The Goodbye Girl
Zane rolled onto his back and smiled up at the ceiling. He pulled Jo close to him so her head rested on his chest.
"I can't believe I thought I could live without this for six months," he breathed.
Jo chuckled. "Just imagine what you could have accomplished with all that extra energy," she said.
"Yeah. Could have designed a few more net guns for posterity. Or for the Consortium," Zane said grimly, his mood darkening.
"Zane," Jo said quietly. She stroked her hand along his shoulder. "It's over. Let it go."
He looked at her with a wry twist to his mouth. "True. If this was still the matrix, you'd be sleeping with Carter."
"That's it," snapped Jo, climbing out of bed. "I am done with having something some other version of me did held over my head."
"Gee, I wouldn't know what that's like," Zane growled in return.
Jo snatched up her shirt from the floor and pushed her arms into its sleeves as she stomped out of the bedroom. Zane glared after her then kicked the sheets aside. He took his time dressing, listening for Jo's movements in the other room. Silence.
When he had calmed down, Zane went to check on her. Jo was sitting on his couch, feet curled beneath her. She looked up at his entrance but said nothing.
"This isn't going to work, is it?" he asked quietly. She continued to look at him, eyes wide. "Living together, being together."
"I love you," she said, although it wasn't really an answer. Her tone was sad. He nodded. "Same here. So why isn't that enough?"
"Maybe sometimes, loving someone doesn't mean you're good for each other," she said, swallowing hard.
"You were good for me," he answered. She winced at his use of past tense. "I'd still be screwing around, wasting my life if we hadn't been together. You changed all of that. Changed me."
"I've changed for the better from being with you, too," she said. "I feel more like I belong here. It was you who gave me that confidence. And you taught me how to play again. That opened the world up for me." She reached for him. Zane joined her on the couch, but at a distance. Her hand dropped to the cushions.
They sat in silence for a long while. Jo mindlessly rubbed her arms over and over again. In contrast, Zane was completely still. When he finally spoke, he seemed to be speaking to himself.
"Looks like I had good reason to worry about this happening," Jo turned quickly to him, clearly intending to object. Zane held up a hand. "Not because of Carter. I know that. Because of me. I've never really been what you wanted. That's why you couldn't answer the other me when he…I…proposed. And why it took an ultimatum to get you to try with me this time."
She bit her lip. Zane watched her worry it with her teeth for a moment then turned away.
"I think I knew when I came back from the matrix. Like I said, you seemed happy to see me." His lips twitched briefly. "Happy, but that's all. I was gone for a month, might not have come back. Nearly didn't. But even then, you were still undecided about us. You wouldn't have been if you felt about me like I think I feel about you." He stood and looked down at her. "Guess absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder."
As he moved away, she reached for his arm to stop him. "That's not true. I did know how I felt about you. And I do want to try to make this work between us. I just…" She blew out a sigh of frustration. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm not...wishy washy." He smiled at her choice of words. "It's like someone erased everything I thought I knew about myself then only gave me half a script to work with going forward. I don't even know why I've been acting this way."
She took a step forward until their bodies touched. "Zane, losing you…the thought scares the hell out of me. You are what I really want. I think that's been true since the day I first saw you—both of you. I may not know anything else about my life anymore, but I do know that." She rested her forehead on his chest. "But I can't ask you to wait when I can't even tell you what you're waiting for. I know I haven't been fair to you. I want to try to be fair now."
With a deep breath, she stepped back. "So I'm letting you go."
Author's Note: So far this season, Jo has seemed pretty underwhelmed by Zane's return. The commitment (if you can call it that) she made to him about working on their relationship at the end of Friendly Fire seemed less than enthusiastic. Having Jo and Zane look at Carter before she kissed Zane added ambiguity to the scene.
Personally, I was just relieved that the standoff between them was over and hopeful that the slow pace was due to the writers not knowing then that they wouldn't have another season to develop the relationship. But I can see how the continuing lack of payoff is discouraging too.
So, dear readers, the ending to this little bit of drabble is up to you and your imaginations. Happy, uncertain, sad…you choose. Fingers crossed that the on air ending is what you hope for and exceeds your expectations!