Chapter 1
1775
I sat by the river, rubbing my hand across my face. It was the worst day of my whole life and more than anything I just wish I could run as far away from this horrible place but my feet were not fast enough and the moment I got out the town I would be lost. My life was always as fast and unpredictable as the changing wind but this was not the types of surprised I looked forward to. Seeing Rosemary come my way then suddenly change direction was my idea of a good surprise not this. My father, my precious rock that kept me down in the craziness, was leaving me.
With that terrible thought flashing through my head, I reached for the biggest rock my tiny hands could hold and chucked it into the water, listening for the mighty splash. As if to give me no sense of satisfaction the rock slid underneath the water soundlessly, barely disturbing the surface. I let out another sob, knowing I had to get all this depression and anxiety out before I got home. Once I was there this would be the end of all my tears.
Why did he have to go. The war was going on well without him, they didn't need any extra men to do the same thing a hundred others were. Even at the early age of ten I knew when things were unreasonable and I was usually very good at getting my point across, of course I failed miserably earlier.
Mother had asked me after breakfast if I could head into town and purchase a list of things that were very important for later that day. I was eager to get into town where I usually did find hours of entertainment but not to return home seeing that mother was determined for me to assist her in cooking and cleaning. I was never good at either of the two so I took my time walking through town and getting everything I needed. In fact I even made a stop at Rosemary's home for a quick visit. We were slowly drifting apart from each other as I noticed more and more changes in her but I could not bring myself to go home. Her odd company was more welcoming then the idea of being home with mother in the stuffy kitchen, cutting vegetables.
Spending as much time as I possibly could without mother sending search dogs after me I returned home. Mother of course was furious when she saw me, practically spewing fire from her tongue. "I told you to come straight home Ivy! What were you thinking coming back this late in the day? Did you even think about your family at all? The good light is gone and now I am going to have to cook as quickly as possible before the sun vanishes, you are an ungrateful child!"
I strolled passed mother, placing my purchases onto the wood table in the kitchen. "I'm terribly sorry but there was this dreadful line in the general store and they completely ran out of the cloth you ask me to buy. Sorry mother."
Mother face turned an awful shade of pink that I have often seen before. It was always her way of warning the rest of the world that her ill temper had decided to make its appearance. "That would be more believable dear if I had asked for cloth, which I didn't."
Instead of jumping into an apology and behaving I did the first thing that came into mind, I burst out into an unattractive laugh. One that was loud and made people glance over, it was a laugh that was to confident and free, everything women should not be at all. When a woman was to laugh it was to be quiet, gentle, soft and sweet and it surely was only meant to laugh along with someone or to make someone pleased. Everything I was not doing.
Angry by my lack of respect for her and the rules, mother grabbed me by the ear and dragged me into the kitchen. The pain was plenty but I managed to keep down the scream building up, I was good at that from years of experience. Before mother though could get me inside the kitchen for the beating I would surely be getting father walked into the house. It was early fall and the wind was starting to pick up so father had worn an inexpensive clock that mother had made for him. It was not the finest looking thing or anything but that was alright since it showed how father refused to buy anything that had English taxes on it. He was a strong patriot and refused to believe that anything the English men were doing was justified. He was even part of the many meeting the men held in the taverns. He was a big part to the war and very needed here at home. With the wealth he made at owning a well doing plantation and from trade he put all his money towards the cause.
Just looking at father you could see the importance in him. He was a tall, almost tree like man that stood straight as the very guns the militia owned. His almost silvery brown hair was pulled back in a neat pony tail with a fine ribbon. His dark blue eyes were fair but stern and the glasses fixed on his nose showed how serious he was about his health. He wore lovely clothes that mother made or he bought from a talent person in the town. He walked in big steps, hands behind his back and just the air of superior. I loved my father the most out of everyone I ever came to contact. He might not understand my strange ways but he always attempted to reason with me, unlike my quick mother who always seemed way too eager to cast unfair punishments, one right after the other.
Father threw his cloak on the chair nearby him and rubbed the cold out his rosy cheeks. "Now where is my loving family?" He asked, but when his eyes fell on us he could tell that it was everything but loving. "What happened here?"
Mother released my ear from her tight grip and smoothed out her dress. I was thought mother had two souls living in her one body since she acted so different around important people such as her own husband then she did when she was alone, it was as if she took on two personality both that made it impossible for me to please. Of course I never tried very hard. "Your daughter has been gone all day when I needed her help with cooking and cleaning, now nothing is done and she dares to laugh at me. Honestly we are raising a wolf not a little girl."
I ran to father's arms, wrapping my tiny arms around him not even getting all around his stomach. I always felt the safest in his strong arms. I bet if I had a cage around me I be less safe than if I were to be in father's protective arms. He patted my head as he calmed mother down with an easy "Oh Cecily dear please." After mother was in a better mood father pulled me out his arm and kept me at arm's length so he could take in my appearance.
"My, my if you get any taller I might have to wear bigger shoes to keep up with you. You are growing as beautiful as flower but as hard headed as an ox. The boys will go mad for a kiss upon your cheek but your loss mouth will keep them for murdering one another for their place as your husband. Dear child when will you behave?" He said all this with the amount of serious mother talked about the issue but there was a twinkle in his eyes that told me he thought about me otherwise. I know father would never attempt it but I know he liked how strong my mind was and how tough my hands were. He always would say with pride in his voice how I was more quick wit and thoughtful then any man he ever meet even at ten years old. What other detested and feared in me he saw as a sign of beauty and power.
"Father I rather live with the wild animals that dwell in the thick woods surrounding us then stay trapped at home all day then be outside." I said, giggling. Mother let out a snort that led her to storm into the kitchen. How I wondered if my mother loved me.
"The scary thing is I believe you, now I have something to tell you and your mother. Something that will change our world. I need you to listen very carefully Ivy and I need you to understand. Can you please sit down while I get your mother?" I nodded, sitting by the fireplace that Ruth, our servant was trying to make a roaring fire that would take the oncoming night chill out our home.
"What you think father has to tell us that so life changing Ruth?" I asked absentminded, as I stared at the kitchen door. Ruth always seemed so startled when I asked her what she thought about something. Her purpose was to help us be comfortable and have a clean home not to pounder and wonder about odd questions. Women in general were not supposed to think yet my mind never seemed at rest. How women like Ruth and mother silence it was the biggest question I could ever think about.
"I don't know miss." Ruth said, finally getting a hot fire to shin throughout the room. "probably nothing to worry bout."
At the moment father reappeared with a very confused mother behind him. She held onto his arm as he guided her to the chair he had thrown his jacket. As she slowly sat down I could tell her eyes were watering and she was on the verge of a series of tears. For the first time in all of my life I felt a new emotion I have yet to meet, fear. It was cold and shaky, making my stomach fall slowly. Whatever was coming was not good at all.
"Well I know this will be new to you Ivy but your mother and I have been discussing something that has been on my mind for a very long time. I know you will not understand it right now but you have to at less try." He cleared his throat, looking into the fire for what felt like a very long time before meeting my eyes. "Sometimes in life you forget why God put you on this earth. You think it's one thing and then it is something different. And sometimes you just take a very long time to figure out but when you do you know it. You know you found that missing clue to why you're special and what you have to do. My calling was staring me in the face for months but I was too scared to accept it. Why could something so violent be what God wants me to do. But I knew it was by the way I felt towards it. It nagged at me and consumed me. I know this is what I was destine to do and someday you Ivy will find out why you were born. Only then would you understand my decision. Ivy, Cecily love, I am joining the fight for our independence and our rights. I am joining the war."
My mouth fell open and my hand grabbed at my chest as if my heart would burst through if not. The man who meant everything to me, the father and best friend, could not leave me. He could not put himself in an environment where he could get hurt or even killed over a country and colonist disagreement. What would I do without the safety of my father? How could I live with my mother? Could we even live without him? Forget about fear I was in pure panic now.
"You can't leave us!" I shouted at him, knowing that was not what little girls did to their father. Mother would have scolded me if she was not too busy crying into her handkerchief.
Father kneeled before me, holding my tiny hands in his giant ones. Looking down at his hand only got me angry because I kept picture those same hands holding a gun pointed at another man who probably had a family and a little daughter of his own back in England, which one would be fatherless? Me or that other innocent little girl, I did not like either idea.
"I have to Ivy. To give you and the colonies the freedom we desire. I have to." He said, shaking his head with sympathy. "Please don't make out last day together upsetting."
I ripped my hands out of his and jumped out the chair, away from him. "You're leaving tomorrow?" I said, tears pooling in my eyes. When father nodded yes I could do nothing more but run out away. Nothing I would say would change his mind. He wasn't going to stay. So why should I have to stay here when he wouldn't. Without another thought on it I ran passed mother and father, out the front door. I ran and ran with no real direction. I passed by old friends and people I have grown up to view as my family, they all stared at me with the same typical look of surprise. This time I would not stay around and attempt to make them see it my way, they mattered little to me.
Somehow I wound up at the river that spilt between the town. On the other side of wide, fast moving river was where the bigger and wealthier houses laid. Most of the people that occupied that area were majority loyalist and rarely came to our half where the town was. Father moved us from our giant, expensive beauty of a house to this side of the river, not wanting to be related in any way to the snobby loyalist. It was a long travel since the thick forest surrounded this area and would be easy to get lost in if you had no idea in which direction you were heading.
As I reached the river I slowly sank to the floor and filled my open hands with water. I splashed my face over and over but for some reason the cold water did not keep back the tears that exploded or even wake me from the horrible nightmare. Before long I was sobbing the hardest I ever had. I hated crying, never thought it was necessary and only showed your weakness. I only cried a few times in my life and try my hardest not to. When I do cry I refuse to do it in front of people even someone like my father. Maybe that's why I came to the river, so I could be alone with my sadness and cry till I became sore.
And that I did. My crying filled the sky but not a soul was around to hear me which only made me continue. I wanted to get it all out before I faced father and mother again. When at last I had nothing else left to do I started skipping rocks across the water, breathing shaking from my crying episode. I tried not to think about my father leaving but the more I tried the more I thought about it. Giving up on the rocks I laid down on my back and looked up at the orange sky. The sun was setting and getting closer to night. So close I could see the stars already. In an hour it be to dark and I would get lost in the forest, making my time by the river slowly coming to the end. Was I ready to face my family? I knew I wasn't but there just was not enough time in the day or the world for that matter to accept him leaving.
As I tried to convince myself to head back home I heard a snap in the forest across the river. Jumping up to my feet, I quickly faced the source of the noise, finally realizing that I was exposed. Sometime I was a thoughtless child, I should have worried about how dangerous it was in these woods. Animals lurked everywhere, ready to eat up a tiny child that I was. I'd put up a fight but I knew it would not end up good. When I looked across the river however I did not see an animal waiting to turn me into dinner but a little boy about my age.
I felt myself relax as I took in the sight of him. There was nothing to fear at all. The boy was tiny, shorter than even me. He was so skinny though that I could practically see his fragile bones underneath his golden skin. I would have thought he was a sickly boy if it wasn't for how tanned and bright his skin was and the quickness of his eyes. Oh and those eyes. I never thought much of boys, they never liked me since I was usually tougher and faster than them. In fact I hardly looked at them, giving up on them ever accepting me as an equal to them but I did notice the beauty of this boy almost instantly. His eyes made him gorgeous. They were the deepest, green eyes I ever seen. They almost matched the grass underneath his feet perfectly. They were wide and large but kind and gentle. They reminded me of father the way they gazed at me with interest instead of looking through me as most people do to girls and children, both of which I was. He had short, bright blond hair that seemed be as shinny as his skin but unruly. It stuck out in a thousand different directions. He had the most unusual lips I ever seen, so red they look like he had smeared blood all over them, they were beautiful like those eyes. The only thing slightly unattractive about the boy was the freckles that were sprinkled across his nose and cheeks but that was a slight blemish that people could over look.
He was stunning and innocent, yet from the look of his clothes and the side of the river he was on I only assumed he was wealthy and a loyalist. He kept staring at me as if he was trying to see all my secrets with those green eyes. "What on earth are you looking at?" I shouted across the lake, surprising him.
"Excuse me miss but I was staring at your hair, why I never seen anything like it." He said, casting his eyes down immediately. I was taken back for a moment, no boy I knew ever was honest with me or listened when I gave directions. They usually just told me to quiet down and to behave like a good girl. I liked the golden boy with the red lips.
"Oh, and what is wrong with my hair?" I asked, crossing my arms in attempt to remain as distant and troublesome as I always been. The boy head snapped back up and a look of confusion and wonder passed across his face.
"You misunderstand my words miss. I do not think there is anything wrong with it, in fact I think it is the most beautiful thing I ever seen before in my life." He said, smiling at me with a gorgeous ear to ear smile. I uncrossed my arms and stared at him with squinted eyes. Was this boy serious right now or playing a cruel prank. Everyone in town thought my hair was unusual but instead of finding it lovely they found it bothersome. They called it wild and untamable but I do believe most the time they just were talking about me. Older women have tried to make me wear my cap or wash my hair often too dull out the brightness of it but nothing worked and to be honest I liked it the way it is.
"Are you mad? Why you must have fallen off a horse or something for nobody likes my hair. It's to red and wild." I said only to be difficult. I sat back down on the edge of river and dipped my feet into the freezing cold water, refusing to take them out till I could not feel my feet. The boy watched me the whole time with observant eyes.
"I can assure I am quite sane miss." He sat down slowly and rolled up the sleeves of his fancy shirt. He dunk his hands in the water and played the sand as he continued to talk to me. "I think your hair looks like fire."
I liked that, fire was hot and unpredictable. I knew if mother would never think of my hair like that, not even father would, I was suddenly thankful for the boy. I didn't trust him. He would turn out to be rude as all the others and once he saw I truly was he run away calling me a witch like others. Nobody accepted me since I refuse to accept their rules, why would a rich boy on the wrong side of the river think otherwise. I might not listen to rules my mother tried to fill my head but I did learn from her not to trust everyone you meet.
"If you touch it your hand will burn off." I said, kicking water in his direction. Instead of being appalled by my unlady like behavior the boy giggled and splash some water back, the drops landing on my dirty dress. He didn't lecture me or look at me nervous and for that I finally made up my mind I liked the strange boy from across the river. He wasn't trying to tame me like the rest of the world.
"Your silly." The boy said, still laughing. "My name is Christopher Ellis but you can just call me Chris." He put out his hand as if he wanted to shake my hand and shook it up and down. I laughed at his air handshake and put my own hand out to do the same motion.
"Nice to meet your acquaintance Chris. My name is Ivy Temperance Coll but if you call me that I will be force to break your arm." Chris eyes widen at my foul language that was not acceptable from children and defiantly frowned at when it came from a lady. He laughed hard, delighted by my terrible behavior.
"I will never call you that then Miss Ivy for my arm will never forgive me." He wiped his wet hands on his shirt and looked at the darkening sky. His little face that was filled with joy transformed into a sad look, as different as the changing lights in the sky. "I wish I could stay longer and talk more to you but if I stay any longer I'll never find home." He stood up on those tiny legs of his and frowned at me across the river.
I got up to, not even bothering to clean up my dress that was to dirty and damaged to repair. Mother would be upset but the time by the river was all I needed to regain some sense of control and to calm my raging emotions about father's leaving. "Me too, it really was nice talking to you for the pass minute Chris. Thank you."
"Wait!" Chris shouted as I turned around, ready to vanish into the thick woods. I looked over my shoulder to see Chris hand in the air, only to fall helpless back to his side. His green eyes looked torn and I could not guess why. "What are you doing at this time tomorrow?"
I shrugged, turning completely around to give Chris my undivided attention. "I have not the slightest clue. Why?"
Chris smiled weakly at me, his face turning a pink shade that made me think of mother. Was he angry at me? That would not be a surprise, everyone always seemed angry after I spoke to them. "Oh well, I was hoping we could meet up again and talk since we never got around to-"
"The day after tomorrow. Meet here by the river at precisely noon. Is that alright?" I asked, interrupting him. A girl was never, ever supposed to talk over a man but I found I did it often. Every time I did I received a grave look and a head shake. Chris did neither of those things. In fact his face spread into a wide smile and relief flashed across his face.
"I will be there. Till then Miss. Ivy." And with that we both headed back through the forest in different direction, the giant river in between us. As much as I wish to turn around and call him back I knew it was a good thing we left when we did. The sun had practically vanish below the horizon and I could barely see my hands in front of me let alone the path. A few times I wondered off it and narrowly missed crashing into a tree or be scratched by a bush. By sheer luck and years of living here I manage to finally emerge into town. Rosemary was walking passed the opening the forest, probably heading home from the general store. When her cold blue eyes fell on me her eyes brows netted together in confusion. She stop swinging her basket and put a gloved hand on her tiny waist.
"What are you doing Ivy?" Rosemary whispered, her smoky blue eyes gazing around the town with suspicious eyes. She closed the distance between us and grabbed my arm tightly. Rosemary was all about appearance and manners, she would rather be dead then be the topic of gossip, unless it was good of course. Lately being my friend was becoming a social hazard and as she became part of the women role we began to drift apart quicker and quicker. Not that I minded losing her as a friend. She was too much like mother with the comments she made, and made often.
"What does it look like I'm doing Rose? Let go." I said, wiggling out her grasp easily. I walked passed her, hoping she just follow quietly. That was clearly too much to ask.
"Everyone went looking for you. They thought you went missing! Why would you do such a thing to your family? Did you even think? Do you not understand that children and women have to think before every action and the results they will have." Rosemary kept on, her mouth as loose as the stables door father was meaning to fix. Something he would not get the time to do now that he was leaving. That thought made me harsher and bitter to Rosemary.
"I honestly do not care about any of that stuff. In fact I care as much about that stuff then I do about what you say. Rosemary I am not going to think about how a million people will react if I try to get away for a few minutes. When are you going to realize that I am free and will never listen to you and everyone else on this world who is trying to change me." Rosemary stopped following and stared at me with icy glare. The usual kindness and friendship that rested on her face was gone and replaced by a crueler, twisted glare. The change was drastic but I knew it would be permanent.
"Maybe it's time to change. Maybe the world is not at fault. Maybe you're to blame!" Rosemary raised her chin and turned swiftly on the heel of her shoe, blond curls slapping me across my cheek. "You will never be a lady, you'll always be an animal. Conceder this being the last time I come looking for you or put up with your nasty behavior. Talk to me when you grow up and learn that you're a girl."
With that my only friend I ever had left me, on the day I found out my father was joining the war. For a while I know we have not been the friends we use to be, she didn't fight along my side and cause messes with me. We haven't talked at late hours about the future or about the pressures of being a woman. We hardly ever seen each other. I've noticed plenty of nasty glares from her and snarky comments, especially when someone complements my looks. Rosemary attempted to being jealous of me and I always knew that we never be friends till old age. Her jealously and my failure to become a lady society wanted just was too much for Rosemary, she finally was done with me. Normally I would have just shrugged and moved on but the loss of my father was just too much to think rationally.
I walked back home in confusion, clouded by my own misery. Never in the ten years of my life did I feel alone. When I finally reached home the sun was long gone and there was only a faint candle light in the window of our home. I slipped into the house soundlessly, closing the latch behind me. I was heading towards the stairs when I noticed father sleeping on a chair by the fireplace, a pipe hanging loosely on his lips. A pang of regret and sadness filled me. Maybe I should have been here on Father's last day then spending time with the constant river.
I brushed my hand across father cheek and watched him slowly open his eyes. "Ivy, I thought I wouldn't be able to spend any time with you before I leave. Are you ok dear? I am so sorry this news came out the way it did." He said, straighten up in his chair and setting his pipe beside him.
"Did you eat anything?" I asked, kissing his forehead. He shook his head, a sad look plastered on his face. "How about I make a little something to eat and then we head off to bed."
"Sounds like a good idea, let me help. Lord knows you in a kitchen is deadly." He stood up and held my hand as we approached the kitchen. "I love you Ivy, you'll always be my special little gift from God." With that said we worked hard on making something eatable but when that didn't work we just ate some cold leftovers mother had from the failed dinner and some fruit. We talked about everything but what was waiting for us tomorrow and I was thankful for that. We just spend some father and daughter time together till we had no choice but to give each other a hug goodnight and go to bed.