At some point, you block it all out. You feel nothing from it; pain suffering, happiness, excitement. You become distant, no the pain becomes distant. Everything is like a white blanket of nothingness. Time is even affected by it; seconds become minutes, minutes become hours. Then, you know what; it all ends. You stand and you walk away.

My head feels heavy, like there's a weight on my shoulders or something. My legs feel numb, wobbly. I wobble around for a moment, holding my head. Then, finally I'm able to stand again and walk again; it's not exactly easy though. There's an after shock; you feel it in your bones, this dizziness that does not allow you to comprehend anything. But, it wears off.

This is my life. I don't know if it's worth living, in fact I doubt if it's worth living at all. There's something flowing down my face, I'm not sure whether it blood or tears; I'd much rather it be blood. Everything else begins to happen, as if in a blur I guess. Maybe that's the best way to describe it. Because, I am not aware of my actions at this point. Its instinct. Everything is a repeated action from the day before, and the day before; nothing is new.

Mom's home, I can hear her. She's watching one of her shows, enjoying it, not even noticing me. I'd rather her not notice me. Things are better that way; she doesn't need to fret over me. My mom, she can go about her business, go about her daily life. I'll deal with this by myself…that the best way. I don't need her to notice me.

"Hideo, Hideo," I don't look up…I don't need to look up to know its mom. I can feel her standing over me. Looking at me with her black eyes. She shakes me slightly, I don't budge though. I can't respond, my body is screaming out; tired from its daily abuse.

"What?" My voice is unnatural. It's rugged, almost gravely; it hurts to talk. Then, there's this silence. I begin to wonder if she was even actually there. But, then she speaks again, quieter.

"Your cousin Ginga is coming over tomorrow." It was like a wave washed over me then, something akin to anger or irritation. "From the islands, you know?"

"I don't care." I don't care, why should I care? I'll see her in the morning. My mom sighs aggravated then, and she shoves me slightly. There's enough strength behind it to put me on the other side of the bed. I can see her through blurry eyes, she turns to leave, walking, walking. She's muttering things under her breath, most of it akin to 'why is my son such an asshole?'

"Go grocery shopping in the morning!"

People always look at me. I can only guess that the bruises are so evident and grotesque that they must look at them and by extension me. There's a limp in my step as well. You know, this is the third year that I've been receiving these beatings. My body is sore and my head hurt, everything's slightly blurry. I wonder if I might pass out, but the thought merely flits through my head. I manage.

That's my life.

"Your total is…," the cashier is looking at me weirdly. I know her, she's my class mate; Osada. She bites her lip slightly and her eyes are kind of shifting around the store I ignore her though.

"Um Hideo…what happened to your-,"

"Don't worry about it," I cut her off, but I feel bad then. I smile a little and rub the back of my head awkwardly taking my bags. "It's a long story.

"Oh,"

Everything seems so bright today. So, much sharper in a way than they usually do; contrast. It's evident all over the place; the one thing that makes this world so beautiful is in the contrast. It's hard to understand, yet it all just fits together like a puzzle or something. But, the one thing that makes this world so interest, so bright and colorful: are people. People make this world interesting. That would be the truth.

Yet, people are so twisted. We terrorize each other and ostracize each other. There's nothing we can do about it. It hurts me kind of to think about all the things that people have done to each other:

War

Hate

Murder

Racism

Although our world is so beautiful… it is twisted. Humans are the most twisted piece of all though. The hardest to figure out. Humans are almost not trustworthy. Human beings are so twisted. There is no justice in this world. And there's nothing…nothing anybody can do about it.

There is no justice.

You know it's strange when you think about it; how powerless one person is. How you it's so hard to protect others. I learnt that a long time ago that I couldn't protect anyone, that I was weak. It's a hard thing to swallow. I can't even protect myself let alone one person, so what do I do? How can I be a hero; I don't know. In this unjust world, there's nothing I can do.

There is a white around me. Something so evident and odd; a cage like place where nobody is around. When I wake up, it's always like this. This everlasting white surrounds me and holds me prisoner. Everything seems so blank and new, yet other things are still so visible. Like the pain I feel, the ache of my muscle; its all there. But, I realize, I am still here. I am still alive.

It clears up and everything returns to normal. I just lay there; I can't breathe for some reason. Then, I regain it; and I just lay there. My room is dark and there's a noise in the background. Somewhere downstairs, I can hear people. Ginga, right? I must've fallen asleep then.

A knock, there's a knock on my door. I lay there; it must be mom right? I don't say anything, she'll leave. Yet, another knock come and I'm laying there slightly surprised. This isn't mom; mom would've either barged in or left. So, I just lay there, quietly. What do I do; be rude and leave them there, or say come in.

"Come in…," I call from the bed and I lay there not moving. The door slides open, somebody steps in.

"Um Hideo?" A girl, her voice was tiny, yet strong. Polite… yet not like Fujiko's polite; a different polite. More… more… noble in a way. Like a princess.

"What?" I sit up, suddenly I feel like I need to. Like I need to look at this girl in the face for some reason, strange. I stared at her for a moment; I didn't care how weird it was for me to do this. She was a girl my height, maybe taller; her hair was an orangish red like color. Her skin, although it was dark in the room, I could tell it was flawless. She stood straight, her head held neither high nor low; humble. She was a humble person.

"Your mom wants you to come downstairs." I flicked the light on, she stared me straight in the eyes, not even phased by my bruises. It was so strange. She stood straight, even her posture and her physical features were that of a princess. This…she… suddenly it was like I was taken aback.

"Tch, what's your name?" Blunt, terribly blunt. I wasn't use to this… to this indifference she took toward me and my scars. She didn't care.

"Izuru Hino," and I was ignited; a flame suddenly burned inside of me. My chest, my heart beat rapidly. I don't know what I felt then. At that moment, as she turned and walked, no glided out of the room. It was like she was something else; some form of higher entity than I.

The Gettou sisters had returned, from their trip that is. Fujiko had remained behind though, somewhere on the other side of the world, I guess. It was strange the house was full for once. My dad had come back from his business trip, mostly to greet Ginga. Ginga was all over the place, a warrior from the Gigi tribe; Hino was her friend from there as well. But, all through out that night, I found myself doing only one thing. That was staring at Hino Izuru.

Blood is disgusting. I stood over the counter bathroom sink, it was around midnight. A red gooey like substance was in there; kind of like flam. It was disgusting; looking at it I was disgusted. My throat burned, just from all the coughing I had to do to get it out of me. I turned the faucet on and watched it get washed away. For a moment I felt slightly scared; what if I had some disease? Then it eased away and suddenly; I didn't care in the least.

The morning came, faster than I thought it would. I woke up to the usual grogginess that plagued everybody. I don't really like sleep, truthfully. Nightmares, they follow me everywhere. My whole body was stiff, in every sense of the word. My throat burned, like a fire, from the agony of coughing all through out the night. I stood from my bed, feet touching the cold hardwood floor.

The morning sun filtered in through the blinds. It never failed to amaze me; the sun I mean, it never failed me to amaze me. It's a beautiful thing. The sun shines down on all people, it doesn't matter who. The sun shows no favoritism; it's a beautiful thing. I stink of sweat, so I walk toward the bathroom. I need a shower.

The house was quiet, quite unlike yesterday. Everyone was asleep; Mom, Dad, Ginga and I think the girl as well; Hino, Izuru Hino. My steps are uncoordinated, stiff like I am at the moment. I hate that, being stiff. It's a weird feeling to be like that, kind of like zombies or something. The walk is short, yet slightly unbearable. But I manage, and I get to the bathroom, placing my hand upon the door knob I open it.

There was a rush of steam that flowed through the now opened door. I just stood there, that should've been my first warning. But, the level of grogginess that was currently experiencing did not allow me to use my brain. So, I took a step further in, I ventured into the abyss. And what I saw, I cannot describe. For it was so embarrassing that I almost passed out. Standing in that bathroom, through the shroud of mist was a naked Hino.

And I bolted; you'd thought I was a track star if you saw me. I ran and ran; out the house and into the street. But, I ran and kept on running, until I was a good eight blocks away. I'd come to find myself standing in front of the corner store, blushing madly. I'd just saw my cousin's friend in the nude. The image kept replaying it self over and over in my head, as I just stood there.

"These kids these days," it was then that an old lady passed by me that I realized; I was only wearing my Kamen Raider boxers.

I took a shower when I returned home; the house was surprisingly awake by the time I got out. Yet, Hino wasn't there. The morning routines went on as normal as possible, nobody seemed to be bothered by the absence of Hino. Not even Ginga, who chomped down on at least six plates of food, she did not even seem to be bothered by the girl's absence. So, I just sat there; quietly looking for signs. I looked for signs of Hino, where she might've gone. But, I found nothing.

The Disappearance of Izuru Hino

I saw something interesting going to school. I saw these two dogs, one injured and the other wasn't. For a moment, I watched as the one injured dog limped around, before giving up and flopping onto the grass. The other dog, which was not injure, left. And for a moment I felt bad, but then the other dog came back suddenly. A person was behind it and the person looked to be a vet. Then the vet took the dog away, and I watched in a slight awe.

Was this the compassion of a being that was not human? It certainly looked to be that way. Human beings… are we compassionate? I've realized the depth to a human can only be discovered in times of crisis. We can either choose two paths; to help each other or to hurt each other. Yet, this dog who'd certainly had a lower intellect than a human being, knew to help its companion. A dog, brought help to its companion without a second thought; would human beings be capable of that?

"What's wrong?" Hibiki asked as we walked through the halls of the school, the smell of her cigarette was all too apparent. Although I knew I would smell like smoke afterward, I kept walking with her. I shrugged my shoulders as she took a drag passing the white cancer stick to me. On the side if it was written; never knows best.

"Nothing," I took a drag, slightly reluctant, yet I did it anyway. The smoke eased down my throat before I blew it out; it was terribly bitter. Hibiki shrugged her shoulder and took the cigarette, flicking it to the ground and stomping. We'd long lost the common sense to not smoke in a school hallway, but we hadn't lost the sense that told us to not start a fire in it.

"You look depressed," she shrugged her shoulder; Hibiki and I skipped class regularly like this. We both felt a mutual distaste when it came to educational facilities.

"What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about someone?" The question just slipped out.

"It means you're in love with them, I guess." I looked toward Hibiki, then. Her face, her face was different. It didn't hold the same smirk or smile that brimmed with confidence. Her face was blank, she looked ahead and I could tell from her eyes; she wasn't looking at anything. It was as if she looking at something further, something beyond me, something beyond the walls of the school. At the time, in that place; I could honestly say, Hibiki was beyond me.

The beatings resumed, on my way home from school. They all ganged up on me and it began faster than I expected it to. For a moment, I faded in and out of consciousness. Then soon, I'd lost it and I again found my self sailing in a sea of white.

"Stop!" And I was awoken suddenly, they all scattered then and I just lay there in my own pool of blood. But, my eyesight seemed to have been lost. I could feel someone shaking me, yet I couldn't open my eyes.

"Hideo," that voice, I remember that voice. My vision, blurry, began to return and I could see her than.

"Hino….,"

Then, nothing else mattered.

And I Faded to Black

A/N Questions, Concerns; Just Review and tell me it all. Also... is it too depressing?