehensible "Don't know ya, you got the fucking wrong number pal" I reply about to slam the phone down.
"Don't you speak to me like that you piece a shit or I'll come round and knock yur house in you ungrateful fucker"
"Who the hell is this?" I mumbled back clutching the gun and using the end to scratch my fore head.
"Never you mind" he replies "I got a job for you if ya want it ... come to the docks tonight and I'll fill you in on the details"
"Who the fuck do you think I am? Bugsy Malone? Screw off Jerk, if you want to do me in, get off your fat ass and come get me personally"
"Hey Jackshit!" he shouted down the receiver suddenly "I'm offering three fucking million dollars for this job you got that? Three fucking million, are you gonna just walk a way like a pussy or are you gonna go down in history?"
"How do I know that you're serious?"
"I thought you might ask that, check your door dibshit"
I did. I walked across the room leaving the phone off of the hook. Clutching the pistol I opened it slowly and peered out. There was nothing. I opened the door fully and gazed up and down the flight of steps. Nothing in either direction, just silent night, a puddle of piss and blood on one of the steps, and some graffiti on the wall. I turn away to stop facing my door. There's a dagger stuck in the front deep into the wood. I pull it out to find a message attached to the hilt.
"I'm serious," it says. I get pissed off.
I turn back to the phone suddenly and wrench it up "Listen here shit head I don't want any of this trash, now you tell me what the fuck you're playing at right now!"
There wasn't any answer. I slammed the black phone down "Jesus" I spat.
"I repeat... Did you or did you not steal the vehicle?"
The court was silent. I looked up slowly with black-bagged eyes and stared into the prosecutor's face "Go fuck yourself"
They burst into noise "Order! Order!" shouted the Judge "One more remark like that and you'll be in custody!"
"Your Honor!" called the defense standing to his feet "Your Honor, I think the court and the accused could do with a short break. It's been a tough evening for us all"
"It's been a tough evening" I sighed sitting in the chair. It was dark outside and rain was pouring down the windows. Lightning flashed distantly as the doctor looked me over with tired bagged eyes. He grimaced and leaned back with his clipboard into the red chair, his nice furnished floor and expensive attire. His bearded chin and round big glasses that only now I realize irritated me so much.
"Well now" he said with an irritated smile after a long pause "So Mr.... you still won't tell me your name?"
I shook my head.
"I really don't know what I can do for you. You believe the Devil is out to get you? You won't tell me your name, you won't tell me your current employment, and you won't tell me where you live, what am I supposed to do for you?"
"I never said the Devil was out to get me" I rasped, "All I ever said was that I know he's waiting for me to die"
"And how do you know that? What proof do you have that this... Devil came to you and told you he was waiting for you mm?"
"I fucking told you that already! He came to me in a dream and said he liked me. He said he wanted me, and he said he couldn't wait until I joined him"
The Doctor squinted through his glasses and paused his pen on the clipboard. He gazed down and began writing something devious below "And you believe I presume that when you die, you will go to hell and be treated as a savior? Is that right?"
"No" I replied for the hundredth time "I believe I shall go to hell and be tortured for all eternity like I deserve"
The Doctor's lip tightened suddenly and he leaned forward in frustration "For god sake these are all delusions you're having! There is no devil and there is no goddamn message that's being brought to you from the heavens. You're a normal person like everyone else and your going to have to accept that..."
I stopped him "That's where you're wrong Doctor... you see I'm not normal... I'm different from all of that..."
"And why are you so different?"
"This man has had a hard time. You have to admit that, his father killed himself its quite possible that he like many joined one of the infamous crime organizations. The Zaibatsu or various other mafias. Where's the sense in denying it? They're big business, and its just possible that he got lucky one day and got a good job, one where he was going to be paid lots of money. How much money was it?" he said turning on me.
"Three million Dollars" I replied. My Lawyer shook his head and rested his fore head in his hands.
"Three million?" laughed the Lawyer with a grin "That's more than my house's worth. So... tell me about the night you stole this vehicle then"
The military base was kept to the south of the city. I entered it with ease with the fake uniform they'd given me. The ID worked great and everything. I had no trouble in getting inside. I even got salutes, incredible that a shite like me could ever get saluted, but I suppose anyone with a badge or money can get praise if he's in the right place.
The map the guy at the dock had given me was accurate. Far too accurate for my liking, it seemed as if the guy had contacts inside the military. A pretty smooth operation almost too easy.
I took out the guards round the pen and each fell to the ground never even knowing who had shot them. I take particular pride in that phrase. There it was, the black car, sleek and smooth with armor plating Titanium Alloy or something, it must have weighed as much as my fucking conscious. The door was trapped but I knew the code to stop myself being electrocuted. I got in once the thing had bleeped and I entered. It wouldn't be long before the donut eating men at the control panel figured out that the warning lights weren't just glitches, that their prized possession was being driven away very fast.
Satan, he was next to me in the car. He looked up with red eyes and smiling sharp teeth, he seemed to change depending on the situation. He looked geekish with horns bent downwards the teeth stuck out like a dentist's nightmare.
"Goin Somewhere?" he whispered
"Fuck off I'm busy" I replied pressing the buttons as I had done in the simulation. The devil hadn't bothered me back then, he always appeared when he knew it was too late.
"I'd love to honestly, but watching you is much more fun. How many laws is that now that you've broken huh?"
"Screw you, when I get my money I'm gonna donate it all to a nunnery or something and you can just go fuck yourself"
"You underestimate me" he replied scratching his horns with a wink "I'm a much larger opponent than you realize you know. There isn't any hope for your redemption you should know that by now. Your going to burn in hell..."
"Burn in hell ass hole!" she shouted. I shrugged my shoulders and turned the windscreen wipers on for a brief moment to try and clear away the rain. I must have completely drenched her with that puddle; still it was her own fault to be out at that time of night. Fucking women live by their pussies, they really can't ever think straight; the lot of them are lezies anyway as far as my experiences are concerned.
The docks looked pretty empty but I got out anyway. I was wearing a long black trench coat and I have to say I looked pretty fucking cool wearing it at that time of night in the darkness with the rain pouring down over me. I only had it because I'd seen that guy in the movies with one. I wanted the same effect when I met whoever the fuck had hired me.
I had a belt with two pistols at my waste and a sawed off Shotgun was in my hands under the coat. I walked down the rows of boxes and crates that reached up into the sky. Below the sea was rushing like a fucking food mixer. I felt just as if I was in a movie.
I reached the end of the platform to find only the vast sea in front of me stretching out into the distance. Turning in disgust I noticed the small red light on my hand. In a split second I reached into my belt and brought up the 9mm pistol. Aiming it forward I found the sniper with my keen eyes on the top of the crates aiming down. I must have missed him on the way forward, but I got him with one bullet to the head. I was nervous and shot twice. The first hit him in left of the nose, the second dead center. A silent spurt of blood in the darkness and he fell down onto the concrete below with a quiet crumple.
Running forward I planted myself with back to the crates. Someone had set me up big time...
"If I tell you..." I whispered slowly looking into his eyes "Will you promise not to tell anyone?"
"Of course" replied the Doctor gazing over his clip board with sudden interest
"I'm a gangster" I let it all out this time, he had to know sooner or later "I work for whoever pays me the most. I kill a different person every day"
"Really?" said the doctor widening his eyes, he coughed once and leaned forward "So... tell me more about... being a gangster"
"I don't like it..." I started slowly and told him everything from the beginning, what I thought and absolutely everything I knew "It's like playing a game where you never know when you're going to lose"
"Surely life in general is a bit like that? We play the game," said the doctor slowly to the sound of the pelting rain outside. Lightning flashed and the room was illuminated for a moment "And sometimes we lose" he said ominously.
"So do you now deny that you did in fact steal the vehicle?"
"Yes" I said glancing sideways at my Lawyer who nodded furiously "I always have," I said repeating what he'd told me to say.
"And so you weren't being paid three million dollars to steal this vehicle?" he continued gazing at me "Now... at this moment I would like to remind the court and you yourself that you are under a vow, looked over by god and the Law, to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. I would like you to think very hard before you answer"
"What does it matter?" I replied with a shrug "What does god care about this court case? I'm going to hell and that's it. You can't defeat the devil"
They stared at me slowly first the audience and even the Judge gazed over me with incomprehension. The prosecution shook his head slowly and looked over me again "Sorry" he said a little flustered "Could you repeat that?"
"Repeat what?" I shouted into his face, the rain was pelting down my face and I had to squint to see anything.
"I merely said," replied the man in dark glasses, the rain dripped down the polished surface "If you repeat that when you do the job, then you will have no problem with success"
"What so all this was some kinda fucking test? Get real, you were trying to waist me and you know it"
"Ah that's where your wrong" replied the man with a grin. He was cleverer than I was and he knew it. I hated everything about him but I still needed to listen to what that gaping hole in his head had to say for itself.
"The job is in fact very real. If you'll follow me now, then you will find out everything..." he led me away and I wanted to shoot. But for some reason I didn't. He was too powerful for me, his crones would hunt me down in revenge and take me out I knew it for sure. Still, if anything else happened like that sniper then I'd rather deal with the crones than with not knowing his intentions.
He led me round into a dimly lit room with a light bulb hanging by a thread. There were lots of people in the room all with dark bagged eyes wearing black suits or checkered dark shirts with missing buttons. They looked up some with scarred faces others with baby faces who looked so innocent that it seemed impossible to have imagined them doing anything bad in their entire lives. They were all armed although not a single weapon could be seen.
A big man from behind took my coat and weapons, it seemed like I'd have to listen now whether I liked it or not. I sat down opposite the man with the shades. He put his coat on a hat stand and sat down with a smile.
"Now... your mission"
"I don't have a mission"
"Don't lie to me shit head!" shouted the FBI detective standing over me. It was a dimly lit room and there was a mirror to the side of the room. They were recording everything that was being said "Now you had a fucking mission and you're going to tell me what it was"
"I don't know what your talking about" I replied slowly
"Really now... let me play you a tape"
He walked over to the side of the room. A tried to move my hands but they were handcuffed to the table. They knew who I was and they new I was good.
The tape played "I got a job for you if you want it ... worth three million dollars. I must be quick because this phone call might be bugged... so I can't say much more... just meet me by the docks"
"Don't know ya" came my voice "You got the fucking wrong number pal"
"Don't you speak to me like that you piece o..." the tape cut short.
"Really?" chuckled the detective coming forward he leaned over the table and gazed right into my eyes so that the darkness was shaded over me "So you don't know what this is all about?"
I gazed at the mirror. In the reflection I could see Satan in the corner of the room. He leaned with feminine legs in the corner with a smug grin his horns were curved round in a circle upwards "Do you want me to kill him for you?" he whispered but I heard it easily.
"No!" I hissed into the mirror "Damn it leave me alone!"
"No I won't fucking leave you alone!" shouted the detective into my face "Now listen to me fucker, you're a dangerous criminal and you've fucked off a lot of people and killed five innocent marines. You've got a guilty conscious and the best thing you can do is own up now before you get into a fuck load of more trouble"
"Your in trouble..."
I stared looking at him sipping the apple juice he'd brought with him. My eyes didn't twitch, we were in a large empty room with nobody anywhere. The tables and chairs were made of plastic, there weren't any police inside the room but there were outside I knew that for sure.
The defense lawyer looked me over slowly, he sat back and shook his head. Slowly he held up a hand with three fingers pointed up "How many fingers am I holding up?" he asked. My eyes glazed over and I stared passed him at the wall. The bottle was on the table, I continued to drink awaiting my next cup.
"You aren't well..." he said after awhile "We can use that you know... if they get wind at all that you're suffering from some kind of ailment we could pull the case off for a bit and try to wrap things up better for next time. Alternatively you could claim asylum ... I know you were under a lot of pressure back there and you said some things that shocked the court. I could use that to get you out of prison... I've got the backup papers in the car just in case we needed to change the plan"
"Why bother" I replied "There's no hope. I was doomed from the beginning"
"What do you mean?"
"Its obvious isn't it?" I replied gloomily, I sipped the drink again slowly "We're all born, and we all die. Some of us die doing good things some of us die doing bad things and most of us are forgotten"
The Lawyer paused a moment gazing at me taking it seemed in what I'd said "Don't talk like that" he said after awhile "That's not constructive okay? We need to try and think of the best path for you and talking like that won't help... heh believe me I've been in a lot of cases and sometimes we can pull through things like this, but you've got to recover yourself before we go back in there..."
"I've recovered the vehcle" I said into the mobile. Quickly I blasted the engine with a key turn and the black car set off with a screech of tires. Pressing a red button the car shimmered as I turned on the cloaking shield. I could see out but they couldn't see in.
I aimed for the barbed wire.
"What's going on!" shouted a marine pointing his rifle forward, the light came out at me and outside the car it shimmered across an invisible windscreen.
"Stop!" he shouted but now I was aiming for him. Rifle shots sounded and bounced off of the car's armor, I ran him down dead for sure. He was completely crushed under the car's weight. More rifle shots sounded out and bounced off of the invisible car. Crashing through the wire I exited to the streets. Turning it I dashed out into the side streets very fast. The cars in front and behind couldn't see me so I had to be extra careful. Turning in and out of the cars I drove very fast my foot on the accelerator.
"Hurry up!" shouted the voice in the mobile "Any minute now they'll resume auto pilot and you'll be out of commission!"
I put my foot down and screeching the car round I turned into a side road. I drove across the pavement several times and scraped across a car to get where I intended. I'd traced the route over the map hundreds of times before. I should have turned the cloaking device off but I didn't I was too scared, I kept seeing images of the devil in the gleaming windows of cars as they passed by. The sirens in the distance sounded like demons coming to get me. Putting the foot down I turned a corner and screeched to a halt.
There was a shout and too late I saw the woman crossing the road "Get out of the way!" I shouted I wanted to press the horn but I didn't know where it was. She screamed not knowing where the noise came from and was knocked aside as the car hit her. Her belly was rounded slightly and I knew she was pregnant; I'd killed two people in one mistake.
"How many more are you going to kill before you give in?" said the devil sitting next to me, his belly was large and puss was coming out of it. Slimy fingers were drenched with blood he brought them down the opposite window with a slimy screech.
"Fuck off!" I screamed slamming my foot down I drove on.
"Its hopeless you know" he said graspingly in my ear, blood dripped down his large bulging mouth and he grinned staring at me with bugged eyes "You were fated to lose from the beginning, you are lost... come to hell and hate the creator with me... we're going to have so much fun together when I show you the joys of pain"
Taking a pistol with one hand I fired at the seat. The Devil's eyes bulged and he was gone. The soft black leather of the co-pilot seat had a hole in it where the bullet was lodged. I could see the white stuffing inside. I drove on at high speed.
"Slow down!" shouted the doctor suddenly. He loosened his tie and moved his spectacles slowly "Please tell me" he continued slowly and seemingly he pretended to be calmer "Why you believe that you are going to go to Hell no matter what?"
"I can't stop time can I?" I replied gazing into his eyes "I'd stay here in this room if I could, with you. But I can't you see, because one thing leads to another, eventually you will have other patients to see... other things to do where as I will continue down the road the devil has laid me to my death. Some paths are laid for God and some paths are laid for the devil the choice is all an illusion"
"And how do you know that? Aren't you making a choice right now by coming to see me? Explain that?" he rasped glaring at me through his spectacles
"Do you really think we have a choice in anything doctor? Did you really get a choice in becoming a doctor or were you forced into it? Did things not influence your so-called choices? Were your decisions not changed by other people over time until eventually... destiny as we call it brought you here during this storm to me"
"Correction, you came to me seeking help, this is nothing to do with me"
"Why is it not to do with you doctor?" I said loudly standing to my feet. The lightning flashed.
"Easy now" he said softly
"No I will not be easy since you are making this so difficult!" I shouted "Do you seriously fucking believe that your choices were simply your own? Do you even have a mind doctor? Or is it just a collection of relics and chemicals brought into existence and choices by the Big Bang and everything that has followed on from it? Which apple did we eat doctor? That gave us so much knowledge? Answer that fucking question doctor!"
He loosened his tie "Listen... I'll see you next week... we've made progress, but I want you to leave now"
"I'm not leaving," I screamed in his face "Are you going to abandon me to my fate?"
"You will leave now or I'll call the police!" replied the doctor standing up from his chair; the lightning outside flashed and the window came open. Rain blew in through the gap as thunder rolled, he glanced at it briefly and so did I. I saw the devil's face outside in the rain snickering at me.
"And you think they'll come?"
"Get Out!" screamed the Doctor towards me. I reached into my jacket and retrieved the pistol. I pointed it at his head and snickered sweat dripping down my forehead "Do you have any choice now doctor? Do you think the police are really going to come?"
He looked at me with a ghostly white face and his lip tightened. He raised his hands in that gesture all people raise when they know that are in the presence of someone who has lost his mind "Easy now" he repeated "You don't want to do that..."
"Exactly" I replied staring into his eyes "But do I have any choice in doing it? That's what I want to ask you... and do you have any choice in how you answer?"
"No" he replied "I mean yes... of course we have choice, you have choice now to put that gun down and I can help you get over this!"
"Its too late for that" I replied smiling at him because my heart throbbed so much "Its always been too late, you're here doctor for a reason as am I. When I shoot you your going to go to heaven with the rest of your doctors and scholars and friends and family and good situation and money and morals, and when I die doctor do you know where I will go?"
He paused as if not sure if I was going to continue or not "Please tell me" he said stepping forward sweat dripping down his face.
"I'm going to go to hell with the other half of the scum. The seeds are sown in the field with the weeds and it doesn't matter where they land, the weeds will always be weeds and the seeds will always be seeds"
"You don't have to do this," he repeated in a whisper "You can escape from this"
"Can you escape from this doctor? You who have so much choice? I don' t think you can, nor do I think can anyone else ... your doomed in life as are the rest of us, it doesn't matter when we die, it's the fact that we do die. And when we die we are dead and that's it, no more life, no more sex, no more T fucking V. What do you say to that doctor Answer me damn it!"
"Just put the gun down" he took another step forward "Easy now... just put the gun down, its okay"
"Its too late" I laughed, "Its always been too late"
"Its never too late" he said too close for comfort now. Suddenly he leapt forward towards me his hands aiming for the gun. But he didn't know who I was; he didn't know my profession or where I came from. I stepped back and aside and shot him dead center in-between the eyes. His body fell lifeless to the ground opened mouthed the spectacles cracked and blood dripped down onto the carpet.
"There's blood on my hands" I muttered to the policemen behind me. They lead me forwards out through double doors into a room full of people. I looked around me and saw the chair at the far end. The men were military and many families were there watching me. I didn't know any of them, and I hardly knew their sons and daughters that I had killed "There's blood on my hands" I said turning to one of them with wild eyes. He turned away "Can you see?" I held the hand cuffs out further but the guard behind me pushed me on.
"We don't have any choice, none of us do surely you can see that!" I shouted as the chair came closer. The light bulbs were bright and they gave the room no shadows in which for me to hide.
I turned the car into the shadows and got quickly out pressing the red button it de-cloaked. Lab technicians came running out of the buildings towards it and so did the man in the dark glasses.
"Get that thing deactivated now!" he shouted, he turned to me briefly and clapped me on the shoulder "Well done, you did a good"
"There's blood on my hands" I whispered back holding them out, but he didn't hear me... or didn't want to hear me. He turned away in the darkness back to the car and his team of professionals. The boot opened quickly and they started work cutting wires and pushing buttons in the machinery.
"Its clear" shouted a lab-coated man.
"Take it to the docks"
"Where's my money?" I asked coming clapping the shaded man on the shoulder "I've done your job now where's the money? I got a plane to catch" The car sped away into the distance as the technicians drove off. I was left in the darkness of the streets with the shaded man and his associates all dressed in black.
Several red lights appeared on my chest, gazing up with my eyes I noticed the snipers on the building. Six of them all pointed at me.
"I'm sorry" replied the shaded man "But I forgot to bring it with me... but you won't be needing it anymore"
"Neither will you" I replied, wrenching the shotgun out I blasted him in the stomach. Several blows hit me across my body and I fell my sight darkening to the ground I watching him fall as well, blood pouring out of him, his mouth spurted the stuff out all over me and the wet pavement. I landed in the gutter. With one clasped hand I felt the place where it hurt, there was a dart sticking out. They still needed me for something, but at least I'd killed him... at least I'd killed the man who set me up.
"This isn't a set up, or a press attempt, I'm here to give you your last respects"
The man was a vicar with white hair and wrinkled face. He had a prayer book in his hands but it seemed to do little good for me.
"Tell me Vicar... am I going to go to hell?"
"God is always merciful to those who ask for forgiveness"
"I don't want forgiveness, I just want honesty and true judgment. Vicar tell me before I die, why the world is such a rotten place?"
He looked at me as if the question was absurd, his lips smiled slowly in a fake cringe and he coughed on his sleeve "The almighty cannot oversee every bad deed that happens in the world, he can only guide you as he will if you let him, in your last moment"
"Vicar... god won't speak to me if there's blood on my hands"
"God is merciful to everyone"
"If that's true, then why are you standing over there, and why am I standing over here?"
The vicar stared at me again "Pardon?"
"There's blood on my hands" I repeated gazing at them slowly "There's no hope. Leave me alone with the devil vicar, I may as well get acquainted with him if I'm going to hell"
"I have no choice but to find you guilty as charged" the hammer came down "You will die by electricity sitting in the electric chair. You have done a terribly deed and you seem haunted at least by it, even if you don't express it to this court. I only hope for your sake that you console yourself in your last days and see mercy through god or through justice"
They took me away.
Dragged along when I awoke I realized who was with me. The FBI the man had set me up had organized this. Evidently some secret deal had been set up between him and the feds, he was dead now though so it didn't really matter, not that anything to me matters anymore. I would never know what that deal was, but I was the escape goat for the crime. I stole the car so I should be the one to blame. Of course I'd find out sooner or later in the court case what had really happened.
The flung me in a cell with no windows, only ventilation. The metal door swung shut with a clang and the guard locked it with the turn of a key. I sat down on the bench and waited.
"How long have you been here?" said a voice next to me. Turning I looked to see the devil lying down opposite me on a bed. It creaked as he turned to face me. Blood stained the sheets, it dripped down from his body onto the floor. He was wearing a suit and shirt, the tie hang down off of the bed drenched in blood. As I watched the white shirt became more and more reddened by the gore inside.
"I suppose you knew this was going to happen," I said after awhile
He smiled at me, resting his chin on his fist "Of course I did. There's no escaping one's fate"
"What if you had not come to see me in my dreams? Surely then I would have been free"
"Ah but I did come to see you in your dreams" replied the devil licking his lips with blood.
"Then you as well are destined by fate by time and by consequences"
"I chose to come and see you" laughed the devil "It was my choice that brought me to turn you to evil, nothing more"
"No it wasn't" I said slowly "Because if you had the choice, then I would have had the choice. You don't have the choice either and you're afraid to admit it, you're destined by time just as much as I am, and since your such a profit as you seem to make out you know that at the end of it all you're going to lose"
"Losing is all part of the game, surely you must realize that. It doesn't matter whether we lose or win, it doesn't really matter whether we live or die. Its all just a vision we have of the world around us"
"If what I have is a vision then you don't exist" and with that he was gone, just a perception of my mind as he always had been. I sat down slumping into the chair and waited.
I was in the chair, they brought the straps round me and the people watched on with glum bagged tired eyes that needed sleep. I waited as they placed the headpiece on my head. I felt my hair picking up already with pretension. This was it, the end. There was nothing more. I wasn't going to heaven, and then again neither was I going to hell. Where I was going was somewhere different.
This was death, or at least so I believed it to be. But I felt different because this didn't feel real somehow. The straps felt weak on my wrists; the eyes seemed too real as they gazed at me. This place didn't have any power over me anymore. I stood up slowly and the straps broke. They stared at me suddenly and a woman screamed in the crowd. The guards ran forward and tried to attack my but their fists went through me. They couldn't touch me anymore. My eyes blurred into a multitude of coulers and before me the audience swept aside to a blur of yellows reds blues and green.
I was traveling through it all away to safety. I traveled and soon my eyes closed and I was gone.
It was a dark dull morning when I awoke. The same as it was every morning, dark skies with a gun under my pillow, it's a wonder I never set it off in my sleep, because I could swear I woke up some mornings with my finger round the trigger.
The phone rang and wearily I picked it up. I didn't think that it would be anything impressive, just someone telling me they'd gotten held up with the doe or something, or Jonny had been shot or whatever and did I want to take over from him temporarily for the week? You know that kinda shite, the small jobs that you can wipe your ass with. These movie stars go around with their big cars and rich fucking country houses and act in their movies as if gangsters spend all their time trying to rob fucking Fort Nox. Well I can tell you it ain't like that. Sometimes you get work, others you don't.
Anyway... so I lift up the receiver and there's a voice I don't know on the other end, says something incomprehensible "Don't know ya, you got the fucking wrong number pal" I reply about to slam the phone down.
"I'm sorry!" cried the voice "Please don't be angry with me!"
I paused and listened to the tears on the other end "Mother?" I asked after a long wait. She replied and confirmed my suspicions.
"Mother" I said after a lone while, "I've been thinking... and I want to come home. City life just isn't right for me, I hope you can understand"
"We'd love to have you back dear" I heard her sniffle "Oh my boy I've missed you so much"
The funeral was over. I was at the side in reception. The vicar came beside me and sat down.
"Cancer?" I chuckled "I knew she'd get it eventually with all that smoking. She never could get over the death of my father"
I was much older now. The Vicar smiled looking down at me. He looked familiar somehow, he had the air that he might have once worked in a prison. His news it seemed by his face was always an attempt to soften a wound.
"We all pass away eventually, its what Christ intended..."
"Please..." I interrupted suddenly "Just leave me a lone for a minute"
He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it nodding he left the room and closed the door softly behind him. I looked up to the opposite wall. Christ was hanging a wooden image on the wall. Walking up to it I examined him, the nails sticking out of his hands and the mark in his ribs. A fire axe was attached to the wall. I took it, and with a few whacks I brought him to the floor. With the next few I took off his head and it shattered wood and splinters flying across the floor.
Apple they ate.
So here I am... in the dock. The faces stare at me one by one, each with skepticism and anger in their faces. They look at me as a criminal, as a rebel, as a scum. And to hell with it all they're completely right that's exactly what I am. There's no denying it.
My Lawyer persuaded me to plead "Not Guilty" for some reason he's got it into his head to win the biggest court case in history. He's good, that's for sure, but I know he can't win it for me. Really he's just out for the name.
It was a dark dull morning when I awoke. The same as it was every morning, dark skies with a gun under my pillow, it's a wonder I never set it off in my sleep, because I could swear I woke up some mornings with my finger round the trigger.
I always had a thing with guns. Right from when I was small it was the gun I wanted, not the teddy bear or the dummy. I'd seen too much Robocop and Terminator to be a normal little kid, and besides the kids near me were all the same. I remember once. Bobby bringing in his father's gun for Show and tell, boy did he get it.
But that's not what matters. What matters is whether they've got the guts to become the gangsters or not. Whether they have the guts to do what they're told for money, and whether they have the guts to bump off the people who tell them what to do - for money. Whether they have the skill, the luck and the brains to get out of a shoot out alive.
I was lucky in my education. We weren't a rich family but we had enough to get by. I guess really when I actually did some work I was their little treasure. I did brilliantly in Maths and Science and PE but slumped Art and Geography and English. The state seemed to find me above average so they sent me off to some specialist school for brainiacs and nobends. Well naturally I didn't get on. I spent a few years there lazing about, I got my exams way before my time... heh I suppose I was quite a bright kid now I come to think of it. Things could have been so different if I hadn't punched that kid for the sixth time in a row. Heck he deserved it calling me common and homo and all that shit. I'd punch him again if I met him.
Well after getting thrown out of that dustpan I told my mummy what I really wanted to be. A soldier. Had an argument with my dad, finally that asshole got fed up with his office job one night got drunk went out and shot himself. After that I could do what I liked.
So off I went to military school. Excelled in pretty much everything is what they said. Really all it means is that I can aim a gun and hit a cross, it ain't difficult and anyway when you're trying to waste a real person its entirely different. For a start in Gang wars you can never be sure whether you're slugging innocents the FBI or gang members. But the advantage is they feel the same way and you can see it in their eyes, when I see the mark that's when I shoot. Silenced 9 millimeter to the head and they're down.
When I was with the feds they told me to always shoot twice but myself I like to wait until I get them in the head which usually I get first time. Its such an easy target, round it sticks up above the neck, you'd have thought Darwin designed us to get shot.
Anyway, so of course it started with bribes that I accepted from gang members. Then bit-by-bit I got contacts in the underworld Zaibatsu, Rebels, the Russian Mafia, the lot of them are always drunk on some kinda weed. And one day I simply resigned from the Feds and Military and bought a flat in the city. That's where I was when it all began.
The phone rang and wearily I picked it up. I didn't think that it would be anything impressive, just someone telling me they'd gotten held up with the doe or something, or Jonny had been shot or whatever and did I want to take over from him temporarily for the week? You know that kinda shite, the small jobs that you can wipe your ass with. These movie stars go around with their big cars and rich fucking country houses and act in their movies as if gangsters spend all their time trying to rob fucking Fort Nox. Well I can tell you it ain't like that. Sometimes you get work, others you don't.
Anyway... so I lift up the receiver and there's a voice I don't know on the other end, says something incomprehensible "Don't know ya, you got the fucking wrong number pal" I reply about to slam the phone down.
"Don't you speak to me like that you piece a shit or I'll come round and knock yur house in you ungrateful fucker"
"Who the hell is this?" I mumbled back clutching the gun and using the end to scratch my fore head.
"Never you mind" he replies "I got a job for you if ya want it ... come to the docks tonight and I'll fill you in on the details"
"Who the fuck do you think I am? Bugsy Malone? Screw off Jerk, if you want to do me in, get off your fat ass and come get me personally"
"Hey Jackshit!" he shouted down the receiver suddenly "I'm offering three fucking million dollars for this job you got that? Three fucking million, are you gonna just walk a way like a pussy or are you gonna go down in history?"
"How do I know that you're serious?"
"I thought you might ask that, check your door dibshit"
I did. I walked across the room leaving the phone off of the hook. Clutching the pistol I opened it slowly and peered out. There was nothing. I opened the door fully and gazed up and down the flight of steps. Nothing in either direction, just silent night, a puddle of piss and blood on one of the steps, and some graffiti on the wall. I turn away to stop facing my door. There's a dagger stuck in the front deep into the wood. I pull it out to find a message attached to the hilt.
"I'm serious," it says. I get pissed off.
I turn back to the phone suddenly and wrench it up "Listen here shit head I don't want any of this trash, now you tell me what the fuck you're playing at right now!"
There wasn't any answer. I slammed the black phone down "Jesus" I spat.
"I repeat... Did you or did you not steal the vehicle?"
The court was silent. I looked up slowly with black-bagged eyes and stared into the prosecutor's face "Go fuck yourself"
They burst into noise "Order! Order!" shouted the Judge "One more remark like that and you'll be in custody!"
"Your Honor!" called the defense standing to his feet "Your Honor, I think the court and the accused could do with a short break. It's been a tough evening for us all"
"It's been a tough evening" I sighed sitting in the chair. It was dark outside and rain was pouring down the windows. Lightning flashed distantly as the doctor looked me over with tired bagged eyes. He grimaced and leaned back with his clipboard into the red chair, his nice furnished floor and expensive attire. His bearded chin and round big glasses that only now I realize irritated me so much.
"Well now" he said with an irritated smile after a long pause "So Mr.... you still won't tell me your name?"
I shook my head.
"I really don't know what I can do for you. You believe the Devil is out to get you? You won't tell me your name, you won't tell me your current employment, and you won't tell me where you live, what am I supposed to do for you?"
"I never said the Devil was out to get me" I rasped, "All I ever said was that I know he's waiting for me to die"
"And how do you know that? What proof do you have that this... Devil came to you and told you he was waiting for you mm?"
"I fucking told you that already! He came to me in a dream and said he liked me. He said he wanted me, and he said he couldn't wait until I joined him"
The Doctor squinted through his glasses and paused his pen on the clipboard. He gazed down and began writing something devious below "And you believe I presume that when you die, you will go to hell and be treated as a savior? Is that right?"
"No" I replied for the hundredth time "I believe I shall go to hell and be tortured for all eternity like I deserve"
The Doctor's lip tightened suddenly and he leaned forward in frustration "For god sake these are all delusions you're having! There is no devil and there is no goddamn message that's being brought to you from the heavens. You're a normal person like everyone else and your going to have to accept that..."
I stopped him "That's where you're wrong Doctor... you see I'm not normal... I'm different from all of that..."
"And why are you so different?"
"This man has had a hard time. You have to admit that, his father killed himself its quite possible that he like many joined one of the infamous crime organizations. The Zaibatsu or various other mafias. Where's the sense in denying it? They're big business, and its just possible that he got lucky one day and got a good job, one where he was going to be paid lots of money. How much money was it?" he said turning on me.
"Three million Dollars" I replied. My Lawyer shook his head and rested his fore head in his hands.
"Three million?" laughed the Lawyer with a grin "That's more than my house's worth. So... tell me about the night you stole this vehicle then"
The military base was kept to the south of the city. I entered it with ease with the fake uniform they'd given me. The ID worked great and everything. I had no trouble in getting inside. I even got salutes, incredible that a shite like me could ever get saluted, but I suppose anyone with a badge or money can get praise if he's in the right place.
The map the guy at the dock had given me was accurate. Far too accurate for my liking, it seemed as if the guy had contacts inside the military. A pretty smooth operation almost too easy.
I took out the guards round the pen and each fell to the ground never even knowing who had shot them. I take particular pride in that phrase. There it was, the black car, sleek and smooth with armor plating Titanium Alloy or something, it must have weighed as much as my fucking conscious. The door was trapped but I knew the code to stop myself being electrocuted. I got in once the thing had bleeped and I entered. It wouldn't be long before the donut eating men at the control panel figured out that the warning lights weren't just glitches, that their prized possession was being driven away very fast.
Satan, he was next to me in the car. He looked up with red eyes and smiling sharp teeth, he seemed to change depending on the situation. He looked geekish with horns bent downwards the teeth stuck out like a dentist's nightmare.
"Goin Somewhere?" he whispered
"Fuck off I'm busy" I replied pressing the buttons as I had done in the simulation. The devil hadn't bothered me back then, he always appeared when he knew it was too late.
"I'd love to honestly, but watching you is much more fun. How many laws is that now that you've broken huh?"
"Screw you, when I get my money I'm gonna donate it all to a nunnery or something and you can just go fuck yourself"
"You underestimate me" he replied scratching his horns with a wink "I'm a much larger opponent than you realize you know. There isn't any hope for your redemption you should know that by now. Your going to burn in hell..."
"Burn in hell ass hole!" she shouted. I shrugged my shoulders and turned the windscreen wipers on for a brief moment to try and clear away the rain. I must have completely drenched her with that puddle; still it was her own fault to be out at that time of night. Fucking women live by their pussies, they really can't ever think straight; the lot of them are lezies anyway as far as my experiences are concerned.
The docks looked pretty empty but I got out anyway. I was wearing a long black trench coat and I have to say I looked pretty fucking cool wearing it at that time of night in the darkness with the rain pouring down over me. I only had it because I'd seen that guy in the movies with one. I wanted the same effect when I met whoever the fuck had hired me.
I had a belt with two pistols at my waste and a sawed off Shotgun was in my hands under the coat. I walked down the rows of boxes and crates that reached up into the sky. Below the sea was rushing like a fucking food mixer. I felt just as if I was in a movie.
I reached the end of the platform to find only the vast sea in front of me stretching out into the distance. Turning in disgust I noticed the small red light on my hand. In a split second I reached into my belt and brought up the 9mm pistol. Aiming it forward I found the sniper with my keen eyes on the top of the crates aiming down. I must have missed him on the way forward, but I got him with one bullet to the head. I was nervous and shot twice. The first hit him in left of the nose, the second dead center. A silent spurt of blood in the darkness and he fell down onto the concrete below with a quiet crumple.
Running forward I planted myself with back to the crates. Someone had set me up big time...
"If I tell you..." I whispered slowly looking into his eyes "Will you promise not to tell anyone?"
"Of course" replied the Doctor gazing over his clip board with sudden interest
"I'm a gangster" I let it all out this time, he had to know sooner or later "I work for whoever pays me the most. I kill a different person every day"
"Really?" said the doctor widening his eyes, he coughed once and leaned forward "So... tell me more about... being a gangster"
"I don't like it..." I started slowly and told him everything from the beginning, what I thought and absolutely everything I knew "It's like playing a game where you never know when you're going to lose"
"Surely life in general is a bit like that? We play the game," said the doctor slowly to the sound of the pelting rain outside. Lightning flashed and the room was illuminated for a moment "And sometimes we lose" he said ominously.
"So do you now deny that you did in fact steal the vehicle?"
"Yes" I said glancing sideways at my Lawyer who nodded furiously "I always have," I said repeating what he'd told me to say.
"And so you weren't being paid three million dollars to steal this vehicle?" he continued gazing at me "Now... at this moment I would like to remind the court and you yourself that you are under a vow, looked over by god and the Law, to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. I would like you to think very hard before you answer"
"What does it matter?" I replied with a shrug "What does god care about this court case? I'm going to hell and that's it. You can't defeat the devil"
They stared at me slowly first the audience and even the Judge gazed over me with incomprehension. The prosecution shook his head slowly and looked over me again "Sorry" he said a little flustered "Could you repeat that?"
"Repeat what?" I shouted into his face, the rain was pelting down my face and I had to squint to see anything.
"I merely said," replied the man in dark glasses, the rain dripped down the polished surface "If you repeat that when you do the job, then you will have no problem with success"
"What so all this was some kinda fucking test? Get real, you were trying to waist me and you know it"
"Ah that's where your wrong" replied the man with a grin. He was cleverer than I was and he knew it. I hated everything about him but I still needed to listen to what that gaping hole in his head had to say for itself.
"The job is in fact very real. If you'll follow me now, then you will find out everything..." he led me away and I wanted to shoot. But for some reason I didn't. He was too powerful for me, his crones would hunt me down in revenge and take me out I knew it for sure. Still, if anything else happened like that sniper then I'd rather deal with the crones than with not knowing his intentions.
He led me round into a dimly lit room with a light bulb hanging by a thread. There were lots of people in the room all with dark bagged eyes wearing black suits or checkered dark shirts with missing buttons. They looked up some with scarred faces others with baby faces who looked so innocent that it seemed impossible to have imagined them doing anything bad in their entire lives. They were all armed although not a single weapon could be seen.
A big man from behind took my coat and weapons, it seemed like I'd have to listen now whether I liked it or not. I sat down opposite the man with the shades. He put his coat on a hat stand and sat down with a smile.
"Now... your mission"
"I don't have a mission"
"Don't lie to me shit head!" shouted the FBI detective standing over me. It was a dimly lit room and there was a mirror to the side of the room. They were recording everything that was being said "Now you had a fucking mission and you're going to tell me what it was"
"I don't know what your talking about" I replied slowly
"Really now... let me play you a tape"
He walked over to the side of the room. A tried to move my hands but they were handcuffed to the table. They knew who I was and they new I was good.
The tape played "I got a job for you if you want it ... worth three million dollars. I must be quick because this phone call might be bugged... so I can't say much more... just meet me by the docks"
"Don't know ya" came my voice "You got the fucking wrong number pal"
"Don't you speak to me like that you piece o..." the tape cut short.
"Really?" chuckled the detective coming forward he leaned over the table and gazed right into my eyes so that the darkness was shaded over me "So you don't know what this is all about?"
I gazed at the mirror. In the reflection I could see Satan in the corner of the room. He leaned with feminine legs in the corner with a smug grin his horns were curved round in a circle upwards "Do you want me to kill him for you?" he whispered but I heard it easily.
"No!" I hissed into the mirror "Damn it leave me alone!"
"No I won't fucking leave you alone!" shouted the detective into my face "Now listen to me fucker, you're a dangerous criminal and you've fucked off a lot of people and killed five innocent marines. You've got a guilty conscious and the best thing you can do is own up now before you get into a fuck load of more trouble"
"Your in trouble..."
I stared looking at him sipping the apple juice he'd brought with him. My eyes didn't twitch, we were in a large empty room with nobody anywhere. The tables and chairs were made of plastic, there weren't any police inside the room but there were outside I knew that for sure.
The defense lawyer looked me over slowly, he sat back and shook his head. Slowly he held up a hand with three fingers pointed up "How many fingers am I holding up?" he asked. My eyes glazed over and I stared passed him at the wall. The bottle was on the table, I continued to drink awaiting my next cup.
"You aren't well..." he said after awhile "We can use that you know... if they get wind at all that you're suffering from some kind of ailment we could pull the case off for a bit and try to wrap things up better for next time. Alternatively you could claim asylum ... I know you were under a lot of pressure back there and you said some things that shocked the court. I could use that to get you out of prison... I've got the backup papers in the car just in case we needed to change the plan"
"Why bother" I replied "There's no hope. I was doomed from the beginning"
"What do you mean?"
"Its obvious isn't it?" I replied gloomily, I sipped the drink again slowly "We're all born, and we all die. Some of us die doing good things some of us die doing bad things and most of us are forgotten"
The Lawyer paused a moment gazing at me taking it seemed in what I'd said "Don't talk like that" he said after awhile "That's not constructive okay? We need to try and think of the best path for you and talking like that won't help... heh believe me I've been in a lot of cases and sometimes we can pull through things like this, but you've got to recover yourself before we go back in there..."
"I've recovered the vehcle" I said into the mobile. Quickly I blasted the engine with a key turn and the black car set off with a screech of tires. Pressing a red button the car shimmered as I turned on the cloaking shield. I could see out but they couldn't see in.
I aimed for the barbed wire.
"What's going on!" shouted a marine pointing his rifle forward, the light came out at me and outside the car it shimmered across an invisible windscreen.
"Stop!" he shouted but now I was aiming for him. Rifle shots sounded and bounced off of the car's armor, I ran him down dead for sure. He was completely crushed under the car's weight. More rifle shots sounded out and bounced off of the invisible car. Crashing through the wire I exited to the streets. Turning it I dashed out into the side streets very fast. The cars in front and behind couldn't see me so I had to be extra careful. Turning in and out of the cars I drove very fast my foot on the accelerator.
"Hurry up!" shouted the voice in the mobile "Any minute now they'll resume auto pilot and you'll be out of commission!"
I put my foot down and screeching the car round I turned into a side road. I drove across the pavement several times and scraped across a car to get where I intended. I'd traced the route over the map hundreds of times before. I should have turned the cloaking device off but I didn't I was too scared, I kept seeing images of the devil in the gleaming windows of cars as they passed by. The sirens in the distance sounded like demons coming to get me. Putting the foot down I turned a corner and screeched to a halt.
There was a shout and too late I saw the woman crossing the road "Get out of the way!" I shouted I wanted to press the horn but I didn't know where it was. She screamed not knowing where the noise came from and was knocked aside as the car hit her. Her belly was rounded slightly and I knew she was pregnant; I'd killed two people in one mistake.
"How many more are you going to kill before you give in?" said the devil sitting next to me, his belly was large and puss was coming out of it. Slimy fingers were drenched with blood he brought them down the opposite window with a slimy screech.
"Fuck off!" I screamed slamming my foot down I drove on.
"Its hopeless you know" he said graspingly in my ear, blood dripped down his large bulging mouth and he grinned staring at me with bugged eyes "You were fated to lose from the beginning, you are lost... come to hell and hate the creator with me... we're going to have so much fun together when I show you the joys of pain"
Taking a pistol with one hand I fired at the seat. The Devil's eyes bulged and he was gone. The soft black leather of the co-pilot seat had a hole in it where the bullet was lodged. I could see the white stuffing inside. I drove on at high speed.
"Slow down!" shouted the doctor suddenly. He loosened his tie and moved his spectacles slowly "Please tell me" he continued slowly and seemingly he pretended to be calmer "Why you believe that you are going to go to Hell no matter what?"
"I can't stop time can I?" I replied gazing into his eyes "I'd stay here in this room if I could, with you. But I can't you see, because one thing leads to another, eventually you will have other patients to see... other things to do where as I will continue down the road the devil has laid me to my death. Some paths are laid for God and some paths are laid for the devil the choice is all an illusion"
"And how do you know that? Aren't you making a choice right now by coming to see me? Explain that?" he rasped glaring at me through his spectacles
"Do you really think we have a choice in anything doctor? Did you really get a choice in becoming a doctor or were you forced into it? Did things not influence your so-called choices? Were your decisions not changed by other people over time until eventually... destiny as we call it brought you here during this storm to me"
"Correction, you came to me seeking help, this is nothing to do with me"
"Why is it not to do with you doctor?" I said loudly standing to my feet. The lightning flashed.
"Easy now" he said softly
"No I will not be easy since you are making this so difficult!" I shouted "Do you seriously fucking believe that your choices were simply your own? Do you even have a mind doctor? Or is it just a collection of relics and chemicals brought into existence and choices by the Big Bang and everything that has followed on from it? Which apple did we eat doctor? That gave us so much knowledge? Answer that fucking question doctor!"
He loosened his tie "Listen... I'll see you next week... we've made progress, but I want you to leave now"
"I'm not leaving," I screamed in his face "Are you going to abandon me to my fate?"
"You will leave now or I'll call the police!" replied the doctor standing up from his chair; the lightning outside flashed and the window came open. Rain blew in through the gap as thunder rolled, he glanced at it briefly and so did I. I saw the devil's face outside in the rain snickering at me.
"And you think they'll come?"
"Get Out!" screamed the Doctor towards me. I reached into my jacket and retrieved the pistol. I pointed it at his head and snickered sweat dripping down my forehead "Do you have any choice now doctor? Do you think the police are really going to come?"
He looked at me with a ghostly white face and his lip tightened. He raised his hands in that gesture all people raise when they know that are in the presence of someone who has lost his mind "Easy now" he repeated "You don't want to do that..."
"Exactly" I replied staring into his eyes "But do I have any choice in doing it? That's what I want to ask you... and do you have any choice in how you answer?"
"No" he replied "I mean yes... of course we have choice, you have choice now to put that gun down and I can help you get over this!"
"Its too late for that" I replied smiling at him because my heart throbbed so much "Its always been too late, you're here doctor for a reason as am I. When I shoot you your going to go to heaven with the rest of your doctors and scholars and friends and family and good situation and money and morals, and when I die doctor do you know where I will go?"
He paused as if not sure if I was going to continue or not "Please tell me" he said stepping forward sweat dripping down his face.
"I'm going to go to hell with the other half of the scum. The seeds are sown in the field with the weeds and it doesn't matter where they land, the weeds will always be weeds and the seeds will always be seeds"
"You don't have to do this," he repeated in a whisper "You can escape from this"
"Can you escape from this doctor? You who have so much choice? I don' t think you can, nor do I think can anyone else ... your doomed in life as are the rest of us, it doesn't matter when we die, it's the fact that we do die. And when we die we are dead and that's it, no more life, no more sex, no more T fucking V. What do you say to that doctor Answer me damn it!"
"Just put the gun down" he took another step forward "Easy now... just put the gun down, its okay"
"Its too late" I laughed, "Its always been too late"
"Its never too late" he said too close for comfort now. Suddenly he leapt forward towards me his hands aiming for the gun. But he didn't know who I was; he didn't know my profession or where I came from. I stepped back and aside and shot him dead center in-between the eyes. His body fell lifeless to the ground opened mouthed the spectacles cracked and blood dripped down onto the carpet.
"There's blood on my hands" I muttered to the policemen behind me. They lead me forwards out through double doors into a room full of people. I looked around me and saw the chair at the far end. The men were military and many families were there watching me. I didn't know any of them, and I hardly knew their sons and daughters that I had killed "There's blood on my hands" I said turning to one of them with wild eyes. He turned away "Can you see?" I held the hand cuffs out further but the guard behind me pushed me on.
"We don't have any choice, none of us do surely you can see that!" I shouted as the chair came closer. The light bulbs were bright and they gave the room no shadows in which for me to hide.
I turned the car into the shadows and got quickly out pressing the red button it de-cloaked. Lab technicians came running out of the buildings towards it and so did the man in the dark glasses.
"Get that thing deactivated now!" he shouted, he turned to me briefly and clapped me on the shoulder "Well done, you did a good"
"There's blood on my hands" I whispered back holding them out, but he didn't hear me... or didn't want to hear me. He turned away in the darkness back to the car and his team of professionals. The boot opened quickly and they started work cutting wires and pushing buttons in the machinery.
"Its clear" shouted a lab-coated man.
"Take it to the docks"
"Where's my money?" I asked coming clapping the shaded man on the shoulder "I've done your job now where's the money? I got a plane to catch" The car sped away into the distance as the technicians drove off. I was left in the darkness of the streets with the shaded man and his associates all dressed in black.
Several red lights appeared on my chest, gazing up with my eyes I noticed the snipers on the building. Six of them all pointed at me.
"I'm sorry" replied the shaded man "But I forgot to bring it with me... but you won't be needing it anymore"
"Neither will you" I replied, wrenching the shotgun out I blasted him in the stomach. Several blows hit me across my body and I fell my sight darkening to the ground I watching him fall as well, blood pouring out of him, his mouth spurted the stuff out all over me and the wet pavement. I landed in the gutter. With one clasped hand I felt the place where it hurt, there was a dart sticking out. They still needed me for something, but at least I'd killed him... at least I'd killed the man who set me up.
"This isn't a set up, or a press attempt, I'm here to give you your last respects"
The man was a vicar with white hair and wrinkled face. He had a prayer book in his hands but it seemed to do little good for me.
"Tell me Vicar... am I going to go to hell?"
"God is always merciful to those who ask for forgiveness"
"I don't want forgiveness, I just want honesty and true judgment. Vicar tell me before I die, why the world is such a rotten place?"
He looked at me as if the question was absurd, his lips smiled slowly in a fake cringe and he coughed on his sleeve "The almighty cannot oversee every bad deed that happens in the world, he can only guide you as he will if you let him, in your last moment"
"Vicar... god won't speak to me if there's blood on my hands"
"God is merciful to everyone"
"If that's true, then why are you standing over there, and why am I standing over here?"
The vicar stared at me again "Pardon?"
"There's blood on my hands" I repeated gazing at them slowly "There's no hope. Leave me alone with the devil vicar, I may as well get acquainted with him if I'm going to hell"
"I have no choice but to find you guilty as charged" the hammer came down "You will die by electricity sitting in the electric chair. You have done a terribly deed and you seem haunted at least by it, even if you don't express it to this court. I only hope for your sake that you console yourself in your last days and see mercy through god or through justice"
They took me away.
Dragged along when I awoke I realized who was with me. The FBI the man had set me up had organized this. Evidently some secret deal had been set up between him and the feds, he was dead now though so it didn't really matter, not that anything to me matters anymore. I would never know what that deal was, but I was the escape goat for the crime. I stole the car so I should be the one to blame. Of course I'd find out sooner or later in the court case what had really happened.
The flung me in a cell with no windows, only ventilation. The metal door swung shut with a clang and the guard locked it with the turn of a key. I sat down on the bench and waited.
"How long have you been here?" said a voice next to me. Turning I looked to see the devil lying down opposite me on a bed. It creaked as he turned to face me. Blood stained the sheets, it dripped down from his body onto the floor. He was wearing a suit and shirt, the tie hang down off of the bed drenched in blood. As I watched the white shirt became more and more reddened by the gore inside.
"I suppose you knew this was going to happen," I said after awhile
He smiled at me, resting his chin on his fist "Of course I did. There's no escaping one's fate"
"What if you had not come to see me in my dreams? Surely then I would have been free"
"Ah but I did come to see you in your dreams" replied the devil licking his lips with blood.
"Then you as well are destined by fate by time and by consequences"
"I chose to come and see you" laughed the devil "It was my choice that brought me to turn you to evil, nothing more"
"No it wasn't" I said slowly "Because if you had the choice, then I would have had the choice. You don't have the choice either and you're afraid to admit it, you're destined by time just as much as I am, and since your such a profit as you seem to make out you know that at the end of it all you're going to lose"
"Losing is all part of the game, surely you must realize that. It doesn't matter whether we lose or win, it doesn't really matter whether we live or die. Its all just a vision we have of the world around us"
"If what I have is a vision then you don't exist" and with that he was gone, just a perception of my mind as he always had been. I sat down slumping into the chair and waited.
I was in the chair, they brought the straps round me and the people watched on with glum bagged tired eyes that needed sleep. I waited as they placed the headpiece on my head. I felt my hair picking up already with pretension. This was it, the end. There was nothing more. I wasn't going to heaven, and then again neither was I going to hell. Where I was going was somewhere different.
This was death, or at least so I believed it to be. But I felt different because this didn't feel real somehow. The straps felt weak on my wrists; the eyes seemed too real as they gazed at me. This place didn't have any power over me anymore. I stood up slowly and the straps broke. They stared at me suddenly and a woman screamed in the crowd. The guards ran forward and tried to attack my but their fists went through me. They couldn't touch me anymore. My eyes blurred into a multitude of coulers and before me the audience swept aside to a blur of yellows reds blues and green.
I was traveling through it all away to safety. I traveled and soon my eyes closed and I was gone.
It was a dark dull morning when I awoke. The same as it was every morning, dark skies with a gun under my pillow, it's a wonder I never set it off in my sleep, because I could swear I woke up some mornings with my finger round the trigger.
The phone rang and wearily I picked it up. I didn't think that it would be anything impressive, just someone telling me they'd gotten held up with the doe or something, or Jonny had been shot or whatever and did I want to take over from him temporarily for the week? You know that kinda shite, the small jobs that you can wipe your ass with. These movie stars go around with their big cars and rich fucking country houses and act in their movies as if gangsters spend all their time trying to rob fucking Fort Nox. Well I can tell you it ain't like that. Sometimes you get work, others you don't.
Anyway... so I lift up the receiver and there's a voice I don't know on the other end, says something incomprehensible "Don't know ya, you got the fucking wrong number pal" I reply about to slam the phone down.
"I'm sorry!" cried the voice "Please don't be angry with me!"
I paused and listened to the tears on the other end "Mother?" I asked after a long wait. She replied and confirmed my suspicions.
"Mother" I said after a lone while, "I've been thinking... and I want to come home. City life just isn't right for me, I hope you can understand"
"We'd love to have you back dear" I heard her sniffle "Oh my boy I've missed you so much"
The funeral was over. I was at the side in reception. The vicar came beside me and sat down.
"Cancer?" I chuckled "I knew she'd get it eventually with all that smoking. She never could get over the death of my father"
I was much older now. The Vicar smiled looking down at me. He looked familiar somehow, he had the air that he might have once worked in a prison. His news it seemed by his face was always an attempt to soften a wound.
"We all pass away eventually, its what Christ intended..."
"Please..." I interrupted suddenly "Just leave me a lone for a minute"
He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it nodding he left the room and closed the door softly behind him. I looked up to the opposite wall. Christ was hanging a wooden image on the wall. Walking up to it I examined him, the nails sticking out of his hands and the mark in his ribs. A fire axe was attached to the wall. I took it, and with a few whacks I brought him to the floor. With the next few I took off his head and it shattered wood and splinters flying across the floor.